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JAMommy

Please Tell Me It Gets Better

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Posted

My dose of lexapro last night was a bit more than 5mg because I had two sort of half-pills from previous doses I was at. I would say I maybe had 7.5 to 8mg. I woke up feeling sort of okay, and then an hour later had an intense panic attack. My mother in law had to drive over and sit with me for about half an hour. The rest of the day has been a bit better though. I have many people praying for me today specifically (and fasting), as I am a follower of Jesus. So that may explain some of the relief I have had today. I don't understand WHY God is allowing me to go through this, and at times have difficulty trusting that He is going to get me out of it. But I really sympathize with anyone who is sensitive to medications and especially the start up phase. I feel like every time I have tried a medication, it's like getting on a violent bucking bronco to see how long I can last, you know?

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Posted

Yes it was sorry I had forgotten your name. Sorry to hear that you suffered last night and this morning. I suffered depression quite a bit last night and major anxiety this morning to the point where I thought I'd just go admit myself, but then I think really what will I get there? Them to reassure me I am not crazy every hour? I been before and it was really hard. I feel a bit better now especially knowing that I get my next klonopin in an hour and I am seeing my doctor again. I need to find out why I keep waking up burning in the morning, mostly my arms and hands...it makes for a tough morning. I wish my celexa would work...something, hate not feeling normal. Earlier I felt like I was unreal, or not me...yuck!

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Posted

I have many people praying for me today specifically (and fasting), as I am a follower of Jesus. So that may explain some of the relief I have had today. I don't understand WHY God is allowing me to go through this, and at times have difficulty trusting that He is going to get me out of it.

I'm glad to hear that you are feeling some relief today. I also have people praying allover the place for me, and I too question, why me, why now God? It is really tough to get through this. I'm not sure mine is still start up related, it's been 3 1/2 weeks, and it was such a small increase, so I worry what else is it, you know? I hope your relief continues.

Mykee likes this

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Posted

how you doing JAMommy? hope the relief was not short lived. your faith in god will not go unanswered.

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Posted

I am now at 7.5mg per doctor's advice. Day two of waking up and having a panic attack when I stand up. It seems to pass after an hour or so. Took a nap today and having some panic after getting up as well. This is so weird. Going to try to stick this med out a couple more weeks to see what happens. I am so desperate.

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Posted

Hi JAMommy! I see your update from this morning, and by the time you get this it might be Saturday! I'm sorry you're having such a rough time, but friend, you've made it this far! Each day you're making it through the day, even if you feel like you're failing miserably. It WILL be over soon, and you'll be on the other side of this!

Praying for you!!

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Posted

Going to try to stick this med out a couple more weeks to see what happens.

:hugs:

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Posted

Thanks everyone. I am battling huge fears and feelings of inadequacy, like I just don't know how to live life. There is so much I don't know how to do in life. I am not sure how much is just heart garbage to be worked through and how much is related to depression/anxiety. I mean, being severely depressed and anxious is immobilizing and I really feel like I can't do a lot of things other than survive.

Mama2four, do you really think I'm going to come out on the other side with this lexapro? I really hope it helps me to at least function somewhat normally again. This is SO HARD!

My psychiatrist even said last week, maybe I should get a second opinion and go somewhere else since what they've tried hasn't worked much. She IS my second opinion, as I was seeing a different doctor before. But then she said she thinks if I stick the Lexapro out, it will get better. Confusing. I am sure she is feeling a bit frustrated as I am on the phone with her every week due to the extreme reactions I have to meds. But it kind of got me down.

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Posted (edited)

you will get relief. if your experience with zoloft is any indication, then a month it ought to be. how soon before you touch 10 mg? your psychiatrist seems to be a nice person if she is taking your phone calls every week. it's more important to have one who has time for you rather than one who may be more famous but is hard to reach. when i started my very first ssri and telephoned my doc. 3 days later crying that my anxiety had increased, he bluntly said -- call me after a month. he had not even warned me about start ups. i immediately stopped taking his meds. and sought an appt. with another doctor (he takes my phone calls).

