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[absent]

Hello everybody.

I was recently told I have depression symptoms and currently I am taking Fluoxetine.

I was referred to a counseling but I'm still on the waiting list.

I have a small problem and I think this is the best place in this forum to get an advice.

While reading for depression information online I read also about the personality disorders. Some things seem to be easy for me to relate but I can't be sure. I did some test which give me 90% of borderline PD (and some other like avoidant), of course I don't blindly believe that. I'm really just looking for an answer, why I am so different from everybody I know, why I react the way i do and how to deal with my everyday life. These are not an easy questions for myself. I can't force myself to do things i don't want to. I don't understand my emotions most of the time and my mood changes very quickly. I'm 26 years old but in some ways I feel very emotionally undeveloped. I feel like I am still a child in so many ways. A lot of the time my emotional reaction is quite inadequate according to the situation.

I think I have a lot of personal problems and I really want to help myself. At the moment my only hope and best chance seems to be that counseling. I was told to refer my personal problems to the counselor but I have know idea how to address them. I don't want to say - Oh I think I may have a personality disorder, what do you think. I don't want to appear hypochondriac. I know it is a stupid question but I have imaginable conversations with that counselor for hours a day and it is because I have no idea what to say to him/her. Because I think maybe I don't have a problem, or because I think I am the problem and I don't see any way of me getting better.

Sorry for my not very connected thought. I can't do any better than this. (ashamed). Basically I need advice on how to understand my emotions, and the way I react and how to address that problem with another person (my future counselor or psyc.doc. ). I know a lot of people here are self-diagnosed so any help would be really appreciated.

It's really difficult for me to post this. I don't like attention. I feel bad for bothering people with my not so essential problems. please forgive me

[evalynn]

I relate completely to everything you just said! Really, it's like you read my mind and are going through the exact same things as me. I think I have personality disorders like avoidant, boderline, co-dependent, maybe even bi-polar, but I'm not sure and I don't want to bring them all up to my psychiatrist or therapist. I also feel like I don't know what to say to my therapist sometimes, like I don't know the "right" way to do therapy. I don't want to say something that sounds stupid or doesn't make sense, or even reveal too much (I have trust and rejection issues, and don't like to be judged). What if they decide I'm too messed up to even be helped and give up on me? I also don't like to bring attention to myself (the only reason I can open on on this forum is because it's online and anonymous) and feel ashamed/embarrassed talking about my problems.

I don't know if I am capable of giving you any advice, since I'm in the same boat. Maybe you can find some comfort in knowing that you're not the only one?

I've learned a lot just by reading others' posts and articles on this site. Other than that, I am trying to figure this all out, as well.

Also, I'm sure some people on this forum with have some great advice for you.

All the best, evalynn

Edited by evalynn, 21 December 2011 - 02:35 PM.

[AquaViolet]

((((Hugs)))) Don't feel bad about asking questions. Your problems are just as real as everyone else's.

I think you should see your psychiatrist, and tell him/her what you wrote here. They should be able to help figure out what is going on with you.
Best of luck to you. Take care.

[absent]

First I want to say a BIG thank you to both of you for taking the time to read my post and replying. It means a lot to me! You are making me feel better (and cry a little bit).

Evalynn I think we both have a lot on our minds. I hope you find it possible to talk to your therapist and feel better. I think I'm quite scared that my emotions will not be taken seriously. Thank you so much again.

And AquaViolet thank you for encouraging me!

I don't have the words (again) to express how much your replies mean to me!