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Feel Like My Life Is Over


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#1 caridwen

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Posted 13 April 2011 - 06:26 AM

I feel alone, worthless and that my life is over. I don't see the point in waking up to a day. I can't find a job, I just got turned down for a position and feel angry and humiliated. My family are dysfunctional and make me feel worthless. I have no friends.

What is wrong with me? How come other people have jobs, friends, families and intimate relationships and I've been single for seven years?! I try and try and try and try and here I am again feeling like curling up and dying.

I have just finished a four month session of CBT. My depression medication worked for a couple of years but made my anxiety worse and then stopped working and made me sleep for days. That isn't a life.

This isn't a life. I've got no money, nothing to wake up for and feel as though this is never going to end. Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed with pain I feel like ripping of my skin.

I'm sick and tired of doctors who are next to useless and I'm still in the same position.

Will my life ever get better?

#2 Trace

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Posted 13 April 2011 - 06:36 AM

Hi caridwen

Sometimes everything can feel so hopeless, but things can change. Don't give up and don't give up hope. There is so many paths to go down to heal. When one fails, keep trying another, something will eventually work.
Depression can really make you feel isolated and alone, but you are not alone here. I am sorry that you got turned down for the position that you wanted, but I truly believe in everything coming at the right times for the right reasons and perhaps there is an even better door that will open for you.
Have you considered doing volunteer work for a little bit? It can help you feel like you have a purpose and it can help you with interacting with other people, which can enable you to create friendships.

Trace
Listen in deep silence. Be very still and open your mind.... Sink deep into the peace that waits for you beyond the frantic, riotous thoughts and sights and sounds of this insane world. - A course of miracles.

True beauty must come, must be grown, from within.... - Ralph W Trine.



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#3 downNotOut

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Posted 13 April 2011 - 07:14 AM

Hi. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time and feeling so bad. Job hunting is really hard, especially these days. Lots of people are having a problem in that area because of the economy. (I keep hearing that the recession is over, but it doesn't look that way to me.) It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. You just have to hang in there and keep trying. I know it's awfully hard.

Trace made a good point about volunteer work being a way to meet people, make friends, and find a sense of purpose. Sometimes it can also help you to develop new skills that might help in the job hunt.

Good luck. I hope things get better for you soon.

#4 caridwen

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Posted 13 April 2011 - 07:37 AM

I wasn't sure whether or not to answer the volunteer thing but thought I would anyway :D

I have been volunteering for the past two years. Both ended in total and utter disaster as I was exploited in both positions. I then left my last position which didn't even provide a reference though the experience was good.

I took a project management course in January which I failed. I've been applying for internships, volunteer work and paid work since then.

This last position was an all day selection process which I thought had gone really well but they didn't think it was the right programme for me. It was also for a volunteer position.

I want to work in the Third Sector which is hard to get into and there is fierce competition. I have also joined a job help company who are helping me revise my CV and apply for positions.

I feel as though I have so much to offer as I'm a hard worker, I'm confident and capable and a good manager. I'm just not even getting interviews.

I've got not money. I just feel so worthless and that no one wants me. I have been exploited and betrayed. I'm blaming myself for all this though my therapist says I've just been unlucky and it doesn't mean that I did anything wrong.

Part of my problem or why I'm getting exploited is co dependent traits and poor boundaries. People take advantage of my willingness to take on more than I can manage or more than my job and are quite happy to ride my coat tails. I value other people more than myself and end up feeling wrung out, exploited, angry and worthless.

I have just come out of a relationship where I ran around my boyfriend while he just held out a hand and took. He gave nothing back and I feel humiliated and used. He's moved on and I'm alone and crippled with pain.

It's a pattern I can't seem to break and I'm approaching 40. I haven't had a long term relationship in 7 years and it's because no one wants me. I wouldn't want me either. I binge eat to cope and have put on weight. I get so bad that I can't leave the house and attempts to change don't seem to get me anywhere.

#5 Spiritual_Wanderer

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Posted 13 April 2011 - 08:42 AM

I'm very sorry you are going through such a rought time! The good thing is that you realize there are issues in your life you don't like and you WANT to change. Taking the first steps can be very difficult, but you can do it! You deserve a great job and a fantastic life full of happiness and prosperity!

I'm almost 38 and I have never been successful at relationships. I've learned that there is nothing wrong with me, it's just my particualr journey in life. I used to let it get to me, but now I usually don't. I also learned over the years not to let people take advantage of me, although sometimes that has meant secluding myself and being alone. I'd rather that than be abused!