Edited by Rahul

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Posted (edited)

my other suggestion to you would be to discuss an adjuvant drug with your doc. to help you sleep through the night. sleep is very important but if the lack of it is not troubling you, you should ignore my suggestion. benzos will help you sleep (and cut your anxiety during the daytime if used in the daytime -- almost an instant fix) but if i were you, i'd avoid the benzo route for they simply lose efficacy after some time (thus necessitating higher doses). adjuvants that are normally used with ssris, on the other hand, have some antidepressant properties too and that is an added bonus apart from the restful sleep they give. however, if you've never felt the need to have an adjuvant on zoloft earlier then maybe you don't need it now. you and your doc. are the best judges.

you will get better JAMommy -- there is a whole arsenal of weapons of mass destruction awaiting to be tried on you. :) sorry for the flippancy, but do not obsess on the psychological nature of your illness (childhood trauma etc.) for we don't know what role they play (i have scant regard for psychology and related disciplines). what matters is that you are ill and that MANY like you have found relief from ssris and that you have tried zoloft with success and there is a very very slim chance, in my opinion, that lexapro will not work on you. you have a clean body not wounded by substances (unlike mine) so there is no doubt that you will respond. furthermore, you have been a very strong person -- starting & quitting zoloft for pregnancy. i can never imagine doing that (the torture!). you will surive this as a winner.

btw, in the last 5 months, did you try zoloft again?

i am very optimistic about you. you are my only patient (and i have only one patient right now -- thus "only patient") that i am very optimistic about.

Edited by Rahul

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Posted

I am now at 7.5mg per doctor's advice. Day two of waking up and having a panic attack when I stand up. It seems to pass after an hour or so. Took a nap today and having some panic after getting up as well. This is so weird. Going to try to stick this med out a couple more weeks to see what happens. I am so desperate.

Hi JAMommy,

I thought I wrote the above because I was having the same problems also. I am on day 7 of my increased dose of zoloft and would wake up with my heart pounding in the mornings and sometimes after a nap. Its just super weird. Today has been an ok day aside from the allergies in my area. Did I mention that allergies send me into panic sometimes? Yep, don't know why but I hate it. It didn't used to but more even now with the anxiety peaking. I'm hoping today and from now on just gets better. I see my doc on Monday and hope that she says I can stay at my dose right now to see if it ends up being beneficial. I'll keep praying for you JAMommy. All I ask is the same from you. It seems like we are on the same boat right now. Again though, let me tell you that I had an absolutely wonderful benefit from Lexapro. I know that it will end up working for you. It is one of the best out there. I now wish I hadn't stopped it when I did but I was gaining so much weight and it was causing breakthrough anxiety. I knew I needed a higher dose and I didn't want to risk my weight and blood pressure anymore. That was also my second time on Lexapro letting me know that I was probably tolerant to the low dose that I took the first time. So, this is why I am now trying Zoloft. It has been difficult but I have faith. The depressive feelings have significantly changed and now I'm just waiting for the anxiety and panic to even out. I know that the Zoloft also has risk of weight gain and high blood pressure but I will risk it again. Everybody is different and I'm just looking for the positive.

Jess

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Posted

Thanks, Jess. Rahul, I did try Zoloft in January, had the same reaction as I am having now to Lexapro... increased agitation, anxiety, depression. I was only on for 10 days though. I tried getting on it about a year and a half ago also, lasted a week.

