Posted 02 October 2011 - 09:38 PM
"Ruined" is probably too strong a word. Looking back at my life (I'm 43), I feel like I've accomplished quite a lot in spite of my mental illness: two degrees, a fair amount of traveling, have one beautiful 4 year old boy, no debt, good friends I've known for 30+ years, fulfilled a number of "bucket list" items.
Still, depression has thrown dirt in the machinery nonetheless: two divorces, chronically underemployed/underpaid (fear of failure has blunted my motivation and risk taking), haven't made a lot of new friends outside of my "childhood" friends, and feel like dysthymia has stolen a good number of what could have otherwise been productive years. I just try to focus on the positive in life and not dwell too much on the negative.
Lately, I try to take each day as it comes and not worry too much about the future. I try to be thankful for what I have, with the understanding that, as bad as things may seem some days, they could certainly be MUCH worse. It helps to keep things in perspective.
...Remember when you were young?..You shone like the sun...
Now there's a look in your eyes..like black holes in the sky..
- Waters/Wish You Were Here
"I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain. One always finds one's burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night-filled mountain, in itself, forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy." - Albert Camus
Normal is someone you don't know very well. - Anonymous
We’re all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn’t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities; we are eaten up by nothing. - Charles Bukowski
My diagnoses: Dysthymia, MDD
My current meds: none
My previous meds: Serzone, Prozac, Lexapro, Effexor, Seroquel, Cymbalta, Paxil, Tegretol, Lamictal, Trileptal, Wellbutrin