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[Jwil7]

Just joined this site and I feel the need to vent, so here goes nothing!

I'm a 19 year old college student who feels like he should be having the time of his life, yet I feel trapped in the past. I spend everyday thinking about past failures and things I regret which inevitably hinder's whatever i'm doing in the present. From failed relationships to failed jobs, I feel stuck in my head reminiscing over things I can't change. I've been taking adderall for about a year and a half now. At first it helped a ton, but now i've lost my social confidence and often feel paranoid and worry about the simplest things. I've always thought that there is something wrong with me, and at times I look up psychiatric disorders to self-diagnose myself and find some "answer" to all of my problems. I worry that because I take Adderall that I am a drug addict. I was an All-CIF quarterback in high school with "division 1 potential" but now i've lost a fair amount of muscle mass and weight and have become extremely self-conscious because of it. I've abused adderall at times, drank heavily and gambled just to attempt to get my mind off of my failed relationship with my "high school sweetheart" not even because I truly enjoy drinking gambling etc. We dated for 2 years and truly we're in love. After we broke up, I lost intrest in football and lost all self-confidence because I feel that i've failed somehow. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't enjoy anything and feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I truly feel like I don't have a single positive thought a day and just feel empty. When do things get better?

[Trace]

Hi Jwil7

You are definitely not a drug addict taking meds. Depression is a real illness that needs treatment. There are a couple of things that you can do. You may want to see a college counselor to work on putting the past behind you in order to move forward. Also you may want to go to your doc, as often meds need adjusting and changing. With the right help things can get better.

Trace