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[Megan286]

These people are annoying and one way to not feed their ego is to realize how they think.

Some people have such big egos that they don't understand how much being selfish and putting themself first puts everyone else down. They can't understand why someone wouldn't want to bend over backwards to help them do something because they think everyone will like what they have done. They also don't think they do anything wrong.. and instead of thinking like a normal person when a conflict happens "I wonder what I did or said to make someone feel that way, I hope I didn't offend him or cause any harm" they think "What a loser, that person is offending me and I'm perfect." This is the problem with their egos. When people apologize to them, they think it is well deserved and even though they might pretend to be sorry they aren't because they think they are perfect and better than everyone else, so when someone crosses them they are always annoyed (whether secretly or outwardly), instead of ashamed or wondering if they really did do something wrong (like a normal person). Sometimes they'll act ashamed or sorry that someone did something to them.. but really they are just mad that someone had the nerve to cross their perfect self, like "how dare they"

In places like high school these people might win. But when they get older they just get more and more inwardly angry because people don't see them as up and rising and don't try to be friends with them... they are just rude to everyone and no one is good enough for them, including their spouses. They often walk around hot and bothered all the time when people don't give them what they want. And there poor kids aren't in a stable situation in the long run because this parent, especially if it's a mom, will put their needs in front of their kids when it comes down to it. It's never fun to live with a person like this in the long run.

Edited by grace286, 07 April 2012 - 08:38 PM.

[soreloser]

Just be happy, grace286!! :)

Everyone's deserve to be happy right?

No problems!!!

[nocturneangel]

If all these people with their big egos would give some of their self-esteem to those with little self-confidence, people would get along a lot better. Although, in many cases, those who pretend to be bossy do this to hide their own lack of self-esteem. Which of course doesn't begin to justify their behaviour. It's just hard to judge, since you can't look into people's heads.

[Megan286]

Dang, I got carried away when I wrote that. It was supposed to be a reply to someone's post but I realized that I missed the point and for some reason instead of deleting it I made it a new thread...
I didn't explain myself very well here. Basically, I'm thinking about people in particular and I get really annoyed by people who put others down.

[FeelinBlueAllTheTime]

This is an interesting thread, grace286.

I'm not sure that it is really about certain people having too much self-esteem. Sure, they seem to be confident but you never know what insecurities they are hiding.

I've come across many bullies in my life. Some were open, while others were more subtle about it. I've become an expert at spotting bullies and avoiding people who take pleasure in hurting others.

Some of my own relatives have been the worst bullies. My aunt and two of my cousins (not her kids) only seemed to be happy when they were hurting me. Now they wonder why I don't talk to them anymore.

One of my cousins was borderline sadistic towards me when I was growing up. He would hit me, call me ugly, hold me under water and try to drown me, exclude me from playing with the other kids, tell me that I smelled bad, etc.

I can't describe how terrible this treatment was and how it still continues to affect the way I see myself. My aunt encouraged the bullying and sometimes she would partake in it, too. They would make fun of everything about me...my looks, my personality, my clothes, my intelligence.

I think bullying is to be expected from kids at school, but when it also comes from people in one's own family, that can be even more devastating.

Looking back, I believe my cousins and my aunt bullied me because one of them (my female cousin) was overweight and had some other issues so she took it out on me. My male cousin lost his mother at an early age and I became the target of his hatred. My aunt was bitter and angry because her marriage was pretty much a joke, so she viewed me as somebody she could lash out at.

My stepfather was also the bane of my existence for years. I suffered horrific verbal/emotional abuse from him. I believe he bullied me due to his desire for control.

I think you'll find that most bullies are pitiful and weak, even if they give the impression of being strong and confident.

[ya4df]

I am going to reply in the context of your first post, because I've found myself contemplating these things. While I'm sure there can be many reasons for persons have an overactive self-esteem/ego, I've considered one cause may be at it's root: selfishness.

In times of scarcity, people hoard. People become selfish with material things. Now certainly in today's society we are not on the verge of civilization collapse, drought, or famine, but that reptilian part of the brain is still there. So apply this motive to social behavior. Hyper-ego people always have defenses up. A good offense is a good defense. In their mind they see that if they show any act of being humble, it will be a sign for others to take advantage. They are expecting to be deprived (of resources, remember 'times of scarcity'). And so it is, their attitude 'don't tread on me'.

