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Can't keep up... with life


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#1 acdc111999

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Posted 02 August 2006 - 12:04 AM

First, I am REALLY, REALLY sorry that this is long……………… but I couldn’t leave anything else out... I’ve been editing this for over an hour, I think. That’s actually really embarrassing, but here goes.

I have been so overwhelmed (for over a year) about getting things done because I usually never use my time wisely. If I need to clean my room, get an assignment done, do chores, get ready for work/school/to go out, I usually always go on the computer first and end up spending way too much time on it... but the time I spend on the PC goes by SOOO QUICKLY This past year at school, I barely got any sleep because I had to go on the computer every 20 minutes (probably), in the middle of doing my work... and I absolutely hated how I could never concentrate on my schoolwork (even if there are no computers around… I’ll still think about computers and other things on my mind).

My roommate never knew about my computer habits because she was never there, but I’m worried about this coming year because my roommate is going to be one of my friends.

My mom is constantly reminding me how lazy I am around the house, and I know she’s right.

I barely ever exercise anymore, when I ALWAYS used to in high school and middle school.

My vision is definitely blurrier.

I feel like I am addicted to the computer.

Anyway, If I ever happen to tell someone that I spend too much time on the computer, they ask me, "What do you do on there?" Sure, I check my e-mail, myspace, facebook, same as everyone else. But what I *never* tell anyone is that...

--I check a fansite of my favorite actress too many times a day. Anyway, I really admire this actress a lot, but the reason I never mention how much I like her is because I'm scared people will think I'm a lesbian or something, which I'm certain I'm not. So it's almost like I have this paranoia that people would associate my love (sibling/aunt/uncle-type of love) for this actress with homosexuality. And I’m not speaking negatively of people who are homosexual. Anyway, I would like to meet a really nice guy some time soon (since I've never even had a d*** boyfriend in my life), and I don’t want people to think I’m a lesbian. I’m probably thinking too deeply into it, but whatever…… I’d never feel comfortable checking this actress’s fansite in front of my friends, just because it’s probably weird, and it seems like something a tween would do. Anyone agree?

--On MySpace, or those blogging online journal-type-sites, I enjoy reading people's profiles if I see that they have some of the same interests as me, if they want to meet the same people as me (“Who I’d Like to Meet” section), or if their picture or background looks interesting/creative. I just enjoy reading/looking at these entries/pages sometimes because it's almost like reading one of those Catcher in the Rye type of novels, you know?

I am sort of an observer. I like to people-watch if I'm out somewhere. I looooove pictures of nature, like the mountains, the beach, trees, flowers, etc. I can honestly stare at a beautiful webpage layout for a long time, especially if it is the layout to my journal or myspace. This REALLY annoys me.

For example, after I write an entry in my web journal, I'll sit there and read the entry and stare at my journal and then just keep reading old entries, and then read my profile (even though it really says pretty much nothing), and then I'll look at the pictures of my icons. I deleted the pretty backgrounds and colored fonts to lessen this problem, but I still find myself staring because I like to read what I write for some reason. I also have a ton of trouble condensing things, if you haven't noticed from this terribly long post =( =( =( =(

I tried keeping a hand-written journal instead of a typed one, but it takes too long. I need to write almost every day to clear my head (even though my head is never clear), so typing is the fastest way to go about it. If I'm reading my friends’ page, I'll still check it at least ten times a day, to see if anyone else has updated.



Does anyone have anyyyyyyyyyyy advice? If I don't go on the computer, I feel like I'm missing out on something.

-I have books to read, movies that I rent, a full-time job [summer], tons of schoolwork to do [during the school year], and friends that I hang out with a couple times a week, but I STILL manage to always spend useless hours on the computer every day.

Thanks in advance if anyone has any ideas.... or if you simply read this entire thing. Thank you...

Edited by acdc111999, 02 August 2006 - 12:07 AM.


#2 Neatoboy

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Posted 02 August 2006 - 12:47 AM

It sounds like you have a computer addiction to me. Addictions thrive on shame and secrets and until you get these "off your chest", addictions will still have a hold on you. You need to find somebody you can trust to share your struggles with, who won't judge you and who will encourage you.

These forums are a safe place to share things and you will not be judged.
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on
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#3 surgeon2006

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Posted 02 August 2006 - 01:13 AM

I agree with Neatoboy,i does sound like you have an addiction and because it is such a concern for you i would recomend getting some help about it.
Have you talked to a therapist or councellor? Or would you consider doing something along those lines?

It sounds like you have a good social life and have a few hobbies too. Why not spend more time outdoors or doing things you enjoy other than spending time on the computer.
Set yourself a time limit...set some other tasks for the day,give yourself some goals and allow yourself to get some form of routine in your life.

