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I am addicted to being lazy


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#1 KillingTime

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Posted 12 September 2006 - 06:46 PM

I am 21, have a lot of self-image issues along with depression but I think they are really magnified by the fact that I have no life and am basically addicted to wasting time.
My parents raised me believing I should focus on only one thing, school. Unlike most kids I never had any chores or was in any groups/activities.
At 21 I have never had a job since my parents never encouraged it, they prefer to give me money.

I'm seeing the real problem with that now, for me the world, aside from attending school, revolves around watching TV and getting online.
That's basically what I do all day. Every hour of the day there is a good tv program to watch (even though they are re-runs), and I basically schedule my day around TV shows. On my free time I go online and waste my time posting pointless messages like this one (B/c let's face it, there's no point in posting this, I already know the problem and solution) or I will just research the most random stuff (for example, if there's a website on the back of my shaving cream bottle or whatever, you bet I will go and look it up and read about it etc.) I'm always researching or looking up completely random things and pointless information, it's just like a habit now.

I don't need to be online, 95% of the time I am just surfing around looking up random things that pop into my head (This morning i read so much about flu viruses... why? I have no clue, i dont need to know about it, it's just something to do). I don't need to be watching tv, i watch the same re-runs every single day, all day.
I don't need to be posting this, it's taken like 10 minutes out of my life.

I really want to change, yet something still stops me. Most likely since this is all i have ever known, it's comfortable. My parents give me a lot
time?

#2 Neatoboy

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Posted 12 September 2006 - 07:39 PM

Part of you realises that your lifestyle is not good but another part of you doesn't want to let it go. It can be scary stepping outside your comfort zone. What I am hearing is that you are not happy where you are at the moment and you want to be elsewhere eg have a job. The problem I see is you don't have a plan, and without a plan, things aren't going to change for you.

OK, you want a job??? How are you going to acheive this? Perhaps you can spend some of your time working on this by cutting it up into smaller steps... do you need to look at education options... do you need to buy a suit in preparation for an interview... do you need to find out exactly what you want to do? It is best to do this in small steps, otherwise you will get discouraged.
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on
- REM

Homer: "I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman." Posted Image

#3 blackrider

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Posted 12 September 2006 - 07:52 PM

KT, thanks for posting. I was moved by your description, and let me assure you, you are not alone. Most times I feel like I am the laziest person on the planet. I think one of the worst stigmas of depression is that it gets "written off" as laziness, which is in turn largely seen as a character flaw. All this does is further confuse the person who is suffering, and add guilt and shame etc etc etc. At least for me it does, and I say, "good lord could it be that I'm not even depressed, I'm just extremely lazy" and then I blame myself and feel horrible for being lazy, and feel worse about myself, and it's just a horribly vicious self-fulfilling cycle. It's like you're cheated out of "owning" (to use the parlance of our times) your own melancholy and you just get stuck with the label of "lazy loser." As if the label of "Depressed" wasn't bad enough! :bump: As you have probably assumed by now, "laziness" is a big issue for me too, esp w TV. I think for me TV is distraction and escapism; I actually find genuine entertainment and relief in TV that is difficult to find elsewhere, and it's really become my "Drug of choice" in ignoring my "existential crisis" of "going nowhere in life." I suppose I don't really have much solid advice other than, try not to feel excessive guilt or shame. If you ask me there should be some research done that strengthens the connection between so-called "laziness" and depression and helps erase the stigma on both. Lethargy, lack of activity, tough time making a decision, not being able to concentrate - these things make "laziness" and depression very similar. I guess it's important to assess "how you feel" about your laziness. I think that you being aware and concerned about your laziness means that it's not JUST laziness, like you said, you would like to change but you're not sure how.

Are you in any kind of academic/skool program at the moment? It sounds like your parents would support something like that... college/univ courses can sometimes be a good way to "break out of the box" and meet new people and get exposed to new and interesting ideas. I hate to use the "advice" of "get a job" (currently a huge source of conflict and melancholy in my own life arrgh) but if you have some friends or family who could help you get set up with something chill, that might also prove rewarding. when one is feeling the blues it can be EXTREMELY hard to do the smallest things, so be sure to give yourself a pat on the back whenever you do something positive, even if it seems "too small." It also may be helpful to cultivate interests, hobbies, talents, etc. If you like tv, then maybe there is a tv production or writing class you could take.

my parents seem to be convinced that i'm lazy and perfectly content to "sit around the house all day." they cannot understand it in any other context, i.e., fear, terror, failure, and the blues. I graduated from college and I'm trying to get a job and it's frustrating because the 'rents are not aware that their advice is not very useful, and I am putting forth somewhat of an effort. And I am constantly in this chicken-and-egg position that is extremely confusing and frustrating: do I not have a job yet because I am just too lazy? (i.e. an unmotivated loser); or am I am a "unmotivated loser" because I have the blues; or is the blues responsible for both me being lazy and not having a job; then there's the frustration that it doesn't matter whether it's "the blues" or "laziness", it's all just an "excuse" for my being unemployed; and then I feel bad, because I would have found a job and beat the blues if I "wanted to" and "tried" hard enough.

