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Please Tell Me It Gets Better


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#161 shennessy07

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 09:23 AM

HI JAMommy,

I am in a very similar boat as you. I don't suffer from the depression that you seem to have but debilitating anxiety and panic attacks :verysad3: so I feel your pain!

I started my Lexapro and am now on day 9 of 5 mg. I was wondering if you noticed any difference in side effects when you jumped up your dosage?

My pdoc wants me up to 10mg but I had bad side effects w/ Paxil and Cymbalta so I am kind of weary to make the jump up to 10mg but I know the faster I get to that dose the faster I'll feel better :glare:

#162 Rahul

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 10:48 AM

I've been on 10mg for one week. So should I basically start counting from the time I hit 10mg, as in expecting that 4-8 weeks from that date I will see the therapeutic results?


i think yes, for the experience of other members here bears this out (4 - 8 weeks on a therapeutic dose). all from what i have read, of course. but some of those members have not titrated up as slowly as you have so you might experience full results much sooner than 8 weeks (for you've been on the med longer overall). dividing doses does not make a difference (half life principle). skipping a dose for a day also does not for escitalopram has a half life of 27-32 hrs (per wikipedia). so if you resume your normal dose within 24 hours, you won't notice any withdrawal.
I'm not a doctor or a health professional and any advice in my post is purely my personal opinion and anecdotal.

Dx: MDD
Rx: 10 mg escitalopram + 15mg mitrazapine + 20 mg chlordiazepoxide (all
at bedtime)

#163 JAMommy

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 03:01 PM

shennessy07, yes, each bump up of med dosage I have gone through the side effects again (increased anxiety mainly). Hopefully, now that I am at 10mg, the side effects will begin to lessen. I am currently very fatigued... not sure if it is the lexapro or the temporary klonopin that I am on.

Rahul, I always appreciate your input. Today I was so off... I think I did NOT take my dose this morning because my mood has been weird. I have seen signs of improvement, today felt like a step backward. But hopefully things will continue to improve.
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#164 Rahul

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Posted 03 May 2012 - 02:12 AM

I think I did NOT take my dose this morning because my mood has been weird.


oops, i was wrong earlier. if you skip a dose for a day you will feel withdrawals because the gap between two doses has been 48 hours and the half life of the med. is 27 - 32 hours. you should be fine tomorrow (today?) when you take your morning dose.

dividing doses is no different from taking it at once though. that stands.
I'm not a doctor or a health professional and any advice in my post is purely my personal opinion and anecdotal.

Dx: MDD
Rx: 10 mg escitalopram + 15mg mitrazapine + 20 mg chlordiazepoxide (all
at bedtime)

#165 mezzmorized

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Posted 03 May 2012 - 02:41 AM

JAMmommy, I could have almost written your post word for word. I am a sahm of two and am struggling so bad I also almost admitted myself to a psych hospital. My doc has increased my zoloft from 125 to 175 and added 25 mg seroquel along with valium which i have been on for over a year. I feel helpless and can't function in the mornings. I have a friend who has to take my daughter to school. It sux.

#166 mezzmorized

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Posted 03 May 2012 - 02:58 AM

JAMmommy, I could have almost written your post word for word. I am a sahm of two and am struggling so bad I also almost admitted myself to a psych hospital. My doc has increased my zoloft from 125 to 175 and added 25 mg seroquel along with valium which i have been on for over a year. I feel helpless and can't function in the mornings. I have a friend who has to take my daughter to school. It sux. Hope you are feeling better xx

#167 shaunmed

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Posted 03 May 2012 - 01:48 PM

JAmommy,

your symptoms are EXACTLY like mine. I am also VERY sensitive to medication. On my first night I took 10 mg of Lexapro and woke up having hallucinations and strange tremors. The next days i went down to 5 mg just as you and what has been overwhelming for me is the anxiety/ panic. I wake up at night and feel burning panic in my chest and pit of my stomach for apparently no reason. I am anxious all day long. I almost feel as though I am MORE anxious with this drug than I was without it. I'm sticking with it for a while longer as I have only been taking it for a week.

Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in feeling this way and that I hope you've improved. have you?