I am having serious panic, worsening anxiety at 7.5mg. My doctor was going to have me go up to 10mg on Thursday but said only to 7.5mg instead since I am so sensitive to dose increase. Also, I am now waking (in the morning and from a nap) and feeling like I am going to vomit. I haven't yet though. I see the doctor on Tuesday morning, so only a couple more days. I don't want to be depressed/anxious forever. Something seems so off in my brain. I am scared of everything right now and seriously afraid I am going to end up in a hospital for a while. But this medication is making me feel awful, awful. I don't want to give up on it, but I don't know how much longer I can last in this state. I take Klonopin at night but don't have enough to get me through the day until I see the doctor, plus it makes me incredibly sleepy... doesn't really affect the anxiety too much (maybe because I am taking a very small dose).

Oh my goodness, this is like my worst nightmare. I don't know how I am ever going to be normal again. Why won't my body tolerate this????? What else can I do to get better? I need a miracle from God.

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Posted

I totally relate to both of you. My anxiety is high at the moment too, increased my klonopin and still not much relief. I'm not diagnosed bipolar, but yesterday I felt manic. I called my dr and she told me to go to the hospital. I almost checked myself in, but I chickened out. I self harmed myself today and I feel ashamed. It's weird to me that after 3 1/2 weeks my anxiety is getting worse on celex, shouldn't it be getting better?

Both of you ladies are in my thoughts and prayers!!

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Posted (edited)

Also, I am now waking (in the morning and from a nap) and feeling like I am going to vomit.

yes, you are clearly very sensitive to meds. maybe that is why it is taking them time to show results. starting another one in conjuction might make it even more difficult for you right now. you are one month into lex -- quite an accomplishment and closer to relief. hope you have a fruitful meeting with your doc. on tuesday. time and patience. :hugs:

Edited by Rahul

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Posted

Oh my goodness, I just want to quit all this med stuff, except that I feel like I need something to help me stabilize. Considering going back to a natural alternative that I took a year ago through the summer with some success. I wasn't perfect, but I was functioning much better than I am now. I am waking up, having major crying spells and panic, am absolutely frozen in fear of everything. I can barely eat, thinking about doing ANYTHING like making my kids breakfast sends me into a panic. It is like every day is filled with torturing thoughts... just a constant anxiety that is through the roof and I feel like I can't function. I don't even know what to do, and don't know where else to go to get help. I've already tried 4 medications and done a 2 week intensive therapy program which cost us $3,000. Ugh. I can't explain how desperate and scared I am. I think this is day 24 on lexapro. Last night I only took 5mg because the 7.5mg was causing so much panic in the mornings. I know, I shouldn't disobey the doctor who increased me to 7.5mg, but I am just trying to hold on day by day.

What pains me most is that I have two wonderful sons (yes, they are a handful but they are my boys) and a great, supportive husband (though he doesn't think I should be on meds at all). All I want is to be a functional mom and wife. And I am in shambles, completely shattered,

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Posted (edited)

what all 4 meds. JAMommy if i may ask? zoloft, celexa, lexapro and...?

give it just one more week. zoloft did relieve you anxiety once.

if all fails, you still have benzos to help you stay functional (that is if you are not sensitive to them). have you ever found 0.5 mg klonopin to help you during the day (whole day), i.e. if you've ever tried that dose.

Edited by Rahul

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Posted

I have tried Celexa, Zoloft, Lamictal (very briefly, didn't really give it a chance just got freaked out), Remeron, and now Lexapro. I was on Zoloft for 7 years (3 different start-ups due to the first time of going on it, then goinig off for both pregnancies and going back on after each son's birth), though the last 2-3 years on it I wondered if I needed to switch because I wasn't feeling super great. I think I had anxiety all through taking Zoloft, but it may have been more psychological/due to past childhood stuff. But I was at a semi-functioning level on zoloft.

I did have about a 15 minute manic episode one day on Remeron after I had been on it about 3 weeks. I have never had that reaction before, and then after that I crashed into depression again. I don't know if that is worth mentioning? To my knowledge, I have never had a manic episode in my life... it's just been battling anxiety and depression. Remeron was really difficult for me, completely fatigued and unfunctional, felt like I was drunk nearly all day and very, very dizzy, weird agitation outbursts.