I guess taking this a little further: The outwardly super-ego person has a base motivation of selfishness that maybe is truly based on insecurity. They don't feel secure. The need to have their defenses up because they expect to be deprived. They are insecure.

If I've gone on a tangent please excuse, but your initial post got me thinking what drives people.

[rednamalas]

i don't agree that bullies have good self esteem's.........a person bullies for several reasons, but healthy sense of self isn't one of them. People bully because they are raised by bullying parents, or to make them feel bettter about themselves. It is sick when you think about the fact that some people only feel good when they make others feel badly

[FeelinBlueAllTheTime]

I am going to reply in the context of your first post, because I've found myself contemplating these things. While I'm sure there can be many reasons for persons have an overactive self-esteem/ego, I've considered one cause may be at it's root: selfishness.

In times of scarcity, people hoard. People become selfish with material things. Now certainly in today's society we are not on the verge of civilization collapse, drought, or famine, but that reptilian part of the brain is still there. So apply this motive to social behavior. Hyper-ego people always have defenses up. A good offense is a good defense. In their mind they see that if they show any act of being humble, it will be a sign for others to take advantage. They are expecting to be deprived (of resources, remember 'times of scarcity'). And so it is, their attitude 'don't tread on me'.

I guess taking this a little further: The outwardly super-ego person has a base motivation of selfishness that maybe is truly based on insecurity. They don't feel secure. The need to have their defenses up because they expect to be deprived. They are insecure.

If I've gone on a tangent please excuse, but your initial post got me thinking what drives people.

I agree with this to some extent. I'm not a bully by any means, but I often have my defenses up for different reasons. I've been bullied so much in my life that I find it very difficult to trust others.

However, I believe that it is generally the people with the most resources who tend to be the selfish ones. People who truly are deprived might not necessarily be happy with their lot in life, but they don't always take it out on others.

I've known people who live enviable lives...they seem to be living the dream. They have talent, beauty, money, nice homes, flashy cars, good jobs, friends, families, etc.

But despite their luck and all of their material possessions, they are rotten on the inside. They look down on anyone who isn't blessed with the things they have. And they would never share their resources or even their time with somebody that they perceive as lesser than themselves.

I'm not sure if I understand your point clearly or if I explained myself clearly, but I'm trying.

Note: I'm not railing on wealthy people or beautiful people or anything, but I grew up in a city that is very stratified based on class and race and physical appearance. You will be in one part of town and see nothing but despair and poverty, while a few miles away, you will notice Bentleys and Mercedes and expensive homes. I notice that most of the disadvantaged people seem to be angry and the more privileged folks are pretty smug about their position. They have no sympathy or understanding of anyone who has a different journey in life, so there is bullying on both sides.

I remember incidents when I was bullied, both as a child and as an adult. Now while I would like to believe that it was purely selfishness or insecurity that motivated the bullying, I'm not sure. The people who bullied me were more privileged socially and economically than I was, for the most part. I never understood the motivation because they had things I didn't have.

I can understand a person who bullies out of jealousy, because that makes sense. But not a person with privilege and resources.

I hope I was somewhat coherent.

[FeelinBlueAllTheTime]

Also, ya4df, your post about how some people view acting humble as weakness is 100% correct.

I remember my first day at a new university and this girl in my class took an instant dislike to me, simply because I introduced myself. She seemed like a bully, which is kind of sad, considering that we were all adults in school with the purpose of learning. But some people never outgrow that sort of behavior.

Looking back, she was threatened by other young women in general, especially if they were intelligent or well-spoken.

She was also very intelligent but she didn't seem to show it in positive ways. She acted defensive nearly all the time, even when I complimented her on her outfit. She just had this tough attitude but I could see that she was capable of being nice when she wasn't trying to be "hard".

I believe that this was somebody who grew up in an inner-city environment, like myself. Sometimes it can breed a certain mentality or attitude in some people. You can't always let your defenses down because that can open you up to be hurt or taken advantage of. So I understood the whole tough "ghetto" persona that she was portraying. She seemed confident outwardly but I could also tell that she had some insecurities and this showed in her aggressiveness toward other women.

