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Don't Know If I'm Doing The Right Thing Posting Here


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8 replies to this topic

#1 leigh1987

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Posted 15 August 2011 - 08:35 PM

... I think I just need to vent anonymously.

I'm 24 years old (female) and i've always bottled things up. I didn't have a bad child hood, but I was home educated from the age of 11 which has inadvertedly screwed my life up. I lost all my friends, I lost any condidence I had, and now here I am at 24 with nothing. It's gotten me down for years, but I always kept it inside, never let on to anyone how I was feeling. I didn't have anyone to talk to anyway. I have no social life, no real friends; I spend every day doing the same thing, day in, day out. At the same time, I have no interest in a lot of things people my age do. I wouldn't drink or go clubbing anyway as it doesn't interest me, so people my own age think i'm weird. I've never had any relationships because i've never been in a position to meet anyone new, and that is one thing that is really getting to me now, because i'm so lonely all the time. I'm surrounded by family, but it's not the same. I live at home with my mum who also depends on me in ways I don't think is fair; it feels like she can't do anything for herself, and won't. So I have no life of my own, no privacy, and she treats me like i'm 12. I'm also unemployed and have been for seven months, so I have no money either. I'm desperate to get back into work souly so I can meet new people, but it's not happening.

In short, I am feeling the lowest i've ever felt, and it's so obvious to everyone around me now. They're just not seeing it. I know I need help, but i don't want to admit to anyone there's something wrong with me. And I feel too old. I feel like i've missed out on so much.

Again I don't know if this is the right thing to be writing, in the right place, or whatever. I just need to vent. I know if I sort my life out I will feel better about myself, but I just don't know where to start. I'm so confused.

Edited by leigh1987, 15 August 2011 - 08:37 PM.


#2 gemstar

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Posted 15 August 2011 - 09:00 PM

Hi leigh1987 (((hugs))) I'm glad you came to the Depression Forums. They are a good place to be for you right now.

I'm sorry you are having such troubles. I think there will be many people who can identify with your feelings of isolation and obligation to your parent. I want you to know that I have an aunt who went through pretty much what you are going through, and I will share that story with you soon.

In the meantime, look around and see if you can find any similar stories and some hope. I know it will be okay. You're taking the first step and there are only good things for you in the future.

((hugs))
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#3 Steveab63

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Posted 15 August 2011 - 09:42 PM

Welcome Leigh,

You're in the right place. There are plenty of people here that can relate. I too spent part of my life taking care of a parent. It comes with some confusing feelings. You want to help, but you don't want to be burdened either. Being socially isolated is a drag too. Many of us here have the same issues, even though they are self imposed. I went to school with hundreds of other students, but i felt like I was all alone.

The recipe is this: work on your own self esteem, get yourself out in the world, do some research on body language so you're not sending the wrong signals, then "fake it 'till you make it" which means act like you're a very sociable person, act like someone you know who is, even though you're scared silly, and eventually you will be more comfortable acting that way. Then, you can mix the real you with the act you've been putting on, and soon you will comfortable being you and sociable at the same time.

Good luck
Steve.

#4 Spiritual_Wanderer

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Posted 16 August 2011 - 09:59 AM

Hi leigh1987.

Welcome to DF! You've posted in the right spot and what you said is just fine. No one will attack or criticize you here - this is a safe haven. I can understand how you feel. Being unemployed can cripple your self-confidence... but it's only temporary. A lot of people go back to school in times like that. It can be hard to admit you are feeling depressed or helpless and/or need help. Especially when there are others looking to you to help care for them or do things for them. Have you thought about picking up a hobby or joining a group in your community, doing charity work, etc.? Even though it's hard, you might want to try and see a therapist to help you through this rough time. Personally, I think it's good you don't want to go out drinking or clubbing - way overrated. A lot of people here feel lonely too - you are not alone!
Many Blessings,
SW
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#5 gemstar

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Posted 24 August 2011 - 01:17 PM

Hi leigh1987,

How are you doing? I hope you are doing okay... :console:
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#6 MommyofPrecious

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Posted 24 August 2011 - 10:13 PM

Welcome, Leigh. I am glad you found DF, and hope you continue to "vent" as much as you need. Just reading the posts of others having the same issues gives me a sense of hope that I will recover, and that I am not alone. I know how hard it is to leave the house, and to separate from "needy" parental figures, but I almost always feel better when I do. Unfortunately, I haven't been out of my own house for a few days, so I am making a pledge to go SOMEWHERE tomorrow! Do you have any thrift stores where you live? It's a great place to pass time, and you don't have to buy anything, and often there are a lot of people out doing the same thing. I hope you find something on this forum that strikes a chord with you, best of luck. M of P

P.S. I am not dismissing your feeling of being too old at 24; you should always honor your own feelings. But, during my "up" years, I have found several good and lasting relationships (good friends and a second, wonderful husband who married my bad-44-year-old self) even after a very (abusively) sheltered childhood and young adulthood. So, you have soooo much time, it's never too late.

