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My Therapist Doesn't Believe I'm Really Suicidal


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#1 Lisa15

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Posted 05 February 2012 - 07:25 PM

I told my therapist I've been thinking a lot about suicide. I even told him that I've been driving way too fast because I have fantasies about crashing into a pole to end it all. He said, "I think if you were going to do it you'd already have done it." Maybe he was trying to be supportive, but it sounded like a challenge to me.

This morning I was driving to work down a rural road. It was very foggy, and as usual, I was going about 80 miles an hour (speed limit is 55). All of a sudden I realized I was about to drive right across a US highway without stopping. I slammed on the brakes, which caused the car to skid and stop in the middle of the intersection. Just before I reached the stop sign I saw a car whiz by along the highway. I almost slammed into that car! Now I'm really scared that this situation is getting out of hand. But as I said, I don't think my therapist believes me.

#2 MaddieLouise

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Posted 05 February 2012 - 08:08 PM

I told my therapist I've been thinking a lot about suicide. I even told him that I've been driving way too fast because I have fantasies about crashing into a pole to end it all. He said, "I think if you were going to do it you'd already have done it." Maybe he was trying to be supportive, but it sounded like a challenge to me.

This morning I was driving to work down a rural road. It was very foggy, and as usual, I was going about 80 miles an hour (speed limit is 55). All of a sudden I realized I was about to drive right across a US highway without stopping. I slammed on the brakes, which caused the car to skid and stop in the middle of the intersection. Just before I reached the stop sign I saw a car whiz by along the highway. I almost slammed into that car! Now I'm really scared that this situation is getting out of hand. But as I said, I don't think my therapist believes me.


Lisa15,

The fact that you realize your feelings is what is most important, and if your therapist doesn't take you seriously and makes a terrible statement like that, it is time to see someone new in my opinion. The fact that you stopped (braked) today is a good indicator that you probably don't really want to end it all, but you are wanting some help. Are you taking any medications? Have you been formally diagnosed with a disorder?

Please know that you are welcome here and that we really care about our members. Please post, look around, and let us know what is happening that is making you so depressed. We will try to help you in any way we can.

Sincerely,

MaddieLouise
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#3 Lisa15

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Posted 05 February 2012 - 10:30 PM

Thanks MaddieLouise,

I'm trying so hard to lift myself out of this pit, and I think you're right about not really wanting to die. I just want the pain to end. I do have people who love me, but they live very far away. At least there's the telephone. I'm serving an internship and have six more months left here before I go back to school, be with people I love, and be closer geographically to other friends and family. My therapist told me he believes I'll remain depressed for the remainder of my internship, and he's probably right.

I am on Zoloft, 100 mg. He never thought I should go on it, but since I'd been on it years ago, I called my doctor and got a new prescription. I've been on it for about 2 months now. When I told my therapist that I was having thought of suicide, he said, "then I guess the antidepressant isn't working." Actually, I think it is working, at least a little bit, because the overwhelming anxiety I'd been feeling before has mellowed.

I have been diagnosed by the therapist with depression, but he believes it is situational. I think that's part of it, but not all of it. To some degree I've been depressed all my life. I grew up with an alcoholic mother and a brother who molested me a couple of times, so there is a lot of family issues I've been shaped by. Mom was herself depressed all her life, and several of my sisters have also battled depression, so I think there's a genetic component too.

Anyhow, I don't want to take all your time, but I just had to tell someone what really happened today. Thanks for listening and caring.

#4 leebux

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Posted 06 February 2012 - 05:09 AM

Hi Lisa15,
I think it might be time to look for a new therapist. That comment seems rather unfortunate in my opinion.
You seem to have gone through a lot and its a good sign that you can write about it.
It's good that your anxiety has lessened a bit.

You never have to worry about posting here. If we can give nothing else but support, we will.
Take care
Leebux

#5 LibraryLady

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Posted 06 February 2012 - 04:48 PM

I agree with Leebux. No therapist worth their salt would blow off a patient that said they had suicidal thoughts!