[rednamalas]

you know it's funny you have brought looks into this equasion. Before I got preg with my son at 31 I was HOT, extremely hot....not to bang my own drum or anything, seriously. But i gained 60 lbs when I had my son, and then a few more cause of some meds...well now I am in my 50's, and while not ugly by any means, I am no longer young, skinny, and striking. It has taken me a long time getting use to the way I am treated now....back then, all I'd have to do is smile at a guy and he'd do just about anything for me...women too. But now that I am older not many go out of their way to assist me. shame i didn't appreciate my looks when I had them

[overcomer]

I am going to reply in the context of your first post, because I've found myself contemplating these things. While I'm sure there can be many reasons for persons have an overactive self-esteem/ego, I've considered one cause may be at it's root: selfishness.

In times of scarcity, people hoard. People become selfish with material things. Now certainly in today's society we are not on the verge of civilization collapse, drought, or famine, but that reptilian part of the brain is still there. So apply this motive to social behavior. Hyper-ego people always have defenses up. A good offense is a good defense. In their mind they see that if they show any act of being humble, it will be a sign for others to take advantage. They are expecting to be deprived (of resources, remember 'times of scarcity'). And so it is, their attitude 'don't tread on me'.

I guess taking this a little further: The outwardly super-ego person has a base motivation of selfishness that maybe is truly based on insecurity. They don't feel secure. The need to have their defenses up because they expect to be deprived. They are insecure.

If I've gone on a tangent please excuse, but your initial post got me thinking what drives people.

I remember I was having a conversation with a friend a couple years ago and she said that she believed that selfishness was the root of all of humanity's problems. I didn't know what to think at the time but now I know that she was 100% correct. As far as bullying and condescension, I believe selfishness definitely plays a part in some scenarios. I'm not sure what the root of all bullying is but I believe its somehow connected to a sadistic arousal from controlling others. Some people who 'lost the control', especially when they were young - whether it be an overbearing parent, molestation, etc. - vow to never let someone overpower and control them again. And this perpetuates a monster, or what some would call a control freak, because they keep their vow to themselves. So as this sickness continues to evolve throughout the years, it gets worse and worse if not stopped. And the very thing that they idolize, which is the upper-hand or being on top, they find that they are actually loosing control of themselves and that this desire has the upper-hand on them!

Bullies and people in general who fall into this are extremely unhappy and depressed and feel lost. They just can't show it because they're deceived into believing that they'll loose control and reputation and look 'weak' - but the truth is that we're all fragile and weak and reputation and control cost too much to keep. So the cycle goes on and on... and the older they get, the worst it gets. It's so sad to see but if they don't reach out for help, they will eventually end up destroying themselves along with other countless lives that they're affecting. We're all messed up in one way or another. We all need help. We all eventually will need to reach out for help in this life. Whether it be the bully or the bullied, we're all messed up. I think selflessness is reaching out for help. Selfishness is burying your problems with you in the grave. One of the most selfless things we can do is reach out for help.

[Megan286]

The reason I am sometimes a target for bullies, rednamalas, is because(since i can remember) I pick up on the low self esteem, and if others haven't picked up on it and I see that their feelings are hurt, and others haven't seen that I get the strongest urge ever to pour love into them and they always soaked it up. I never new how people thought. I really can't comprehend what it feels like to take pleasure in other's pain and that is something that never fails to shock me. but, i know it's out there and all around. The original wound is what happened when a bully's heart was broken in early childhood. tragic. I can cry thinking of it. Makes me want to swoop in and carry the poor little kids away to a better life sheltered from abuse.

[Megan286]

This is an interesting thread, grace286.

I'm not sure that it is really about certain people having too much self-esteem. Sure, they seem to be confident but you never know what insecurities they are hiding.

I've come across many bullies in my life. Some were open, while others were more subtle about it. I've become an expert at spotting bullies and avoiding people who take pleasure in hurting others.

Some of my own relatives have been the worst bullies. My aunt and two of my cousins (not her kids) only seemed to be happy when they were hurting me. Now they wonder why I don't talk to them anymore.

One of my cousins was borderline sadistic towards me when I was growing up. He would hit me, call me ugly, hold me under water and try to drown me, exclude me from playing with the other kids, tell me that I smelled bad, etc.

I can't describe how terrible this treatment was and how it still continues to affect the way I see myself. My aunt encouraged the bullying and sometimes she would partake in it, too. They would make fun of everything about me...my looks, my personality, my clothes, my intelligence.

