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[bh34465]

There was boy named Junior that lived in a nearby town. I was in Junior High School and I was approximately 12 years old. I was at a sporting event at the High School, and as I headed to the water fountain, I was abruptly slammed by the neck against the concrete block wall. I was then threatened and let go.

I saw Junior around my neighborhood a lot after that. He was a cousin of someone in the area. Next, he threatened my best friend. I lived in fear of Junior. Then, when I was 13, I started to see Junior at the home of my next-door-neighbor. He was dating the neighbor's daughter who 12 (he was 17 and worked for the city doing maintenance). Now, my terror was in close proximity to me regularly.

In the summer, between eighth and ninth grade, the above-mentioned neighbor wanted to show me his pop-up camper. I went in to look at it and was sexually molested by him. I went home and called my best friend who advised me to call him by phone and "cuss him out." I did just that, and told him to admit what he had done or I would tell. I went to my best friend's house right after, and not longer after Junior shows up. I took Junior to be the type who would beat up a child molester, so when he questioned me about what happened, I told him everything. I felt relief that for once Junior would be on MY side. He started to walk away, but then turned and punched me in the head. I fell to the ground, and he continued punching me in the head until I was blacking out. With slurred words, I begged him to stop hitting me, and finally he did. My best friend had stood by all the while, and never tried to help me. That was also painful.

My father was a pedophile himself, so he did nothing to protect me. Instead, he bought alcohol and drank it. This guy was never arrested. Maybe because it was a small town they felt that it was just two teenagers fighting, except I was 13 and the other was a grown, working man at 17. No charges were filed against the neighbor for the sexual molestation, and I had to live next door to him until he died a few years later. I had once roamed the streets of my small towns, but now I was afraid to do so. I remember once that I had to walk past Junior, who was on the job, digging up the street in front of my house. Then, to add insult to injury, my father let Junior's brother move into our home shortly after. It was a constant reminder of the assault. Junior's brother eventually moved out, but not before stealing my brother's income tax refund money.

I know bullying. I know fear. It still affects me to this day. Sometimes it manifests itself in fear, other times in rage. Sometimes I want to harm myself. Sometimes I want to harm others (who I feel are trying to harm me.)

I'm sure Junior has probably forgotten all about that day, but it has stayed with me. Bullying does have an affect.

Edited by Trace, 02 April 2012 - 04:23 AM.
Trigger

[AquaViolet]

((((bh34465)))) I'm so sorry to hear about all that you have been through. I was sexually abused when I was very young, and I know the pain, and devastation it causes.
The person who molested me never got in trouble, and the whole thing was basically shoved under the rug. That still angers me to this day!
I was also bullied a lot while I was growing up, so I can relate to how painful that is as well.
I still can't forgive the person who molested me, or the kids who bullied me. The wounds go very deep.
Just know that you are not alone. Others here have gone through similar trauma.
You can always come here to DF for emotional support. We care, and we will listen.
I am currently in therapy with a new therapist to try to deal with the trauma I experienced, and try to live a happier life.
I encourage you to seek therapy as well, as it can really help.
Best wishes to you, and please take care.

[bh34465]

I was abused by another neighbor when I was only 10 or 11 years old. One of his daughters went to school with my oldest sister. When he died, even though my sister had not been friends with the daughter for many years, she went to his funeral. It hurt me that she went knowing that he had molested me. The second man who molested me was killed instantly when a porch he was jacking up fell on him. The boy who beat me up married a girl in my high school class. I saw him once when I was in my 20's, and he didn't look so scary anymore. I have wondered if I go to my h.s. reunion if he would be there, and what it might trigger.