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[modestmouse_2011]

I said 'sometimes' because I sometimes hate myself for how I don't seem to have the same view of the world as everyone else. I seem to have a different thought process, and I sometimes I hate being trapped in my overactive mind having to hear my own thoughts go a mile a minute. I hate the way I've acted towards others and to myself. I hate how I keep sabotaging my own efforts to move things along and think ahead by getting trapped in pits of negative thoughts.

BUT, occasionally when I have a moment of clear thinking, I realize I truly appreciate my intelligence, and how I think differently than others. I tend to be a more logical, introverted person and I would no change that about myself.

[CryWolf]

Yes I do. I realized it two or three years ago. I look in the mirror and I just hate myself. It's weird because I look in a mirror sometimes and I feel really good about myself but then I can look in a different mirror in twenty seconds and I'm just filled with disgust for the person looking back. It's like I'm two different people sometimes :\

[Rincewind]

I don't hate myself, but I'm often disappointed in myself to the point of digust. If I didn't live in the same skin as me, I wouldn't choose to hang out with me.

But I do hate this god damned depression with an incandescent rage. I would just love to get my hands around its throat.

[lindahurt]

There are some things I don't particularly care about myself and I am working on those things but I don't hate who I am. I am unique and there is no one like me in the whole world. I have learned to accept and love me.

Lindahurt

Edited by lindahurt, 11 June 2011 - 09:08 PM.

[Pinkz]

There are some things I don't particularly care about myself and I am working on those things but I don't hate who I am. I am unique and there is no one like me in the whole world. I have learned to accept and love me.

Lindahurt

<3 that's amazing :) you're so amazing to be able to love yourself :) I'm jealous honestly heh :)

[Helium]

There are some things I don't particularly care about myself and I am working on those things but I don't hate who I am. I am unique and there is no one like me in the whole world. I have learned to accept and love me.

Lindahurt

<3 that's amazing :) you're so amazing to be able to love yourself :) I'm jealous honestly heh :)

Ditto.
I’m so glad you see yourself that way. You are truly unique and wonderful.

[Countryman]

I have hated myself for the past 4 years.I realize now i am what i am.Now i only feel remorse for my past mistakes.Hate will eat you alive.It caused me to become living breathing hatred,i hated everything.This is not normal thinking.Life is too short to live like that.Now i am ok with me.As i love others i am more gentle with myself.Just sharing,everyone try to love one another! Peace!

[Stuarachel]

Yes. Pretty much.

I'm talentless, unemployed, under skilled and will amount to nothing. I'm too much of a coward to k*ll myself, if I could I would. I was a mistake and I'm blantely not made for this world. Life is too hard and its full of morons I wish were dead.

I'm always full of rage, bitterness, envy, jealousy and sadness. I can't be happy for anybody who's got further than I have. I feel they don't deserve it if I don't. I hate the way I am.

So yes.

This. I am the exact same.

[sadheart]

I HATE My Life, but, I Love the 'real me' that has been smothered, suffocated and tormented by the depression, anxiety, sadness, and chronic diseases that have destroyed my life!

[Zap Rowsdower]

Incredibly.

[DougG]

I voted yes. And the fact is I do. I disgust myself. In the military I was always the one people came to with their problems. I was suppose to be like superman, and I feel like I've let all those people down. I've turned into this weak, pathetic man. I can barley hold down a job, I'm paranoid, and depressed ALL the time. I've basically turned into the exact opposite of what I feel I'm suppose to be.

[WorkingTowardsaBetterLife]

I was doing some work with a therapist the last time I had let's call it a mini breakdown about 3 months ago. She really emphasized learning to accept who I am and stop focusing on what worries me and what is negative in front of me. I have been working hard to apply and its working. Yes I am obese and yest I live in fear but I am working to change that and that's ok for right now. I am still on vacation. I will try to find the name of therapy from the article. It's an offshoot of dailectal behavioral therapy, or DBT. I just keep telling myself we are no longer going to sweat the small stuff Dan. I do still struggle as I suffer from excessive sweating, genetics, and it really bothers me at times. But hey I am doing the best I can and I focus on that instead of perfection which often leads to disappointment.