I'm thankful you didn't have a wreck. I'm glad you really want to live! And, I'm glad you are here so we can talk to you!
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LibraryLady

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read!"
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Diagnosis: Depression; General Anxiety Disorder; Eating Disorder - Binging

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#6 Nemo741

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Posted 06 February 2012 - 04:51 PM

LISA!!! The important thing is you realize it not your therapist. Throw that one out and get a new one who takes you seriously. No need to waste your time!
We're all glad you found us here and chose to reach out to people who care, understand, and believe you. Although we always here to help with hard feelings and talk through things I think it would be wise of you to check your self in for a while so that you can get the help and attention that you need to feel better and take control of your own life again. Sometimes a kick in the butt is all it takes and yes sometimes you need to kick your self in the butt for that to happen.

So go jumpstart your life and take control. Don't let this mental state control your life!

XOXO

TAKE IT ONE STEP AT A TIME LIKE LEARNING TO FLY OR FALLING IN LOVE

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#7 Lisa15

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Posted 08 February 2012 - 07:35 AM

I have made an appointment with another counselor. I'll see her for the first time tomorrow morning. Thanks for the support, folks! I'll keep you posted.

#8 Nemo741

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Posted 08 February 2012 - 11:57 AM

Thanks Lisa! Glad to hear you're taking the steps to get a new doctor.

TAKE IT ONE STEP AT A TIME LIKE LEARNING TO FLY OR FALLING IN LOVE

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Don't you worry your pretty little mind people throw rocks at things that shine


#9 Lisa15

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Posted 09 February 2012 - 08:07 PM

Saw the new therapist today, had a good conversation, will go back to her. Crossing my fingers!
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#10 leebux

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Posted 09 February 2012 - 10:15 PM

Well done Lisa15. Hope all continues to go ahead. Good on you for taking positive steps.
Leebux

Edited by leebux, 09 February 2012 - 10:15 PM.


#11 T on C

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Posted 09 February 2012 - 10:42 PM

Good for you changing your therapist, and I wish you all the best luck with your new one. Mine still asks me if I have those thoughts-the bad ones-about every other visit. So far so good!

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#12 MaddieLouise

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Posted 09 February 2012 - 10:51 PM

Saw the new therapist today, had a good conversation, will go back to her. Crossing my fingers!


Fantastic news about making the change, and I think this thereapistwill make all the difference! You get to see and talk to a professional who cares and understand how much the other one didn't and put that one behind you.

Please don't ever think you are taking up my time. That's what we're here for, and I hope we've all helped you some. Please let us know how you are doing!!

Sincerely,

MaddieLouise
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#13 Lisa15

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Posted 13 February 2012 - 07:27 PM

Officially fired my old therapist via email today. Poured out my heart to him about his not taking me seriously. His response? Just four words: "I understand. Good luck." No apology, no validation, no nothing. Oh well, I guess I shouldn't have expected anything more. All I wanted was for him to care. Today was kind of hard because I've been thinking about it all day, as well as because of one of my parishioners being in the hospital.
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#14 leebux

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Posted 13 February 2012 - 11:54 PM

Let him go . You have done a good thing for yourself and well done on expressing it too.
Good luck with your new therapist.
Leebux

#15 MaddieLouise

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Posted 14 February 2012 - 10:35 PM

Lisa,

I know that can be tough, because you wish they would at least have felt some remorse at what you said or understood your feelings. You have done a very wise thing, and his response just validates it.

Sincerely,

MaddieLouise
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#16 Trying Again

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Posted 16 February 2012 - 06:00 AM

Lisa,

I had a similar experience with a therapist once. You did the right thing. I am so proud of you. It took true courage to validate yourself by sending that email telling your former therapist why you were firing him. You stood up for yourself. You expressed yourself and did not hold those negatve emotions and hurt feelings inside. I failed to be assertive. I did stop therapy at that time, but it was because I was made to feel that I wasn't good enough to be helped by a therapist, that I didn't matter enough. My self-esteem was gone. I am lucky to be here today working with a different therapist who takes emotional health seriously. I wish I had spoken up back then as you did. The truth is, I am still bothered by it. I think you have set a great example of how important it is to not allow anyone to walk on you or mistreat you, no matter what position they may be in. Continue to stand up for yourself. You sound very strong. Best of luck in working with your new therapist. I am very new here but I have found great comfort and support from this group of people. They really seem to care.

