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Do You Consider Your Life Ruined From Depression?


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#1 TryHarder

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Posted 01 October 2011 - 09:28 AM

There's plenty of ways for depression to ruin a persons life. It can deplete on the persons cognitive fuctioning, making socialising hard. It can ruin your job, your education and even directly cause suicide. This question might seem redundant as few depressive episodes are 'mild' and easy to shrug off by the individual, but I'd still like to hear your stories.

Personally, without a doubt. My real depression started with the onset of my BDD, but I've later learned I've to some degree been depressed since the age of 10. Something about all my friends being like 4 years + older than me, forcing me to grow up too fast and realizing it which only made me regress and fall back on memories from earlier childhood. Now I'm 18, unable to function in school and ashamed of being depressed and having BDD as people confuse it with vanity, which is why I haven't told anyone.

Edited by TryHarder, 01 October 2011 - 09:28 AM.


#2 Axel Midego

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Posted 01 October 2011 - 10:01 AM

Whatever I have it has very thoroughly crippled my ability to make any progression in my life. I went from being an A student in eighth grade to an F student in eleventh simply because I did not have the energy any more to try. I haven't been able to hold a job because the stress of work was too much for me to handle and I would always get fired or quit. The result of which was that I had to quit college because I lost my vehicle due to not having the money to keep it street legal.

Honestly I still think there may still be a way out of all of this, but for the most part, my life is ruined and fixing it is going to be almost completely impossible. I'm too old to develop social skills since people are creeped out by thirty year old men who act like ten year olds. I'm too old to start dating for the same reason. And I haven't had a job in such a long time that no business will hire me without some really good explanations for all the unemployment I've had in the past decade.

Edited by Axel Midego, 01 October 2011 - 10:38 AM.

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#3 TryHarder

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Posted 01 October 2011 - 11:01 AM

Whatever I have it has very thoroughly crippled my ability to make any progression in my life. I went from being an A student in eighth grade to an F student in eleventh simply because I did not have the energy any more to try. I haven't been able to hold a job because the stress of work was too much for me to handle and I would always get fired or quit. The result of which was that I had to quit college because I lost my vehicle due to not having the money to keep it street legal.

Honestly I still think there may still be a way out of all of this, but for the most part, my life is ruined and fixing it is going to be almost completely impossible. I'm too old to develop social skills since people are creeped out by thirty year old men who act like ten year olds. I'm too old to start dating for the same reason. And I haven't had a job in such a long time that no business will hire me without some really good explanations for all the unemployment I've had in the past decade.

You're lucky in that you are still so young. I know that sounds like garbage but it's true. And you shouldn't be ashamed about being depressed. That's not something you chose. The best you can do is try to find help for it. And at your age people are more willing to listen because that time is stressful for a lot of people in their lives.

I can't determine that much from a forum post, but from your apparant literary skills I can determine you're /basically/ a fairly competent person. This doesn't mean much coming from a naive 18 year old, but you /can/ turn this around. Nobody wants to hire you? Start your own company or service. Don't have any technical skills? List the skills you /do/ have and use them. For example, it seems you're more than capable of writing a book. Writing as a profession seems nearly taylored for depressed people. You're not forced to work with others, you don't expend that much energy and it's stimulating in many positive ways.

Either way, as I said, I'm 18. I think you're overestimating 18 year olds as most people my age are incredibly dumb thrill seekers on raging hormones. I know for a fact half my old classmates would simply use my depression as tool to either bully or tear on my credibility. Which is kinda sad because I'm usually able to fit in perfectly for a few days or so before I almost collapse from exhaustion, which is why I chose to lie about a disease so I can do everything school-related from home except tests. Now if I say I'm depressed, all my priviledges will disappear as the school system isn't very considerate of depression. They'll basically say "get therapy, anti depressants or whatever and come back to school".

I'm not really ashamed of the depression itself, as it's a perfectly natural physiological condition. But sadly, common sense isn't that common, so people who aren't in this condition tend to either trivialise the condition, or if they're my age, judge me.

