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[Mikey90]

I browsed around and didn't see this topic posted, so forgive me if it has already been discussed. But I wanted to share this and was curious what everyone else’s experience was with this. Does anyone ever remember themselves before depression? Like, does anyone remember a distinct difference in their personality or mannerisms? And if so, what changed that?

Personally, when I was younger, I loved attention. I couldn’t get enough of it. I wanted to be in every picture, I loved being in school functions and sports that warranted an audience, I would make videos with my parents camcorder and desire to show them off, I was a very social child. Really, I was an attention hog. Once, when I was eight, I even played guitar stage at a wedding in front of a hall of strangers and insisted to play an encore! I started becoming introverted in high school, but even then, I was still well known and liked by a variety of people, cliques, and social circles and felt comfortable socializing in them.

But, today, this is the complete opposite of who I have become. I am incredibly introverted and very anxious/nervous in any type of social situation. I would never seek much attention these days and would never be comfortable in front of a crowd. In fact, sometimes I go way out of my way to avoid attention, conversation, or socializing. I really have no idea exactly when I started to make this change in my personality and have no idea why it has happened.

Anyone else have a similar experience, story, or comment?

[PurpleStorm]

That's really sad Mikey90, especially as you can't pinpoint exactly why the change happened. Unfortunately I've always been introverted and anxious, scared of people which has resulted in life long depression. If you're not already seeing one, a therapist might be able to help you to figure out when and why this change occurred. I hope you can find some answers soon, knowing the cause would greatly assist in your recovery.

[BlueWeepingRose]

I understand what you mean cause I was very social myself when I was younger. Now I'm very shy and it's hard for me to talk in person to people cause J always fear that I'll be judged by them. It scares me when I get rejected by others so I fon't try to make friends with people in real life. Rather talk to people online cause I feel comfortable, might be sad but just having a friend out there who listens and understands me gets me by. I really hope things get better for you Mikey.

[Just Adam]

Somewhat. I was never that great in front of people or talking to people. But I used to be much better, and even though I didn't fit into the mold, and I was somewhat quiet, I was a very popular guy. Now I am very weird in social situations. I can't talk to new people, or strike up conversations. I just stick to hanging around people who I know and am comfortable with, and even then I feel akward. But if I'm talking about going back to before depression, I'd have to go back to pretty early childhood. Like I said, I was always uncomfortable around people. But before depression, I at least had a sense of wonder and interest. I found sights, sounds, etc interesting. Now nothing seems to do anything for me mentally. Its a very unfortunate illness we have...

[TwinMommy]

It is odd how we are all very different even though we have the same disease and are lacking in certain neurotransmitters. I remember very well the way I was before I was hit hard with depression at age 27. Mikey90, I feel for you with the shyness and anxiety when it comes to social situations. I was actually very, very shy BEFORE I was diagnosed.....from about 10th grade onto about age 25. I had major social phobia in college, so much where I never raised my hand and it hurt my grades. At my first job out of college, it was almost a paralyzing fear to walk into doctors' offices (I was a drug rep.) For me, I believe medicine comes first and therapy in conjunction. I really believe my therapist helped me through that social phobia. I am not shy anymore (except in rare cases where I am in a big crowd and know not a soul!) I also wonder if the antidepressants have helped me come out of my shell.....I also sometimes wonder that when I have hypomania (I think I am BP 2), I am even more outgoing. But I would trade being shy again and not suffering from this debilitating depression/anxiety any day of the week. I do think it is worth trying to talk the shyness/social anxiety out with a therapist. Another thing that helped me as I was first going through it was a non-habit forming drug called Inderal. It is actually a beta blocker and is used off label for public speaking and things of that matter. It does not work on the CNS so you don't feel foggy but you don't get knots in your stomach, turn red or get butterflies. That alone increased my confidence in social situations. But bottom line is that I think most anxiety, etc. is chemical imbalances in our brains but I do believe therapy can help in this case. It did for me and I was a tough case!!!! I DO understand what you guys are saying about it being more comfortable to talk online. When I am a bit down, I don't like talking on the phone unless it is to my Mom or husband and I just am not that talkative. Being online where other people understand your illness is a Godsend. Good luck to you.

[TwinMommy]

One more thing, Mikey90....I have read that the fear of public speaking is either the number one fear or number 2 fear (the other being fear of dying) So please don't think you are alone in this.....I know many people who don't have our diagnosis that are really shy, etc. I'll be thinking of you. Good luck and please keep us updated!

[Mikey90]

I want to reply to all of you!