#168 JAMommy

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Posted 03 May 2012 - 04:05 PM

shaunmed, it stinks to be so sensitive to meds. I started at 2.5mg of lexapro toward the end of March, then have titrated up to 5mg, then 7.5mg, now 10mg. At 7.5mg, I was having panic attacks every morning upon waking, and my anxiety was really bad before I even started the medication! I am definitely more anxious on lexapro, EXCEPT my psychiatrist prescribed klonopin (a faster acting anti-anxiety med) temporarily to counteract the side effects of the Lexapro, then I will be weaned off the klonopin once the Lexapro has kicked in. In the past two weeks (one of the weeks I was on 7.5mg and the first couple days on 10mg) I saw some breakthrough, very small things like doing some yard work, playing with my kids a bit more. After about 3 days at 10mg, the anxiety and depression has increased due to dosage change. But I think that from here on out, it should improve if the med is going to work for me. I think that it is realistic to expect that I might not experience the therapeutic effect for another 6 weeks. :( I have been suffering for so long with this bout of depression/anxiety... 6 months total in a severe state and have tried this whole time to get help, tried other antidepressants, intensive therapy, etc. etc. So I am weary of waiting. But I believe (most of the time) that breakthrough will come eventually, whether by meds, by God's intervention, working through any past issues, therapy, working on negative self-talk... I'm not sure what will spark the breakthrough, but I sure hope it's coming soon.

#169 jonine1975

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Posted 03 May 2012 - 07:07 PM

But I believe (most of the time) that breakthrough will come eventually, whether by meds, by God's intervention, working through any past issues, therapy, working on negative self-talk... I'm not sure what will spark the breakthrough, but I sure hope it's coming soon.

I hope it does get better for you JAMommy, you deserve a break. I hope for a breakthrough as well. It will come eventually, just wish there was an exact time and date right? :hugs:

#170 nandabug

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Posted 04 May 2012 - 11:17 PM

Something else I thought of when I was reading about mornings being really tough for you... You may already know this, I'm not sure if it's common knowledge yet or not. When you go through a REM cycle, it eats up your body's stores of serotonin and you can't make more until you come out of it. There are even theories that antidepressants work because they supress REM. Unfortunately, we need REM sleep and when you throw ssris and benzos into the mix, it alters the time of night and duration that we go into REM sleep. It often causes us to wake up mid-REM when our serotonin stores are depleted and we feel terrible for a few hours until our bodies can make more. This is why when we have to get up at crazy early hours and only get a few hours of sleep our mood is actually much better than normal (chances are we didn't go into REM at all). You can do a few things to help with this. You can experiment with the time of day that you take your meds which will alter the time that their REM-suppressing nature wears off. You can alter the amount of sleep you get until you find a time of rising when your mood is better. Also, I've been experimenting with ways of helping my body store up more serotonin before bed and helping it make more faster after I get up. I'm not sure the best way to do this but I've had some luck with alkalizing my body at night and first thing in the morning. I usually do this by taking a handfull of green pills (green food/spirulina) morning and night. Staying away from sugar and other acidifying foods helps too. Anyway, just something to think about...

#171 jonine1975

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Posted 04 May 2012 - 11:32 PM

Awesome thoughts nandabug!! That is really interesting stuff! I know lower blood sugar in the am has play in it all too. Now if I could just figure out how to stop waking with the annoying tingling/burning sensation in my arms, waking up with a very dry mouth (could be the lithium, but it started before I started taking lithium) and my heart beating fast...maybe I am getting a surge of adrenaline at some point early in the morning?

#172 JAMommy

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Posted 06 May 2012 - 06:03 PM

Thanks, nandabug. I knew that sleep affected serotonin, and that serotonin is usually at its lowest when we wake up, but didn't know about the REM sleep. Lately, when I take naps, I wake up and feel terribly depressed for a while. Tough, because the klonopin makes me so sleepy, but then when I sleep during the day I feel awful.

#173 JAMommy

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Posted 07 May 2012 - 07:27 AM

Day 12 on 10mg of Lexapro. I have been on it a total of 7 weeks though, working up to 10mg as I am so sensitive. The last couple days I have felt pretty depressed. I'm praying a lot, working on identifying fears, feelings of inadequacy, seeing a therapist, etc. I am struggling today to believe that I am really going to pull out of this. It's been such a long road. I am wondering if Lexapro or any medication is really going to help me. I mean, I have experienced some breakthrough in the last couple weeks, but it is so slow. I guess I kind of need to realize that it's almost like I just started Lexapro a couple weeks ago, as the previous weeks weren't at therapeutic dose. I need so much encouragement. I feel like I want to just lay in bed and cry, but need to get going with my day, homeschool my child, etc. Nothing sounds interesting or fun to do during the day. I could just lay in bed and almost feel "happy" about it... is this the depression? I just don't feel like doing anything, and am so scared I won't pull out of this.