What really saddens me though is to know I'm wasting what others say should be the best years of my life on doing nothing, and I have no idea of how I'm supposed to get out of this situation. Everything I do now basically influences my future.

Edited by TryHarder, 01 October 2011 - 11:07 AM.


#4 Axel Midego

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Posted 01 October 2011 - 01:06 PM

I can't determine that much from a forum post, but from your apparant literary skills I can determine you're /basically/ a fairly competent person. This doesn't mean much coming from a naive 18 year old, but you /can/ turn this around. Nobody wants to hire you? Start your own company or service. Don't have any technical skills? List the skills you /do/ have and use them. For example, it seems you're more than capable of writing a book. Writing as a profession seems nearly taylored for depressed people. You're not forced to work with others, you don't expend that much energy and it's stimulating in many positive ways.


I actually wouldn't mind writing for a living. But every attempt I've made falls flat. As for starting my own business, it's not in my ability. I don't like playing the game of seeing who is overcharging who for what and who is offering a good deal. Too much potential for being screwed over. And with my complete lack of skills interacting with other people, I would most certainly end up being cheated somehow.

Either way, as I said, I'm 18. I think you're overestimating 18 year olds as most people my age are incredibly dumb thrill seekers on raging hormones. I know for a fact half my old classmates would simply use my depression as tool to either bully or tear on my credibility. Which is kinda sad because I'm usually able to fit in perfectly for a few days or so before I almost collapse from exhaustion, which is why I chose to lie about a disease so I can do everything school-related from home except tests. Now if I say I'm depressed, all my priviledges will disappear as the school system isn't very considerate of depression. They'll basically say "get therapy, anti depressants or whatever and come back to school".


Yeah. That's why I deleted that part of my post. I can't give advice on how to deal with other people that age when I was failing so miserably at that point..

I'm not really ashamed of the depression itself, as it's a perfectly natural physiological condition. But sadly, common sense isn't that common, so people who aren't in this condition tend to either trivialise the condition, or if they're my age, judge me.


Unfortunate fact of life. Most people can't get out of thinking the world is the same for everybody. They can't understand that the feeling they get when they wake up in the morning is not default for everybody.

What really saddens me though is to know I'm wasting what others say should be the best years of my life on doing nothing, and I have no idea of how I'm supposed to get out of this situation. Everything I do now basically influences my future.


I wish I know how to help you with that. I'm on the other end of that problem. I can't change my future at this point without extreme difficulty. You should probably look at your situation like this: You are at the best point to make some changes. You're still in school, you can still figure out what you want to do in life, and you still have some years to find your answer.

#5 yattaman

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Posted 01 October 2011 - 03:07 PM

There's plenty of ways for depression to ruin a persons life. It can deplete on the persons cognitive fuctioning, making socialising hard. It can ruin your job, your education and even directly cause suicide. This question might seem redundant as few depressive episodes are 'mild' and easy to shrug off by the individual, but I'd still like to hear your stories.


The way it ruined me:
- no girlfriends
- total social isolation
- no job
- big debt (about 2 years worth of average pay)

Cheers.




#6 peanut42

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Posted 01 October 2011 - 04:53 PM

I have been depressed for over 30 years. I have not let it ruin me but it has come close. I sometimes push people away that are only there to help me. I have had somewhat normal friendships and relationships but it is a struggle. The man I am with now is really trying to understand it, he joined here first and asked me to join. Sometimes I have to stop and think, "what are these actions going to cause"?

Peanut

#7 Brah

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Posted 01 October 2011 - 06:42 PM

What really saddens me though is to know I'm wasting what others say should be the best years of my life on doing nothing, and I have no idea of how I'm supposed to get out of this situation. Everything I do now basically influences my future.


When I think about it, that's what I feel I've missed out on. But I really don't worry about it, there's nothing I can do about the past. There's no point in me thinking about what parties I've missed out on and what I could have done, because it's too late to do anything about it. The only think I can hope for and work on is making college a better time than high school was and not let my depression get to me. If I fail at that, then I'm definitely going to feel like something's been taken from me.

Edited by Brah, 01 October 2011 - 06:42 PM.


