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Hurting


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#1 struggling to live

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 07:35 AM

im hurting, so much, dont know what to do. need some help, please

#2 Nicnel

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 07:43 AM

I am new here....trying to figure out how to post how I am feeling. I just want you to know that your are not alone and even though it may be a D*** hard moment/day/month/year right now....it will get better :) I hope that this feeling you have will pass and you can look foward to something great! We all have something to offer!

Sincerely Nic

#3 AquaViolet

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 07:48 AM

Hi struggling_to_live, and welcome to DF! We are glad to have you here. This is a wonderful community, filled with kind caring people, who can relate, and offer you emotional support.
We are here to listen, and to support you in whatever you are going through. If you feel comfortable talking about it, what is hurting you so much?
We care. You are not alone. ((((Hugs))))

Edited by AquaViolet, 01 March 2012 - 07:49 AM.

~~AquaViolet~~
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My Diagnoses: Severe OCD, panic disorder, depression
My Current meds: Geodon, Cymbalta, Klonopin, Lyrica 

My Previous meds:
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Xanax, Seroquel, Zyprexa, Risperdal,
Gabapentin (this med did nothing), Buspar (also did nothing)

#4 struggling to live

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 08:06 AM

Thank you for your warm welcome.
i feel so alone in my pain. nobody seem to get how TIRED, LONELY and DESPERATE i am. and it hurts. so much.

#5 Nicnel

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 08:22 AM

...I am new here. I am so happy to have found this support group! I have a lot on my plate right now and am struggling quite a bit. I am currently living in Marburg,Germany right now. My husband is taking a year of a study-a-broad program and we are here with our 2 children. A girl 4 years old and our boy almost a year old. I also have another girl from a previous relationship who lives back in Canada with her father. She is 9. We have been here since the end of last summer and I have not been doing so well. I do struggle with depression/anxiety/eating disorder for which I am on Prozac. I also am an alcoholic and addict. I have been struggling with my alcoholism here quite a bit since we have been here. I don't know the language and I was very open to coming here to support my husband but I have become very closed off and it's been especially hard having the children here with no family support at all. I feel very alone since my husband is fluent in the language and goes to school on a daily basis. I find that when I have a few drinks, I feel brave enough to go out (alone) which I never did back home and often get into trouble. I have also suffered from agoraphobia so I have tried to put myself out there to try to find new friends. I always end sabotaging my own relationships. I will gain contacts such as number and e-mails but I will not follow through on actually contacting them. I dont want to resent my husband since I agreed to come here but I really feel sooo alone even though I am here with my 2 beautiful children. I have had a few things really bad happen to me here...but I blame myself since I was out by myself and drinking. We only have 4 more months here but every day feels like an eternity since I miss my home soooo much. Everytime I drink---in the moment I feel free and alive but then comes the hangover and the extra drepression and guilt and I promise my husband and myself I won't drink again but it doesn't last long. I am trying to cope. I am thankful to have found this site. I don't feel so alone. I am also a non-active member of the LDS church which I miss alot. We are an hour away from the nearest church but on top of that we dont' have a vehicle and I dont' speak the language anyways. I just miss my home back in Canada! :/

STRUGGLING TO LIVE>>>I know how you feel....Keep going...:)

#6 struggling to live

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 08:40 AM

Nicnel, im sorry you too feel so bad.

I just feel i cannot do it anymore. im exhausted. i cant go on like this.

I am seeing 2 docs, taking meds, doing my best to get better, but nothing changes how i feel and what i think. I feel so hopeless and helpless. like nothing and nobody can really help me.

I’ve come here as my last resort... im so alone, my heart is breaking. Im just trying hard not to give up.

just... writing here trying to keep myself alive.

Edited by AquaViolet, 01 March 2012 - 03:40 PM.
triggers


#7 Nicnel

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 08:52 AM

Don't give up...there is more to this life of yours...:)

#8 wintergrace

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 09:01 AM

So many of us go through these feelings. Life can cycle up and down when you are depressed. I am sorry that you are hurting so much. As others have said, know that we are here for you, and there is support on here 24/7.
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#9 struggling to live

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 03:17 PM

Thank you for your replies. it helps a little bit feeling understood and not so alone.

I just cant help feeling there is no hope or help for me.
i've tried everything i could but it has changed nothing. never. im so so so tired. tired of trying and hoping and being disappointed all the time.
I cant help feeling living my life is not worth the effort.