#174 jonine1975

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Posted 07 May 2012 - 11:49 AM

I totally feel your pain JAMommy. I have been going through this bout of depression and anxiety since March and I cannot seem to pull out of it. I'm trying so hard to just ignore it and do some things, like today was the first day in a few weeks that I got my kids ready for school (my 20 year old daughter usually does this for me) and walked them to the bus. And while that should feel really good, it still felt like it wasn't good enough. I think that it is easier for us to back up our positives with negatives, especially if we are perfectionists or we are in a hurry to be completely better. I believe you will get better as it sounds as though you have made some improvements and experienced some breakthroughs, so for that being said I think you should just celebrate in that! Just as I should pat myself on the back for taking my kids to the bus, I couldn't do that last week. We should be proud for the things we have and will accomplish today! Hang in there =)

#175 JAMommy

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Posted 09 May 2012 - 08:09 AM

Struggling pretty badly today. I have been at 10mg of Lexapro for 2 weeks. Last night, I switched to taking all 10mg before bed. Before, I was taking 5mg at night and 5mg in the morning, but I eventually just want to take one dose a day, plus I now have 20mg pills that I am splitting in half because it's more affordable that way, and they aren't easy to split. Anyway.... I am just wondering if the Lexapro really will kick in and work for me. I have been on it a total of about 7 weeks, but slowly titrating up to therapeutic dose until 2 weeks ago. I am so tired of the anxiety and depression. Sometimes I just have the anxiety, and sometimes I just have depression. Prior to the dose increase to 10mg, I had some breakthrough moments/hours. Now, I just can't wait until it is night time, around 8pm, because my kids are usually in bed, I can kind of "shut off" and then end up going to bed by 9:30 or 10:00pm. It is like the safe haven of my day.

I am so tired of feeling anxious. I know my thoughts are completely irrational. I want to enjoy my days with my kids instead of having all the joy stolen by anxiety and depression. I am getting so tired of waiting for this med to work, as before I went on it, I was severely depressed/anxious for 5 months (plus previous episodes as well). When will it get better? When will it feel like my brain is at peace most of the time instead of my brain lying to me, telling me everything is scary, life is scary, life is depressing?
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#176 Rahul

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Posted 09 May 2012 - 10:49 AM

Last night, I switched to taking all 10mg before bed.


good move. that's how most of us take it i'd reckon.

I am getting so tired of waiting for this med to work, as before I went on it, I was severely depressed/anxious for 5 months (plus previous episodes as well). When will it get better? When will it feel like my brain is at peace most of the time instead of my brain lying to me, telling me everything is scary, life is scary, life is depressing?


hugs JAMommy. it will work. you've been depressed and anxious for a long time; maybe it will take a bit longer to show results. give it a few more days...it's about time. you have to endure this period. you will get better. if lex is not right for you (and i highly doubt that), there are others. you've been on just a few meds so far. there are still snris waiting to be tried. but hang in with lex for a couple of weeks more.
I'm not a doctor or a health professional and any advice in my post is purely my personal opinion and anecdotal.

Dx: MDD
Rx: 10 mg escitalopram + 15mg mitrazapine + 20 mg chlordiazepoxide (all
at bedtime)

#177 jonine1975

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Posted 09 May 2012 - 12:03 PM

I am so tired of the anxiety and depression. Sometimes I just have the anxiety, and sometimes I just have depression.


I am right there with you, it is exhausting to feel this suffering everyday and trying to work through it, or at least semi-function. I was feeling better for a few days, but today is hard, I feel that I am slipping again, and I want to stay up above the water.

Now, I just can't wait until it is night time, around 8pm, because my kids are usually in bed, I can kind of "shut off" and then end up going to bed by 9:30 or 10:00pm. It is like the safe haven of my day.


Exactly how I feel I look so forward to 10 pm cause I can take my meds and go to sleep and at least be free from this for more than just a few hours. Nighttime is my away time from depression and anxiety.

I want to enjoy my days with my kids instead of having all the joy stolen by anxiety and depression.