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Posted (edited)

you seem to be having what the med. community so fancifully calls "paradoxical reactions." it's clear you are very sensitive to meds.

remeron (that i take -- in my signature) helped to make me sleep 10 hrs but also feel fatigued and drunk but it never caused an "agitation outburst." on the converse, my brain (and body) found it very settling over time. the drowsiness and drunkeness dissipated in a few weeks and my sleep resumed to the normal 8 hours. yes, you had a very unusual reaction to remeron three weeks into it!

give lexapro one more week JAMommy before you decide to quit. i totally emphatize with you. i know how frustrating it is and how you desperately want to be the mom that you were to you darling kids.

you did not mention if benzos helped you cope during the daytime. they can be life savers in some situations.

Edited by Rahul

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Posted

Thanks, Rahul. Klonopin helped before I was on Lexapro. I did take it alone in December/January. Of course, it didn't deal with the severe depression, but did calm me down a few notches for a while until I tried getting on zoloft. I am completely out of it right now, just took my last half pill this morning. :( Doc may prescribe more on Tuesday. So desperate for relief.

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Posted

just took my last half pill this morning. :( Doc may prescribe more on Tuesday.

:(( hurry up tuesday.

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Posted

Trying to up my dose to 7.5mg. I am waking with panic attacks, feeling like I need to go to a mental institution. My husband and a friend were praying and advised maybe to stay at 5mg for a while. My doctor says 7.5mg and take klonopin. My gut feeling is.... I don't know. The 7.5mg puts me in a really dangerous state, where I am thinking I can't handle anymore and praying to die. This is not good. My husband -- he is awesome and such a good man-- doesn't believe I need medication to get out of this depression/anxiety. Makes it hard to stick out horrible side effects. I love him, he is a wonderful man, we just don't agree on this point. I'm just trying to do whatever it takes to keep myself alive, honestly. I have never, never been this low for this long.

Also, thinking that maybe financially I am going to have to switch back to Zoloft after the next month or so, as this month the lexapro cost $168 and my pdoc visit cost $160. We have no insurance, but have income over what qualifies for government aid. Dilemmas.

I need some encouragement. It feels like I won't ever get out of this black, terror filled hole. The anxiety really feels like being terrorized every day.

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Posted

Hi JAMommy - my heart goes out to you. It's awful what you're going through. This WILL pass and one day soon will just be a memory. Have faith lovely, you will get through. Re the zoloft - did you get on with it when you tried it before? It just sounds like you're having an awful time with the lexapro - would the zoloft be any better (if you'll have to change over anyway...). Best wishes,

Pxxxx

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Posted

Hi J, just read through the thread and I can see that you had a similarly bad time with zoloft. That really sucks. I'm going through startup with cymbalta and it's awful so I can really identify. I wish i could advise you but I'm pretty clueless myself lol. I just wanted you to know you're in my prayers,

Pxxx

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Posted (edited)

this month the lexapro cost $168 and my pdoc visit cost $160.

gasp! what a rip off! i know india and usa are not comparable but a month's supply of generic lexapro costs me $8 and pdoc charges $6 per visit. explore generics. we do have a guest room in our house that's vacant. :-)

if i were you, i'd rely heavily on the klonopin to tide over this excruciatingly difficult phase (it *is* a phase and not a permanent state). and go up to 7.5 mg. i know it's hard but...

i'd use klonopin to overcome the panic attacks.

when you are feeling better you can gradually reduce your klonopin to an acceptable/smaller dose (i'm not talking about eliminating it). it's very doable.

Edited by Rahul

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Posted (edited)

if you find klonopin to be only marginally effective, you can try valium (in consultation with your doc. -- i'm sure she would not mind). sometimes people react differently to different benzos. valium has a long half life so it will always be in your body (round the clock) for support. or your doc. might want to try xanax or ativan.

Edited by Rahul

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