Hope you can find a way around this...there is a big world out there and unfortunatly you cant access it all from your computer.
Kind regards
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So love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don't.
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#4 Guest_art.chick_*

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Posted 02 August 2006 - 02:31 AM

You said,

"Does anyone have anyyyyyyyyyyy advice? If I don't go on the computer, I feel like I'm missing out on something. "

Well, you have to be willing to miss out on something. You have to become willing to not care that things will happen on the pages you view when you are not looking. I have been in recovery groups where people talk about compulsive issues. All addictions involve compulsive behavior. One woman who had compulsively horded books had to admit to herself that she felt that she was holding onto stuff that would fill in what was missing in her. She could not give up the books till she felt whole in herself. The books supposedly contained things that would improve her. Maybe the internet is doing that for you.

Indeed, time flies online! I have had that experience. I have logged on with the intention of just checking my PMs here, and 4 hours later, I realize my day is half over! We can't just spend our whole lives in virtual reality.

Your fandom is probably more about what you wish you were than about who you wished you were having sex with. I think you know that stars are people like us. I have a physical therapy appt at the same time as a famous movie actress. I made myself talk to her as a person, not a star, and it turned out she has a small rent-control apartment with a clutter problem like me. She has a lot of the same problems I do, and she did not know I recognized her because I was so "normal" with her. At the end of the conversation, she introduced herself. I said, "I know who you are. I am a fan." She was pretty surprised. If I had gotten caught up in the idea of her stardom, it would have been a different conversation. Maybe someday you will meet your idol, and she will turn out to just be a person with problems like you, and the mystique will be gone. Perhaps if you change the focus to what you want to do to make yourself a more admirable person, you will adopt some of what you perceive to be her attributes.

You are gonna have to clean up your act if you are living with a friend. The roughest roommate situations I have had are with friends. I do so much better with strangers because they have no expectations. Being very respectful with personal cleanliness and order is important, or they feel like you are taking advantage of the familiarity. My first friend roommate did not take our ant problem seriously and left dirty dishes for the little insects to feed on. I was getting a little testy about this. My second friend roommate was good with the cleaning, but he needed tons of attention. I could not give it.

Commit to yourself for so many days per week that you will not even touch the computer. If you belong to too many Yahoo groups, cancel some. Maybe you can make Sunday your Sabbath away from the computer. Schedule your time rigidly at first, because you have had no structure at all. I am having to do this with myself. My therapist recommends it. She says I need to actually schedule time to clean, time to work on my portfolio, time to make calls, time to work out, time to care for pets, time to pay bills, time to read, time to have fun. If I do not plan it out this way, I waste too much time. We get a lot of people here at DF whose lives have been wasting away on computer games. Computers really encourage us to waste time by sucking us in. When you do schedule computer time, schedule it realistically - you KNOW you are not really gonna be on for just 20 minutes.

If you can learn to go for a few days per week with NO computer, that will help you to break the addiction. Staying away from that actress's site for all but maybe one or 2 days per week will ease you out of obscession. YOu are obscessing. Obscession usually means avoiding life. Nevermind that hand journalling takes longer. You can take the paper to the woods, to the park, the beach and be in nature. You really need to commune with nature sometimes. Find out what it is about you that you don't want to face. Most of us who are avoiding do not want to face the life we are in, the work in front of us, the conflicts in our own family or social circle, the ambitions we may never realize. But we never know what our potential is if we just live in our fantasy world.

#5 acdc111999

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Posted 03 August 2006 - 12:45 AM


Wow, thanks so much for the in-depth response. I really appreciate it, and it seems like your suggestions will be helpful.

Yeah, the actress I admire once had some form of depression at one time, I think, but I just love who she is as a person [based on interviews], her lifestyle, and her versatile acting abilitiy in the movies. That's interesting about your encounter with that famous person. I'm curious as to who it was since I'm a huge movie fanatic, but I respect your choice if you don't want to share that info on the internet.

Also, although I'm really messy at home, I am pretty good about keeping my room clean at college, thank goodness... the messiest it gets over there is that my desk gets completely cluttered with papers and things, I'll not make my bed every day (like if I'm running late for class), and I won't always wash my coffee mug every day (since I don't always drink coffee in my room). I should still work on that, though.

I like your ideas about scheduling, only visiting websites a certain # of times a week, and being willing to "miss out" on things... I'm hoping I can find a way to make these things work out.

Thanks again.

Edited by acdc111999, 03 August 2006 - 12:47 AM.