Which is why I don't overemphasize the "get a job" "advice." Sorry, that just turned into a huge dump sesh, rather than anything useful, but I want to thank you for bringing explicit light to what I feel is a very important facet of "The D." I'm sure many others of us can relate, and can hopefully offer stronger words of wisdom than myself... :hearts: best wishes
PEACE

#4 Reivena

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Posted 12 September 2006 - 08:10 PM

You know what popped into my head when I was reading your post, is why not find a job at a local library? You love learning new information, so something like a library, or even a bookstore, might be a perfect fit for you. I've had a few friends that worked at the library and other than putting away books and helping people find things, they said they did have quite a bit of "downtime" that they spent reading books!

Even taking a few classes might be something productive to do to occupy your time. Community centers and libraries offer classes for often much less than colleges.

As far as jobs go, you will need to find one eventually. I would say to start with something related to your interests. Lots of people start off their job experiences in retail or the food industry. You could also go to a local employment agency and they will help you find a job.

Good luck!

#5 7500

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Posted 12 September 2006 - 09:00 PM

I think a short term solution is exercise, find a sport (one that gets the heart rate up) you enjoy and do it every day. I have been running every day for the past 2 weeks and feel 100x better, my doc has even decreased my meds. Most afternoons I get home from work, totally exhausted, whereas I used to sit in front of the TV I now put the shoes on and go for a run. Also sleeping alot better.

The long term solution would be study or work.

The only one who can stop you from being lazy is you! Yopu will also feel great self satisfaction when you make the effort.

Good luck!

#6 Guest_art.chick_*

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Posted 12 September 2006 - 09:37 PM

I will have to think about whether laziness can qualify as an addiction - usually addiction involves a compulsive and destructive behavior meant to help the person avoid feelings, and the more you do it, the less self-respect you have...which launches you back into MORE of that behavior. I guess your media consumption would qualify, rather than general laziness.

So what is the cure for addiction? Well, admitting you have no control over it is the first step, then realizing you can be different, and turning your life over to a "higher power" (could be God, could be a concerned group, etc.) that can help you get on track. the eventual goal is to be able to get by without your "drug of choice," including TV and the internet (at least for casual consumption). That means that you probably cannot taper off.

You need some structure. Maybe your "higher power" can be a job. It is not that hard to find a part time job. I had a similar situation when I was your age - my parents wanted me to focus on school, not work. But all of my friends did both, and I was falling behind on work experience. I had to learn how to clean and cook and organize at my job at Arby's. It was a tough awakening at first, but I did learn how to manage my space better, clean up quickly and efficiently, and work as part of a group. It is good experience. Why not just fill out a bunch of applications? I think that once you get some hours at a job, you will be more stimulated. YOu will have more energy. I did.

#7 Neatoboy

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Posted 12 September 2006 - 10:26 PM

I suppose I don't really have much solid advice other than, try not to feel excessive guilt or shame.

This is fantastic advice... shame and guilt, are usually birthed from negative thinking, also known as "beating up on yourself" and don't help in changing you. They usually fuel addictions more as you seek ways of escaping shame/guilt.
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on
- REM

Homer: "I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman." Posted Image

#8 Jkm

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Posted 13 September 2006 - 12:44 AM

There is a big difference between 'being lazy' and being depressed. You might get a physical and see if you are indeed 'lazy', or depressed. You might also inquire about chronic fatigue syndrome. Who knows?

I personally know that when depressed, looking at what needs to be done or even thinking about going somewhere can wear one out. The feelings of impending doom can be overwhelming and for some of us our bodies seem to weigh a thousand tons so actually accomplishing something is out of the question, and we might get into a pattern of sleeping and watching tv or surfing the web WAY too much, too.