The right job will come along for you, don't give up, and keep trying!!! I was unemployed for half of 2009 and most of 2010. I put in tons of applications and felt like I was in such a rut/limbo (I went back to school fulltime and that helped).

Hang in there! Things will get better!

:console:
Many Blessings,
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#6 chocosho

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Posted 13 April 2011 - 10:50 AM

I feel the same way. I feel like I have so much potential and so much to look forward to but these feelings of depression... won't go away. I hate myself, I hate the world, I hate this pain. I feel so crappy inside, but I feel even crappier knowing that I WANT to enjoy my classes and manage my studies AND enjoy my time with my friends AND do all the things that bring me joy but right now...

RIGHT NOW.

Knowing that I CAN'T ENJOY LIFE. I can't read, write, study, stay focused, watch tv, stay awake, alert, smile, laugh, etc..... knowing that I can't function as normally as I used to before the depression... that alone hurts the most.

I just feel like dying... as if, what's the point? I am already dying on the inside, what more of me is left?

Edited by chocosho, 13 April 2011 - 10:51 AM.


#7 Sheepwoman

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Posted 13 April 2011 - 12:24 PM

Remember learning to love and nurture yourself was part of CBT? You also learn to put yourself first and everything else second in your life. I'm in the middle of it now. I've found out a lot about myself and working at making changes. I have affirmations on my fridge that I read when I feel like I'm slipping. If you don't have those, there's a Topic in Psych Ed 101 with the list of affirmations (co-depency, but they work for everyone.)

I don't know what type of work that you do. Are there skills that you may need to brush up?

Interviewing is difficult at best. I took a course in interviewing and resume writing at my local unemployment office. They also had a lot of job listings that were not in the newspaper or the Internet. They also had a job center.

I volunteered for my local Hospice for many years. Whatever I could do for them was much appreciated. They didn't exploit or "use" their volunteers. I did help people with their grief at losing a loved one. I also have had patients that I worked with one-on-one in their home. I was part of the "treatment" team. I found it a very rewarding experience.
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God will give you no more than you can handle. This is all a test to see if you are really ready for the good things that are going to come your way. All this pain is going to come back and make me stronger.-Clarence Clemmons 1942-2011

Everything I know, I know because I love. Leo Tolstoy War and Peace

#8 forlornhope

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Posted 13 April 2011 - 03:21 PM

I feel the same way. I feel like I have so much potential and so much to look forward to but these feelings of depression... won't go away. I hate myself, I hate the world, I hate this pain. I feel so crappy inside, but I feel even crappier knowing that I WANT to enjoy my classes and manage my studies AND enjoy my time with my friends AND do all the things that bring me joy but right now...

RIGHT NOW.

Knowing that I CAN'T ENJOY LIFE. I can't read, write, study, stay focused, watch tv, stay awake, alert, smile, laugh, etc..... knowing that I can't function as normally as I used to before the depression... that alone hurts the most.

I just feel like dying... as if, what's the point? I am already dying on the inside, what more of me is left?


I think that pretty much sums up how I feel too. You just reach a point where your hopes and dreams, whatever they may be, feel so far away that you can never reach them.

#9 Life19840

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Posted 13 April 2011 - 07:04 PM

I feel your pain regarding the job stuff. I also had to struggle a lot to get the job I wanted.

I guess one advice I can give you is that, make it a point to send out atleast 10 cvs everyday for any vacancies you find interesting. And don't be disappointed just keep on trying.

I did this for 2months and got the job I wanted. You will too! Don't lose hope.

Hope you find one real soon.

#10 caridwen

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Posted 13 April 2011 - 07:15 PM

I'm in a bad place right now. Haven't been this bad since a breakdown in 2006 where I nearly died.

I don't understand how I got back here as I have done so much work since on myself. I have had two sessions of CBT (by two sessions I mean two 6 week therapy sessions). I have made progress on coping with my abusive family but it seems as though I'm still in the same place.

I'm alone and friendless and feel very unloved. I keep attracting people to me who treat me badly and keep getting exploited by people.

I feel as though I should be settled by now. I should have a steady boyfriend or be married. I should be in a career. Instead I'm totally by myself, alone and friendless.

That's why I'm feeling in so much pain and so down.

