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How Do You Get Older Without Getting Depressed?


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#1 DavidLeigh

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Posted 01 January 2012 - 03:54 PM

Hi All,

Happy New Year! I posted something along these lines a few months ago and would like some more ideas.

I'm a 28 year old male and for me it just seems that getting older is accompanied by all kinds of issues that are just depressing and lead to unhappiness. Whereas up to around 25, you have your life planned out for you as in schooling, college etc. and you can just have fun and not have a care in the world, i have found the last few years to be less happy and i can't break the feeling that it's just going to get worse.


As you getting older, you have to learn to cope with more life problems and worries. You watch more and more people (even celebrities and just people you know and respect) get older, succumb to illness and pass away. You start to worry about members of your own family and the days they have before they might pass away. My sister is in her mid-30s and has to seriously think about marriage and children and the years she has left to give birth. This has started to make me think about my own life and what time i have left. It isn't as serious as that, but the worries of whether you are wasting time and can still have fun or to old to have fun are ever present. You also have thoughts of regrets about the past. These sometimes come as thoughts of nostalgia but become depressing when you realize how these moments have passed and can't be relived. How does someone (male or female) in their late 20s manage these thoughts and worries?

I should be thankful that i have had a pretty happy life so far but the tragic events that come with getting older are inevitable. I accept this much but i'm wondering how one remains happy and carefree? Is this possible?
Dave

Edited by DavidLeigh, 01 January 2012 - 03:55 PM.


#2 Lori123

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Posted 01 January 2012 - 04:20 PM

I think you're a soulmate!

I completely get what you're saying, only I'm in my mid-40s. Here's what I can tell you: Around age 25, you start to change. Reality hits you a little more squarely in the face, I think. You don't have the same step-by-step structure anymore, and it can make you feel a little lost. The best thing you can do, David, is to appreciate right now how young you actually are, and how many fantastic years you still have in front of you. Your mid- to late-20s are kind of hard, but it gets better in your 30s. Your 30s are awesome because you still look great, but you have the benefit of some wisdom, and you have more self-confidence as a result.

Try not to worry about other people's timelines as far as what should happen when. I would tell your sister to just enjoy the present, and let her life unfold. Worrying about the biological clock only makes women miserable, and sometimes forces them into less-than-ideal marriages.

I am trying really hard to realize that my youth is waning, and that I need to treasure this time while it lasts rather than worrying about what is over and what I can never have back. Someday I will really be -- and look -- old, and that thought depresses the hell out of me. I don't know what I'll do then, but I just try not to let it ruin now.

#3 MaddieLouise

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Posted 01 January 2012 - 04:47 PM

Hi All,

Happy New Year! I posted something along these lines a few months ago and would like some more ideas.

I'm a 28 year old male and for me it just seems that getting older is accompanied by all kinds of issues that are just depressing and lead to unhappiness. Whereas up to around 25, you have your life planned out for you as in schooling, college etc. and you can just have fun and not have a care in the world, i have found the last few years to be less happy and i can't break the feeling that it's just going to get worse.


As you getting older, you have to learn to cope with more life problems and worries. You watch more and more people (even celebrities and just people you know and respect) get older, succumb to illness and pass away. You start to worry about members of your own family and the days they have before they might pass away. My sister is in her mid-30s and has to seriously think about marriage and children and the years she has left to give birth. This has started to make me think about my own life and what time i have left. It isn't as serious as that, but the worries of whether you are wasting time and can still have fun or to old to have fun are ever present. You also have thoughts of regrets about the past. These sometimes come as thoughts of nostalgia but become depressing when you realize how these moments have passed and can't be relived. How does someone (male or female) in their late 20s manage these thoughts and worries?

I should be thankful that i have had a pretty happy life so far but the tragic events that come with getting older are inevitable. I accept this much but i'm wondering how one remains happy and carefree? Is this possible?
Dave


Hi Dave,

I truly believe it is a mindset. I remember thinking I'd never want to be 50 - what a hag, etc., but there does come some great things as you get older. First of all, the continual knowledge that you can't do anything about it, so why waste precious time being depressed about it. It gets to me at times, but you can't stop time, there is no fountain of youth, and thank goodness for good dermatologists - ha! I think if you keep your health (which we many times have no choice over), stay mentally and physically active, and try to maintain a positive outlook, aging is just another process we will all go through-even those cute young ones we see (who look at me like I'm a hag-ha!) will one day be where we are! I always say there is only one other option, and I'm not taking that one. Aging makes us appreciate the moments we are here-yes it's cliche, but true (in my opinion).