Feeling of guilt manifest over what we need to do and don't have the energy to accomplish and what this does to our lives. Most have had experienced family issues and dysfunction because Mom or Dad can seem to get to work on time, and the house and family become neglected. It becomes the same issue of knowing what one needs to do and not having the motivation to do it. Some get so overwhelmed at this poing that they think they can't handle the stressors that they are feeling and become suicidal and get into suicidal ideas and make actual plans. The thought of suicide as a way out is very common with depressed people. Like it's lurking in the back of their minds.

With depression comes changes in appetite and sleep, neglect of usual work, household, and family members. The person who is ill with depresion has no motivation to accomplish usual activities and generally feels low self esteem and feeling of regret, sadness and not fitting into the pattern of usual activity, so the tend to sleep many hours, or spend the entire day doing nothing........ Poor hygiene and poor diet usually is a problem so maybe this can clarify whether you are truly depressed or, as you say..... 'Lazy'.

Now, my general understand of being a parent is do whatever I can for my children to take the sting out of life while they are under my care. If I have money and they need it for their activities, I will provide it for the experince, if nothing else. I believe the children need to be exposed to many different activities so they can choose something outside of school that they enjoy and make some kind of achievment. This provides and increase in self esteem and is a great social outlet, ect.

I do not want mu children to work until they express an interest in having their own income for something like a car or greater wants than we can provide. I think that education comes first and then employment.

Maybe you need to think about working so you can increase your purpose in life. Many of us have to work outside of this due to poor economy. We just need to make money.

My question is where do you see yourself in one year? Maybe you need to see a therapist and find out why you're still hanging around Mom and Dad's house, and why you can't motivate to get into having a life of your own. If you're still living there, it would be an excellent opportunity to go to a community college or work and save $$.

Help us understand.

Jackie
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I have GAD. I worry about everything, lol!

#9 ilhan

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Posted 13 September 2006 - 02:28 AM

I am lazy, too.
However, I am happy with my lazyness.
I dont watch TV much but I am very frequently online.
I am an amateur musician and I play musical instruments.

#10 nocturnalme

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Posted 03 December 2006 - 11:01 AM

I'm in the same boat. I've always been a lazy person, but since having depression it's a lot worse and a lot more noticeable. I've been taking anti depressants and although they've helped the melancholic feeling, I still feel pretty darn lazy. It is better, but I usually can't be bothered getting out of bed. What gets to me is my parents constant picking. They think that now I'm reasonably happy I no longer have depression and nag at me for being lazy. It's really starting to bother me and I wish I wasn't so uninspired, but I just can't seem to help it.

#11 acdc111999

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Posted 03 December 2006 - 11:15 AM

I know how you feel. I, too, look up random things that pop into my head, especially information about bands, singers, and movies. And then there are the websites that I visit every day, too. The internet is so addicting. This is why I often wish that computers were not so commonplace... ten or fifteen years ago, barely anyone had computers in their homes... I know that would mean no DF (this site is great), but I feel like I'd at least have no choice to use my time more effectively without the computer. And it's pretty much required for college. Fortunately, I'm not too addicted to the TV, unless I turn it on and find a good movie on. It's really frustrating, I know. I feel so lazy all the time because of this habit :bump: :hearts:

Edited by acdc111999, 03 December 2006 - 11:15 AM.


#12 carefulhands

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Posted 03 December 2006 - 03:12 PM

Hey man, i've spent a good chunk of my time looking up flu viruses too, and i'm not freakin' kidding ahaha. I can't believe how much this relates to me and my addiction to the internet (or, more-or-less, my compulsion to look up random things). I'm in college right now and I do this a lot as a procrastination mechanism. When you see the future as hopeless, then any effort you make on improving it seems futile as well. But perhaps our situations aren't as hopeless as they seem...

I have a strong curiosity for things and sometimes i take it as a strength. I tend to search through my textbooks too to find random bits of info...so maybe it's a learning tool. I don't think any scrap of knowledge is useless, even though I say it is. Maybe you'd make a great researcher, who knows.

Maybe it's not laziness; maybe it's just a lack of motivation and self-confidence. I guess a good thing to do now is to get help on obtaining these things. It's almost impossible to initiate things when you're depressed and you don't have to keep beating yourself up for that (it's hard not to though). For me, I felt like i was too lazy to even "help myself help myself". I think that is a sign that you need external help. You need to learn to believe that you can have a purpose and direction in life if you chose to, and that's what i'm in the process of learning now.