If I had someone to encourage me and tell me it was going to be ok. Someone to help or talk to when I'm feeling bad, that would really help but I don't have anyone. My family don't want to know me and I only have one friend who bullies me when I don't do what she wants.


I can't help feeling as though I'm a terrible worthless human being and I would be better off dead. Life is such an uphill struggle.

I'm glad to hear that people have eventually got the job they wanted. Maybe there is some hope for me. I have been sending off application forms, I have been doing volunteer work, I have joined a company to help me with interview techniques and working on my CV.

I actually sorted five positions I could work on but am in so much pain right now that I just want to curl up and die.

Edited by caridwen, 13 April 2011 - 07:17 PM.


#11 bokuba

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Posted 14 April 2011 - 12:00 AM

I'm very sorry you are going through such a rought time! The good thing is that you realize there are issues in your life you don't like and you WANT to change. Taking the first steps can be very difficult, but you can do it! You deserve a great job and a fantastic life full of happiness and prosperity!

I'm almost 38 and I have never been successful at relationships. I've learned that there is nothing wrong with me, it's just my particualr journey in life. I used to let it get to me, but now I usually don't. I also learned over the years not to let people take advantage of me, although sometimes that has meant secluding myself and being alone. I'd rather that than be abused!

The right job will come along for you, don't give up, and keep trying!!! I was unemployed for half of 2009 and most of 2010. I put in tons of applications and felt like I was in such a rut/limbo (I went back to school fulltime and that helped).

Hang in there! Things will get better!

:console:



Love the bold statement, good way of looking at things.

#12 cutehobbit

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Posted 14 April 2011 - 04:03 AM

even though i dont feel like i can add any further advice, i just wanted to say that i understand and am also struggling to find a job. without a job i feel like i am watching others live whilst i just exist. i hope things improve for you x
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#13 oaklandme

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Posted 24 April 2011 - 01:26 PM

I feel alone, worthless and that my life is over. I don't see the point in waking up to a day. I can't find a job, I just got turned down for a position and feel angry and humiliated. My family are dysfunctional and make me feel worthless. I have no friends.

What is wrong with me? How come other people have jobs, friends, families and intimate relationships and I've been single for seven years?! I try and try and try and try and here I am again feeling like curling up and dying.

I have just finished a four month session of CBT. My depression medication worked for a couple of years but made my anxiety worse and then stopped working and made me sleep for days. That isn't a life.

This isn't a life. I've got no money, nothing to wake up for and feel as though this is never going to end. Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed with pain I feel like ripping of my skin.

I'm sick and tired of doctors who are next to useless and I'm still in the same position.

Will my life ever get better?


Hi there.

I feel the same way. Everything I see, everything I hear about, is just a reminder of what I won't be able to do in my life. I have friends, from older, better times, but they are tiring of my depression and negativity. Nothing is going to change for me. I tried working a job I didn't love but was supposed to be stable, only to get violently hurt by my students. I spent the last years trying to re-educate myself and go for my dreams. Also a failure. I'm being punished now for believing I could make it by what I am, by my own talent and usefulness.

I want out, but I need a plan to do something else- but I've learned plans are for stupid people who want to be disappointed and fragmentend and hurt, really deeply hurt.

There's nowhere else to go. Nothing else to try. My last boyfriend was a two month fiasco three years ago. No one wants someone who will drag them down by their propensity for nothingness, anyway. They want perky, happy people.

I have more education than half the jerks I pass in the street who have jobs, families, love. I can't get any of those things because there is no work. There is no future. I'm in my thirties and when my parents die, I will have nothing of my own to back up my life. I'll be on the street.

I'm going out today. I'll pass more reminders of what I'll never have. People who pay their own rent. People who have jobs to go to. I work for free for like five projects and nothing helps. People who have love, from their family, from their spouses, from their friends. I have scorn. I have only ever had scorn. And I can't keep going like this much longer. Medication is no help. I thought it was going to open doors, but it didn't. It's just me with a slightly larger attention span.

I hope I'm gone soon.

#14 depressed13

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Posted 25 April 2011 - 12:51 PM

honestly i know what your going thru im 14 and i dont have any friends and ive never been in a relationship in my life but theres one thing i know things will and do get better and i will be praying for you and i hope things get better and im not saying things will get better now but they will someday just hang in there(if you need to talk message me or email me send a PM.

Edited by lindahurt, 25 April 2011 - 01:01 PM.
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