MaddieLouise
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#4 lindahurt

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Posted 01 January 2012 - 05:11 PM

I just turned 49 this past December and welcomed it. Of course, my body has changed but I've learned to embrace changes. I keep myself looking good and work to stay healthy. At one time I thought about growing older but now it doesn't bother me at all. I have seen so many leave this world far younger than me due to accidents or disease. I look at it as something out of your control. What I can do is work to keep myself emotionally, mentally, physically, and spirtually healthy as best I can. Worrying about what the future holds only create more stress and anxiety. Its better to live as best you can today and let tomorrow take care of itself. I'm growing old gracefully; I workout and feel good. When the mood swings come I work with my medical and support team to stabilize.

Lindahurt
Even in the most horrific of situations, one's attitude has an enormous role in shaping what happens ~ Viktor Frankl
In you lies the power to choose, to commit - Stephen Convey

 
The kind of person you want to become is greatly influence by your inner decisions, and not from outside influence alone. We can even under adverse circumstances, decide what shall become of us ~ Brian C. Stiller



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#5 Leafman

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Posted 01 January 2012 - 08:59 PM

I'm also in the same situation as the author, just that I'm a bit older. I think other people who grew up never having to go through our kind of depression were just fortunate to have lives where everything seems to just work for them. I don't believe in luck or any supernatural forces, but I do believe in coincidences. Those things "just happen". They get out of school, find a job or a few, work on their careers, only have a few health problems that are quickly solved since they're nothing serious, they meet the love of their lives, start earning really good money enough to be happy with, and that's it, nothing really worrisome happens to them. It's really just coincidence.

If the world worked in a way where you actually got what you deserved, I guess everyone would have decent jobs, sufficient money, and just live peacefully. They say "You get what you work for", and in that kind of world, it would be true. Unfortunately, our real world, in my own belief, isn't affected by such rules. People will still do bad things to good people. No matter how hard you try, you might never even get closer to your dream job or dream life after trying hard for 3/4s of your duration on earth.

Being a guy who grew up almost having everything, only to lose them in my 20s, it's quite a shock. I was never the spoiled type, even though I used to be rich I treated everybody with respect. Now, nobody respects me because I've become unemployed for a while and I'm constantly reminded of how much I'm a burden to them. Thinking about it used to be painful, as in much painful than physical pain. I used to cry a lot back then because I kept asking myself and god "Why is this happening? I never did anything wrong!". Everything seemed unfair, and I immediately understood how other people felt when everything seemed to go against them. Those two words, "Life's unfair!" suddenly meant something to me.

Years of sadness went by and I realized that I'm really alone in terms of being understood. Sure, there are lots of people around me physically, but how many of them actually still care? I'm just a burden, more like a pet to them anyway. I learned to accept the fact that life just can't be good for everybody. I learned that no matter how hard you wished or prayed for something, either a "miracle" would happen and solve your problems, or you do it yourself. For me, no miracle ever happened so I learned to just not rely on those. I learned to accept that I'm a faulted human, I can't be as "perfect" (actually more like mechanical is the term) and become someone that people demand me to be. I learned to accept myself for who I am.

I guess it's really hard to blame the people who haven't experienced extreme sadness when they misunderstand people who go through it everyday. To them, they don't know what it feels like. To them, it seems like we're just being lazy or we're just making excuses on why we failed to do something. To them, we're people who are all dreams but no action. Somewhere, in their blissful existence they have forgotten how it's like to be alone and as happy and successful they have become, so did their insensitivity to other peoples emotion grew.

We only live once, this is what I believe. After we die, we just disappear (or if there's actually a spiritual world we'll go to where we deserve to be). There's no sure answer, so there's no point wasting this life. We never know if we'll be reborn or go to a happier place after death. Live life no matter how unfavorable it is like it's the only one you have, like you'll never see tomorrow again. Don't let what other people say destroy you. They have no right to destroy you because they do not own you. You are of your own.

