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[Nibs]

Welll...I've been taking 10mg of Citalopram for 10 days. No affects yet, besides some drowsiness. I don't feel any different though, hasn't affected my depression at all.

My story: I'm a loner basically. I have family and friends all over. I'm a "happy" person. Everyone sees me with a smiley face all the time. But I'm not. Not at all. I'm sad ALWAYS. ALWAYS. Most of the time there is no reason for it, I'm just sad. I can't explain it I just feel like my body hates me. I get these "sad episodes" (as I call them!) where my whole body feels like it is depressed. I can feel my bones crying, my stomach whaling, my eyes virtually crying puddles.....yet my face will have the biggest smile ever. At the end of the day I come home alone and just cry all the tears that I wanted to cry during the day.
People will come to me if they need to feel better. I listen very well and am very well at caring and showing it. People like me. I have never had any problems or fights with anyone. People know me as a nice innocent guy that never hurts/betrays anyone. The trustworthy friend that is always there for them.
I'm 20 years old, a virgin, gay, and I've never done anything with anyone, not even a kiss. I don't know how to push myself into a relationship or even talking to someone. I have lots of girl and guy friends but no one i meet I can get closer to. This is something that is constantl¥ on my mind and makes me feel like I am a loser. I see relations˙ips wherever I go and it honestly annoys the hell out of me how I can't have one.
I have 1 amazing friend who is just awesome. I tell him everything and vice versa. If he wasn't in my life I would be a train wreck. But I can't be with him 24/7. He has his own life to live and to enjoy. Sometimes I feel like I'm holding him back when i sit there complaining about my problems.

He wants me to come out with him tonight, and I am planning on going. I want to drink. Like badly. It sounds stupid and dumb but i kinda need it. I've read all over a bunch of different things about AD's and alcohol and everyone has something different to say.

I'm not planning on drinking toooo much as I usually do, just a couple of drinks to get loose and all. I never get depressed when I'm drunk which is why I feel like a few drinks won't send me into an episode. I also know that everyone's experiences are different.

The one, and only, friend I told that I'm depressed and on meds will be monitoring me through the night, just incase.

Can I get some insight please? Sorry this post is full of a bunch of different elements :s blahhh

[Violet31]

Hi Nibs,

I think you might benefit from the book Homecoming by John Bradshaw. It may give you insights on the roles we play to mask our depression and why we choose them.

I can understand that you want to go out and have a good time, but I don´t think it´s advisable to drink while on antidepressants. Alchohol is a depressant and effects the central nervous system, so it can make your more depressed. Be very careful.

You are very young and you have the whole life ahead of you. How about therapy to get in touch with yourself? It can be a terrible strain to play a role when you feel bad inside. A weight will fall from your shoulder when you manage to get in touch with your true self.

Think about it. Take care,
Violet

[Eiwra]

I'm on 20mg at the moment and a couple of days ago I went drinking with my friends. I've had just two pints of alcohol and the morning after I had such a huge hangover, like after drinking 4 pints or a bottle of alcohol! I'm not mixing my AD with alcohol soon, no way.

[Nibs]

Hi Nibs,

I think you might benefit from the book Homecoming by John Bradshaw. It may give you insights on the roles we play to mask our depression and why we choose them.

I can understand that you want to go out and have a good time, but I don´t think it´s advisable to drink while on antidepressants. Alchohol is a depressant and effects the central nervous system, so it can make your more depressed. Be very careful.

You are very young and you have the whole life ahead of you. How about therapy to get in touch with yourself? It can be a terrible strain to play a role when you feel bad inside. A weight will fall from your shoulder when you manage to get in touch with your true self.

Think about it. Take care,
Violet

I agree I do need to stop this role playing. I do no know how though. I would love to talk to a therapist, but my parents dont even know Im on ADs. How am I going to tell them I want to talk to a therapist? I'm on their insurance and theres no way I can pay for a therapist out of pocket. Maybe with time the ADs will make me stronger emotionally so I will be able to tell them and then Ill see a therapist.
That night I did drink, a lot. And I haveto say, there was nothing out of the ordinary. No hangover, no depressive thoughts, nothing but a good time. Maybe its because Im on such a low dosage?