I think bullying is to be expected from kids at school, but when it also comes from people in one's own family, that can be even more devastating.

Looking back, I believe my cousins and my aunt bullied me because one of them (my female cousin) was overweight and had some other issues so she took it out on me. My male cousin lost his mother at an early age and I became the target of his hatred. My aunt was bitter and angry because her marriage was pretty much a joke, so she viewed me as somebody she could lash out at.

My stepfather was also the bane of my existence for years. I suffered horrific verbal/emotional abuse from him. I believe he bullied me due to his desire for control.

I think you'll find that most bullies are pitiful and weak, even if they give the impression of being strong and confident.

I'm so sorry about this! That is awful. They effected you so much. I hope justice has been served. I agree about the bullies being pitiful and weak. my ex boyfriend was definitely the defenition of this. possible narcissistic personality disorder.

[Megan286]

you know it's funny you have brought looks into this equasion. Before I got preg with my son at 31 I was HOT, extremely hot....not to bang my own drum or anything, seriously. But i gained 60 lbs when I had my son, and then a few more cause of some meds...well now I am in my 50's, and while not ugly by any means, I am no longer young, skinny, and striking. It has taken me a long time getting use to the way I am treated now....back then, all I'd have to do is smile at a guy and he'd do just about anything for me...women too. But now that I am older not many go out of their way to assist me. shame i didn't appreciate my looks when I had them

I've been called striking, but I am 26 now and depressed and feel old and ugly. I definitely took advantage of being able to have a guy in love with a smile. I really don't think I can do that anymore. Too old, 21 yr olds are much more attractive, apparently.

[addict1968]

Hey Grace,

26 by no standards is old - you are still as striking as you were when 21 - its just your depression telling you you are old and unattractive but its all lies. You come across as a warm and caring person and witty too. If you smile (which I know gets difficult to when depressed) I guess you will have heads turning ....

Chin up and smile :)

Take care,

[FeelinBlueAllTheTime]

This is an interesting thread, grace286.

I'm not sure that it is really about certain people having too much self-esteem. Sure, they seem to be confident but you never know what insecurities they are hiding.

I've come across many bullies in my life. Some were open, while others were more subtle about it. I've become an expert at spotting bullies and avoiding people who take pleasure in hurting others.

Some of my own relatives have been the worst bullies. My aunt and two of my cousins (not her kids) only seemed to be happy when they were hurting me. Now they wonder why I don't talk to them anymore.

One of my cousins was borderline sadistic towards me when I was growing up. He would hit me, call me ugly, hold me under water and try to drown me, exclude me from playing with the other kids, tell me that I smelled bad, etc.

I can't describe how terrible this treatment was and how it still continues to affect the way I see myself. My aunt encouraged the bullying and sometimes she would partake in it, too. They would make fun of everything about me...my looks, my personality, my clothes, my intelligence.

I think bullying is to be expected from kids at school, but when it also comes from people in one's own family, that can be even more devastating.

Looking back, I believe my cousins and my aunt bullied me because one of them (my female cousin) was overweight and had some other issues so she took it out on me. My male cousin lost his mother at an early age and I became the target of his hatred. My aunt was bitter and angry because her marriage was pretty much a joke, so she viewed me as somebody she could lash out at.

My stepfather was also the bane of my existence for years. I suffered horrific verbal/emotional abuse from him. I believe he bullied me due to his desire for control.

I think you'll find that most bullies are pitiful and weak, even if they give the impression of being strong and confident.

I'm so sorry about this! That is awful. They effected you so much. I hope justice has been served. I agree about the bullies being pitiful and weak. my ex boyfriend was definitely the defenition of this. possible narcissistic personality disorder.

My ex-boyfriend turned out to be a horrible person too. But in a cruel twist of fate, he now has a beautiful baby girl with his new girlfriend and seems to be living a happy life.

I'm still suffering with depression (worse than before) and my marriage isn't solid, plus my husband doesn't want kids. Oh, and I have no job or close friends. It seems like the bullies and bad people always win.