#8 TryHarder

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Posted 01 October 2011 - 08:04 PM

The way it ruined me:
- no girlfriends
- total social isolation
- no job
- big debt (about 2 years worth of average pay)

Cheers.

Fixing your social perspective and getting a job should fix the other 2 issues too, which again demands you to get rid of or learn to deal with your depression. It always comes down to the depression, sadly. :sad:


What really saddens me though is to know I'm wasting what others say should be the best years of my life on doing nothing, and I have no idea of how I'm supposed to get out of this situation. Everything I do now basically influences my future.


When I think about it, that's what I feel I've missed out on. But I really don't worry about it, there's nothing I can do about the past. There's no point in me thinking about what parties I've missed out on and what I could have done, because it's too late to do anything about it. The only think I can hope for and work on is making college a better time than high school was and not let my depression get to me. If I fail at that, then I'm definitely going to feel like something's been taken from me.

It's great that you're being optimistic, I'd love to have your 'live in the moment' attitude. I'm too stuck up on childhood memories and how ideal those times seemed that I can't stop obsessing about them. I've learned the only difference from those times and now are the people in my life and how I carelessly I percieved the world around me. I'm kinda in a constant nostalgia trip if you know what I mean, which I think is a sideeffect of the depression since it's slightly worse whenever my depression spikes. :nod:

Edited by TryHarder, 01 October 2011 - 08:07 PM.


#9 solarflare

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Posted 01 October 2011 - 08:32 PM

Good post, keep it going. I have come close to giving up but keep finding glimmers of hope.

Imagine a giant asteroid on a direct collision course with Earth. That is the equivalent of what we face now [with climate change], yet we dither.



(James Hansen, Climate Scientist)



The sane people are unable to see the truth, even though they are convinced that they are the ones in touch with reality. It is only an insane man who is able to realize the degenerative nature of the ...... system.

#10 Ettore

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Posted 01 October 2011 - 10:43 PM

Yes depression and bipolar disorder has ruined my life or at least wrecked it for a while.

I dropped out of college after being an A student. I changed majors so much because I was never happy and the school finally cut me off. Now I can barely hold it together at a dead end retail job. Plus I can not make friends or connect with people.

I am tired, socially isolated, broke and directionless. The only thing I have going for me is supportive parents who basically are taking care of me financially which is pathetic to say the least.

#11 solarflare

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Posted 02 October 2011 - 12:59 AM

Yes depression and bipolar disorder has ruined my life or at least wrecked it for a while.

I am tired, socially isolated, broke and directionless. The only thing I have going for me is supportive parents who basically are taking care of me financially which is pathetic to say the least.



I can relate to this part of the story . Thanks for sharing. I thought I was the only one.

Imagine a giant asteroid on a direct collision course with Earth. That is the equivalent of what we face now [with climate change], yet we dither.



(James Hansen, Climate Scientist)



The sane people are unable to see the truth, even though they are convinced that they are the ones in touch with reality. It is only an insane man who is able to realize the degenerative nature of the ...... system.

#12 georgie100

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Posted 02 October 2011 - 02:40 AM


Yes depression and bipolar disorder has ruined my life or at least wrecked it for a while.

I am tired, socially isolated, broke and directionless. The only thing I have going for me is supportive parents who basically are taking care of me financially which is pathetic to say the least.



I can relate to this part of the story . Thanks for sharing. I thought I was the only one.


Depression has ruined my life.
I let it get the better of me due to my thinking.
I feel I have ruined:
my career,
Caused unnecessary pain to my family
Debt ( I ran away from my last job and I had debt in that country - causes so much anguish and worry
Relationships - I do not have a significant other and the relationship with friends has gone downhill
Weight gain
Lack of motivation
Hopelessness
Self-hatred
I spend all day ruminating and not living in the now





#13 ladysmurf

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Posted 02 October 2011 - 03:00 AM

Whatever I have it has very thoroughly crippled my ability to make any progression in my life. I went from being an A student in eighth grade to an F student in eleventh simply because I did not have the energy any more to try. I haven't been able to hold a job because the stress of work was too much for me to handle and I would always get fired or quit. The result of which was that I had to quit college because I lost my vehicle due to not having the money to keep it street legal.