#13 brett_b

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Posted 03 December 2006 - 07:38 PM

Hey I'm not sure I'm in the same boat, but I can relate to some of what you are saying. When I was late teens I suffered from social anxiety, and spent about two years confined to my room. I was on a benefit for the unemployed, which occasionally made me go out and do temporary jobs, which were hell for me and I would try and find ways out of it. I think it's self-perpetuating, in that the more time you spend not doing anything, the less energy you have to do things. In more recent years I have battled with depression and alcoholism, with some days the prospect of getting things done just drove me to drink so that I could avoid thinking about them. It's a rut thats very hard to escape. As hard as it may be to do taking even a part time job may be of some help. I wish you good luck with it.

#14 Struggles

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Posted 04 December 2006 - 04:36 AM

I too have suffered from depression laziness. It started when I was in grade 10. I use to miss a bunch of classes and they threatened to kick me out. I couldn't even get out of bed. I managed to complete grade 10, but grade 11 was a different story. I was kicked out 1/2 way through that grade. My parents were extremely disappointed, so I re-registered for the next year. I was kicked out too for missing too much. I just couldn't get motivated to go. Some students drop out because of hanging around with the wrong crowd, drugs or even a nutty life, but I had NO excuse! I just couldn't get up! That has affected me to this day and I am 33 years old now!!! My father did manage to get me into a trade when I was early 20's so I didn't waste my life. I had to start work at 7:00am and it was tough. I spent most of my apprenticeship working with him, so I had no choice but to get up and go to work with him. But I was so depressed with my life, even in my early 20's, I wanted to go home when no one was there and hang myself from these hooks in the garage. That's how serious it was. Things got worse when my dad died in 1998. Much, much worse... my life was over as I knew it. Even though the thoughts of suicide entered my mind frequently, I was still a very happy person and everyone laughed with me. When he died, I couldn't get up to go to work or even enjoy life. I lost an 8 year relationship because of it. I was unemployed for 2 years, still living at home. I never left home till I was 28 years old. That's when I knew that I had to do something with my life! I moved across Canada when I met a woman online. I bought a house, got married and worked steady. That didn't last long. I started missing work (due to back problems) and laziness. My wife had enough and decided to move on, so she found someone else while we were still married. So, I lost her, the house, dog and cat and moved back home to live with my mom. A year later, I ended up with back surgery. It healed in 6 months and I did go back to work. I met someone else, fell in love, then after 2 months I was too lazy to go to work and I lost my job. The woman I was with was very patient, but couldn't stick with me. Our relationship ended after a year. 6 months later, I finally decided to get off my *** and go to work. I had no choice. I was rotting sitting at home, sleeping 12 hours a day and wasting the rest on my computer. Sadly enough, I am 270lbs now, when I should be around 200lbs at (6'2"). All that because I was/am addicted to being lazy!

As far as being anti-social.... i have that problem now too. I would rather sit at home in the basement, on the computer rather than go out. If I go to someone's house or party, I stick to myself, don't say anything. People think that there is something wrong with me. I never use to be like that, but since my dad died 8 years ago, I am like that. Even the women I date don't like it when I am quiet around other people, but I can't help it.

So you are still young... do something before you turn into me :(

Good luck! :hearts:

Edited by Struggles, 04 December 2006 - 04:45 AM.

"Love is... but it don't matter, it don't matter at all. Feels good... but it don't matter. I'm a nut and you're a clown!" - T.M.G. (1991)

#15 Jkm

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Posted 04 December 2006 - 09:18 AM

Struggles, when you are ready, go to a medical doctor and get a physical and tell him or her about your lifestyle. They will help you, I'm sure.

Sometimes, life goes down the tubes when you loose a loved one. If you are tired of feeling this badly, get a therapist and have them get you into the grieving processes for all of your losses due to depression. It will help you feel lighter and more willing to have a real life, outside of the basement.

Jackie :hearts:
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I have GAD. I worry about everything, lol!

#16 AngelicKOS-MOS

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Posted 04 December 2006 - 12:33 PM

I also have a problem with "lazyness", if you can call it that.

For me, it's a thing that I can't focus long enough to do simple things like showering. They're so boring!!! :bump: And getting dressed. I just freak out when i think about doing these repetitive tasks over and over every dang day!

I'm a total shut in, I don't leave my house for days at a time (saves on gas, though! XP) And the thing is, things like exercise don't help. I know I need to do them, but they are jsut so boring and add no quality of life to my time.

I'm very resistant to to sociallizing/going to parties. I don't like the atmosphere of them.

I've even tried getting jobs, but I get no satisfaction out of them and just end up quitting. There just another boring thing to do.