[FeelinBlueAllTheTime]

you know it's funny you have brought looks into this equasion. Before I got preg with my son at 31 I was HOT, extremely hot....not to bang my own drum or anything, seriously. But i gained 60 lbs when I had my son, and then a few more cause of some meds...well now I am in my 50's, and while not ugly by any means, I am no longer young, skinny, and striking. It has taken me a long time getting use to the way I am treated now....back then, all I'd have to do is smile at a guy and he'd do just about anything for me...women too. But now that I am older not many go out of their way to assist me. shame i didn't appreciate my looks when I had them

I've been called striking, but I am 26 now and depressed and feel old and ugly. I definitely took advantage of being able to have a guy in love with a smile. I really don't think I can do that anymore. Too old, 21 yr olds are much more attractive, apparently.

I've never been gorgeous, but there was a time when some people considered me "cute" or "sexy". I was tiny and petite, at only 5 ft. and 110 lbs. I was thin but I had nice curves. But I felt ugly back then, too.

Now at 28 (I will be 29 this year), men still look at me but it just makes me uncomfortable most of the time. I've gained a lot of weight...definitely not a size 4 anymore. I'm more self-conscious about the way I look. And believe me, I never had a positive body image.

It also doesn't help that my husband will only be intimate with me about once every few months. He is kind to me, but doesn't seem to be sexually attracted to me. I'm not thin anymore but I don't think I'm THAT repulsive. It just makes me feel worse about myself. I still believe that he prefers a certain kind of woman, but he just happened to wind up with me.

But I don't necessarily equate being thin with beauty. I've seen women with fuller figures who were beautiful. I've noticed that Western culture often depicts a pretty woman as one who is thin, Caucasian, with certain physical features...but this is just my perspective as a woman of mixed race.

I've never been able to charm anyone with a smile, so I don't know what that is like. But I know what it is like to be treated disrespectfully by both men and women based on my appearance.

[ya4df]

Hi FeelinBlueAllTheTime,

I should have identified grace286's first post as the context of my first comment, in that I was speaking to the subject of super-egos and hyper sense of self. I have never met any Ego Person who was also a Bully. Woudn't that be oil and water?

On the topic of Bullies. Yes I am for sure that not all people having Defenses Up, are bullies. I too have learned to keep strictly on guard all the time and I am no bully. I can't stomach mentally torturing another person. Thats too bad, for me, because I've been attacked on the one day & empathetic the day after when a attacker was then going through some troubles. Not anymore though. Once bitten twice shy. Consider me jaded.

I think bullies are insecure. They lash out because if someone else is constantly on the defensive, that someone else has no time to attack. I worked with a gay woman a couple years ago, and she was constantly asking about others orientation, if they were curious, or outright telling people they were, 'that everyone has a homosexual tendancy'. But I believe she secretly in her heart, was insecure about her own sexuality and so taking it out on others. Bullying them. This of course has no business in the work place. I just wanted to be left alone so I could do my work. Eventually the company owner fired her. Too bad because she actually new the job very very well.

Rereading this thread, I see your comment "I think you'll find that most bullies are pitiful and weak, even if they give the impression of being strong and confident." . That sums it all up.

I wish you didn't go through the trouble you did. But wishing is a lost cause, so I have to ask, how you deal with bullies?

Me I put up with it and put up, then finally just snap in an explosive outburst and it's not pleasant for anyone. But I'm learning to make short and cutting remarks to condition bullies to stop. I'm practicing communication skills to make quick and curt comments so people will see the boundaries they shouldn't be crossing. It's hard because I don't like being the B. / a.hole type. Any suggestions?

[ya4df]

I remember I was having a conversation with a friend a couple years ago and she said that she believed that selfishness was the root of all of humanity's problems.

It really is.

Like hyenas in the wild, one must consume as much of the prey as possible before another predator comes and takes it away. I like to think humans are more evolved than the animals but I have my doubts.

[FeelinBlueAllTheTime]

Hi FeelinBlueAllTheTime,

I should have identified grace286's first post as the context of my first comment, in that I was speaking to the subject of super-egos and hyper sense of self. I have never met any Ego Person who was also a Bully. Woudn't that be oil and water?

On the topic of Bullies. Yes I am for sure that not all people having Defenses Up, are bullies. I too have learned to keep strictly on guard all the time and I am no bully. I can't stomach mentally torturing another person. Thats too bad, for me, because I've been attacked on the one day & empathetic the day after when a attacker was then going through some troubles. Not anymore though. Once bitten twice shy. Consider me jaded.