[lindahurt]

I was doing some work with a therapist the last time I had let's call it a mini breakdown about 3 months ago. She really emphasized learning to accept who I am and stop focusing on what worries me and what is negative in front of me. I have been working hard to apply and its working. Yes I am obese and yest I live in fear but I am working to change that and that's ok for right now. I am still on vacation. I will try to find the name of therapy from the article. It's an offshoot of dailectal behavioral therapy, or DBT. I just keep telling myself we are no longer going to sweat the small stuff Dan. I do still struggle as I suffer from excessive sweating, genetics, and it really bothers me at times. But hey I am doing the best I can and I focus on that instead of perfection which often leads to disappointment.

I am glad to hear you are doing well with your therapist andd DBT which I am familiar with. Enjoy the rest of your vacation and keep us posted.

Lindahurt

[anchor]

I want a new brain. Its screwed. For now im going to stuff my face and get fat. Grazing seems to be the only way to go. I have put on 10 kg's already. Mind you i was nearly underweight. Maccas used to taste like garbage. Now its the tastiest grease sponge food out there. You should try it. Its fun

Edited by mister555, 19 June 2011 - 01:15 PM.

[StrangeShank]

I am a Germaphobic depressed creepy fabulous noisy hope crushing sad tease with no sex drive that stresses over the tiniest things and gets ill from ..... well everything. So yeah, of course I do. Who wouldn't hate me. I.... have a flirty friendly personality.... and i cant touch people... and has no interest in ever touching people. I lead men on all the time... and when they think i want a relationship i'm shocked and cant figure out how it happened. I... Creep people out... because i give out compliments to everyone.. and try to be make friends... to some degree with everyone... I... am a complete weirdo...


I should stop trying to make friends..... I was much more pleasant... when i was silent and depressed... before...


I want to disappear. Exsisting is hard work... and... I'm barely wanted as it is... passed...required wanted (like how family has to like you... and such...) :c


-strange-

[anonymousubiquitous]

I hate who I am right now. I don't always feel this way, but I hate who I have steadily become in the last two years to cope with the things that have happened in my life. I have no self-esteem, no self-determination, no sense of identity, I've lost all sense of achievement or progress. I hate that I have become a person who simply survives each day instead of living it, but doesn't have the resources to overcome my circumstances no matter how hard I try. I hate that I feel that I have no control over what has been happening to me at this stage in my life, and where I would usually take action to cope I cannot because there is quite simply nothing to be done. I hate being a person who is at the mercy of other people's decisions and has no leverage to stand up for myself, no matter how badly I want to. I hate being afraid of good things happening to me simply because I can't remember a time when good things just happened, and weren't immediately followed by something devastatingly bad.

I hate that I feel less than human and not worthy of anything good because of my pervasive sense of failure, and I hate myself for becoming this when I didn't used to be like this. I hate being someone that my partner is probably ashamed of, and doesn't feel proud of.

[mapf79]

neverj have hated myself, sometimes i feel helpless though

[analemma]

Yes, I hate myself, even though my life from the outside probably looks perfect. I made two bad decisions and I have lost everything that matters. There's no one to blame but myself, and I can't seem to find the right punishment or rehabilitation program that makes me good enough again. I used to be able to live up to my standards and now I cannot. I'm a thing worthy of only disgust. I have no desire to be a part of this self that can't live up to my standards anymore, but I am fully trapped. I'm embarrassed and ashamed to be me.

[ChrissyLynn]

Yes I hate myself, I hate the way I look. I have gapped teeth and my face is covered in acne scars, I have been wanting to get it all fixed and can not wait until I do because I will feel so much better. I hate I am 127 pounds, I want to have my flat stomach again and wear a bikini.

I hate that I have not done anything with my life, I am 24 living with my parents. I am working on starting college in the fall but my parents are doing everything they can to hold me back. I hate I don't have a car, it is like having no freedom. Unless I am walking I have to get a ride with my parents, I feel like such a loser. I have a interview at walmart tomorrow and hopefully I get the job, first thing I am doing is getting a car.

[BlueWeepingRose]

Yes I pretty much hate myself right now.
I hate how I'm always so sad all the time.
I hate the way I act towards my boyfriend sometimes.
I have bi polar and I blame myself for it.
I have a horrible past and it's messed me up.
I feel like everything is my fault.
I feel like a total loser.
I have no friends, but who would be my friend.
Like I said again I'm a total loser and I hate myself.
I'm not important.
I feel like I should be forgotten and not cared about.
I hate how weak I am.
I hate how I always get ignored by others.
I don't think I'll ever get friends.
Sometimes I feel like giving up on trying.
I really really hate myself.
Nobody understands me or tries to get to know me...
maybe I'm just a boring person.
I hate looking at myself in the mirror.
I hate how I look.
and I know nobody will ever reply to anything I post up here.
That's how much of a loser I am here.