Maybe this isn't the same type of "lazyness" you are afflicted with, maybe it's just how others percieve it. I jsut know that it's very painful ;-;

One thing that helped me for a while was getting my black belt. It took about 4 years and it gave me something to work for/be proud of that I really cared about. Martial arts is a great solution. :hearts:

#17 introvert

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 12:01 AM

I've read everyone's post and I definitely can relate to something in every single one of them.

I've been feeling down and blue since august- i've lost so much energy and motivation for life since then that I'm too "lazy" to even count how many months that is from now. (i don't think it should be called lazy since lazy implies something that we have a choice over, but this is far from being my choice) or maybe i just don't want to think about how long it's been because that would scare me.

these days, everything that i should be doing i think to myself, "ugh i cant bring myself to do it now, i'll do it when i feel better" "screw that, ill do it when i feel better" and like someone said before, i make up excuses for myself to not do the things i should be doing.

i'm in college right now and i've been working a part time job, but these last few weeks i havent been working or studying the way i should be at all. it makes me feel awful knowing that i'm digging myself this hole but at the same time i just dont have the energy, will, or motivation to change it!

i've been on prozac for about 2 weeks now, thoughts of doing something i might regret have definitely slowed down- although the occassional demon does rear its ugly head every so often..it is better. still though, i've still been a complete shut-in, staying at home avoiding everyone i know, too scared that those who know or care about me will see this empty shell of myself and think this is who i am. but it's not, at least i hope not. what if i'm like this so long that it is who i become? i mean, they say that what you do defines you. and right now im not going anything- will that define me as noone and nothing?

sigh...sorry for this rant and rave all. it feels really good to get this out :hearts:

#18 Struggles

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Posted 09 December 2006 - 02:40 AM

Struggles, when you are ready, go to a medical doctor and get a physical and tell him or her about your lifestyle. They will help you, I'm sure.

Sometimes, life goes down the tubes when you loose a loved one. If you are tired of feeling this badly, get a therapist and have them get you into the grieving processes for all of your losses due to depression. It will help you feel lighter and more willing to have a real life, outside of the basement.

Jackie :hearts:


I did, 5 years ago. I went to a doctor and told her about me being depressed. She looked at me, smiled and said that I don't look depressed and then left it at that. I find it odd that since a person doesn't 'look' depressed, then they are not suffering depression.
"Love is... but it don't matter, it don't matter at all. Feels good... but it don't matter. I'm a nut and you're a clown!" - T.M.G. (1991)

#19 inflammable

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Posted 09 December 2006 - 03:40 AM

:hearts: God, I can so relate. Looking up random things on the internet? Oh, I'm all about that. All I do is read, go online, and sleep. In a way, it's probably the best education I've ever had, probably because I tend to look up "intellectual" stuff online and read "literature" but really, I need to get out of the house more! :bump:

#20 Brenda123

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Posted 09 December 2006 - 09:35 AM

I did, 5 years ago. I went to a doctor and told her about me being depressed. She looked at me, smiled and said that I don't look depressed and then left it at that. I find it odd that since a person doesn't 'look' depressed, then they are not suffering depression.


That just makes me shake my head, its people like that who make this all so difficult for the population in general to understand us. Up until recently I have owned my own business, worked my a## off, smiled at everyone, took care of everyone, could be counted on to do the right thing, say the right thing, be the right thing.

All the time, I had an underlying depressive illness. I havent felt well in 10 years. I did all those things, yet I still felt like crap. The only thing "wrong" that people noticed and wondered about is that I am hopelessly disorganized and I refuse to drive or fly on an airplane. So people around me are having a hard time undestanding what I am saying about being ill when this is all they saw for years. Now they can see it, this illness in its full blown manifestation where I am crying all the time and dont want to leave my house or answer the phone. They just have no idea that I have been sick a very long time and the cries for help I put out were kind of pitiful and very subtle.

The laziness part, wow, that is hard to put my head around. I know I procrastinate, I know I spend alot more time on the computer than I need to but when it comes to getting stuff done, right now in particular, I just do not know where to start and that is more depressing than anything. It isnt so much that I dont want to, I feel like I dont know how to get going, it seems pretty pointless particularly when it comes to housework that it is never going to get done and it doesnt stay done.

#21 adastra

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Posted 11 December 2006 - 04:29 PM

I would definitely add myself to this category. My dream is to win the lottery, so I wouldn't have to work, wouldn't be NECESSARY for me to go to uni, and I could do nothing, unless I specifically felt like doing something. I can totally relate to the tv addiction that others have mentioned too. I notice myself planning my life around tv, especially the soaps. Sometimes I even dream about the characters. I have a weird habit that I only like to eat my lunch/dinner if there's something I'd like to watch on tv. If I've made a meal and realise there's nothing on tv to watch while I'm eating I'm really disappointed...its so pathetic!

