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[foxxyemceelouise]

Hi, I'm new to the forum, because I really needed to talk to someone, anyone, about this. It's eating me up right now and being 9pm there's no one I can really talk to outside of the internet.

My problem is... is that I'm not sure if I'm being bullied at work or if I'm just stubborn and/or over sensitive.

I work for a surgeon as a receptionist, so I guess you could say he and his wife are my main bosses. I have no problem with them whatsoever. They are kind, wonderful people and have always been so supportive of my choices and my uni studies.

The problem is my supervisor / co-receptionist whom I work under. We get along quite well as friends but when it comes to work, I feel like she's increasingly picking on me for really stupid things.

At first I could put it down to the fact that it was my first real job, that I'm young, naive and don't have a lot of experience in the field of dealing with patients and the medical world in general. In fact, never dealt with other people until I had this job. So for the first three months I could genuinely accept all my errors and wrongdoings as things I had genuinely done wrong because I was still learning.

Now that I'm more comfortable in what I do, I'm starting to feel like I'm being picked at for really petty things are there are so many things I'm not quite sure about whether it is bullying or if I'm being over sensitive about it.

I'm just going to make a quick list of some basic scenarios that happen most frequently (as in every day or every couple of days).

• She will ask me to do something, then change her mind and say she'll do it, then have a go at me because I didn't do the thing she asked me to do.
• She will interrupt me when I'm on the phone to patients and constantly chatter away in my ear and make it hard for me to hear what they're saying.
• If I am serving a patient, making an appointment for them, booking in a procedure etc, she will just take over at random and undermine everything I have said as though I am incompetent or not as good and helpful as her. I feel confident in what I do is right because she's taught me to do things a certain way, but it still doesn't stop her taking over and taking all the credit for things I've done to help people.
• She is always asking me to do things but never giving clear indications of how she wants it done, and of course no matter how many questions I ask her about how it's done, I've always done it wrong and she has to re-do it, only to find it was kind of already done right in the first place, but it will still be my fault.

But mostly I wanted to talk about a couple of things that happened today, because I noticed it was worse today more than ever because I'd actually started to stand up for myself for once and she clearly didn't like it.

She basically implied that I should be able to read her mind. I am not kidding. There was also a couple of minor, trivial things she forgot to do today, and when asked about them by the boss, she said it was my fault and that she would fire me. This was intended as a joke but the fact that she said it in front of patients and didn't admit to taking the blame for it really hurt. There have been other occasions where she's done something similar like this. She would joke about me getting the sack for not printing a report or throw a pen at me if I hadn't had the chance to tell her something that I didn't believe was important at the time. Many times today I've fought back and said to her 'Just tell me how you want it done so I can get it right.' or 'I don't think you can blame me for this because I genuinely didn't do it' and when I say things like this she fights back harder and starts picking at me for even more things. I sometimes think she tries to make it hard for me, as though she's testing me, but truth be told I don't think I can walk in there tomorrow and take any more of her rubbish.

It's come to the point where I work all day in fear of doing something wrong and having her pick at me, and naturally my self confidence in my job has plummeted and so I'm making minor mistakes that she's blowing out of proportion to make me feel worse.

Honestly I don't know if half of these things are proper bullying. I don't know what do to and I don't know what to say to her that can mean I can stand up for myself, but also means she won't fight back twice as hard. I want to be able to ask her to just be more reasonable and clear about what she wants from me but whenever I do she ignores me.

Any help would be amazing. Please feel free to share similar stories, or even if you could put my mind at ease and tell me to suck it up, that would be great too!

You all seem like such lovely people on here :)

[jimbow15]

Hi foxxyemceelouise and to DF,

From what you have said I have no doubt that she is a bully. She obviously has a problem with you and it may be envy . I would tell her that you will not put up with het attitude and lack of respect any-more. Say you fully intend to make a complaint to your employer .

Yes I know it is not that easy but you really need to get this women off your back. Tell her you have already written a letter giving examples of her intimidation and work methods.

What is the worse that can happen? this women is making your life a misery - so take action.

Best Wishes

Jim Bow

[foxxyemceelouise]

Thanks Jim! I really am looking at going to the doctor's wife for some help on the matter if she doesn't respond to some more simple methods. I've decided today at work I am really not going to let her get away with blaming me for things I didn't do, and will obviously talk to her about it first, asking why she is being the way she is at the moment and trying to figure out if maybe there's something going on in her personal life that's making her a bully at work. I was thinking of also starting a bit of a journal of incidents if these things were to continue before taking it up with the bosses so at least I have something to fall back on if it's going to be my word against hers.