Honestly I still think there may still be a way out of all of this, but for the most part, my life is ruined and fixing it is going to be almost completely impossible. I'm too old to develop social skills since people are creeped out by thirty year old men who act like ten year olds. I'm too old to start dating for the same reason. And I haven't had a job in such a long time that no business will hire me without some really good explanations for all the unemployment I've had in the past decade.


Give yourself some credit. You are being too hard on yourself.

Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have
 


#14 ladysmurf

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Posted 02 October 2011 - 03:02 AM

I feel the same way you guys feel. But I try to attempt and live my life. I'm going to school and I work part-time 10-15 hours a week. I live with my parents so that helps. Someday I hope I can live on my own.

There are days when I want to give up and die, but I keep fighting because I have dreams.

As far as how it has ruined my life. I don't have many friends, don't have a relationship which stinks, and I don't do much besides school and work because I'm always tired.
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Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have
 


#15 TryHarder

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Posted 02 October 2011 - 09:14 AM

Yes depression and bipolar disorder has ruined my life or at least wrecked it for a while.

I dropped out of college after being an A student. I changed majors so much because I was never happy and the school finally cut me off. Now I can barely hold it together at a dead end retail job. Plus I can not make friends or connect with people.

I am tired, socially isolated, broke and directionless. The only thing I have going for me is supportive parents who basically are taking care of me financially which is pathetic to say the least.

If you were an A student, that means you've got a lot of potential which will be useful in the future if you ever wanted to pick up on your studies. The isolation and tiredness is likely directly linked to your depression, which means your only problem if you eventually cope with the depression is being broke, which is pretty normal for most students anyway. :smile:

I feel the same way you guys feel. But I try to attempt and live my life. I'm going to school and I work part-time 10-15 hours a week. I live with my parents so that helps. Someday I hope I can live on my own.

There are days when I want to give up and die, but I keep fighting because I have dreams.

As far as how it has ruined my life. I don't have many friends, don't have a relationship which stinks, and I don't do much besides school and work because I'm always tired.

I don't know what grade you're in, but where I'm from, it's very common to take a year off after.. well, we've got a different educational system, but it's kinda like high-school except you can get a specialized education, which is kinda like college. Well anyway, most people take a year off before they move on to universities and so on. If you feel you're on the brink and that you can't keep going any longer, know that you have options to relieve that exhaustion without having to necessarily blow away your career or education. I'm definately taking a year off to probably work or go to the gym, something to keep my mind off school at the very least.

Edited by TryHarder, 02 October 2011 - 09:15 AM.


#16 1i11ian

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Posted 02 October 2011 - 09:18 AM

I wouldn't say ruined. I would prefer not to be depressed but there are worse things. I am learning to accept my depression and to do the best I can regardless.
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#17 elevenoceans

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Posted 02 October 2011 - 12:18 PM

Hello tryharder. I am 38 and I have been dealing with depression for at least 8 years now. Now, and looking back, and after some therapy, I realize I had more depressive episodes before I was 30 years old. The depression affected my career and my social relationships. I ended in a dead end job and avoided social contact with other people until I had a nervous breakdown last year. Now I am rebuilding my life step by step. Because of the breakdown I had to stop working.

You are 18 and have your life ahead. The first step is to realize that you are depressed (not very easy for some people) and the second step is to seek a proper treatment.

#18 LonelyHiker

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Posted 02 October 2011 - 09:38 PM

"Ruined" is probably too strong a word. Looking back at my life (I'm 43), I feel like I've accomplished quite a lot in spite of my mental illness: two degrees, a fair amount of traveling, have one beautiful 4 year old boy, no debt, good friends I've known for 30+ years, fulfilled a number of "bucket list" items.

Still, depression has thrown dirt in the machinery nonetheless: two divorces, chronically underemployed/underpaid (fear of failure has blunted my motivation and risk taking), haven't made a lot of new friends outside of my "childhood" friends, and feel like dysthymia has stolen a good number of what could have otherwise been productive years. I just try to focus on the positive in life and not dwell too much on the negative.