[flufeeh]

I chose sometimes. My mood changes all the time. One moment I'll be filled with joy and really love myself. I would then question how I could ever hate myself. A few hours later I'd be lonely again and hate myself for it. An endless cycle.

[Notcathy]

I hate myself sometimes if I loosing hope and if somebody feels that I am useless. :(

[agonyme]

YES i do

[gemstar]

I've never hated myself. I've always loved myself as a unique and special soul with mental illness, and deserving of love and to one day feel better.

[covcrd]

Being depressed sucks, plain and simple. I so hate being unhappy. I am at a point in my life where I feel I would be better suited if I just were not around anymore. I have become a pitiful shell of a man that I once was. With my situation, even though it seems things are getting better at times, something always f's it up and triggers my memory to pull up things in the past that I hate and that just fuel my anger and hatred towards myself. I am torn between 2 things in my life that pretty much rules my emotions and sets my depression. I am willing to put my happiness on the back seat in order to keep another part of my life happy and in tact. I have always said that I am strong enough to always put that one important thing ahead of myself no matter what. Now I just am not sure of that anymore. My strength has gone, it has slowly dwindled out of my body and soul until it feels like I can go no longer. However, I do know that I will never ever screw up the other important thing in my life no matter how bad it gets, even if it means my demise. So I am torn between my pain, the potential pain of another, or just the plain fact of being healed or cured of my depression. that would be nice wouldn't it. We all know that is not going to happen, especially when there are external influences beyond my control which would need to be adjusted in order for me to be successful in curing this. I HATE the fact that I am not man enough to do what is necessary to help in my healing, but again the fear of ruining the one true happiness always gets in the way. At times i feel proud in the fact that I believe I am being unselfish and putting others ahead of my happiness, but at times I am angry at myself for not thinking of myself and what a dangerous situation i am placing myself in. Wouldn't it be so easy if one day I just would not wake up so i would no longer be responsible for making the choice of my happiness or the happiness of others. More than likely though that will not happen, my luck was never any good. In the meantime I will take it as it comes and I will either watch it destroy the thing I cherish or I will watch myself as I completely crumble and still in the process destroy that which i cherish the most.
It is a no win situation, the only win if for the pain and self hatred to stop. I refuse to remove myself from the one true happiness that I have which in turn keeps me unhappy. So for now i just wait and see how my life plays out and maybe one day all will be right with the world. Until then we must all try to keep our head high and see that we are worth something in this world even if it seems invisible to us. Who the F am I kidding, F me, F this world and my happiness will come when my body is no longer capable of feeling this darkness.

[oliveira]

No, I do not hate myself.

I have spent a large part of my life wishing I was more like the others; ones I wanted to be like. More social, less shy, more energetic, strong and talented, less scared, withdrawn and weird. It took a year of therapy to realise that first of all, everybody is different, everybody has their insecurities, and the key to overcome them is not to hate them and wish them to go away, but to acknowledge them and find a way around them. All the self-hating thoughts don't come from me; they come from my depression. It's not me thinking, it's the demon in my head. The demon may hate me, but I -- when I am feeling like myself -- love myself just the way I am, and I'm determined that the demon is moving out for not paying the rent.

[BlueWeepingRose]

At the moment I hate myself very much..... I feel like everything is my fault at the moment. Everything I do, I can never do it right.... I always get blamed for everything and I'm starting to believe that I'm a horrible person. Maybe I am scum....

[Axel Midego]

I often feel like I have a second personality that tries as hard as it can to mismanage and mess up my life as much as possible. But that seems like it would just be me trying to blame somebody other than myself. Which means I hate myself even more because it's my fault my life is a joke. But every time I try to fix things, negativity, self-doubt, self-loathing, extremely poor self image, and general hatred of myself makes me mess everything up anyway. When I get really down nothing matters to me. I'll quit my job. I'll tell my friends things I know will make them stop talking to me. I'll sabotage everything that is going right because of some secret desire to destroy the life of the person I hate most.

Myself.

And because I try to hard to mess up my own life, I hate "me". It's stupid and doesn't make sense, and I desperately want to get out of this cycle, but I seem to lack control of some subconscious desire to destroy everything that makes me happy.

Edited by Axel Midego, 26 September 2011 - 12:40 PM.

[Statikk]

Used to, but... heaven's no!