I think bullies are insecure. They lash out because if someone else is constantly on the defensive, that someone else has no time to attack. I worked with a gay woman a couple years ago, and she was constantly asking about others orientation, if they were curious, or outright telling people they were, 'that everyone has a homosexual tendancy'. But I believe she secretly in her heart, was insecure about her own sexuality and so taking it out on others. Bullying them. This of course has no business in the work place. I just wanted to be left alone so I could do my work. Eventually the company owner fired her. Too bad because she actually new the job very very well.

Rereading this thread, I see your comment "I think you'll find that most bullies are pitiful and weak, even if they give the impression of being strong and confident." . That sums it all up.

I wish you didn't go through the trouble you did. But wishing is a lost cause, so I have to ask, how you deal with bullies?

Me I put up with it and put up, then finally just snap in an explosive outburst and it's not pleasant for anyone. But I'm learning to make short and cutting remarks to condition bullies to stop. I'm practicing communication skills to make quick and curt comments so people will see the boundaries they shouldn't be crossing. It's hard because I don't like being the B. / a.hole type. Any suggestions?

Hi, ya4df...

I understand what you're saying. I hope I didn't offend you with my earlier post. I used to deal with bullies the way you do. I've always put up with people being unkind and pushing my buttons until I finally snap.

I'm not sure that I can offer any suggestions to you, but it sounds like you've learned to handle bullies pretty well.

That seems to be the trick...just shoot them down when they're being jerks, if possible. You can't always ignore them or take the high road because this only encourages some people to continue their behavior. Sometimes you have to fight back in a subtle way, but also in a way that gets your point across.

I still encounter bullies and I find that giving them a piercing glare also works. I often don't say anything at all. I simply give them a dirty look and it shuts them up. At some point when I was younger, I developed a reputation for being "crazy" and "scary". I'm not sure why because I'm not physically intimidating at all. But if my demeanor stops people from trying to hurt me, I'm fine with that.

My ex's mother was a bully who would say mean things to me all the time as a way to humiliate me and make me feel bad about myself. I continued to be nice and respectful to her, but on at least two occasions, I made a pointed remark about people who were pretty on the outside and ugly on the inside. I was talking about her but I don't think she picked up on it. That was my stab at her since she was always so nasty and constantly threw negative energy at me.

I guess the key to dealing with bullies is to be cool. Don't allow them to ruffle your feathers. Some people just want to stir up drama and create problems for others. I know that certain people enjoy the reactions they get from me, whether it is crying or losing my temper. I've decided that no matter what happens, I will not give anyone the satisfaction of making me lose my self-control again.

I like that you've developed your own strategy for dealing with folks who want to bring you down. A witty or sarcastic comment can stop a bully like a deer in headlights, because they aren't used to being on the receiving end of that.

[Tezaurus]

I am one of those terrible moms who doesn’t automatically praise everything my sons do. My son is an incredible artist and a pretty good woodworker. But recently he did a really half-arsed job on his pinewood derby car. He complained that it wouldn’t roll straight and I told him, “You rushed through it, and put no time and effort into it. It is not your best work.” I could tell that he agreed with me, even though he was pouting about it. He will probably be downstairs over the weekend, revising his design, if I know him.
When he does an awesome drawing, I frame it, hang it in my office or dining room, and show everyone, and he is proud of it too. But he also knows when he is just being sloppy, and he knows BS if I spout it.

[majcric]

i don't agree that bullies have good self esteem's.........a person bullies for several reasons, but healthy sense of self isn't one of them. People bully because they are raised by bullying parents, or to make them feel bettter about themselves. It is sick when you think about the fact that some people only feel good when they make others feel badly

I agree with this statement. People bully feeding off others misery while trying to feel better about themselves.

[Megan286]

I am one of those terrible moms who doesn’t automatically praise everything my sons do. My son is an incredible artist and a pretty good woodworker. But recently he did a really half-arsed job on his pinewood derby car. He complained that it wouldn’t roll straight and I told him, “You rushed through it, and put no time and effort into it. It is not your best work.” I could tell that he agreed with me, even though he was pouting about it. He will probably be downstairs over the weekend, revising his design, if I know him.
When he does an awesome drawing, I frame it, hang it in my office or dining room, and show everyone, and he is proud of it too. But he also knows when he is just being sloppy, and he knows BS if I spout it.

sounds like a great mom to me! :) That's bettering, not bullying. Not sure if you think it was a prob?

