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MidlifeRob

What Did I Just Do?

8 posts in this topic

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ok. so I did some snooping and very easily found my therapist's maiden name and age. I kind of knew where she grew up from our conversations. I am 44 and she is 3 years younger than me. I told her what I did, and that I pulled out my high school yearbook only to find her in it. I was incredibly upset finding out this info and do not understand why. It was a lifetime ago. There is nothing here to be upset about...from me that is. That is why I brought it up to her...to find out why I was literally shaking when I saw her in the yearbook. I did not know her in high school. She has been my therapist for almost a year and recently there has been some transference but nothing sexual.

She was clearly upset with my behavior and did not have an answer for me. I know I probably freaked her out some and was immature but I couldn't help it...i was a little curious about her. We are okay now but I am afraid to bring up the topic again.

Anyone have any idea why I get upset when I find out details of her personal life?

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Posted · Report post  

Hi MidlifeRob

It could be a number of things. It could have changed your perception of her which would upset you. It may make you feel betrayed in some way, even though she has not betrayed you. It could also make you feel like perhaps the anonymity of the therapy is now gone. It can also bring up what if thoughts. There are many ways that this could upset you. You have probably allowed yourself to get a little to close to the therapist, but the therapist should know how to deal with it and help you get through it.

Trace

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Posted · Report post  

That is tough situation! It would freak me out as well, so I think what you feel is quite normal. However, could you switch to another therapist if this will be an issue for you in the future?

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Posted · Report post  

I understand your feelings. I think I would be the same way....uncomfortable. I hope you can work it out.

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I've seen two therapists over the past couple years. I live in a small city, so there's not a lot of options. #1 was an older guy who it turned out used to work with my father, and #2 (my current one) went to school with an older sibling of mine...and brought it up at the end of the first session. I felt "on guard" with #1 and there was definitely difficulty in relating to one another (at one point he told me to "Suck it up and not worry so much"), but #2 has gone well so far as I can tell.

Would it be worth discussing it further with your therapist at some point? Just a "Hey...I want you to know that I feel lousy about what happened." It doesn't have to develop into a big discussion, but maybe it would put the issue to rest? Good luck.

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It doesn't bother me that I went to school with her. and i'm okay with it now. it is more finding out the details of her personal life somehow hurts. i have indeed gotten too close to her but it wan't by design. it just happened and i didn't even know it or understand what was going on. still don't totally. i do know that since that happened it is the first time i've ever opened up to a therapist. i must say...therapy is truly a love/hate relationship.

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I have to agree that the theraupeutic relationship is one of the weirdest and toughtest relationships to deal with, and I wish they offered us classes on how to deal with transference issues before we even went into therapy.

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I have a very good therapist who is gentle, kind and a very good person. He is of similar age to me and we have similar interests. I can see how it would be easy to have feelings for someone like that but I know and respect that this would be totally inappropriate. At the end of the day this is their job, we are their patients and to feel that we are somehow permitted to cross that line into their personal life is very wrong. It is very difficult at times but I feel that the barrier between patient and therapist should be upheld for everyones benefit.

Daisy Duke

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