#6 Sheepwoman

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Posted 03 August 2006 - 09:01 AM

Computer obsession/ I had that when I first got Internet. I would virtually spend all my waking hours on the computer. Life began slipping away and I was missing out on it. I had to change my behavior in order to change the amount of time spent on the computer. I only allow myself a few hours in the morning so that the rest of my day can be spent doing constructive things and getting out of the house. I don't feel like I am missing out on something because I don't access the computer as often. I found out that I was missing out more important things in life by staying on the computer. Limit your time is the best way to start. Resist the impulse to keep checking on things that really have no value for you. Focus yourself on more important things like your education (which is not cheap) that will get you somewhere in your life. It's ok to be a fan of someone, but how is that person going to impact your real life? Think about that. Are they going to be there for you in real life? I think not as they don't know that you even exist. Having some fantasy in your life is ok, too. Just don't let it become your life.
Sheepwoman :hearts:
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#7 chaku

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Posted 04 August 2006 - 06:29 AM

I can really relate to this thread. I think I am finally reaching a point where I have a serious problem with this now. Lately I have been getting more and more depressed and the only way I have been able to keep it at bay is by reading about things on the internet. I'll read about music, videogames, movies, and other stuff that is not very important to me. A big thing for me is nostalgia for old things that I liked a lot more when I was younger, and hearing other people talk about those things somehow passes the time for me better than anything else.

Everything else I try is not fast paced enough and my mind will race through two tracks at the same time. It seems like only reading as fast as I can about pointless things can keep my mind from wandering into suicidal thoughts. :bump:

I wish I knew what else to do, everything else I try seems to not be enough to hold back the pain. I am so frustrated with my music after failing with it for so many years and have nothing else fall back on. :hearts:

#8 acdc111999

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Posted 04 August 2006 - 09:27 AM

I can really relate to this thread. I think I am finally reaching a point where I have a serious problem with this now. Lately I have been getting more and more depressed and the only way I have been able to keep it at bay is by reading about things on the internet. I'll read about music, videogames, movies, and other stuff that is not very important to me. A big thing for me is nostalgia for old things that I liked a lot more when I was younger, and hearing other people talk about those things somehow passes the time for me better than anything else.

Everything else I try is not fast paced enough and my mind will race through two tracks at the same time. It seems like only reading as fast as I can about pointless things can keep my mind from wandering into suicidal thoughts. :bump:

I wish I knew what else to do, everything else I try seems to not be enough to hold back the pain. I am so frustrated with my music after failing with it for so many years and have nothing else fall back on. :hearts:



I know what you mean about nostalgia... I'm always wishing that I could go back to being a kid again, when everything was fun and easy.

What instrument do you play? Do you take lessons? Maybe getting an instructor or something will help you improve. I'm not the best at giving suggestions.

Thanks for posting, though. It's good to know I'm not alone.

#9 Steve33825

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Posted 04 August 2006 - 11:31 AM

First, I am REALLY, REALLY sorry that this is long……………… but I couldn’t leave anything else out... I’ve been editing this for over an hour, I think. That’s actually really embarrassing, but here goes.

I have been so overwhelmed (for over a year) about getting things done because I usually never use my time wisely. If I need to clean my room, get an assignment done, do chores, get ready for work/school/to go out, I usually always go on the computer first and end up spending way too much time on it... but the time I spend on the PC goes by SOOO QUICKLY This past year at school, I barely got any sleep because I had to go on the computer every 20 minutes (probably), in the middle of doing my work... and I absolutely hated how I could never concentrate on my schoolwork (even if there are no computers around… I’ll still think about computers and other things on my mind).

My roommate never knew about my computer habits because she was never there, but I’m worried about this coming year because my roommate is going to be one of my friends.

My mom is constantly reminding me how lazy I am around the house, and I know she’s right.

I barely ever exercise anymore, when I ALWAYS used to in high school and middle school.

My vision is definitely blurrier.

I feel like I am addicted to the computer.

Anyway, If I ever happen to tell someone that I spend too much time on the computer, they ask me, "What do you do on there?" Sure, I check my e-mail, myspace, facebook, same as everyone else. But what I *never* tell anyone is that...

--I check a fansite of my favorite actress too many times a day. Anyway, I really admire this actress a lot, but the reason I never mention how much I like her is because I'm scared people will think I'm a lesbian or something, which I'm certain I'm not. So it's almost like I have this paranoia that people would associate my love (sibling/aunt/uncle-type of love) for this actress with homosexuality. And I’m not speaking negatively of people who are homosexual. Anyway, I would like to meet a really nice guy some time soon (since I've never even had a d*** boyfriend in my life), and I don’t want people to think I’m a lesbian. I’m probably thinking too deeply into it, but whatever…… I’d never feel comfortable checking this actress’s fansite in front of my friends, just because it’s probably weird, and it seems like something a tween would do. Anyone agree?