If you're not already seeing one, a therapist might be able to help you to figure out when and why this change occurred. I hope you can find some answers soon, knowing the cause would greatly assist in your recovery.

Thank you, I've been considering seeing a therapist for awhile really, but haven't quite been able to make the leap yet. Guess I'm afraid of a fall? I don't know. Just talking about it seems difficult.

I understand what you mean cause I was very social myself when I was younger. Now I'm very shy and it's hard for me to talk in person to people cause J always fear that I'll be judged by them. It scares me when I get rejected by others so I fon't try to make friends with people in real life.

I know exactly what that's like. I don't take rejection so well either. It’s hard for me to meet new people on my own, and it’ also very difficult for me when my friend Patrick introduces me to people he knows (he’s incredibly social). I’m kind of social at work, only because I’ve worked there for so long and know most everyone, but when a new person comes in, it may take months before I ever really have a real conversation with them, if at all. Thanks for your encouragement though, I appreciate it.

[vega57]

I browsed around and didn't see this topic posted, so forgive me if it has already been discussed. But I wanted to share this and was curious what everyone else’s experience was with this. Does anyone ever remember themselves before depression? Like, does anyone remember a distinct difference in their personality or mannerisms? And if so, what changed that?

Personally, when I was younger, I loved attention. I couldn’t get enough of it. I wanted to be in every picture, I loved being in school functions and sports that warranted an audience, I would make videos with my parents camcorder and desire to show them off, I was a very social child. Really, I was an attention hog. Once, when I was eight, I even played guitar stage at a wedding in front of a hall of strangers and insisted to play an encore! I started becoming introverted in high school, but even then, I was still well known and liked by a variety of people, cliques, and social circles and felt comfortable socializing in them.

But, today, this is the complete opposite of who I have become. I am incredibly introverted and very anxious/nervous in any type of social situation. I would never seek much attention these days and would never be comfortable in front of a crowd. In fact, sometimes I go way out of my way to avoid attention, conversation, or socializing. I really have no idea exactly when I started to make this change in my personality and have no idea why it has happened.

Anyone else have a similar experience, story, or comment?

Im actaully way more open with others, when i was a young man i was stand offish and rude. maybe because i was always high. once i made through the worst part of my depression i became way more friendly and open, i think this has helped my in areas and functions of my life. now i empathize with others, really care about others and am a way better person.

[Mikey90]

I can't talk to new people, or strike up conversations. I just stick to hanging around people who I know and am comfortable with, and even then I feel akward. But if I'm talking about going back to before depression, I'd have to go back to pretty early childhood. Like I said, I was always uncomfortable around people. But before depression, I at least had a sense of wonder and interest. I found sights, sounds, etc interesting. Now nothing seems to do anything for me mentally. Its a very unfortunate illness we have...

I empathize with this. It is very unfortunate. I have a small, and I mean very small circle of people I stick around, and even then, sometimes, I can tell they notice my anxiety and awkwardness. But two of my friends are aware of issues and just deal with and pursue me very comfortably and well. Too bad I’m not able to see them more often.
You sound very sad and well, the way you put it about lacking a sense of wonder and interest really pinpoints how this feels. And just like the rest of us, I really hope things get better for you!

I had major social phobia in college, so much where I never raised my hand and it hurt my grades.

This pretty well explains me now.

For me, I believe medicine comes first and therapy in conjunction. I really believe my therapist helped me through that social phobia. I am not shy anymore (except in rare cases where I am in a big crowd and know not a soul!) I also wonder if the antidepressants have helped me come out of my shell.....I also sometimes wonder that when I have hypomania (I think I am BP 2), I am even more outgoing. But I would trade being shy again and not suffering from this debilitating depression/anxiety any day of the week.

I'm glad to hear you have overcome your social phobia, but is too bad you're still depressed and anxious. hopefully, you can find you way out of it and be able to be happier and more social! That would be great!

[Mikey90]

Im actaully way more open with others, when i was a young man i was stand offish and rude. maybe because i was always high. once i made through the worst part of my depression i became way more friendly and open, i think this has helped my in areas and functions of my life. now i empathize with others, really care about others and am a way better person.

This is very hopeful. I'm glad I was able to read that. Thank you.