Lately, I try to take each day as it comes and not worry too much about the future. I try to be thankful for what I have, with the understanding that, as bad as things may seem some days, they could certainly be MUCH worse. It helps to keep things in perspective.
You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. - Jon Kabat-Zinn

One day at a time, one step at a time, keep rolling that stone. - Me

Normal is someone you don't know very well. - Anonymous

My diagnoses: Dysthymia, MDD
My current meds: Paxil, 40mg Tegretol, 700mg
My previous meds: Serzone, Prozac, Lexipro, Effexor, Cymbalta

#19 MommyofPrecious

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Posted 02 October 2011 - 10:04 PM

I admire your outlook, LonelyHiker, when you acknowledge success despite obstacles.

I've accomplished quite a lot in spite of my mental illness


For myself, it's easy to say that being depressed ruined my life because "it" caused me to do things that can't be undone, that had consequences that have been ongoing.

I prefer to say that depression has shaped my life, influenced it in ways I would not have chosen, but I choose to accept what I can't change and try to focus on what I can. I'm under a doctor's care, I take medication, I stay connected with friends (with difficulty) and mourn my losses, and work hard to live a meaningful life.

I wish that depression didn't cloud our perception, because I think it allows a person to see ruin where someone else might see raw material waiting to be crafted into something beautiful or special.

So, no, I don't think I, or my life, is ruined. To be ruined is to be unusable, unfixable, unsalvageable, and I don't accept that.
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#20 Phlebas

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Posted 03 October 2011 - 03:09 AM

Yes. Yes I do.
‘What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step.’ ~C. S. Lewis

#21 Velthir

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Posted 03 October 2011 - 04:41 AM

To a degree, yes. I've lost many years of life I should have enjoyed to depression. I ended up getting a mediocre grade degree from a mediocre university, due to my poor concentration/memory and lack of drive. Cognitively I feel like a husk of my previous self, coupled with barely being able to keep down a job that I hate (although right now I can't imagine liking any job) and not really being able to derive enjoyment from anything. Only thing keeping me going right now is my amazing girlfriend, even then I'm worried she might not put up with me :p

Dx: Bipolar II/III (antidepressant induced mixed states/hypomania)
Rx: 400mg lamotrigine (Lamictal), 800 mg/day of carbamazepine (Tegretol XR), 600 mg/day Zyban (bupropion/Wellbutrin SR)
Failed meds: Cymbalta, citalopram (Celexa), agomelatine (Valdoxan), lofepramine, mirtazapine (Remeron), sertraline (Zoloft), aripiprazole (Abilify), quetiapine (Seroquel), trimipramine (Surmontil)
Partial-success: nortriptyline/Pamelor, moclobemide (Aurorix/Manerix), reboxetine
 
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#22 tremblingblustar

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Posted 03 October 2011 - 01:53 PM

The way it ruined me:
- no girlfriends
- total social isolation
- no job
- big debt (about 2 years worth of average pay)

I can relate to this. Well, all but the third. I have a fairly decent paying job, but the pay is far too variable. One month I could make $1500, the next $4000. Hard to plan a life with so much uncertainty.

I don't think depression has ruined my life, but it has set me back. I can't say it is due to the depression, or low self-esteem. I don't try hard and fail due to low self-esteem, but is that the cause or the effect of depression?

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and give my 20 year-old self a swift kick in the ***!

#23 TryHarder

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Posted 03 October 2011 - 07:32 PM


The way it ruined me:
- no girlfriends
- total social isolation
- no job
- big debt (about 2 years worth of average pay)

I can relate to this. Well, all but the third. I have a fairly decent paying job, but the pay is far too variable. One month I could make $1500, the next $4000. Hard to plan a life with so much uncertainty.

I don't think depression has ruined my life, but it has set me back. I can't say it is due to the depression, or low self-esteem. I don't try hard and fail due to low self-esteem, but is that the cause or the effect of depression?

Hey, what do you work with?

You could look at when your depression first triggered. Like for example, were you bullied prior to the depression? If so, it could be the self-esteem issue triggering the depression /initially/.