[Megan286]

i don't agree that bullies have good self esteem's.........a person bullies for several reasons, but healthy sense of self isn't one of them. People bully because they are raised by bullying parents, or to make them feel bettter about themselves. It is sick when you think about the fact that some people only feel good when they make others feel badly

I agree with this statement. People bully feeding off others misery while trying to feel better about themselves.

yea, so pathetic, honestly. Makes me mad.

[rayj92]

Sadly, I was once one of those kinds of people until I realized the things I do or say could really affect my relationships with the people I meet or already know in the future. I realized this a bit too late though. It took me 19 years to realize that a bunch of my friends wanted nothing to do with me because of my anger issues and I had a big ego and always walked around like a BA. I've always been able to accept when something's my fault though, but I still thought I was hot Sh_t in a Alcohol glass for a long time and that no one could bring me down or mess with me. It's a stupid and pathetic way to go about life, and it sucks because I just now realize that all of my friends I have that stuck around are still the same way I use to be. Their noses are so high up in the air, and maybe that's why I have nobody to talk to about my problems because they've never been depressed and they have that stupid attitude that a lot of people have where if someone's mad at them, they automatically think, "I don't need them in my life if they're going to be mad at me just for me being me." I hate people who don't care to fight for a friendship because they think they're perfect the way they are. Just makes the other person think, "Wow... If he thinks he/she is is perfect, he's going to get a big reality check real soon." Anyways, I agree with that post 100% because you and I are in the same anger boat right now.

Edited by rayj92, 28 July 2012 - 06:53 AM.

[AntiNorm]

Note: I'm not railing on wealthy people or beautiful people or anything, but I grew up in a city that is very stratified based on class and race and physical appearance. You will be in one part of town and see nothing but despair and poverty, while a few miles away, you will notice Bentleys and Mercedes and expensive homes. I notice that most of the disadvantaged people seem to be angry and the more privileged folks are pretty smug about their position. They have no sympathy or understanding of anyone who has a different journey in life, so there is bullying on both sides.

I remember incidents when I was bullied, both as a child and as an adult. Now while I would like to believe that it was purely selfishness or insecurity that motivated the bullying, I'm not sure. The people who bullied me were more privileged socially and economically than I was, for the most part. I never understood the motivation because they had things I didn't have.

I can understand a person who bullies out of jealousy, because that makes sense. But not a person with privilege and resources.

I totally hear where you're coming from. Where I lived, there definitely was social stratification going on. Some people I know who were privileged in high school and university were the smuggest, meanest and most oblivious people you'd have ever met. Throw in the element of religion and you get people who would think they could do anything and get away with it simply because daddy was rich and hey because we go to church every week and do all the church related stuff that means God is on our side too! If I had a dollar for every time I was told I'd go to Hell or I observed that these peoples' idea of "serious solutions" to "serious problems" inevitably ended up as some sort of deep prayer session (always discounting the fact that their social connections and resources were probably the reasons why they'd always pull out of any crisis situation with ease) I'd be just as rich and privileged as they were, lol. :)

Edited by AntiNorm, 24 August 2012 - 12:15 AM.

[Megan286]

I think "too much ego" is a more accurate description. I think people can definitely learn to get along respectfully pretty easily. I don't really know why I made this thread, haha.

Edited by Megan286, 28 August 2012 - 08:05 PM.

[WadeAlexander72]

I've always found that most of the time these people with too much self-esteem are actually full of it and are over-compensating.

Once in a while you get the odd egomaniac who truly is "one of the blessed ones" but in general most of these people seem to be real nutcases. Least that has been my experience. I know a few of them seem to always be calling attention to themselves and I bet it's because they need that dose of recognition to make themselves feel worthy.

These people can actually be very funny to be around sometimes when you get to watch and hear the various ways they like to show how wonderful they are compared to the rest of lowly humanity.

[AntiNorm]

One ***** I knew from school read an article and said he had an epiphany that because I had low self esteem in school, I was a bully. Yeah, that's right, stand up to me, the bully! lmao

Yeah right, me, the guy who was picked on most every other day, physically pushed around, and endured being laughed at and not taken seriously on a continual basis. Me, who was never the aggressor, and actively avoided confrontations with people and hurried back home to avoid crowds. Right. People will always find a way to justify their own abuse towards other people.

Edited by AntiNorm, 08 October 2012 - 03:48 AM.