[Frog154]

I have a theory that the root of depression may well be strongly in social experiences. I think I know of many similar stories of people who are outgoing and fun then suddenly become awkward and shy. Now usually, hazarding a guess, this is about the time you, by choice or by force, change social circles, for me it was going to university. Now the problem is, in this day and age, it can be complete overload, many many new people come at you and everyone will like and dislike things about you. Of course we're not worried about the things they like about you, that's great, no one is going to complain about that but being disliked and criticised, if it seems to happen a lot, can, in my opinion, cause depression. Now not everyone will succumb to this, some people will adjust fine, others will crash and burn but EVERYONE has to adjust in one way or another to new social situations, it's just some people are unluckier than others - end up around harsh people, have been recovering from traumatic events or what other various things might be going on at the time of their 'undoing'.

I'm basically out on my own now, once you meet so many people and know your effect on people and their effect on you it can cause a great strain or pressure on you, this feels like the case for me and again for me it's about learning to adjust that and get through it, find people you like or at least get along with and most importantly accept and/or ignore criticism where you can. It's not easy and there are plenty of setbacks along the way, I'm not really there yet at all (my mood swings and headaches are a testament to that) but little by little I'm more relaxed around people and am genuinely starting to enjoy company again

[Brian39]

I am so much different today than I was prior to 3 years ago. The last three years have been very stressfull and tramatic on me. I used to grab life by the horns, but now life has stomped me into the ground. I think my changes in behavior and feeling are a result of major neurological changes in my brain as a result of long term negative emotional experiences, and the change in brain structure influences a change in the brain's chemical enviornment in which influence how I percieve the world. I think some of it is just natural with aging also. Dopamine declines with age, and the dopamine we are flooded with in youth feels awesome.

[tweet_lil_ange]

Before my depression I was shy but I believe it was do the fact that I was obese. I didn't have many friends but I did a bachlor degree in history and was able to debate my subject and everything. I was fat, but I wasn't dumb and ugly. I use to accessoiries, by lots of clothes, put makeup on. Sure people would say I have such a pretty face. I was confidant, you weren't happy with me well move over because I am coming and this is 340 lbs pounds a comming.

I lost 200lbs and my self with it. I can't talk to people anymore. I wouldn't be able to do my bachlor. I would not be able to defend my point. I feel fat, dumb and ugly. I don't wear makeup anymore, don't do my hair or anything. my confidance is below zero. I am afraid to be critized.

[Frog154]

Yeah but if you kinda go by the chemical thing it's like saying "I'm built this way so I can't change" I know it may not exactly be the case but if it hinders you at all from trying then it helps not to think that way! I mean think of a load of old folks out there who seem over the moon most of the time, it can't all be aging...I hope :)

[vega57]

Im actaully way more open with others, when i was a young man i was stand offish and rude. maybe because i was always high. once i made through the worst part of my depression i became way more friendly and open, i think this has helped my in areas and functions of my life. now i empathize with others, really care about others and am a way better person.

This is very hopeful. I'm glad I was able to read that. Thank you.

dear mikey i don't believe in good luck so i won't wish you any but i do believe God's providence, love and His intercession for us His children. please believ me when i say that i pray for everyone here, i may not remember everyones' name or need but i do know that He knows the needs. God bless mikey and please try to stay strong; remember we here are just a click away. :)

[Mikey90]

I have a theory that the root of depression may well be strongly in social experiences. I think I know of many similar stories of people who are outgoing and fun then suddenly become awkward and shy. Now usually, hazarding a guess, this is about the time you, by choice or by force, change social circles, for me it was going to university. Now the problem is, in this day and age, it can be complete overload, many many new people come at you and everyone will like and dislike things about you. Of course we're not worried about the things they like about you, that's great, no one is going to complain about that but being disliked and criticised, if it seems to happen a lot, can, in my opinion, cause depression. Now not everyone will succumb to this, some people will adjust fine, others will crash and burn but EVERYONE has to adjust in one way or another to new social situations, it's just some people are unluckier than others - end up around harsh people, have been recovering from traumatic events or what other various things might be going on at the time of their 'undoing'.

I'm basically out on my own now, once you meet so many people and know your effect on people and their effect on you it can cause a great strain or pressure on you, this feels like the case for me and again for me it's about learning to adjust that and get through it, find people you like or at least get along with and most importantly accept and/or ignore criticism where you can. It's not easy and there are plenty of setbacks along the way, I'm not really there yet at all (my mood swings and headaches are a testament to that) but little by little I'm more relaxed around people and am genuinely starting to enjoy company again

I didn't integrate very well into the social circles circles of college life, but the awkwardness and shyness started well before college life. I was able to manage it alright in high school, but by the time I got to college, I just really didn't adjust all that well, and perhaps that was the breaking point.Outside of the limited contact I have with my family, I have literally two friends (whom i barley see or talk to anymore) and a roommate. That's it as far as my interaction goes with people in real life. I just really feel I have nothing of value to say to people and nothing that will interest them.