Edited by TryHarder, 03 October 2011 - 08:02 PM.


#24 funchas

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Posted 03 October 2011 - 08:03 PM

Right now, it has. I don't have too many friends anymore because they couldn't handle my emotional outbursts or my tendency to isolate myself. :( This refers to both online and offline friends. I wish I could be around people and connect with them again... but I can't. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. Plus there's the fact I'm not very interesting or fun to be around anyways.


Also I couldn't find work in what I wanted to do... because of my lack of self-esteem and not being able to appear to be motivated about things. No one in their right mind would hire me. I'm lucky I was able to find work at my mom's job, though doesn't help with my self-esteem.


Oh, and I feel like I'm letting my dog down every single day because I don't do much with him anymore. Good thing English setters tend to have an independent streak in 'em.

Edited by funchas, 03 October 2011 - 08:05 PM.


#25 Teddy545

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Posted 03 October 2011 - 08:24 PM

It's really hard for me to say that my whole entire life has been ruined. I'm only 27 and I don't know whats going to happen tomorrow.

I can only give answers I found for myself.  Please ignore my bad writing. 


#26 IVAX

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Posted 03 October 2011 - 08:37 PM

Yeah. For sure it has ruined my life.
And when our worlds they fall apart
When the walls come tumbling in
Though we may deserve it
It will be worth it

#27 Brah

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Posted 03 October 2011 - 09:02 PM

I would just like to add something here. Although depression has hindered all of us in a lot of ways, and maybe caused us to miss out on a lot of things, none of our lives are over yet. Most of us aren't even halfway there, so our lives can't be ruined as long as there's a little hope for a better future, however hard it is to imagine.

"It is never too late to be what you might have been"---George Elliot

Edited by Brah, 03 October 2011 - 09:09 PM.

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#28 Yellow Cake

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Posted 04 October 2011 - 11:58 AM

Absolutely. In the past I was still able to function with my depression just being in the background. But it has gotten progressively more severe. Now it's hard to get through the day. Getting up in the morning is a constant struggle of wondering what's the point.

#29 tremblingblustar

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Posted 04 October 2011 - 07:10 PM

Hey, what do you work with?

I work with school children on skill development. So, as you can imagine, my pay is largely dependent on the number of clients I maintain, their attendance, whether school is in session, ect.

You could look at when your depression first triggered. Like for example, were you bullied prior to the depression? If so, it could be the self-esteem issue triggering the depression /initially/.

I wasn't bullied in high school, but I sure was in grade school and middle school. I remember one group of kids who would smack me around when the teachers weren't watching. They did it because I had such high anxiety I couldn't stand up for myself. I may has well have been wearing a target.

So I can see how that may have led to my inability to stand up for myself that i still struggle with today.

#30 ejf

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Posted 04 October 2011 - 08:49 PM

I wouldn't say it's actually ruined my life - there's lots of good things that are or have been in my life, and I suspect that will continue. I'm more scared that being depressed will help me ruin my own life. It makes me tend to carry this awful cloud over my head, everywhere I go. That cloud drags my whole past around behind me. I walk backwards so I can ensure that I don't hit people with all of that past. Most of the time, I can't stop it anyhow.

#31 LoudQuietness

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Posted 04 October 2011 - 10:20 PM

It definitly has had a huge effect . For me isolation has been the biggest drain on my life. It's just a vicious cycle where you dwell on the past of how your life could of been without depression, and then that just makes you even more depressed.
"Pile on many more layers,And I'll be joining you there" - Pink Floyd

#32 TryHarder

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Posted 05 October 2011 - 04:44 PM


Hey, what do you work with?

I work with school children on skill development. So, as you can imagine, my pay is largely dependent on the number of clients I maintain, their attendance, whether school is in session, ect.

You could look at when your depression first triggered. Like for example, were you bullied prior to the depression? If so, it could be the self-esteem issue triggering the depression /initially/.

I wasn't bullied in high school, but I sure was in grade school and middle school. I remember one group of kids who would smack me around when the teachers weren't watching. They did it because I had such high anxiety I couldn't stand up for myself. I may has well have been wearing a target.