I was recently forced to find myself a part time job, to help get myself through uni. Its my first 'proper' job, and I think part of my problem is that I never had a job through high school, so I'm not really used to it, if that makes sense? I don't like my job, and I wish I didn't have to do it, but it took me so long to find work that I can't quit incase I don't find anything else. The work involves calling people on behalf of charities, and it depresses me even more. I can't really explain it but 'invading' peoples home, and getting a glimpse into so many lifes just makes me feel horrible...like everyone's lives are so dull and depressing, so whats even the point? The last week I've rang in sick for every shift, pretending I've got flu. Its a cache-22, because working makes me feel like crap, but if I don't go I also feel like crap, cos I feel so guilty and pathetic. I'm afraid I'm gonna get fired. Part of me would be relieved, but the thought of telling my mum and asking her for money is unbearable.

Agh, its driving me mental!!

#22 astralis

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Posted 11 December 2006 - 04:51 PM

Try to find something you enjoy doing. easier said than done, I know, but it's worth a shot. Volunteer at a pet shelter, if you like pets. It's a job that is usually needed and appreciated and it's easy to care about. Who wouldn't want to help little fuzzywuzzies?
..Sorry. :D
I could never stand getting a job that involved calling people. I hate phones. They make my anxiety burst through the roof.

Edited by astralis, 11 December 2006 - 04:53 PM.


#23 Joyous56

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Posted 11 December 2006 - 09:16 PM

Try to find something you enjoy doing. easier said than done, I know, but it's worth a shot. Volunteer at a pet shelter, if you like pets. It's a job that is usually needed and appreciated and it's easy to care about. Who wouldn't want to help little fuzzywuzzies?
..Sorry. :D
I could never stand getting a job that involved calling people. I hate phones. They make my anxiety burst through the roof.


i've thought about this a long, long time. I feel like the longer I'm alive the lazier I get....and even when I am less depressed, I'm still lazy. But I, like many others, spend a lot of time on the internet looking up random information, or reading and posting here, or other message boards.

So, I have a theory...well, it's kind of based on a lot of information I've pieced together.

One of the 'features' of my depression is anhedonia...inability to find pleasure in anything. I think this is common to many of us.

In order to be motivated enough to 'do' anything, somewhere deep inside we have to have a reason to do it. While there are many superficial reasons to do things (i.e., Work...to support ourselves, Cook.....to have tasty food to eat, clean....to have more pleasant surroundings, excercise to have good health, etc., etc.), deep down these reasons don't resonate for us.

For example, it's easy to dismiss cooking, cleaning, and excersizing if we don't et any pleasure from....eating tasty food, having pleasant surroundings, or being physically fit. We may also, deep down, reject work because it actually has negative implications on some level.....maybe we feel we'll fail no matter what, maybe we've had so many negative experiences with people, we dread the thought of doing that every day. Even though we may have skills or a good education, we are so convinced of our absolute inadequacy, we just don't want to put ourselves in situations where we can confirm this, not only to ourselves but to our employer, our family, and everybody else.

My point is, I don't think we anticipate getting any pleasure from the things we should be doing...and sometimes even negative results....we have no reason on any level to do them. I know I spent years being busier than I am, doing things I 'should' do....when I realized I felt like a robot or something, doing things that were expected of me, but that I wasn't getting anything out of.

On the other hand, surfing the net always holds the promise, or the potential, that we will find something interesting enough to hold our attention for awhile. Same thing with TV. And with both activities, nothing is expected of us....no 'outcome' or work product, nothing to fail at. I don't think that any of us 'want' to be lazy and useless and non-productive, nor do we want to feel we are that way. If we wanted that, we wouldn't even bother with TV or the internet. We wouldn't bother posting here. We DO want to be busy, we want to keep our minds active, we want to learn (about all those random things), and we do want to be useful....because we try to help each other.

For me, because I have dysthymia, even when I feel 'better', I've got some of that anhedonia working. So I never have gotten to the point of actually developing a hobby or regularly participating in some sort of activity. I've managed to muster enough interest (or maybe it's simply fear) to hold down a job and support myself. I'm single and my parents are dead, so I've got no fall back position. However, the times I was out of work and got unemployment benefits.....well, I hardly did anything most of the time.