Just a side thought: In high school, I self medicated. When I was 18, I quit it because the high was no longer enjoyable and I would feel very panicked and paranoid. People stopped hanging out with me as much because I no longer contributed to the "recreations" but I was in no way shunned or excluded by them. But, I started feeling uncomfortable hanging around them because all they ever did was get high. I still see and talk to them every now and then, because these people were very close friends of mine in high school. But I feel they are no longer interested in me, so I don't really pursue them. So even talking to close friends of mine, makes me incredibly nervous and makes me feel withdrawn.

Edited by Trace, 16 April 2012 - 03:28 AM.
Triggers

[Lrn]

Thought provoking topic! I remember I was always so much more outgoing, I was the centre of a few friend circles and I loved going out and socialising. Now I find I cut myself off from people a lot more. I'll put my barriers up really easily and I beat myself up for doing it but I just can't stop.

I never used to worry about how I came across, I'd just be able to approach people and talk, but now I feel like I'm constantly a burden to people and as though they wouldn't want to talk to me/they'd be better off without. It's absolutely slashed my confidence.

There has been one positive though, I always used to have very strong opinions and I'd voice them readily but now I don't feel the need to and will only do so when necessary. I don't think this makes up for everything I've lost though

[vega57]

One more thing, Mikey90....I have read that the fear of public speaking is either the number one fear or number 2 fear (the other being fear of dying) So please don't think you are alone in this.....I know many people who don't have our diagnosis that are really shy, etc. I'll be thinking of you. Good luck and please keep us updated!

hey there twinmommy, i truely believe we can overcome almost everything, except in my case bad spelling, lol. can you image being a bit shy and having to preach before a few hundred to a few thousand people, this is what i found myself having to do, but i was able to overcome it, now i have no problem doing it. i've some preachers with sweaty hands, weak knees among other things. most people who know me from before can't believe i'm the same person which of course i'm not. i really believe its one of the reasons i used so much drugs, it gave courage to open up to others, especially girls. anyway i forced myself to be way more open, i was just plain tired of missing out. while in college i had to team up to make a presentattion, my teammate was the son of roman gabriel, a quarterback for the l.a. rams during the 70s, he was immensley helpful in my opening up. this was when i first got back from the service and was a very angry young man and not much fun to be around. and of course i give the glory to God for giving what i need to be a better person. Lord bless you

[TwinMommy]

Vega.....I needed that reminder about God. I am a former drinker and in AA.....my sponsor tells me a lot to do my best but to just PRAY and leave some of it in God's hands. When I do that on a daily basis I feel so much better. I need to do it more often. When I am in such a deep depression as I am right now, there is a lot of self-pity and hopelessness and I need to keep in mind that God allow this disease in my life if He didn't think I could handle it. Praying is such a help.
And, I can't imagine having to preach even now that I HAVE gotten over my social phobia! I speak at AA meetings and still get a little shy but nothing like before. LIke you said, we can overcome. I know that if I overcame my social phobia, I MUST be able to overcome anything because it was terrible. God bless you all still going through it. There is help out there....like Vega said, through God and also for me, through therapy with a GOOD therapist. For me it took 3 tries and the 3rd therapist is a Godsend. She helps me in so many ways and gives me tools to help myself. Enough rambling here! :)

[Frog154]

I have a theory that the root of depression may well be strongly in social experiences. I think I know of many similar stories of people who are outgoing and fun then suddenly become awkward and shy. Now usually, hazarding a guess, this is about the time you, by choice or by force, change social circles, for me it was going to university. Now the problem is, in this day and age, it can be complete overload, many many new people come at you and everyone will like and dislike things about you. Of course we're not worried about the things they like about you, that's great, no one is going to complain about that but being disliked and criticised, if it seems to happen a lot, can, in my opinion, cause depression. Now not everyone will succumb to this, some people will adjust fine, others will crash and burn but EVERYONE has to adjust in one way or another to new social situations, it's just some people are unluckier than others - end up around harsh people, have been recovering from traumatic events or what other various things might be going on at the time of their 'undoing'.