#7 forlornhope

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Posted 25 August 2011 - 10:26 AM

Welcome. :)

I understand much of what you're going through. I hope you can keep the courage to stay different, even in the lonliest of times. I know people don't really appreciate it and it makes it hard to meet anyone but better that than pretending to be something else, and it honestly is not your loss if people can't see the good things in you or appreciate your interests.

If you had plans in mind that you wanted to acheive by now then it's understandable you feel old, and it's so hard not to compare with other people and the things they are doing or have done. You're never too old to start something though, to act like a teenager or to experience new things others may already have done. Everybody is different and has different lives so it doesn't matter what others think, you'll be liked for you.
In some ways it's better not to have experienced a lot of things because you've probably missed a lot of negatives too.

#8 leigh1987

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Posted 29 August 2011 - 07:29 PM

I just wanted to say a massive thank you to all the replies on this thread, I hadn't forgotten about it. It really means a lot to me as talking about this to people 'in real life' isn't really an option. I mean, people, like family, know i'm down due to the job situation, but no one knows how deep it really goes. I've had quite a rough year with family stuff and I think i'm just really confused at the moment.

And yeah, leaving the house without my parent (I help her with everything) really helps and i've done as much of it as I can lately. If and when i can get out and have a day with my sister, like going to the cinema or shopping, I know I can have a really good day so I really think that feeling depressed is more to do with my situation than a long term thing. I'm still no closer to getting a job or meeting anyone new though.

Edited by leigh1987, 29 August 2011 - 07:30 PM.


#9 gemstar

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Posted 29 August 2011 - 07:41 PM

I just wanted to say a massive thank you to all the replies on this thread, I hadn't forgotten about it. It really means a lot to me as talking about this to people 'in real life' isn't really an option. I mean, people, like family, know i'm down due to the job situation, but no one knows how deep it really goes. I've had quite a rough year with family stuff and I think i'm just really confused at the moment.

And yeah, leaving the house without my parent (I help her with everything) really helps and i've done as much of it as I can lately. If and when i can get out and have a day with my sister, like going to the cinema or shopping, I know I can have a really good day so I really think that feeling depressed is more to do with my situation than a long term thing. I'm still no closer to getting a job or meeting anyone new though.



:hugs:

Confusion is a big part of depression, not to mention making life changes, like meeting new people and finding a new job. What you are facing are some pretty big decisions, but I know you can do it! You are such a strong person already to be dealing with all you are dealing with.

What my aunt did was she finally moved out of my grandma's home, moved across the country to be close to her one friend and their family. She left not having a job. She didn't care. She had to get away from the toxic situation of being my grandma's surrogate spouse and nurse! My grandma didn't make it easy on her, either, tried guilt trips, the silent treatment, everything. My aunt decided that she wouldn't let anything disuade her from living a life of her own!

My aunt relied on her savings as well as social services until she found a job. She was going through hard times, but it wasn't as hard on her as living with my very demanding grandma. My grandma took advantage of her, and was selfish. My grandma now has a care worker who comes in to help her around her place, and my other relatives who live in the same city are now helping out. Before they weren't doing anything, because my aunt was doing it all. Now everyone chips in and my aunt has a much deserved life of her own, and has made a few new friends, too. This is the way it should be. It should never be left to a child to look after their parent alone. It should be a group effort of family members and social services. Everyone deserves to live an independant life, especially when they've never had the chance because they are expected to be a nursemaid for their parent.

I hope you will be okay. If you can get out of the house to do shopping and running around without your parent, try to see if you can get into volunteering for something for an hour here or there, or joining a free art class, or just something that won't cost too much at first for you to do. You will meet new people that way, especially if you are as nice as you seem to be here! :smile: I'd make friends with you, for sure!

Keep us updated if you can, okay? I'll be thinking of you!
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