I want that as well, I miss just being and feeling happy to see my kids happy, now they have worried looks on their faces and I do not want that for them. They are so eager for me to feel better and so am I. I just want things to come naturally like they used to, now I find myself exhausted because I have to work at everything.
I am trying to embrace (as crazy as it sounds) my anxiety and depression and use it as a learning time, a becoming stronger time. But sometimes that is really hard. Are you journaling these things you feel down? I have been a little bit here and there, but I am going to start doing it at the end of everyday. Because then I can look back and see if there were any accomplishments (small or big). Keep hanging in there JAMommy =)

#178 JAMommy

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Posted 09 May 2012 - 03:04 PM

Jonine1975, I know you have had a rough time these past few months as well. I hope you get to feeling better too!

Rahul, I think that the change of taking all 10mg at night instead of splitting doses is causing some intensified anxiety. My body is so sensitive. But I figured, if I wait to make the switch to taking it all at once, I'm just going to go through some side effects again, so why not get it over with while I'm already experiencing side effects. It had to happen sometime (too confusing taking morning and night and more expensive). Thanks for the encouragement. I tell you, you are my back-up psychiatrist only you aren't getting paid the hundreds of US dollars.

#179 JAMommy

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Posted 13 May 2012 - 06:36 AM

Day 19 on 10mg of Lexapro. I titrated up to this dosage for a month. Four days ago, I started taking all 10mg at night (was doing split doses, 5mg in the morning and 5mg at night). In this whole process, I have had a few breakthrough moments, sometimes feeling better later in the day or evening. But I basically feel like crap all the time. I can't wait to go to bed at night for some relief. I wake up at 5:00 or 5:30am every day with anxiety, yet also fatigue and fear of getting out of bed and facing another day of this junk. God has promised me that He will restore me from this severe depression. I am still doing therapy and a lot of praying. Therapy isn't helping much, other than just giving me a safe place to talk.

Are these drugs just not for me? I seriously just want to ditch them and try to go a natural route that doesn't have all these side effects, yet I've struggled so hard just to get to 10mg on this drug (after trying 4 others previously.... this has been going on since November/December), so I hate to give up if relief is right around the corner. I see my pdoc this week.

I struggle to believe God that I will really get better.

#180 blueshoes

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Posted 13 May 2012 - 03:04 PM

Hi everyone, I am new to the site, and have been reading your blogs, JAMummy I feel for you I have been in exactly the same situation on a couple of occassions throughout my life, I am now suffering again having hit 50 with menopause and losing my mum in law has triggered another anxiety and depression, the anxiety is crippling and I know exactly how you are feeling, you will get better its just hard when you are going through it, I have been taking Citalopram for 6 weeks and it hasnt worked so I am being switched to Mirtazapine which I am frightened of taking but still suffering with acute anxiety. Hang on in there. Rahl, you are a very kind and helpful person, nice to see so many people helping each other, I hope I can join your chat to support each other xx

#181 JAMommy

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Posted 13 May 2012 - 08:38 PM

So yesterday and today I made some changes. I thought I would try eating gluten-free for a week (as best as I can), because gluten sensitive people can actually experience depression/anxiety. Something in their bodies attacks the proteins needed to make neurotransmitters, I think. Anyway, this is just a desperate attempt on my behalf to fry to figure out what is so wrong with me.

Second, today I had the thought that maybe the klonopin is making me more depressed, as it makes me so tired I don't want to do anything. Also, when I take it, I still feel anxious inside, but at the same time just feel like sleeping. So I took only 1/4 of a .5mg tablet today. Normally I would take half a .5mg tablet. I have also reduced my night-time dose over the past week from .5mg to .25mg.

Third change... I had about 3 cups of coffee total today. I had been very careful about caffeine intake for several weeks, but I am so tired of feeling tired.

So by late afternoon, I was feeling decent... not perfect, still anxious most of the morning, but I could tell a difference this afternoon -- small difference, but any move towards less depressed and anxious is a huge thing for me. I found myself thinking about tomorrow, what enjoyable thing I could do with my kids in the morning (I think we'll take a trip to the library and check out books). Now, come morning, I will probably not FEEL like doing this because mornings are the hardest, but at least tonight that sounded a little bit interesting to me.

So I am wondering what most influenced the change in mood today. Most likely, it was not taking as much klonopin. But could I be gluten-sensitive and could that be affecting mood too? I am kind of doubting it was the coffee, as I've been severely depressed/anxious for 7 months now, barely functioning, and for most of that time have consumed a fair share of coffee.

I am ready for relief... more consistently decent moods. This has been the absolute hardest trial of my life (and I've been through several rounds of depression since I was 17, now 38 years old). This round has been hardest to get under control, perhaps because I was off medication for so long (2+ years) and it's taken so long to find something that my body could somewhat tolerate).

