I am having a general feeling like I cannot grip reality... like I am in a dream. Things that I do... I have to reassure myself that I am doing them. When I wake up in the morning, I have to reassure myself that I am who I am. When I walk, I kind of wonder, am I really walking? Or, am I really putting that peanut butter on that bread? It is a general foggy, loss of my self feeling. I told my mom at one point about three weeks ago that I felt like I was loosing my mind. It has debilitated me... I am not able to go anywhere... I am barely able to do daily function while I am here at home... and it is a struggle at that. When I talk, I feel like I am really not doing the talking. When I type something, I feel like I am really not doing the typing. The weird thing is, I have had some really odd physical symptoms that could suggest some type of autoimmune disease or some other kind of sickness. The problem is, I haven't be able to find out what it is. Here are some of my other symptoms:
- General weakness in entire body
- Fatigue and more pronounced weakness on left side of body, started in foot and then progressed to leg, then arm.
- Feeling of being "full" in left side of abdomen, from nipple down to top of hip
- vibrating sensation in body, mostly in legs
- muscle spasms (they are very small and occur mostly in arms and legs)
- loss of appetite
- slight shaking sometimes
- trouble swallowing
- major trouble sleeping (I think I might be sleep deprived)
- blood shot/tired eyes
- "pass out" feeling.... feeling of "woahh" I need to sit down.
I have been under the care of a neurologist ever since I started having the weird feeling in the left side of my body, and he ordered a spine and brain MRI which came back normal. I have also been under the care of several doctors, have gotten a pretty significant amount of blood work done, all comes back normal. I am thinking that I might have some type of autoimmune disease, but I haven't found anything that really line up with the dreamy, out of touch feeling that I have. I was thinking for the longest time it might be MS... but from the MRI and physical exam, my nuero says it is definitely not.
A little history about me...
Back in about 2005... I started having this dreamy feeling, but it was not pronounced as it is now. I had a general feeling that I was not here... in a dream. But not really the loss of reality. I feel like I was more connected back then, mainly having more of a brain fog. I went to many many doctors and specialists. to no avail. Several brain scans, CT and MRI, and two nueros, nothing. Then I finally broke down and went to a psychiatrist who prescribed me Lexapro. It seemed to help me so I took it for a while. Before I knew it I was somewhat back to normal. I didn't feel all the way back to how I felt before I started getting sick, but I felt better. I was able to get back to my life, and still had some of the weird feelings sometimes, even having the "pass out" feeling sometimes (I think that the pass out feeling could be an anxiety attack... not really sure though.)
So I have been pretty much okay ever since then, up until about a month ago, which is when I got sick. I was originally diagnosed by an Urgent Care Clinic with Mycoplasma Pneumonia, but I wasn't convinced I had it because I wasn't exhibiting any of the symptoms. Thought it would get better, but it has only gotten much, much worse. As I said, I am at the point now that I can pretty much not function.
I have been under a lot of stress lately, mind you I usually handle it pretty well. I have had two family members die in the past year, someone from my work that I didn't know well committed suicide, my father is in Afghanistan (coming home in a few weeks, I want to be better for that!!!), a very devastating round of Tornadoes ripped through my area in Alabama, my sister has been very sick, etc etc etc...
So my question is.... could this be some type of depression/stress alone causing all of these symptoms?? I am SO desperate for relief... I cannot function. It sucks so bad. As I said, I was thinking that maybe it was some kind of disease, and it still might be, but what do I do??
My internal medicine doctor prescribed generic bupropion 75mg IR once a day which I have been taking for about a week now, and Lunesta, which I just now started taking last night because I was scared (don't judge, haha.)
So my question is... should I go ahead and see a psyche? I need to get better soon because my dad is coming home... but I have a bad feeling that it is going to be very hard to get back to normal. Should I get back on Lexapro? How does well does Wellbutrin work and is the generic just as good? Should I be taking it more often since it's just an IR tablet?
I am SO desperate for some type of relief. And I know it's not going to happen overnight, but I just feel like I almost don't have a mind anymore.... and I want it back! What do I do?!
Thank you so much for any help that you can provide.