So I can see how that may have led to my inability to stand up for myself that i still struggle with today.

People didn't physically attack me as I had no problems getting into a fight, and I doubt they'd even get away with it in my school, but they did verbally attack me which was a 100 times worse for me. It started with one person calling me something dull witted, next thing the entire school is chanting it in the hallways because they know how offensive I took it. At one point I became so paranoid I would punch and attack anyone who tried to be funny by saying it. I don't think I remember a single class in school from that year. I remember I skipped school so much I often slept out in a little cave covered in snow that I found in the forest during school hours so my parents would think I went.

However, the next year almost no people said it anymore because I got a new class and made new and actually popular and funny friends which again made it harder for someone to make fun of me without being made fun of themselves. That year is the sole reason I got my self esteem back and actually learned to develop some social skills and humor. This is why I think we all can potentially get rid of our depression by surrounding ourselves with people who likes us and have our ideal characteristics. Depression is nearly non-existant in one-celled twins who sticks together you know.

It definitly has had a huge effect . For me isolation has been the biggest drain on my life. It's just a vicious cycle where you dwell on the past of how your life could of been without depression, and then that just makes you even more depressed.

I was pretty depressed at one point when I was somewhat bullied in school so I turned to my computer and started watching the anime 'Dragon-Ball' from Episode 1 of the original series to the last of the Z series in a few weeks. Escapism was definately not for me as I couldn't stop obsessing about this imaginary world where everything was perfect. I swear I got so obsessed I occasionally saw some of the characters in the corner of my eye. It's actually how I discovered this forum intially because I looked up the obsession and the depressive feelings which led to an article on here. I was so unstable I actually couldn't venture outside because it was as if I got punched in the face by anger and sad emotions for whatever reason. Kinda like a very strong feeling of nostalgia, except triggered by /any/ realistic impressions.

#33 solarflare

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Posted 06 October 2011 - 06:14 PM

Only if I let it. I am responsible for seeing life as I choose. There is no one to blame anymore.
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Imagine a giant asteroid on a direct collision course with Earth. That is the equivalent of what we face now [with climate change], yet we dither.



(James Hansen, Climate Scientist)



The sane people are unable to see the truth, even though they are convinced that they are the ones in touch with reality. It is only an insane man who is able to realize the degenerative nature of the ...... system.

#34 Brokenme

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Posted 06 October 2011 - 11:58 PM

I have to disagree here. I don't think my life has been ruined by depression.
What I have gained from it:
- I learnt that my friends were truly friends. They drove almost an hour to come and visit me when I was in hospital.
- I learnt to talk. I am very shy and hate talking, especially about myself. Being forced to talk (I still hate it) has helped me find my voice.
- I found that people around me truly care. I still push them away sometimes now, but they truly are angels in my life.
- I learnt to share. I'm more open to talking about myself now and sometimes I think I overshare. Lol.

Of course there are negatives. But people are like photos... we develop from negatives!
Sure my memory is pretty bad. I feel very low most days. And recently my anxiety levels are sky high.
I still have strong urges to self harm, and I frequently relapse.
But I will not let this beat me.

-CavyGrace :bear_wub:

#35 SailingAway

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Posted 07 October 2011 - 12:15 AM

This is a tough question to answer.

In retrospect, I struggled for several years with undiagnosed mental illness. I always thought it was just me being moody at times. Once the illness started escalating in recent years, I began to feel like it was taking over my life. I started generalizing things and catastrophizing (sp?).

Now that I have it under control with ongoing therapy and treatment, I am very grateful to be alive today.

Do I think my mental illness ruined my life? No. Not entirely, at least. I believe I have many more years to live a fulfilling life. If I continue to fixate on the past, I will never move forward with integrity and hope. I can use the past to reflect and learn from, but I will not fixate on it. My mental illness helped put many things into perspective for me. Throughout this ordeal, I was able to establish a very supportive relationship with my parents, my cousin and niece, and a coworker. They've been there for me, and I will never ever forget it. When hard times fall in their path, I KNOW that I will be there to help them in whatever way I can.