Thanks again for your advice and giving me a bit more courage to face things at work :)

[soreloser]

Good to you!! at least you have a solution..be mind that, once come to work..is about a team work and cooperation is the main key..

Anything happened, be happy working :)

and i knew how does it feel when you'd make mistakes..no worries...in working place, be happy working...doesnt matter what is it..learned from mistakes :)

Good luck to you

Edited by soreloser, 18 February 2012 - 02:38 PM.

[DesertDog]

Hi Foxxyemceelouise, I know I'm late in this thread, but it captured my interest as I've had similar issues with a boss once. She definitely seems to be bullying you, trying to ruin your self-esteem and even making you question your ability to listen and remember things.

My boss would tell me to regularily do a certain task without constantly asking for her approval, and then when I did she would yell at me for not asking for her permission. Another time when I went to work I noticed some renovations were done, and I commented on how nice it looked and asked when this happened. She looked at me like I was crazy and claimed that the renovations were done many months ago. Later I asked another worker about it and she confirmed that in fact they started earlier during the week and finished only a day ago. My boss would also give me very vague instructions and get angry when I ask her for more information. When I had to deal with members of the public, she would also interrupt like I didn't know what I was doing even though I clearly did. The list goes on... Over time I learned she did this to other people in the past who have quit. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and quit too. But you don't have to run away from this problem like I did.

I would indeed advise you to document such encounters in a journal and present it to your co-receptionist's boss. The journal may also help your case should you need to take legal action. It depends on where you live, but there are probably laws in place to protect you from such workplace bullying. Use the law to your advantage and don't let this person mess with your mind anymore. She's obviously jealous of your abilities and sees you as competition that in her mind she has to wipe out. You have the right to go to work without having to stress about these sort of things.

I highly recommend reading through articles on this website - it's rich with useful information about workplace bullying: http://www.bullyonli...ly/amibeing.htm

Edited by DesertDog, 22 February 2012 - 09:00 AM.

[turtledoves]

Hey, it's been a few days since you posted. How's it going at work?

[FeelinBlueAllTheTime]

Hi foxxy...while I haven't worked in quite some time, I can relate to what you are saying. Sometimes it can be tough to discern whether it is bullying or just a personality clash. I believe the key is to trust your judgment. It also wouldn't hurt to do a bit of reflection as to whether it might be constructive criticism on her part, just that the delivery needs improvement.

I had an internship where my supervisors pretty much bullied me to the point where I didn't want to do it anymore. The bullying was very obvious with one lady but it was more subtle with the others. That one lady was just ridiculous about it. She would talk down to me in a very sarcastic, condescending way. She would imply that I was slow and unintelligent. She would roll her eyes and sigh heavily if she felt that I did something incorrectly. I have a learning disability, as well as social anxiety and depression...you can only imagine how terrible it feels when people treat you this way.

Some people lack patience and they also lack the ability to be tactful when dealing with others. Some people just like to find fault with things. It sounds like she is indeed testing you by being overly critical of your performance at work.

If it continues, you should keep a record of the incidents. But in the mean time, continue to do the best job you can. Maybe she feels threatened by you somehow. You are younger than she is, possibly more attractive, and you've been doing a really good job but she wants to undermine you. Maybe she wants you to believe that you aren't doing well when you really are. Or she could simply be a perfectionist who is controlling and enjoys pushing you around.

I think the only way to know is by talking to her about it.

[bh34465]

Foxxy, I would love to know how everything is going now. I can relate to much of what you are experiencing. I would like to share some of my experiences, as well as some from others.

I passed up another job opp to work for a husband/wife who had a small business. The wife had previously done the Accounts Payable, but was looking to hire someone to do it. Since I would be working alone, I thought that would make for a stress-free job. She promised that the job would become full-time after the first of the year. It never became full-time - it was barely part-time. I was put into a damp, cold, musty house that had been converted into an office. I had no phone, and was expected to use my cell phone. The desk was abandoned by the previous tenants, the office chair had been rescued from a dumpster adn was ripped up. The software was outdated and the owners would not pay to have it upgraded, though the wife didn't mind spending $5 on Starbucks coffee. I was not allowed to get the mail and open it, and many times she didn't show up to drop it off, so I had nothing to do. I would enter data over and over (the software was not capable of repeating the entries automatically), and if I made one error out of the hundreds of entries, she would leave me a note (she was double-checking my work when I was not there). She had told me when I took the job that I could do it however worked best for me, but would scold me when I didn't "do it her way." She also had me do many things that didn't make sense, were wrong, or that were time consuming just because she said if she didn't, her husband would be mad. I eventually quit, but never told anyone why, because her son-in-law was my partner's boss.