I don't even know why I've spent all this time typing this....because it probably doesn't make sense to anybody but me, and I haven't said anything that will solve the problem. But it did keep me busy for awhile, and gave me a little bit of satisfaction....in my ability to write (mostly) grammatically correct scentences, convey something I came up with myself, and somewhere in there I thought I might actually say something useful.

Or else I'm just a lazy blowhard.
To be is to become: but the world has committed itself to being, delights only in being; yet wherein it delights brings fear, and what it fears is pain. Now this Life Divine is lived to abandon pain.

#24 Slash

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Posted 12 December 2006 - 11:49 AM

i'm also in a simlair position, but i'm 23 24 on thursday, i certainly don't feel my age, depression seems like it's stripped at least 6-8 years of my life away, it feels like i have been inactive for that long, i generally just sit around all, day, even getting food can be a chore, something i used to enjoy, was cookin.

i'm not a lazy person at heart, i was once put on a medical program and got really cheap gym sessions and was there all the time working out, and i also used to reguarly run all the time. which helped me loose my weight, but i've started to put it back on over time :(.

I really wish my parents would kick me out, force me into a position that would make me have to adapt, i don't want to live like this any more, it's getting harder as each day goes by.

I'm just on the internet pretty much all the time or now sleeping when i can, i think my problems with work and depression are deeply rooted in my past and childhood, generally the doctors havn't been very helpful so far.

i just don't know what to do any more, each day i feel like more and more ending it.

#25 Guest_SarahN_*

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Posted 12 December 2006 - 01:36 PM

Hi Slash,

Welcome here :shocked:

I am sorry to hear you are struggling..........can you talk to your parents about your intentions to change your life around, maybe you can work something out where you get your own place with a little help from them until you get used to being on your own, being forced to take action and control in your life.

Are you in therapy? Is that something you would consider to start feeling better?

Take care and hang in there, it is not too late to make some changes and become more active and alive :bump:

SN :hearts:

#26 Slash

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Posted 13 December 2006 - 02:22 AM

Hi Slash,

Welcome here :shocked:

I am sorry to hear you are struggling..........can you talk to your parents about your intentions to change your life around, maybe you can work something out where you get your own place with a little help from them until you get used to being on your own, being forced to take action and control in your life.

Are you in therapy? Is that something you would consider to start feeling better?

Take care and hang in there, it is not too late to make some changes and become more active and alive :shocked:

SN :bump:


Hi sarah :hearts: just having my morning cuppa. Thank you for your message i appriciate any feedback.

I would not really want to disscuss this with my parents, my mother is going through a 2nd breakdown, and is on meds all the time, i would not wish to put any added stuff on her. me and my dad hardly talk, I have close friends that i see, but generally even bring this up i feel guilt, you know even postin that message above feels a great weight off shoulders. it's the first i've mentioned of it to anyone.

I'm going to put myself on a waiting list for a flat, or try to see about gettin a flat with a friend. My brother just recently moved out and got his own house with his girlfriend,

Its very difficult to have any responsiblity at home generally my parents are very bossy and do there own thing, i'l get more told to do things than asked, even though i'm 24 it still makes me feel like a kid, I hate being talked to this way, i think due to being bullied at school and by a girl to, that it hard for me to stick up for myself. it's pretty much impossible to communicate this to my parents, my brother i feel left for that reason to, he was getting annoyed with how he was being treated at home.

My mother once got me on with some physchiatrist. and i had two sessions before she discharged me, saying "that i wasn't bad enough or ill enough something along thoose lines" which i consider that i was just like cast aside, hows 2 sessions enough to diagonose anyone?

I once broke down in front of doctor, couldn't control the tears. and explained all the above that i was just at home doing nothing, not lookin for work, didn't know what was wrong, and he said somethin like "i don't know whats wrong" put something like depression and gave me some pills.

so i was on medical pills, can't remember which, and some for ansixity , which i used to think i had, but i just think i'm shy now, was takin pills for anxity to, and then stopped taking them both, i just didn't like taking them and the side effect. i want to beat this without any pills.

at the time i was trying to get on part time with the territorial army, something recently i have discovered i'd like to go for as a career. (the one thing me and my dad generally see eye to eye on) last year i was refused entry because i had been taking ansixity pills for around a week. And they told me to come back into a year,

So i just stopped taking them completly, and i recently found out that the tablets i'd been takin maybe have something to do with my hand shakes side effects.

i used to smoke and filter, stopped smoking recently, filter i have very rarely now.

even though i feel generally very down and cried yesterday , i'm relutent to mention any of this to my doctor, i don't want to be refused entry again into the TA. I generally like to be active, and would love some full time job in a gym or dojo,.