#182 Spiritual_Wanderer

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Posted 13 May 2012 - 08:45 PM

I think what you are thinking/trying seems legit. It could be a gluten thing. I fully believe that certain foods, lack of vitamins, etc. can cause depression. I think trust your gut. I am going through a period of frustration, feeling like what I have going on now needs tweaked and changes made.
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#183 Rahul

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Posted 14 May 2012 - 07:17 AM

So I am wondering what most influenced the change in mood today. Most likely, it was not taking as much klonopin. But could I be gluten-sensitive and could that be affecting mood too? I am kind of doubting it was the coffee, as I've been severely depressed/anxious for 7 months now, barely functioning, and for most of that time have consumed a fair share of coffee.


could be the klonopin. i see you have halved your nightly dose of klonopin for about a week. a week is enough time for the blood concentration of klonopin to drop to half. with any cut in dose, it takes up to 3 days for its concentration in the blood to drop to half. so you would experience withdrawals, or benefits in your case, only after at 2/3 days of a cut.

keep up the gluten free diet -- good experimentation.

i doubt if it is the coffee. if this "good" mood persists, then chances are very good that it is the lexapro.

Edited by Rahul, 14 May 2012 - 07:40 AM.

I'm not a doctor or a health professional and any advice in my post is purely my personal opinion and anecdotal.

Dx: MDD
Rx: 10 mg escitalopram + 15mg mitrazapine + 20 mg chlordiazepoxide (all
at bedtime)

#184 JAMommy

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Posted 14 May 2012 - 08:23 AM

Hi Rahul, yes it has been a few days of reducing klonopin. I'm a little scared about reducing it, as I hate, hate, hate the anxiety. I did have some insomnia last night and woke up at 4:00am, took a quarter tablet of klonopin (.12mg?) before bed and then this morning at 4:00am. So I am down quite a bit from what I was taking a few weeks ago.

I am REALLY hoping that the depression is not from gluten. I have done some reading about gluten sensitivity, and that if you are sensitive to it, when it changes in your body to protein or whatever, it is very similar to whatever is needed to make neurotransmitters, so basically the body starts attacking the wrong stuff in the brain (very loose translation of the article as I haven't done thorough reading on it). But it doesn't cost me anything to try it out, just hungry and trying to eat vegetables and rice and nuts instead of breads and wheats. It would be a very difficult diet to live by here in America if this proves to be my case.

Sure hoping that the days keep looking up and up. Such a slow, slow process.

How are things in India? I am guessing you are entering the hot season. I am thinking of my brief time in Kolkata, visiting Mother Teresa's orphanage, staying at the YWCA, seeing the "British" Taj and a light show at night, I think.

#185 Rahul

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Posted 14 May 2012 - 08:43 AM

How are things in India? I am guessing you are entering the hot season. I am thinking of my brief time in Kolkata, visiting Mother Teresa's orphanage, staying at the YWCA, seeing the "British" Taj and a light show at night, I think.


ya, i recall having seen the light show in victoria memorial (the british taj) years ago. actually i am in bangalore right now. my wife and i got here a couple of hours ago. the weather is pleasant here -- bangalore is like this round the year. we are here to check out prospective colleges for our older -- he goes to college in a few months.

let's see how you feel today. it's still morning for you. post in the evening or tomorrow morning about how it went. :smile: if the gluten free diet is helping you, you can always take a break from it to confirm if it's what's making you feel better.

Edited by Rahul, 14 May 2012 - 08:45 AM.

I'm not a doctor or a health professional and any advice in my post is purely my personal opinion and anecdotal.

Dx: MDD
Rx: 10 mg escitalopram + 15mg mitrazapine + 20 mg chlordiazepoxide (all
at bedtime)

#186 JAMommy

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Posted 14 May 2012 - 11:19 AM

Oh, I like Bangalore! We were there for only a few days on one trip. I thought it was a pretty city, clean, no haggling for rickshaws as I think I recall they all go by the meter. My brother in law is a professor of engineering here in the States and he travels to Bangalore to teach a couple times a year at a university there, not sure which one. In fact, he and his whole family lived there for about 5 months while he was teaching a few years back. Hope your visit there is successful.