Look, I'm as flawed as anyone in a developed country can be. Some greed, some selfishness. Some vanity. And my depression - dysthymia that has colored my reactions to this planet and its denizens for over forty years - has made me do some really lame things. Opportunities not taken. Women loved and then lost. Lack of ambition. Sloth. Envy.

But I was a product of that disease - not inherently any of those things. When I started taking the full dose of EMSAM back in the summer of 2010, I started doing things for myself... almost by instinct. Working out and walking. Being more aggressive at work. I found a Buddhist Order to join after threatening to do so for a couple of decades or three! Joined a couple of historical societies.

I like who I am. I'm smart. I've got a killer dry wit. I LOVE to laugh.

So I'm older (52). And out of shape (couch potato the past dozen years or so). Big and ugly.

I'm still human. Got the DNA to prove it. So I have skills, talents, and a heart. I've wasted some life, but I'm da**ed if I waste any more.

I'm OK. Not great or special. But I'm OK.

+1
I feel like this.

[effortless]

I'm proud to say that I could emphatically answer no to that question. Probably my biggest achievment of the last couple of years.

For me the key was to realize that I couldn't possibly hate someone else who was in the same situation as me. Most likely I would feel compassion towards them.
Sometimes when my self-criticism gets too personal I like to imagine myself as a child. There's no way I could hate a child who is scared and in pain. There's absolutely no way I would tell them they are worthless or some of the other things I used to tell myself.

Edited by effortless, 26 September 2011 - 03:31 PM.

[Axel Midego]

You know, that's actually a tremendously excellent way to see things. When I view myself, I see some grizzled old fat failure who can't let me be happy. But picturing a helpless child who can't figure out how to get out of a bad situation causes the tiniest little chord of sympathy instead of loathing.

[Brah]

Yes, I do hate myself.

I hate my personality, I'm not funny or interesting and have such social anxiety that my social life is virtually nonexistent. I want to believe I'm a person worth knowing, but I can't convince myself of it. I feel like I say stupid stuff all the time and am constantly putting my foot in my mouth, and that people think I'm this weird quiet girl that no one likes. Sometimes I have good moods where I figure, "F*** it, I'm awesome and I don't give a s*** about anyone else" but those moments only last until I have to interact with someone else, after which I feel like a socially awkward freak.

I hate my looks. I'm getting my second surgery this year in a few months in an effort to improve my looks (believe me, I need it), and I'm feeling better about my face, but I'm still afraid that I'll feel ugly afterwards. I know it's going to sound braggy, but people tell me I'm very pretty, and afterwards I feel great for a while until all my confidence just goes to hell as soon as I look in a mirror. And it's not imagined flaws, either, I have a receding chin that I've always hated, and it turns out my jaw stopped growing when I was young (hence the surgeries). I always feel like an ugly, dumpy loser and constantly compare myself to other girls, though I always come up short. I don't feel as ugly as I used to, and my second surgery is coming up so I'm hoping that I can feel more confident.

I just all around hate everything about myself. I feel stupid, ugly, boring, and just some lonely freak. I'm trying to give myself affirmations, and sometimes I have good moods, but I'll be damned if it isn't hard to like myself.

Edited by Brah, 26 September 2011 - 09:28 PM.

[MommyofPrecious]

I answered "no" and was surprised - meds must really be working! I USED to hate myself, then progressed to hating everyone else, went to feeling sorry for myself, suffer from disappointment, but I honestly don't hate myself anymore. I see my own flaws and am OK with them, and appreciate my better qualities, after 40 years of trying.

[darkdaxter]

I often feel like I have a second personality that tries as hard as it can to mismanage and mess up my life as much as possible. But that seems like it would just be me trying to blame somebody other than myself. Which means I hate myself even more because it's my fault my life is a joke. But every time I try to fix things, negativity, self-doubt, self-loathing, extremely poor self image, and general hatred of myself makes me mess everything up anyway. When I get really down nothing matters to me. I'll quit my job. I'll tell my friends things I know will make them stop talking to me. I'll sabotage everything that is going right because of some secret desire to destroy the life of the person I hate most.

Myself.

And because I try to hard to mess up my own life, I hate "me". It's stupid and doesn't make sense, and I desperately want to get out of this cycle, but I seem to lack control of some subconscious desire to destroy everything that makes me happy.