I'm not sure if therypy would be any help to me, i just really don't see how talking about it is going to help.

:blush21: :tear2: :nod:

Hey you still there, oh no i think next time i better put a warnin on my posts may send u to sleep :cry: woo woo wooooooooooooo.

:mad1: umm yeah so hows everybody, doing, i'd really like to hear from thoose in a simlair position but any feedback would be great. thanks.

Edited by Slash, 13 December 2006 - 02:25 AM.


#27 Guest_SarahN_*

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Posted 13 December 2006 - 04:08 AM

Hi Slash,

I did not fall asleep, then again I suffer from insomnia :bump:

Anyway, moving out sounds like a great idea and maybe getting a flat with a friend will be helpful too so you won't be completly on your own, just make sure you do not start relying on him too much then!

Good luck,
SN :hearts:

#28 IsleofSkye

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Posted 09 December 2009 - 04:18 AM

'Joyous56': everything you said resonates with me. You expressed with pure confidence the things that I've been figuratively and endlessly whipping my back for. And everyone around me has harrassed me for the same. As I know I would and have done to them in the past, present and in a future time - this recognising your shadow and schemas is something I personally truly needed.

Except for getting a job part. I still can't handle that. But that's because I'm a highly maladaptive INFP who still doesn't understand herself or the way the world works, can't risk taking a risk and is not understood either. Individuation is along way away.

I really hope I can forge my path before something drastic forces circumstances against me.

A bit SAD today.

I used to enjoy baking, doing yoga, sitting in the garden (i can't even do that now).... walking....watching films, reading - I never thought I'd stop reading.

"Is this it?" I asked myself a month ago. the answer was realistic "yes, this is it." There is nothing more. No matter where you are, or who you're with: you'll feel trapped and misunderstood. And alone. I always feel I'll get some support, and it does come - but still feel empty inside.
Previous Rx: Prozac, Citalopram, Olanzepine, Duluxotine, Alprazolam, St John's Wort. Each one messed me up more than helping me.

Currently taking homeopathy and trying really hard to believe in Reiki healing and meditation and prayer. Also trying to keep up with yoga. It does help!

Dear God: thank you for the experience of depression and poor mental health. I have learned my lesson, leave me with the empathy to help others and take the evil away from me now.

I desire stable mental health from today and all my days.

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." - C.S. Lewis

#29 awesomo

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Posted 15 October 2010 - 12:22 AM

Joyous56: we're totally on the same page about 'being a slacker' versus 'having depression'.


It's very hard to make a distinction between the two, and even harder to figure out which causes which.

(I oscillate between the two all the time - I find it hard to accept that my problems are caused by depression, because I feel it's an easy way to pathologize otherwise perfectly remediable behaviour. I'm still not sure if describing myself as a victim of the Big D is doing a disservice to everyone who seems to actually suffer from it. So yeah; you're not alone.)



#30 Maritime_Gal

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Posted 15 October 2010 - 02:15 AM

Joyous56: we're totally on the same page about 'being a slacker' versus 'having depression'.


It's very hard to make a distinction between the two, and even harder to figure out which causes which.

(I oscillate between the two all the time - I find it hard to accept that my problems are caused by depression, because I feel it's an easy way to pathologize otherwise perfectly remediable behaviour. I'm still not sure if describing myself as a victim of the Big D is doing a disservice to everyone who seems to actually suffer from it. So yeah; you're not alone.)







Lazy or Depressed? The best way to find out is to get out and do things and see if you get any pleasure or satisfaction out of it. If you are having a hard time getting out of bed and doing simple things such as showering, cooking, cleaning...anything then I wouldn't call it being lazy. You are just not motivated. I myself too, stay home a lot, watch tv, internet, avoid people, dont answer the phone much. I work part time and its a struggle to get out of bed to go. Am having a hard time now because of my meds... I have a dr's note for 3 days off this week, including Friday, my manager is trying to tell me I have to work Friday because my Dr's note was dated on Tuesday although i got the note after 8pm when the day was done. No compassion at all. I explained that the 3 days were Wed, Thurs and Friday...so, am not showing up tomorrow and she will probably try to fire me. Im sure they look at me as lazy too. When you are at home you dont have to face the outside world which makes it less stressful. I'd day get a doctor or therapist and see what they can do to help you. Best to you!:Coopyahoo:




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