I'm basically out on my own now, once you meet so many people and know your effect on people and their effect on you it can cause a great strain or pressure on you, this feels like the case for me and again for me it's about learning to adjust that and get through it, find people you like or at least get along with and most importantly accept and/or ignore criticism where you can. It's not easy and there are plenty of setbacks along the way, I'm not really there yet at all (my mood swings and headaches are a testament to that) but little by little I'm more relaxed around people and am genuinely starting to enjoy company again

I didn't integrate very well into the social circles circles of college life, but the awkwardness and shyness started well before college life. I was able to manage it alright in high school, but by the time I got to college, I just really didn't adjust all that well, and perhaps that was the breaking point.Outside of the limited contact I have with my family, I have literally two friends (whom i barley see or talk to anymore) and a roommate. That's it as far as my interaction goes with people in real life. I just really feel I have nothing of value to say to people and nothing that will interest them.

Just a side thought: In high school, I self medicated. When I was 18, I quit it because the high was no longer enjoyable and I would feel very panicked and paranoid. People stopped hanging out with me as much because I no longer contributed to the "recreations" but I was in no way shunned or excluded by them. But, I started feeling uncomfortable hanging around them because all they ever did was get high. I still see and talk to them every now and then, because these people were very close friends of mine in high school. But I feel they are no longer interested in me, so I don't really pursue them. So even talking to close friends of mine, makes me incredibly nervous and makes me feel withdrawn.

Well self medicating did a number on me for sure, ever since I started self medicating it not only did things get weird socially but I now have headaches which I've had for the past ten years! I think it's likely to contribute to things, not that it can't be undone. I know what you mean about the awkwardness, keep practicing hanging out and stuff with people and as you realise you have nothing to fear then you'll actually begin to talk more too. It's easier said than done but I did it and now I'm not so bad around people. Remember it's not necessarily about what you have to say but also like you can just listen to what they might want to say, see what have in common. I don't know of a clear cut way to feel ok socially (I mean sometimes you just meet people you don't get on with so well) but I do know that continual practice and exposure helps so long as you're not like beating yourself up/withdrawing when you do it, better to make an arse of yourself then not to try as it were. Anyway, food for thought

Edited by Trace, 16 April 2012 - 03:31 AM.
Triggers

[Onelightburning]

First of all Hi all, I'm new to the forums :)

For me, I can't really tell when my depression started out but it must've been around when I was in my early teens. I remember having some unforgettable experiences in elementary school. That was the time when I was the most happy and social. I was hanging out with the most popular guys in the class and had loads of fun just being an average joe. It's funny 'cus looking back at my life the times when I didn't even try I was enjoying myself the most. When I started getting depressed I became more serious and less and less social. I just couldn't enjoy others' company no more because I felt terrible inside. At the times of the more major depressive periods I became totally different person, trying to defend myself from others and just closing the outside world off me.

[Cupcake_girl]

I'm just not a fun person to be around anymore. I'm sad like 90% of the times and it's all I can think and talk about. There doesn't a day go by I don't cry my eyes out while I never use to cry. I changed so much. I feel like this is eating me up inside and it's has "stolen" who I use to be. I'm just an annoying person now really, I always need to give my opinion and I'm just sad.. To my friends who don't know I'm depressed I feel like I'm fake, like they don't know the real me. I pretent to be happy and I joke all the time but they have just no clue what I go through. So I feel like I'm not true to myself anymore while I always was! Even when I was bullied I was myself while now I am just prentending to be a happy person who I think ppl will like. On the inside I'm not the joyfull girl I use to be anymore. I looked at some childphotos a while ago and I just started crying. Were did it go wrong? How could such a lovely little girl turn into what I am now? I loved the person I use to be and now I feel so valueless to everyone.

There is on positive though. I appreciate my family and friends SO much more. I hold on to them very tight now while in the past I haven't been such a good friend. No matter how bad I feel I still always try to support them even if it's just sending an email our text. So I think in some way this depression has made me a better friend actually. It's the only thing left that makes me feel good about myself really, when a friend thanks me for being there for them.. So that's why I hold on to them very tight.

[liftmeupletmego]

I'm just not a fun person to be around anymore. I'm sad like 90% of the times and it's all I can think and talk about. There doesn't a day go by I don't cry my eyes out while I never use to cry. I changed so much. I feel like this is eating me up inside and it's has "stolen" who I use to be. I'm just an annoying person now really, I always need to give my opinion and I'm just sad.. To my friends who don't know I'm depressed I feel like I'm fake, like they don't know the real me. I pretent to be happy and I joke all the time but they have just no clue what I go through. So I feel like I'm not true to myself anymore while I always was! Even when I was bullied I was myself while now I am just prentending to be a happy person who I think ppl will like. On the inside I'm not the joyfull girl I use to be anymore. I looked at some childphotos a while ago and I just started crying. Were did it go wrong? How could such a lovely little girl turn into what I am now? I loved the person I use to be and now I feel so valueless to everyone.