#187 Rahul

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Posted 14 May 2012 - 11:32 AM

LOL. ya, the visit should be successful. we have decided to put our kid here for bangalore is a hub of sorts when it comes to colleges (and it is also an IT hub). and it is a good environment as you rightly surmise.

Edited by Rahul, 14 May 2012 - 11:32 AM.

I'm not a doctor or a health professional and any advice in my post is purely my personal opinion and anecdotal.

Dx: MDD
Rx: 10 mg escitalopram + 15mg mitrazapine + 20 mg chlordiazepoxide (all
at bedtime)

#188 JAMommy

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Posted 14 May 2012 - 05:02 PM

Morning was still a little difficult, but I did notice less depression and anxiety today. Not perfect, but small improvement. I actually had some ideas of fun things to do with my kids. I "cheated" a bit and had a small amount of bread, but am still trying to steer clear of gluten for a while. I am wondering what exactly is helping the most. My guess is I am not as tired because I am mostly off the klonopin, so I am not dragging around. But I am wondering if not eating gluten is helping. Plus the lexapro is probably kicking in and I notice it more since I am not sedated by klonopin. I will try reintroducing gluten at a later date and see what happens, if it affects my mood at all.

#189 Rahul

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Posted 14 May 2012 - 11:54 PM

I am going through a period of frustration, feeling like what I have going on now needs tweaked and changes made.


aaaah SW. sad to hear this. you've been a pillar of support here. what exactly are you going through and what is your doc. contemplating? among alternate therapies, yoga helps by stimulating gaba activity (anxiolytic) that is if you are in a psychological frame of mind to be able to do it (there is a link to a scientific study posted by me upthread).

Edited by Rahul, 14 May 2012 - 11:56 PM.

I'm not a doctor or a health professional and any advice in my post is purely my personal opinion and anecdotal.

Dx: MDD
Rx: 10 mg escitalopram + 15mg mitrazapine + 20 mg chlordiazepoxide (all
at bedtime)

#190 Sanda

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Posted 15 May 2012 - 09:34 AM

I just read through this whole thread. I was trying to taper off Celexa on my own and apparently went too fast & woke up with horrible side effects. That's why I came to DF looking for support. Anyway, while I was reading this thread from March through to today, I started to recover (going back to a proper taper!) and might actually be able to perform work at work today :)

But before I leave, just wanted to say, Rahul your support of JAMommy & the others posting start up angst here has just been so beautiful - you sound like a wonderful person :)

To JAMommy, I think you are on to something - now that you have accomplished the immense task of working up to the therapeautic level of meds, I think you are on the right track in thinking "what else can I try changing that might help?" like you did with the gluten free diet. For example, for me even moving furniture around can be therapeutic! Seem silly but something about walking into a a room that is different can jolt me out of a funk. Anything that you can think of trying that is different from your usual routine. I know you won't always have energy to do this, but on the days that you do, try it! And I'll be another one pulling for you, I'm sure you'll make it through this.

Hugs to everyone else who posted here too. DF is full of wonderful people. :)

#191 Rahul

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Posted 15 May 2012 - 12:19 PM

To JAMommy, I think you are on to something - now that you have accomplished the immense task of working up to the therapeautic level of meds, I think you are on the right track in thinking "what else can I try changing that might help?" like you did with the gluten free diet. For example, for me even moving furniture around can be therapeutic! Seem silly but something about walking into a a room that is different can jolt me out of a funk. Anything that you can think of trying that is different from your usual routine. I know you won't always have energy to do this, but on the days that you do, try it! And I'll be another one pulling for you, I'm sure you'll make it through this.


agreed 100%. i notice travel or leaving town (i.e. disruption of my routine cycle) makes me sleep longer and feel better. to the extent that i have become paranoid that perhaps my home state (the place where i live), it's water etc. are the root of my illness and that i should relocate. i know my paranoia is irrational but i know that it is true that a change of routine works wonders for me and it has ben reinforced by many past experiences.

Edited by Rahul, 15 May 2012 - 12:27 PM.

I'm not a doctor or a health professional and any advice in my post is purely my personal opinion and anecdotal.

Dx: MDD
Rx: 10 mg escitalopram + 15mg mitrazapine + 20 mg chlordiazepoxide (all
at bedtime)

#192 JAMommy

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Posted 15 May 2012 - 03:03 PM

Today I had a lot more anxiety than yesterday. Rahul, do you think it's the reduced klonopin? This is a bumpy road.... I have one good day, and think that then I will be steadily pulling "out of the woods" but then kind of have a setback. Is this normal with starting up a med? Or does it sound normal for me since I am sensitive? I have a pdoc appointment in 2 days so I can consult with her on this as well.