#10 angel 41

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 03:32 PM

Ive been there and I get some really bad days.i feel so despairing too.but I also have good.days and you will too soon. Welcome and feel free to talk to us anytime.

#11 struggling to live

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 04:55 PM

I just cant seem to have good days. ever.
i dont know what to do.
im hurting so much and dont know how to stop it

#12 Meirionne

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 05:44 PM

Hi strugglingtolive and hi Nicnel,

Welcome both of you to DF. You will always find someone here to listen and offer support.

I have bad days too. Too many of them. On those days I mostly have nothing to say. Nothing bright happens. Despair sets in. I don't usually write much here on bad days.... I don't have the energy or see much point to it.

But on good days I try to make myself remember. So that on the bad days, when I tell myself that everything is always bleak, one little whisper will say... 'remember that day last week when you smiled and felt good for a short while?' But I don't remember it when I feel down, not without a huge effort. I think something happens to memory on those bad days... not sure if that is just me. Does anyone else notice the same thing?

The good thing about this site is that other people have been through the same things. There is no easy magic cure. But there is company and kind words and understanding.

I hope you both feel better soon,
Take care,
Meirionne
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If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. (the Dalai Lama)

US & International Hotlines Hotlines for UK Hotlines for Canada Teen Helplines

#13 sadmommy88

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 05:51 PM

I have been going through a really tough time for the past handful of months. I feel very similar to you. As others have said, you are not alone. HUGS!

#14 ArthurP

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Posted 02 March 2012 - 12:20 AM

You're not alone. Though I've had good days, I currently can't see the fog on me lifting and I wonder why I'm even bothering. I have to remember good days are possible. I just have to keep going. And I come here when I need to hear from people who understand to help me make it.

#15 Trace

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Posted 02 March 2012 - 02:35 AM

Hi struggling to live

There is so much that can be done to help you, you just have to take the first step. Don't give up hope. You have taken a step to reach out for support, but you probably need professional help. I have posted Our International Hotlines for you. Please call a hotline for your country, they will be able to help.

Trace


DF's International Suicide Hotlines



Argentina ~ 223-493-0430 ~ Argentinian Hotlines

Armenia ~ 2-538-194 or 2-538-197

Australia ~ 1800 55 1800 Kids Helpline or 13-11-14 ~ Australian Hotlines

Austria ~ 142 or 01 713 33 74 ~ Austrian Hotlines

Barbados ~ 246-429-9999

Belgium ~ 02/648.40.14 or 106 or 107 or 108 ~ Belgian Hotlines or French Language or Flemish Language

Bolivia ~ 64 22 100 (Sucre) ~ Bolivian Hotlines

Botswana ~ 391-1270 ~ Botswanan Hotline

Brasil ~ 21-233-9191 or +55 (67) 383-4112 ~ Brasilian Hotlines

Canada ~ 1-800-232-7288 ~ or 911 Canadian Hotlines
CANADA Suicide & Crisis Hotlines. Crisis Counselors National Hotline 1-800-448-3000 . TTY - National Hotline 1-800-448-1833

Canada (French) ~ 1-866-277-3553 ~ Canadien Francaise Hotline

Please see more Canadian Hotlines below.


Chile ~ 22 10 10 or 21 01 43

China ~ 852-2382-0000 or 0800-810-1117 ~ China's Hotlines

Costa Rica ~ 506-253-5439

Czech Republic ~ 602-246-102 or 241-432-466

Croatia ~ (01) 4833-888 ~ Croatian Hotlines

Cyprus ~ 357-77-77-72-67 or Military 2345 ~ Cyprian Hotlines

Cuba ~ 532 348 14 49

Denmark ~ 70-201-201 ~ Danish Hotlines

Egypt ~ 762-1602/3 or 762-2381

Estonia ~ 6-558-088 or 126 or 127 ~ Estonian Hotlines

Fiji ~ (0679) 670565 or (0679) 302998

Finland ~ 040-5032199 ~ Finnish Hotlines

France ~ 01-45-39-4000 or 01-46-21-4646 or (+33) (0)1-40-09-1522 ~ French Hotlines or Hotline in English

Germany ~ 0800-1110-111 or 0800 1110 222~ German Hotlines or Hotline in Russian

Ghana ~ 2332-444-71279 ~ Ghanan Hotline

Gibraltar ~ 55666 or Military 5666 to Samaritans

Greece: ~ 197 or 210-649-7706 or Queen Sophias 135 or 801 801 99 99 ~ Αμεση επικοινωνία