Others will say life is about love, some will say it's all about the money. Some people say it's about who you become. Still, don't let the public's opinion dictate to you what your life should be about. What is most important in life is subjective to us all.

#6 TryingToFindTheAnswer

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Posted 01 January 2012 - 10:40 PM

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

-quote from some bhuddist guy

#7 Glosoli

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Posted 02 January 2012 - 08:57 PM

I'm still young yet, but I feel that with every passing year, my opportunities dwindle.
Haven't accomplished anything most people my age have by now, and it eats at my confidence.

Hurts to think that my best years won't be happily remembered.
I fear growing old without ever having truly lived or loved.

#8 Rainbowstar

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Posted 03 January 2012 - 03:17 AM

Hi DavidLeigh,

Your post is interesting and the topic is very close to my heart. I am also 28 years old and I have thought about the same things you have mentioned.

I agree that in the future, some things in life are depressing such as parents getting older and experiencing illness, death of our parents, responsibilities etc.

Perhaps, you could consider the positives of aging.

- As we age, we accrue more life experience and wisdom. This life experience and wisdom helps us to prevent and solve some problems.

- We probably start to care less about what other people think of us.

- Possibly greater self acceptance.

I can't think of anyone, but I am sure there are others =).




Hi All,

Happy New Year! I posted something along these lines a few months ago and would like some more ideas.

I'm a 28 year old male and for me it just seems that getting older is accompanied by all kinds of issues that are just depressing and lead to unhappiness. Whereas up to around 25, you have your life planned out for you as in schooling, college etc. and you can just have fun and not have a care in the world, i have found the last few years to be less happy and i can't break the feeling that it's just going to get worse.

As you getting older, you have to learn to cope with more life problems and worries. You watch more and more people (even celebrities and just people you know and respect) get older, succumb to illness and pass away. You start to worry about members of your own family and the days they have before they might pass away. My sister is in her mid-30s and has to seriously think about marriage and children and the years she has left to give birth. This has started to make me think about my own life and what time i have left. It isn't as serious as that, but the worries of whether you are wasting time and can still have fun or to old to have fun are ever present. You also have thoughts of regrets about the past. These sometimes come as thoughts of nostalgia but become depressing when you realize how these moments have passed and can't be relived. How does someone (male or female) in their late 20s manage these thoughts and worries?

I should be thankful that i have had a pretty happy life so far but the tragic events that come with getting older are inevitable. I accept this much but i'm wondering how one remains happy and carefree? Is this possible?
Dave

Sometimes, it helps to look at the stars, look at other animals and look at the bigger picture. Doing this makes us feel better.


#9 Lori123

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Posted 09 January 2012 - 12:17 AM

Hurts to think that my best years won't be happily remembered.
I fear growing old without ever having truly lived or loved.


Then these aren't your "best years." And if you have that fear, then you have the drive to make sure it doesn't happen. You do.

#10 flubber

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Posted 09 January 2012 - 04:04 AM

Hiii :) I understand what you're saying because im only 24, Ill be 25 this month and Im thinking how my youth is coming to an end and how its sad that I can never get that time back when I was free to follow my heart and life wasnt just about making money, paying bills and responsibility. I am towards the end of college (took me long enough).
I used to get very depressed if I heard a song from when I was a kid I would remember what I was doing and how I was happier when I was younger because I was more ignorant. When you're a kid/teenager, the possibilities of what you can be or do in life are endless. As you get into your 20s, life moves more in a straight line and life becomes a routine.

However, this is not bad because as you get older you (most people) waste less time because they have already made mistakes that help them make the right decisions because they get wiser. You just have to make the most of each day and there is nothing to regret. You are 28 and talking like you are 65!
ALso, I have friends and relatives who are young like in their teens and early 20s and they are wasting their lives. I can only image how bad they will feel when they turn 30 and realize they spent their whole 20s with an abusive bf, going from club to club every night aimlessly, or doing other things to waste their time.
DOnt be depressed if you have a job and finished school and have plans. THats more than alot of people have.
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