I am in a very similar cycle. Don't get me wrong, there was a time I tried to fight it. But whenever I try my hardest to just push forward despite this and not sabotage myself, extenuating circumstances arise or I meet my human limits. That right there is the point where things change for me. EVERY SINGLE TIME. It's right at that point where I have a decision to make. And every time I just freeze. Every time I get so scared. Every time I tell myself all the ways it could never make me happy, all the while knowing in my heart of hearts that at the very least it would mean something to my pride or spirit. That it would be a stepping stone I could use to build stairs or a plank for a bridge. Sometimes I even go so far as to nail in a board or two... but eventually. Eventually I ruin everything. And my real problem is that I just can't pick myself up and get past that point anymore. I'm caught up in the cycle and the fear of the cycle and it just paralyzes me and convinces me that all the mess in the back of my head is true. That's why I'm moving out. The only way I ever succeeded in breaking a behavior or a thought pattern before was by making a small step and slowly but surely building off of it. I can't make the small steps here where I'm judged and scrutinized for everything I do.

My point is try to make a very small step first. For example I have OCD, and I used to be a checker. Instead of stopping all at once, I only let myself check 6 times, then 5, then 4, and so on and so forth until I was only checking once or twice and didn't feel the compulsive need to check whatever anymore. And then once the response to that stimulus was tackled, I moved onto a different one. It's a lot harder to mess up small things. But it can drive me absoultely mad to resist messing up something carrying any sort of real weight in my life. Start by forcing yourself to do the smallest most basic aspect of whatever your goal is every time you do the activity or every day or whatever. And focus on keeping it up. When you feel ready, start doing the next small basic step as well. Like I said, it really helps with OCD and paranoia. At least it helped me.

[darkdaxter]

I'm proud to say that I could emphatically answer no to that question. Probably my biggest achievment of the last couple of years.

For me the key was to realize that I couldn't possibly hate someone else who was in the same situation as me. Most likely I would feel compassion towards them.
Sometimes when my self-criticism gets too personal I like to imagine myself as a child. There's no way I could hate a child who is scared and in pain. There's absolutely no way I would tell them they are worthless or some of the other things I used to tell myself.

Never thought to do that before... Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! :)

[darkdaxter]

Yes, I do hate myself.

I hate my personality, I'm not funny or interesting and have such social anxiety that my social life is virtually nonexistent. I want to believe I'm a person worth knowing, but I can't convince myself of it. I feel like I say stupid stuff all the time and am constantly putting my foot in my mouth, and that people think I'm this weird quiet girl that no one likes. Sometimes I have good moods where I figure, "F*** it, I'm awesome and I don't give a s*** about anyone else" but those moments only last until I have to interact with someone else, after which I feel like a socially awkward freak.

I hate my looks. I'm getting my second surgery this year in a few months in an effort to improve my looks (believe me, I need it), and I'm feeling better about my face, but I'm still afraid that I'll feel ugly afterwards. I know it's going to sound braggy, but people tell me I'm very pretty, and afterwards I feel great for a while until all my confidence just goes to hell as soon as I look in a mirror. And it's not imagined flaws, either, I have a receding chin that I've always hated, and it turns out my jaw stopped growing when I was young (hence the surgeries). I always feel like an ugly, dumpy loser and constantly compare myself to other girls, though I always come up short. I don't feel as ugly as I used to, and my second surgery is coming up so I'm hoping that I can feel more confident.

I just all around hate everything about myself. I feel stupid, ugly, boring, and just some lonely freak. I'm trying to give myself affirmations, and sometimes I have good moods, but I'll be damned if it isn't hard to like myself.

I am just as socially awkward, believe you me. In the right setting to the right people who grow used to my sense of humor, I can be very funny. But in normal settings to normal people, it's often very distasteful or morbid. My poor delivery skills don't help in that regard. And jokes are the easy form of conversation :P So I'm just a mess with the rest of it. I'm not good at "filler" talk and get bored of saying the same things over and over very quickly. I'm sad to hear you're getting surgeries and honestly wish I could see a picture of you because I'm sure you're a beautiful girl (if not a little mousy which isn't a bad thing). I'm glad that they're improving your self-esteem. It's just that surgeries don't tend to fix the self-image underneath. So in addition to the surgery if you feel it's neccessary to your well-being or happiness, I'd encourage therapy focused on your self-image and your feelings toward yourself.

I'm not saying that you have it, but Body Dysmorphic Disorder for example starts out with a few body parts and then it spreads, so that even if they get their problem areas corrected, they just manage to find something new wrong with themselves. Make sure that your feelings don't spread. I guarantee there's someone out there who'd find you attractive just the way you are.