Guatemala ~ 502-254-1259

Holland ~ 0900-0767

Honduras ~ 504-237-3623

Hong Kong ~ +852 23820000 ~ Hong Kong's Hotlines

Hungary ~ (62)-420-111 or (46) 323 888 ~ Hungarian Hotlines

India ~ 91-22-307-3451 or +91 (0) 44 2464 0050 ~ Indian Hotlines

Ireland ~ 1850 60 90 90 (ROI local rate) or +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK - local rate) ~ ROI Hotlines

Israel ~ 1201 or Tel from abroad: 972-9-8891333 ~ Israeli Hotlines

Israel (Hebrew/English)) ~ 09 8848332 ~ Hebrew/English Hotline

Israel (Russian) ~ 1800-24-1201 ~ Russian Israeli Hotline

Italy ~ 06-7045-4444 or 800 86 00 22 or 199 284 284 ~ Italian Hotlines

also German Language part of Italy (South Tyrol) 840-000-481

Jamaica ~ 977-5754 or 1 888 991 4505

Japan ~ 3-5286-9090 ~ Nippon Hotlines or Hotline in English

Liberia ~ 653-4308 ~ Liberian Hotline

Liechtenstein ~ 147

Lithuania ~ 8-800-2-8888 ~ Lithuanian Hotlines

Luxembourg ~ 45-45-45 (German)

Malaysia ~ 03-756-8144 or (06) 284 2500 ~ Malaysian Hotlines

Malta ~ 179 ~ Maltan Hotlines

Mauritius ~ 46-48-889 / 800-93-93 ~ Mauritius' Hotlines

Mexico ~ 525-5 10 25 50 or 9 45 37 77 ~ Mexican Hotlines

Namibia ~ (09264) 61 23 2221 ~ Namibian Hotlines (various languages)

Netherlands ~ 0602 222 88 or 0900-0767 ~ Dutch Hotlines

New Zealand ~ 4-473-9739 or 0602 222 88

Nicaragua ~ 505-268-6171

Norway ~ 815-33-300 ~ Norwegian Hotlines

Paraquay ~ 021 663 187 or 0991 268 384 ~ Paraquay's Hotlines

Philippines ~ (02) 8969191 or Mobile phone: 0917 854 9191

Poland ~ 52-70-000 or 52 70 988 ~ Polish Hotlines

Portugal ~ 239-72-10-10 or 112 ~ Portuguese Hotlines

Republic of Ireland ~ 1850-60-90-90 or see Ireland

Russia ~ 8-20-222-82-10 or (8202) 577-577

Samoa ~ 32000 ~ Somoan Hotline

Scotland ~ +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 or 08454 24 24 24 ~ Scottish Hotines

Shanghai ~ 021 6279 8990 ~ Shanghai's Hotline

Singapore ~ 800-221-4444 or 000-227-0309 ~ Singapore's Hotlines

South Africa ~ 0861-322-322 or 051 444 5000 or 0861 322 322 ~ South African Hotlines

South Korea ~ 2-715/6/7/8-8600 or (local)-9191 or (82) 51 804 0896 ~ South Korean Hotlines

Spain ~ 91-459-00-50 ~ Spain's Hotlines

Sri Lanka ~ 1-692-909 ~ Sri Lanken Hotlines

St. Vincent ~ 809-456-1044 or (784) 456 1044

Sudan ~ (249) 11-555-253

Sweden ~ 020 22 00 60 or 031-711-2400 ~ Swedish Hotlines

Switzerland ~ 143 or +41 (0) 27 321 21 21 ~ Switzerland Hotlines

Taiwan ~ (037) 332565 or 332621 ~ Taiwanese Hotlines

Thailand ~ 02-249-9977 or (02) 713-6793 ~ Thai Hotlines

Tonga ~ 23000 or 25144

Trinidad & Tobago ~ 868-645-2800

Turkey ~ 182

Ukraine ~ 058 or 0487-327715 or 0482-226565 ~ Ukrainian Hotlines

United Kingdom ~ 8457 90 90 90 or 8457 90 91 92 ~ U. K. Hotlines

United States ~ 911 ~ 1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-784-2433 ~ Hotlines 1 ~ Hotlines 2 ~ State Hotlines

Misc.
[indent=1]~ En Español ~ 1-800-784-2432 (1-800-SUI-CIDA)
~ Veterans ~ 1-877-838-2838 (1-877-VET-2VET)
~ Youth ~ 1-877- 968-4843 (1-877-YOUTHGUIDE)

Uruguay ~ 0800 45 45/0800 84 83 (llamada gratuita) or 099 705 070/094 440 877 (cellular) ~ Uruguay's Hotlines

Yugoslavia ~ 021-6623-393 or (044) 08080 ~ Yugoslavian Hotlines

Zimbawe ~ (9) 650 00 or 080 12 333 333 or (20) 635 59 ~ Zimbabawe's Hotlines
Listen in deep silence. Be very still and open your mind.... Sink deep into the peace that waits for you beyond the frantic, riotous thoughts and sights and sounds of this insane world. - A course of miracles.