Trying Again

#17 Lisa15

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Posted 18 February 2012 - 07:58 PM

Lisa,

I had a similar experience with a therapist once. You did the right thing. I am so proud of you. It took true courage to validate yourself by sending that email telling your former therapist why you were firing him. You stood up for yourself. You expressed yourself and did not hold those negatve emotions and hurt feelings inside. I failed to be assertive. I did stop therapy at that time, but it was because I was made to feel that I wasn't good enough to be helped by a therapist, that I didn't matter enough. My self-esteem was gone. I am lucky to be here today working with a different therapist who takes emotional health seriously. I wish I had spoken up back then as you did. The truth is, I am still bothered by it. I think you have set a great example of how important it is to not allow anyone to walk on you or mistreat you, no matter what position they may be in. Continue to stand up for yourself. You sound very strong. Best of luck in working with your new therapist. I am very new here but I have found great comfort and support from this group of people. They really seem to care.

Trying Again


You have no idea how much your post means to me. I'd been beating myself up over the email I sent to my former therapist, thinking I was just a whiner. I haven't thought of myself as strong through all this, but the academic dean of my school, who knows about my situation, says he "applauds my courage" for facing this during my internship, so I'll have to take your and his words for it.

I'm so glad you're with a new therapist who takes your emotional health seriously. It makes all the difference. And stick with these forums. I've only been on them for a couple of weeks now, but already I've been hugely encouraged. I still am in The Pit, but I know I'm not alone in there. The people here really do care, it's true.

#18 Nellyzen

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Posted 18 February 2012 - 09:37 PM

I felt the same way when my therapist sent me an sms saying I owe her money because my insurance stopped paying for my counseling. It was a glitch and all got sorted out but I felt like...is that all you care about?
"When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time." -

#19 Meirionne

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Posted 19 February 2012 - 05:39 AM

I have only just read this thread Lisa and I am shocked about the negative comments that the first therapist made to you. In fact as I was reading I was getting more and more concerned and so I was so glad to find you now have a new therapist and I hope things are going well.

I was assessed for therapy 2 days ago and my therapy will begin in about 3 weeks time, so I am reading all these threads to try and find out what to expect.

We turn to a therapist for support through a very bad time and at a time when we are vulnerable and frail. We trust them with our innermost thoughts and fears, so to find that you are not believed or that genuine fears are belittled is a terrible betrayal.

I don't know whether other people find this too, but reading about other people's experiences here makes it a tiny bit easier to think problems through sometimes. It seems somehow easier to be objective about other people's problems, although my thoughts about my own problems get all tangled up and muddled. It was very very clear to me reading this that you did not receive good advice or care, and that you did the right thing to find another therapist.

I hope that your therapy goes well and is helpful and I wish you lots of success in your internship.
Merionne :smile:
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#20 Lisa15

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Posted 19 February 2012 - 08:28 AM

Thanks, Merionne. And I hope that you too will find your therapy experience to be helpful. I agree that reading about others' experiences here is helpful. Equally helpful is the way that people like yourself reach out, expressing concern and support. We are all here for each other. Blessings to you!

#21 everydayclimb

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Posted 05 March 2012 - 11:09 PM

There are effective as well as cruddy counselors out there. That's too bad, b/c when we need help the most and feel our weakest, we have to deal with ineptness.
I'm thankful for the little flicker of light we have in us that keeps us afloat when we seem our most desperate.

I like the above comment "I still am in The Pit, but I know I'm not alone in there."

#22 Lisa15

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Posted 11 March 2012 - 08:11 AM

There are effective as well as cruddy counselors out there. That's too bad, b/c when we need help the most and feel our weakest, we have to deal with ineptness.
I'm thankful for the little flicker of light we have in us that keeps us afloat when we seem our most desperate.

I like the above comment "I still am in The Pit, but I know I'm not alone in there."


Trouble is, at first, my first counselor WAS helpful. It was only in my last session, really, when I told him again about my suicidal ideation and he blew me off, that I realized this wasn't going to work. At the same meeting, he also started unloading some of his own family issues, which again I felt was inappropriate. If he could have remained as he was during our earlier sessions, he'd likely still be my counselor. Which proves that there is good and bad in everyone.

I am feeling better now, thanks mostly to my spiritual director, along with some help from my new therapist. I hope you too, Everydayclimb, will find hope.

Your friend,
Lisa




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