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I Think This Person Is A Bully...


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11 replies to this topic

#1 monokuro boo

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Posted 24 April 2012 - 06:03 PM

maybe.

I am a medical/health professions student, and there is this woman (older than I) who tries in every way, for the past two years to intimidate me.

And it has worked..i've missed days of school, i avoid her at all costs, i get panic attacks.. all at my expense.

Now she is moving ahead in her training, and I cannot , due to not passing exams. I'm back on medication, but she still taunts me every chance she gets.

how to i combat this?

usually its a snide, very witchy remark made in front of others. I don't even know how to respond to her comments. For example she asked me about where I matched, when of course she knew I didn't. why ask? do i need to answer her questions? what do i say? ignore her when she says it infront of others?



at least she doesn't threaten me like last year. I told my school but there is nothing they could do-and she goes over board to be be superficially nice to everyone else. others see that she makes me uneasy but feel uncomfortable intervening (or think girls will be girls i suppose).

I just want a way to avoid her questions or say something that will make her leave me alone. what can I do?

#2 chucapabra

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Posted 24 April 2012 - 11:33 PM

Hi im new to this forum. It surprised me bullying still occur outside of high school. it really anger me. Im a student too, I thought they where a code against harassment bullying in any establishment. you could make a complain, It suck the school won't do anything :(

Surely this women have some sort of jealousy against you! You could try talking to he alone if you can.. its hard to ignore people like that :s don't let her ruin your semester and school.

#3 leebux

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 05:29 AM

Hi monokuro boo,

This woman is indeed a bully, and that is how female bullies often operate. They are sly and underhand, and make it look like they are nice. Take care of yourself, because this is also why many girls develop mental health and eating disorders.

This woman is not nice. She, for whatever reason, enjoys making your life hell.

You have a couple of options. You can confront her, if you feel up to it. I don't see that this as the best option, because it gives her the knowledge and enjoyment of knowing that she has gotten to you.
You can just ignore her. While this is hard for you, it will drive her crazy. Bullies do what they do to feel powerful. If she asks a ridiculous question, say "Oh I'm sorry, that's really none of your business,"then turn and walk away. Hopefully your true friends will come with you. If you have a couple of close friends, perhaps let them know that is how you are going to handle the situation and could they come with you.
Your other option is to say "I would rather"not discuss that at this point."and say it with a smile. Then change the conversation or talk to someone else.

In a way, you are feeding her , by getting upset, or having the days off. It's shockingly hard, but you could try ignoring her. Just give her a condescending look, with the implication of grow up!


Is there a school counsellor you could talk to.?

You should not have to deal with this, and if you are unable to stop it on your own, then go again to the school and insist someone help you. They should have an anti-bullying policy, or something. The issue you will have, is she is obviously very under-handed. My daughter had a similar problem with a "friend" at high school, and eventually the ignoring worked, but it took a while and a lot of tears. It also contributed to her severe depression. Also, after a while people saw through the bully and now she has a different group of friends.

I don't know if any of this rambling will help, but I hope something works for you.

Good luck with a dreadful situation, and my best wishes are with you.
You are strong and will become a more compassionate health worker because of this.
DO NOT let her ruin your dream. If it boils down to it, smiile at her and go forward. Focus your energy on you.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Leebux

#4 monokuro boo

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 06:51 PM

unfortunately, i have two months of school left..and i have let her already intmidate me, so my dream (of getting residency this year) is probably already ruined. I let her win..and I have done nothing to this person. except, be a weak person.

#5 leebux

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 09:44 PM

You haven't been weak. You have been bullied. They are 2 very different things.
If you have to wait until next year, then that might be what you have to do. If it means that this person is gone then that is a positive.
Don't assume your dream is over. It may just take a little longer to get there. Go and talk to a lecturer and find out the facts.

Don't let her win. If she has done this to you, she has done it to others and will continue to do it.

Be strong and stand up for yourself, in whatever way you can. Ask is there any way you can sit makeup exams, or whatever so you can still do your residency. Prove her wrong.

She will never win while you are still fighting.