True beauty must come, must be grown, from within.... - Ralph W Trine.



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#16 struggling to live

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Posted 02 March 2012 - 04:26 AM

Thank you for your support. its good to feel heard and seen.

Trace, thank you but im already getting professional help. im seeing two therapists. and am under meds.
that is why i feel so desperate. i have reached out for help in every way i could, but noone and nothing helps. i feel i've run out of options.

Right now i've just come back from a disappointing therapy session. im not able to tell how i feel, so they think im doing pretty well.
im tired of talking about my suicidal thoughts so i have stopped talking but they are always there. getting stronger every day that passes.

i know i need help, but dont know what exactly could help. i feel theres no help for me and no hope either.

#17 addict1968

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Posted 02 March 2012 - 07:23 AM

hey struggling to live - we are all there for you. I am new here but opening up on this forum helps me a lot. You can let go of your inhibitions and open up your mind here - that does help. Lots of kind and caring people here who do understand what you go through. Tell us what is hurting you so much and people here with so much of experience can guide you better. Take care.
Diagnosis: Bi-Polar II, Currently in Major Depression, GAD
Medication: Sertraline 150 mg (Zoloft), Olanzapine 5mg (Zyprexa)

#18 struggling to live

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Posted 02 March 2012 - 08:07 AM

Thank you addict.

im hurting for so many things in my life.

im scared to let myself think about them, let alone write them down.

im afraid that writing them i would have to FEEL them, while up to now im just THINKING them. im too scared to feel, i dont want to lose control.

i feel like crying so much, but i never do.

#19 addict1968

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Posted 02 March 2012 - 11:15 AM

Hey (((struggling to live))) - I was equally scared when I first came to DF - didn't know how people would take it - there are a lot of forums that aren't as caring - here I finally found peace - the people here are awesome - so kind and caring - no one will make you feel worse - everyone understands you are going through a pretty bad patch and believe you me - this is the best forum ever. They will respond kindly and caringly and will be with you in your struggles with life.

write them out - get them out of your system - for once - and cry! Crying, at times does help. Let go off your pent up emotions - we are all here with you - to support you. You aren't alone.
Diagnosis: Bi-Polar II, Currently in Major Depression, GAD
Medication: Sertraline 150 mg (Zoloft), Olanzapine 5mg (Zyprexa)

#20 struggling to live

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Posted 02 March 2012 - 01:25 PM

Thank you Addict for your support. i think you're right, i should get it out of my system but im too scared.

right now ending it all seems so much easier and desirable.

#21 raptor_fan

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Posted 02 March 2012 - 02:01 PM

don't try to **** yourself, i did, and i couldn't do it, keep going, it will get better, and i know how you feel.

#22 AquaViolet

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Posted 02 March 2012 - 02:39 PM

Thank you Addict for your support. i think you're right, i should get it out of my system but im too scared.

right now ending it all seems so much easier and desirable.


Hi struggling_to_live. ((((Hugs))))
If you are thinking about suicide, please call one of the hotlines listed on this site. People do care, and there is help available.
Please don't give up hope. Life IS worth living. You never know the joys tomorrow may bring.

~~AquaViolet~~
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My Diagnoses: Severe OCD, panic disorder, depression
My Current meds: Geodon, Cymbalta, Klonopin, Lyrica 

My Previous meds:
Prozac, Paxil, Celexa,
Lexapro, Luvox, Zoloft, Clomipramine (a horrible med for me),
Xanax, Seroquel, Zyprexa, Risperdal,
Gabapentin (this med did nothing), Buspar (also did nothing)

#23 struggling to live

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Posted 02 March 2012 - 04:56 PM

Thank you AquaViolet, your words of hope really touched me. i needed them. Thank you.

Im hanging on, torn between the hope of getting help and the urge to give up. its so hard. maybe if i stop talking it will all go away.




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