#193 Sanda

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Posted 15 May 2012 - 03:40 PM

The ups & downs sound normal to me - you just have to hope the ups get higher & the downs not as low :) When things seem good you have to try to relax & enjoy them. When things aren't so good, if you can, just try not to obsessively think about how bad you are feeling - try to "float" by the negative thoughts, have faith you will move on to feeling better again soon. But you have to "let time pass" & not expect to feel better instantly.

The last two techniques are from a book I like by Andrea Weeks called "Hope & Help For Your Nerves" - I think it would be a good read for you, and its pretty cheap on Amazon.

Hang in there (((JAMommy)))

#194 Rahul

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Posted 15 May 2012 - 11:15 PM

Today I had a lot more anxiety than yesterday. Rahul, do you think it's the reduced klonopin?


i think so. you seem to have taken the cut in the night time dose in your stride. however, the day time cut to a quarter of 0.5 mg K from half of 0.5 mg K seems to be giving you withdrawals. this is not unusual. i really have no advice. it would have been preferable if you tapered the K after you stabilized but it was making you unacceptably foggy and sedated. you can either resume the half of 0.5 mg K at morning or weather out the withdrawal (a week or so IMO). i don't think your doc. will be able to help you with K withdrawal and might misdiagnose you if you emphasize your symptoms of anxiety right now to her. i have to add a caveat here as you can well understand: do not substitute my advice for a doctor's advice.

p.s. if you have held a cut of K for 2 weeks or more, a reinstatement (to the immediately preceeding level) is not recommended for it might not work (ref. ashton manual). any reinstatement within 2 weeks should resolve withdrawals within 2 days -- this is also a test of whether your symptoms are withdrawal related or otherwise. i know all this sounds complicated but...

Edited by Rahul, 15 May 2012 - 11:49 PM.

I'm not a doctor or a health professional and any advice in my post is purely my personal opinion and anecdotal.

Dx: MDD
Rx: 10 mg escitalopram + 15mg mitrazapine + 20 mg chlordiazepoxide (all
at bedtime)

#195 Rahul

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Posted 16 May 2012 - 05:50 AM

to add to last post:

if the anxiety is still high today or it's worse (the K blood concentration is still dropping after the last cut and would stabilize by maybe tomorrow) you should consider going back to 0.25 mg K in day time. if you don't feel better in 2 days, you might want to climb up to 0.5 mg at night time. if you still don't feel better, then at least you will know that this is not a K withdrawal. you can continue to cut relentlessly in that case or discuss it with your doctor. as ridiculous as it may sound, this trial and error is worth it.

your last cut 3 days ago was 0.125 mg K. it is not a small dose that you have cut. do not be fooled by the small decimal numbers or the size of the pills. 0.5 mg K = 25 mg valium (as per ashton equivalency). so you have cut 6.25 mg of valium at once! overall you have cut 18.75 mg of valium in 10 days! that is not a taper! in percentage, you have gone from 0.75 mg K to 0.375 mg in 10 days or you have cut by 50% in 10 days!

it's a different thing doing this when you are stable for you know your new symptoms are withdrawals and will go away. but in this fragile state, you will be left confused as to what is causing what (as will be your doctor).

again, you are probably using a pill cutter to get 0.125 mg. that is not a clinically accurate method. so a quarter pill that you are taking is not a stable dose -- sometimes it is 0.13 mg, sometimes 0.11 mg. it will affect your mood. anything below half in dry cutting is not recommended. there are other ways to cut (water or milk titration) and you will learn them when the time comes (if necessary). again, the sort of cuts you are doing -- you can get away with it when you are stable for your confidence is high then and you fully know why you are feeling a particular way and you don't mind the misery.

see how you feel today. you might be feeling less anxious today and in that case it might not have been a K withdrawal yesterday -- frankly i don't know. but do minimize the possible reasons for why you might be feeling miserable (that means maintaining a stable dose of K till the AD starts working).

it goes without saying that ultimately you are the best judge.

Edited by Rahul, 16 May 2012 - 06:49 AM.

I'm not a doctor or a health professional and any advice in my post is purely my personal opinion and anecdotal.