--On MySpace, or those blogging online journal-type-sites, I enjoy reading people's profiles if I see that they have some of the same interests as me, if they want to meet the same people as me (“Who I’d Like to Meet” section), or if their picture or background looks interesting/creative. I just enjoy reading/looking at these entries/pages sometimes because it's almost like reading one of those Catcher in the Rye type of novels, you know?

I am sort of an observer. I like to people-watch if I'm out somewhere. I looooove pictures of nature, like the mountains, the beach, trees, flowers, etc. I can honestly stare at a beautiful webpage layout for a long time, especially if it is the layout to my journal or myspace. This REALLY annoys me.

For example, after I write an entry in my web journal, I'll sit there and read the entry and stare at my journal and then just keep reading old entries, and then read my profile (even though it really says pretty much nothing), and then I'll look at the pictures of my icons. I deleted the pretty backgrounds and colored fonts to lessen this problem, but I still find myself staring because I like to read what I write for some reason. I also have a ton of trouble condensing things, if you haven't noticed from this terribly long post =( =( =( =(

I tried keeping a hand-written journal instead of a typed one, but it takes too long. I need to write almost every day to clear my head (even though my head is never clear), so typing is the fastest way to go about it. If I'm reading my friends’ page, I'll still check it at least ten times a day, to see if anyone else has updated.



Does anyone have anyyyyyyyyyyy advice? If I don't go on the computer, I feel like I'm missing out on something.

-I have books to read, movies that I rent, a full-time job [summer], tons of schoolwork to do [during the school year], and friends that I hang out with a couple times a week, but I STILL manage to always spend useless hours on the computer every day.

Thanks in advance if anyone has any ideas.... or if you simply read this entire thing. Thank you...

My friend, let me tell you something. The computer is neat gadget, especially when coupled with the internet, but real life is far more exciting. There's so much to do out there in the world if only you can notice the opportunities AND take advantage of them. I would recommend setting a schedule for yourself as far as computer/online usage goes. I used to have this problem when I first got the internet at 12 years old, I was online all the time and there was so much to do and so much to see. But if you don't take your eyes away from that screen soon enough, you will become too absorbed by it. Be absorbed by life instead, by love, by choices, by adventure.

#10 dohta

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Posted 04 August 2006 - 09:19 PM

Hey you're like me, except I check my msn messenger about every 10 minutes. Try disconnecting your internet service for about 2-3 months. The first month will be HELL to go through, but if you make it, it gets so much easier after. Addictions are really hard to overcome.
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#11 Beautiful Stranger

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Posted 04 August 2006 - 10:34 PM

I have exactly the same problem!! It's like I'm, not addicted, but obligated to go on the computer! Sometimes I don't even want to go on, but I just do. It's like a disease or something, I can't get off! And yeah, my vision is getting worse, I'm also forgetting how to spell stuff!

#12 truthseeker

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Posted 06 August 2006 - 08:25 AM

Um, I'm a bit more reluctant to place labels on things, like, 'addiction', it sounds as though you're a fairly normal person with normal problems and whatnot.

That said, I have just taken a holiday and not been online for over a week.. yes, only a week, but it's made such a difference! It was actually brilliant to get away from the computer for a while. I opened my eyes to the real world and went out and did stuff. Yeah, the internet is a fantastic tool, but also one that you can just get lost in.. it really is worthwhile to take a week off and do other stuff.

#13 acdc111999

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Posted 06 August 2006 - 10:56 PM

ugh i've been really unsuccessful thus far :(

part--but not all--of my problem is that when i get into an argument or something with my mom, i just go into my room to tune her out, listen to music, and relax, but i also end up going on the computer... and i usually end up staying in my room for four hours, until i go to bed around 2. don't get me wrong, it's not like my mom and i argue all the time, but i'm just so sick of her giving me the same advice every day when i tell her how much i hate college, and she always tells me how expensive it is to go there and to stop complaining about it and why is she paying for my college education if i don't appreciate it?, and then she always nags me to do certain things like she's a broken record. she also insists that her advice is always the best, and that she's always right, in regards to advice. she means well and is a great/nice/caring person, but at times like these (which are often), i just lock myself in my room with my music. and unfortunately, i also go on the darn computer. i read a little, too, but not when i'm in a mad mood, like i have been lately.

even if i'm not in an argument, though, i still manage to spend too much time on the computer. it makes me forget about what's bothering me, makes me kind of happy to read about all of the things i'm interested in. however, when i realize that i should be getting off the computer, i can't manage to get up right away... i tell myself five more minutes or something, and get up an hour later.

sigh. it really sucks. i guess i'm not trying hard enough, even though i do have other things on my mind that i could do away from the computer. maybe i'm avoiding them for some unknown reason. i don't know. i have to try harder.

Edited by acdc111999, 06 August 2006 - 11:07 PM.





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