My mom has brought up to me recently that she really thinks it would be in my best interest to see if I get can long term disability and social security for my bipolar disorder. I have given this some thought and have considered it, being as it's hard for me to work.
I am not sure if I am qualified. I am actually ashamed to even ask my psychiatrist. I am used to being judged on this condition and even have trouble bringing up issues to my own doctor. My own dad doesn't believe it's an existing illness but me just being a pain in the rear.
I am only 23. I feel I am pathetically young to even be considering this. I was diagnosed bipolar a little over two years ago but have been seeing doctors and a counselor long before that. I have suffered with depression and anxiety since I was in elementary school. My attendance at school was horrible and many times I was close to failing due to grades and missing so much. I barely graduated and would have dropped out if my parents would have let me.
I have been able to work that last few years but my work attendance has not been good. Many times I didn't want to go in because I was too depressed, sick from anxiety, or worn out physically and mentally to even go in. I switched departments at my old job and it was so stressful I had to get another job immediately. I have been at my current job for a year and a half now but my attendance there isn't great either. I get anxiety a lot there especially during the drive there. Long drives make me incredibly nervous. There have been several times I have been too overwhelmed by it all wanted to just never go in again. I am forced into staying there because I have to because of my car payment and that fact I need the insurance to be able to afford my medicine. I am on Lexapro and Lamictol.
I seriously wish I could just never go in again. I am tired of feeling overwhelmed by it all. I feel pathetic for even feeling this way. I feel as if I am no longer even human. Hardly anyone else around me feels this way.
My meds don't always work. I am oftentimes too tired to even get out of bed. Lately I have gotten so bad again I don't even want to leave the house for leisure activities or to even see my boyfriend. I just want to stay in my room and sleep. Nothing sounds fun. I don't want to go to work. It has always been like this, but lately it's been escalating.
It's like I am in a constant state of stress and tension.
Sometimes I get so full of despair I want to literally throw up.
I fear for my future. I am afraid I will snap under it all and just quit my job and get into financial trouble. I am tired of feeling so overwhelmed over things that are so 'small' to other people, like holding a steady job or going for a drive.
My mom thinks I should try to get long term disability since it's a condition that will never go away.
I hate the idea of not working but I think she has good points. The stress won't be good for me in the future. I also have very high blood pressure and am on meds for them. I am also overweight.
What are the chances of even winning this? What should I do? I know I need to see my psychiatrist, but any other suggestions?
Edited by DazzleKitty, 29 June 2011 - 05:17 PM.