Dx: MDD
Rx: 10 mg escitalopram + 15mg mitrazapine + 20 mg chlordiazepoxide (all
at bedtime)

#196 JAMommy

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Posted 16 May 2012 - 07:19 AM

Rahul, I felt horrible through the night last night. I took .25mg of klonopin at bedtime and then .25mg again at 3:00am because I was up for nearly 2 hours. Anxiety is really high today. So, so frustrating. I think you are right with not messing with the klonopin until I am stable. I will discuss that with my doctor. It has been 20 days I think since I started 10mg of Lexapro and I don't think I am adjusted to it yet. :( Plus, when I switched a week or so ago to taking it all at bedtime, I experienced a rise in anxiety. So I am obviously very sensitive to any changes. And yes, I am definitely confused as to the source of why the anxiety is high. Last night, my dinner was mainly a gluten source as I was STARVING. If I am going to try gluten free for a time, I realize I need to be more prepared because frankly there isn't much of anything in the house to eat that is gluten free except vegetables, fruit, cheese, nuts and rice. So I woke up wondering if it was the reintroduction of gluten causing this craziness or klonopin withdrawal. I literally feel like I want to shake my head around, like I'm going crazy in my brain and want the craziness out. This is HARD. I am trying to remind myself that there will be a solution and something will work out for me to feel less depressed and anxious.

#197 Rahul

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Posted 16 May 2012 - 07:36 AM

yes, it sounds like withdrawal. discuss it with your doc.

Edited by Rahul, 16 May 2012 - 07:38 AM.

I'm not a doctor or a health professional and any advice in my post is purely my personal opinion and anecdotal.

Dx: MDD
Rx: 10 mg escitalopram + 15mg mitrazapine + 20 mg chlordiazepoxide (all
at bedtime)

#198 JAMommy

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Posted 17 May 2012 - 04:01 PM

Saw my doctor this morning. The plan is to continue 10mg of Lexapro. I see her in 6 weeks. She also gave me a plan for a slow taper off of Klonopin, starting in a couple weeks and taking another several weeks to go off. Last night, I went back to my usual Klonopin dose, and slept through the night. So thankful. Mornings are still wacky with anxiety, but the afternoon was much more normal. This is SUCH A CRAZY ROAD!!!! I titrated up to 10mg so slowly, and have been at 10mg for 3 weeks now. The doctor basically said I should consider that I have only been on the medication for 3 weeks since that's when I hit the therapeutic dose. This afternoon, I was doing some yard work and enjoying it. I didn't have crazy obsessing thoughts. This is a miracle, even if it's only happening for a while during the day. Also, I think it was a good sign that the doctor said to come back in 6 weeks instead of the usual 4. That means I am stabilizing some, even if I don't see it fully since it's a slow process day to day. Never, never, never, never give up on finding a solution for your depression/anxiety. I am learning that it is out there, and still need reminded of this from time to time.

A week or so ago, I was praying, and I felt like God told me that in time, I will look for my "enemies" (depression/anxiety) and I won't see them. They will be gone. And even if I do see them coming (because I am sure I will be tempted in that way again, and even normal life has anxiety in it), I will be able to fight it off. God has also promised that he will restore my life, He will again raise me up, increase my honor and comfort me once again (Psalm 71). I have fought to believe this over the past 7 months of intense anxiety and depression. I am glad that He doesn't leave me, no matter how faithless I am.

When I am restored, I hope I can help others who find themselves on this journey.

#199 jonine1975

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Posted 17 May 2012 - 05:07 PM

That is great that you are seeing some promising signs of getting better. And such great faith you have in God. I too am a believer and give this stuff to Him constantly, it's hard to let go of it and not take it back. God has a plan, even if we have no idea what it is, he has one for us.
I have been wanting to ask, what do you do at 5 am when you wake? Do you try to fall back to sleep? Do you do something else? I have a hard time going back to sleep at 5-6 am even after taking my klonopin because I am feeling adrenaline through my body and it keeps me from falling back to sleep. Sometimes I will get a little sleep between 6-8, but it's very broken up, anything you do to help yourself?

#200 Rahul

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Posted 17 May 2012 - 10:26 PM

that's great JAMommy. i think the lex is slowly showing results. keep taking a "stable" dose of K until you begin taper.

Edited by Rahul, 17 May 2012 - 10:32 PM.

I'm not a doctor or a health professional and any advice in my post is purely my personal opinion and anecdotal.

Dx: MDD
Rx: 10 mg escitalopram + 15mg mitrazapine + 20 mg chlordiazepoxide (all
at bedtime)




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