On another job, I worked in a call center. I had had a customer treat me harshly, and nothing I tried to do for her satisfied her. Finally, I transferred her to my supervisor (keep in mind that I had tried to do that several times during the call, but my super refused to take the call). The supervisor told the customer, "I am a supervisor, and this is what we can do for you." The customer was satisfied knowing it was coming from the supervisor and not just the lowly c/s peon. Afterwards, my supervisor started berating me and telling me all the reasons that I was not a good rep. I disagreed with her, saying that I handled the call as best as I could, and that I thought that the customer just wanted to hear it from someone higher up. She disagreed and told me more reasons that I was a bad rep. Then I got the cold shoulder for the next few days (I had at one time thought she was my friend). On a particular day when there were just a few of us working, I got a call that could ONLY be handled by a supervisor, but she refused to take the call. I took the info from the customer and told them that the supervisor would call them back within an hour (that was the norm). She refused to call the customer back, claiming she was too busy (the slowest day we had had since I started there.) I left and never came back.

I had a job at a front desk, and the person whose shift was after mine would come in an hour early, and try to make me leave so she could get an hour overtime. I would not leave, but she would still try to work during my shift. She would push me out of the way if someone came to the desk. I told the boss, and he told me to just let her work, that he was the one paying her not me, but I felt bullied by her. So, one day, I told myself that if she did it again, I would confront her. I did, and she threatened a lawsuit against the company for discrimination and sexual harrassment (don't know where that came from.)

More recently I was in training on a job, and one of the trainers ran up to me and shouted obscenities at me for not doing something that I didn't even know I was supposed to do. I went to my manager, and she told me to go back to work. She told my co-workers behind my back that she didn't like crybabies. I confronted the trainer myself and told him not to ever curse me again. He apologized and everything was cool...so, I thought. All the new hires (it was a new business) were much younger than me. They hung out with and sometimes partied with the manager outside of work. I did not. The younger ones tried to boss me around. We had all been told when hired that since it was a new business, anyone who missed work, or refused to do the required tasks, would be fired no questions asked. Some of them would not do the required work, would miss days, or come in late. A couple of days after I was cursed by a trainer, I had asked another trainer who had more authority to help me with something, but she refused. The manager had already gone home for the day, and since it was my responsibility to get this task done, I had to manager for help. While on the phone with her, I hear the head trainer helping my co-worker with the same thing I had just asked help with. I confronted her - angrily, but not shouting, swearing, or anything like that, just telling her that it wasn't cool. She said we would talk about it in a back room. I saw that she was really p***** and figured the best thing to do was just apologize and let it blow over. So, I did. Next thing I know, I'm being fired for "putting my hands on her" in an aggressive manner. My termination letter, however, said I was being fired because I was not suited for the job. I knew the real reason because I had friends in other departments that this female trainer didn't know that I knew, and she told them directly that she reported me. I spoke to the President of the company who would never admit that I was fired because of the accusations, but he did say that confronting another was not tolerated; when I asked him why it was okay that I was cursed, he said you have to be able to take that in this business. So, it was double-talk. I have to be able to tolerate being yelled and cursed at, but yelling and cursing is not allowed. Hmmm.

My former partner works with a receptionist that is a real bully. She had run off everyone that had done his job before him. One lady only made it until lunch on her first day. She thinks herself the office manager, even though the boss told her that she isn't, and that she needs to do her job, and quit trying to boss others. Things she does to my friend: doesn't give him important documents when she receives them, doesn't pass along information to him that he needs to do his job, refuses to even say "hello" when he comes to the office, makes cake and delivers a slice to everyone in the office but him. The boss even took them into a room and made them promise to get along for the good of the company. That same day, she was back to her old tricks.

There are bullies out there. Sometimes, it seems impossible to beat them, because they have more status, wealth, or they're just plain mean. I don't know what the solution is, but just letting everyone know they're not alone.

[Prudence Jane]

I have read the other replies, personally, I would try to have an honest conversation with her to fix the situation asap before considering talking about it to my bosses.