[LostGirls]

I hate myself more and more lately... today I really hate myself so much. I hate my scars and my personality and I'm scared that I'm self absorbed because of how long I've been alone in my head

[darkdaxter]

I hate myself more and more lately... today I really hate myself so much. I hate my scars and my personality and I'm scared that I'm self absorbed because of how long I've been alone in my head

A) everyone's self-absorbed
B) I think that scars are hot to an extent (so then there must be at least one other person out there who does as well or at least wouldn't mind them). I find that a scar contrasts beauty in such a way that it actually emphasizes it. Yes you see the scar, but you also see around it. And the presence of the scar itself, makes the beauty more real and human. But then I've never even hugged a girl before so... And also, I've got a ton of scars and burns, especially on my arms. And I have the same fear about girls not liking them.

[Brah]

Yes, I do hate myself.

I hate my personality, I'm not funny or interesting and have such social anxiety that my social life is virtually nonexistent. I want to believe I'm a person worth knowing, but I can't convince myself of it. I feel like I say stupid stuff all the time and am constantly putting my foot in my mouth, and that people think I'm this weird quiet girl that no one likes. Sometimes I have good moods where I figure, "F*** it, I'm awesome and I don't give a s*** about anyone else" but those moments only last until I have to interact with someone else, after which I feel like a socially awkward freak.

I hate my looks. I'm getting my second surgery this year in a few months in an effort to improve my looks (believe me, I need it), and I'm feeling better about my face, but I'm still afraid that I'll feel ugly afterwards. I know it's going to sound braggy, but people tell me I'm very pretty, and afterwards I feel great for a while until all my confidence just goes to hell as soon as I look in a mirror. And it's not imagined flaws, either, I have a receding chin that I've always hated, and it turns out my jaw stopped growing when I was young (hence the surgeries). I always feel like an ugly, dumpy loser and constantly compare myself to other girls, though I always come up short. I don't feel as ugly as I used to, and my second surgery is coming up so I'm hoping that I can feel more confident.

I just all around hate everything about myself. I feel stupid, ugly, boring, and just some lonely freak. I'm trying to give myself affirmations, and sometimes I have good moods, but I'll be damned if it isn't hard to like myself.

I am just as socially awkward, believe you me. In the right setting to the right people who grow used to my sense of humor, I can be very funny. But in normal settings to normal people, it's often very distasteful or morbid. My poor delivery skills don't help in that regard. And jokes are the easy form of conversation :P So I'm just a mess with the rest of it. I'm not good at "filler" talk and get bored of saying the same things over and over very quickly. I'm sad to hear you're getting surgeries and honestly wish I could see a picture of you because I'm sure you're a beautiful girl (if not a little mousy which isn't a bad thing). I'm glad that they're improving your self-esteem. It's just that surgeries don't tend to fix the self-image underneath. So in addition to the surgery if you feel it's neccessary to your well-being or happiness, I'd encourage therapy focused on your self-image and your feelings toward yourself.

I'm not saying that you have it, but Body Dysmorphic Disorder for example starts out with a few body parts and then it spreads, so that even if they get their problem areas corrected, they just manage to find something new wrong with themselves. Make sure that your feelings don't spread. I guarantee there's someone out there who'd find you attractive just the way you are.

I admit, I do have a mental list of procedures and how I'd like them done, but luckily I'm too poor to do anything about it. This surgery is only an improvement on the first surgery, which didn't do much (even to the surgeon's admission). I figure that without a nose job and chin implant, Norma Jean Baker would have never become Marilyn Monroe. I have to say, I am terrified that I'll be disappointed by the results of this surgery and that I won't look like I hope I will (which I'm not aiming for Marilyn), but I'd rather risk the disappointment than having this face for the rest of my life.

After rereading my post, I feel ridiculous for being so melodramatic, but I suppose I do feel like that a lot. I'm alright with being shy, but it's the awkwardness that kills me. Even when I do feel good about myself and I'm hanging out with friends, I still feel like I'm on the cusp of normalcy. As if there's this clue to being a well-adjusted individual that I'll never be able to understand.

[BritishEnglishScot]

Sometimes. Right now, its conflicting, I keep telling myself and thinking that I have a huge superiority complex and better than others, which would usually mean the exact opposite, but the fact that its exaggerated, arrogant and unwarranted (OCD) is what makes me ashamed of myself..

Edited by BritishEnglishScot, 27 September 2011 - 10:46 PM.