Take care

Leebux
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#6 chucapabra

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Posted 27 April 2012 - 01:25 AM

Don't give up, there is always someone in higher position that could help you. ...& you never let her win, since people who bullies are kind of dying inside no matter who much they think they are winning, she must hate something about herself. I hope you get your residency ..sending positive vibe xoxo

#7 FeelinBlueAllTheTime

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Posted 30 April 2012 - 04:06 PM

unfortunately, i have two months of school left..and i have let her already intmidate me, so my dream (of getting residency this year) is probably already ruined. I let her win..and I have done nothing to this person. except, be a weak person.


Monokuro Boo, I agree with what everybody else said...please don't allow this person to have power over you.

You've been so nice to people here, including me. You are kind and smart. Don't let this woman bully you and make you feel small.

She is probably jealous of you in some way. I've had lots of bullies, both male and female. I can remember quite a few people who tried to bring me down (and they succeeded).

Please don't let her win. This is what she wants. She wants you to doubt yourself, to lose confidence, and to feel insecure.

You said that she is moving forward with her training while you aren't, due to the problems she has been causing for you. This is what she wants.

You are in a very competitive field and clearly she views you as competition. One way to eliminate the "competition" (in this case, you) is to make you feel so anxious or threatened that you can't focus on what needs to be done...this is how she gains the upper hand in this situation.

I hope you get your residency. You have two months of school left. Try to make them count by fighting back. Work hard and keep your eye on the prize.

With bullies, you don't need to do anything to them. Some people simply take their crap out on others for no reason. Don't blame yourself for this person's actions.
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#8 Bunnie89

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 07:01 PM

I'm afraid to say that there will be people like her no matter how old you get or where you go. I'm 22 and I work with someone who sounds a lot like her!

I think the thing to remember is, people who have little digs at other people often have insecurities (even if they hide them well from others). That in NO way makes what they do right - on the contrary, if someone feels bad about themselves and feels the need to make others feel bad too, they aren't a nice person.

You clearly are a nice person.

I have found one thing that seems to often work is to reply with "why do you feel the need to put others down?" Usually pulls them up short because they're not expecting it. You're not being nasty by saying it either, so you're not decending to her level.

Totally agree with the others. It's really hard to ignore people like her, especially if you don't feel great to begin with. But people like her aren't worth your time. The way she behaves towards you isn't your fault, it's clearly her problem and says way more about her than it does about you. The fact that you don't go around behaving the way she does makes you a stronger person.

Please don't let her get you down and get in the way of what you want to do. She isn't worth it!
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#9 monokuro boo

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Posted 03 May 2012 - 09:43 PM

well, i started a new rotation today and no sign of her. so , at least that. unfortunately the damage has been done and while I will graduate, I will be sitting out the year.

I'm trying to see this as ..I don't know, a good thing. Maybe this is god's why of forcing me to take care of myself. get my head back in the game, build up my resume, get the help i need. right now i feel powerless and lost but I'm hoping it passes.

so maybe she won for now..but i have to build better defenses because in the field i am in there are a lot more people like that then not.
thank you all for your words of encouragement- i', trying to see the good in this and i will keep you all posted. hugs.
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#10 leebux

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Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:34 PM

Good for you for looking on the positive. Take care of yourself for now. Keep us posted.
Hugs to you

Leebux

#11 majcric

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Posted 12 June 2012 - 06:14 PM

People like her definitely exist everywhere. I was bullied in school and I still think this bothers my self-esteem as I've gotten older. You may have to get firm with her.

#12 LaurynJcat

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Posted 15 June 2012 - 05:21 AM

Hi monokuro boo.

Just wanted to say that I'm so sorry to hear you've been bullied like this, and I'm rooting for you. I think it's a great suggestion that Bunnie89 made, of saying "why do you feel the need to put others down?" or even "why do you feel the need to put me down?"

Also seeing a counselor or however you can get the support you need. It's NOT you that has the problem - it's her.

I was bullied a lot when I was younger (early 20s) and shy. Now that I'm more outspoken bullies rarely bother me because I turn the tables on them and put THEM on the spot. Attack can be the best form of defense. But ignoring them is good too.

Edited by LaurynJcat, 15 June 2012 - 05:21 AM.

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