I'm on 20mg at the moment and a couple of days ago I went drinking with my friends. I've had just two pints of alcohol and the morning after I had such a huge hangover, like after drinking 4 pints or a bottle of alcohol! I'm not mixing my AD with alcohol soon, no way.

Hmm..ya I felt nothing in the morning. Woke up normally :S

[kirkwuk]

Why anyone wants to drink whilst on anti-depressants confuses me. If you're well enough to drink, you need to make a choice. Alcohol and anti-depressants can effect the liver.

[pocoasi]

How am I going to tell them I want to talk to a therapist? I'm on their insurance and theres no way I can pay for a therapist out of pocket.

check out NAMI, for free group sessions--search for NAMI via google/bing/whatever and see if there are meetings in your area. Also Adult Children of Alcoholics and Al-Anon have free meetings. Important: even if you don't come from an alcoholic family, most ACA and Al-Anon are happy to have you there regardless of the cause of your problems. There are many helpful people to talk with you. Just show up to a meeting, you don't need to phone ahead, just show up. You don't need to talk or you can talk if you feel like it.

[Nibs]

Why anyone wants to drink whilst on anti-depressants confuses me. If you're well enough to drink, you need to make a choice. Alcohol and anti-depressants can effect the liver.

I don't mean to sound harsh or ignorant, but my liver is the least of my concerns right now. But I exercise on a somewhat regular basis, idk maybe that helps :/

[Nibs]

So I haven't logged on in a long time. Here's a little update:

I stopped taking the citalopram in August 2011. It was hurting wway more than helping me. I was a zombie pretty much 100% of the time. No emotions at all. I'd rather be depressed and be able to laugh about something than complete nothingness. I'm not taking anything for depression right now. Instead, I talked to my GP and asked her if she would put me on Adderall, that way I can atleast be able to accomplish stuff throughout the day. Best decision ever. It's really helped so much! I'm more focused, engaged, I can carry conversations like its no body's business. I'm taking adderall xr 10mg. Besides helping staying focused...idk why but it also makes me much more social. I have the energy to go through everyone in my contact list and call em up and say hi and ask how they're doing.

The depression is still there 100% and I still do have bad days, but I feel so much better now with the adderall. I wonder if I could be on some type of antidepressant that doesnt have any zombie effects or decrease sexual drive. the bad part about the adderall is that some studies show that later on in life I may will develop anxiety issues (which I already have but is under control for now).

Edited by Nibs, 26 February 2012 - 08:18 PM.

[beautydylan]

I was going to say you're not supposed to drink alcohol while on citalopram (sp), it says so in the leaflet that comes with it.

[Sanda]

I'm on 40 mg Citalopram & I drink every night. :( Like someone else said, I have a long list of worries ahead of my liver (although it is on the list) Right now I'm trying to survive & drinking at night is a crutch I'm not prepared to give up yet. Obviously I know it's wrong, I do have a problem, and I hope to be able to give up this crutch at some point. But wanted to share as I do feel the Citalopram is helping in spite of the drinking (I'm good for 3-4 beers or wines per night) and I've been doing this for awhile so the combination doesn't seem to be lethal (yet).

Best wishes.

[Maven]

I second Violet's words - it's not a good idea to drink alcohol when you're on an antidepressant.

I don't think you're a loser (regardless of your age or you having not been in a close relationship with someone else).

If it is something that is important to you, I think you should talk to a counselor or someone else who is caring/trusting/supportive of you. You don't have the experience of being in a relationship - no one does when they start out. If it annoys you when you tell yourself you can't have a relationship, then don't tell yourself that. You can have a relationship, but it should be with the right person who is right for you. Part of finding that person is to do some soul searching and to find yourself. From what you've said, you have some good character traits that are admirable and valuable.

Please find peace within yourself - find your own value.

Edited by Maven, 03 March 2012 - 12:43 AM.