I am a survivor, not a victim.
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#36 Sanda

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Posted 07 October 2011 - 02:05 PM

I wouldn't say depression alone has ruined my life but it had thrown additional major roadblocks in my way that's certain. I don't yet consider my life ruined but I sure as h*ll consider myself to have more than what seems my fair share of pain and suffering...

Since I'm in an optimistic mood I'll say battling depression for so long, and still being willing to battle, makes me much stronger than I would have been had I never had to deal with it. I think thats true of a lot of us really - don't you know some people who would absolutely crumble and collapse under the amount of pain and stress and limitations that you have to deal with day by day? I do. I guess in some ways they are lucky, the ones I am thinking of have nice marriages and seem to have an endless support of family & friends, no money worries, and always seem to be effortlessly moving on with the "american dream".

But when I mention something a little tough that I've been through, like no one asking me to my senior prom in high school, they look at me in absolute horror and say something like how could I stand that, they would have slit their wrists right then. When to me it's just one little thing in a lifetime of challenges I've had to face, endure, survive past because of mental health issues.... And I realize, their lives might not always go so smoothly either, and when a rock falls in their way, will they be able to try to climb over it or will they just crumble in defeat? I don't wish them any ill, but sometimes I'm grateful to be battle scarred and baptized in pain, as I've handled it this far, I've gained confidence I can handle the next nightmare thrown in my way.

#37 Sanda

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Posted 07 October 2011 - 02:06 PM

I can use the past to reflect and learn from, but I will not fixate on it. My mental illness helped put many things into perspective for me. Throughout this ordeal, I was able to establish a very supportive relationship with my parents, my cousin and niece, and a coworker. They've been there for me, and I will never ever forget it. When hard times fall in their path, I KNOW that I will be there to help them in whatever way I can.

I am a survivor, not a victim.


Yes, this is well said. This is how I feel too. :)

#38 Spiritual_Wanderer

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Posted 07 October 2011 - 02:35 PM

I don't like being overly negative, but yes. I think depression has ruined my life. I started out as an incredibly gifted singer in high school who no doubt could have made a career out of it, but I have always been an underachiever, doubtful of myself and my abilities, and unable to reach my full potential. Then, I passed up multiple opportunities of various nature due to low self-esteem and depression-related shyness. I could have been a strong, confident leader and a high-level supervisor, administrator, maybe even executive eventually, but depression has always pulled me down, made me overthink myself, expect the worst, not be aggressive enough, etc.

I'm 38 now. I am about to get my first associate's degree. I have a decent job in an office setting. It pays the bills and supports my daughter. My passions, interests, creativity, and lust for life will have to come from whatever I can find to do in my spare time (nonexistent now), as it's really too late to change careers at this point. I have to start focusing on long term things, retirement fund, etc. All the dreams I had are gone. I used to feel like such a free spirit, young inside, having a child-like wonder for the world.

Sorry for being such a downer. I think I can still be happy somehow doing things I love outside of work. I just have to somehow find that joie de vivre again.

:Cooptsearch:
Many Blessings,
SW
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Not all those who wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien
Don't let the muggles get you down. ― J.K. Rowling

#39 Martin P.S.

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Posted 08 October 2011 - 01:45 AM

This is great! I can relate, I was also an A student, never had much friends or social skills, but I dreamed of going to med school and being really successful..
Fact is, I did go to med school and as I'm cursing my 3rd year, starting to make friends and have a real girlfriend..... BAM! This thing hits me.

Took a year off, went back and finished it, but it was never nearly as good or easy, seems like a mediocre version of what I used to be.

Anyways, thanks for the post, I don't feel so alone tonight because of it : )

#40 SailingAway

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Posted 08 October 2011 - 03:35 AM


I prefer to say that depression has shaped my life, influenced it in ways I would not have chosen, but I choose to accept what I can't change and try to focus on what I can. I'm under a doctor's care, I take medication, I stay connected with friends (with difficulty) and mourn my losses, and work hard to live a meaningful life.

So, no, I don't think I, or my life, is ruined. To be ruined is to be unusable, unfixable, unsalvageable, and I don't accept that.


Nicely worded.




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