There is on positive though. I appreciate my family and friends SO much more. I hold on to them very tight now while in the past I haven't been such a good friend. No matter how bad I feel I still always try to support them even if it's just sending an email our text. So I think in some way this depression has made me a better friend actually. It's the only thing left that makes me feel good about myself really, when a friend thanks me for being there for them.. So that's why I hold on to them very tight.

I know exactly what you mean. When I would go through old pictures and yearbooks I could hardly recognize myself half the time. It took me a really really long time to find confidence in myself before the depression and when I finally accepted who I was i was so incredibly happy. I loved life, I loved people, and I loved the world. Those were the two greatest years of my life. Then I enetered high school and became depressed and all the self confidence i worked so hard for dissapeared. I felt like the real me was gone and it was never coming back and what remained was some stranger. I hardly knew who i was and I was so ashamed when I would be around people because I wanted to be the "real" me with them but i didn't know how. I felt like a phony and a failure. How could someone not know who they are? How could you forget yourslef? I honestly couldn't even remember and I thought i was crazy. I soon slid back to my old ways and became very shy and started to isolate myself. All the friends that I had made started to fade away and so did the happy memories. I became terribly quiet and almost invisible again and I had no idea how to stop it. Recently I have realized that the person I "was" was not completely gone I just had forgotten about her. I will never be truely the same after all that has happened but at times I do feel like my old self and that has given me hope. Sometimes things don't dissapear, they are just hidden and we have to try really hard to find them. And these things tend to be in the last place you expect them to be.

As for my family, this experience has brought me so much closer to them than I ever thought possible and I will always be grateful for that. I have realized what truly amazing people they all are and I would never trade them for anything. I am actually a lot closer to some of my cousins then I ever thought I would be. And I have gotten a lot closer to other people as well. I realize what it means to be a true friend now that sometimes we have to open ourselves up to give our friends permission to do the same. I didn't know how to open up to anyone until now and though I am very cautious about this, it allows me to see who really cares about me, and who doesn't. It feels like such a gift but also a curse. I have lost a lot of things due to letting my depression control me but I have also gained so many new and wonderful things. I guess the trick is trying to remember the good things that depression can bring when we feel so bad.

[Cupcake_girl]

^^
Yeah same here, at 16 I finally accepted who I was and I was just so happy and confident.. I loved it all and then a year later for whatever reason I got ill. I've been so mad at myself for that, finally I got it all together and suddenly it slipped away.. And yes I know, deep inside I still am that girl from the photos, very rarely I still feel like that when I just let myself go and enjoy the moment.. Those are the ones I feel a happy. But unfortunately I just have the really annoying habbit of thinking untill I drive nuts :(

I know. My family is just awesome.. It's amazing on how they always stick to my side no matter what I do. I always loved my family but the last few years I've grown so much closer to them! :)
And yes no matter how bad I feel most of my times.. This has brought me good things as well. Although I do feel weak I know in my heart I've became so much stronger by this all. I'm so grateful too I still function, I still manage school and being a good friend.. While in HS I could care less about school lol. So yeah, there are little of them but this depression has brought me good things as well :)

[Jwes11]

This topic really caught my eye. I am so sorry for those of you who feel you have changed so much because of depression. Before my depression, I used to be an exceedingly positive, happy go lucky person. I wore brighter colors, listened to fun upbeat music and smiled all the time. now fast forward six years and i am completely different. Unless i am keeping up appearances around my friends, i never smile or talk and just stare off into space all day. Now i wear a black leather jacket most of the time, listen to angry music, and drive around in my angry black firebird. I cant help it, unhappiness seems to ooze out of me no matter how hard i try to cover it up. I really wish more than anything i could go back to who i was. i feel like people would like me again.

[Frog154]

One of the problems is that when you find 'yourself' the self you're happy with, it's usually the one you're happy with in your current circumstances. When circumstances change, rather than change with them, you try to cling onto that version of yourself even though it's may not be useful in the environment/circumstances anymore. In short it's good to change yourself, evolve, adapt - see it as those things not as like becoming a person you don't want to be but change you must, you can only be that person you loved for so long before you have to change but see it as a good thing, not a bad thing, there is no concept of the true you, just more like a happy outlook