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AutumnGypsy

Any One Feel Disliked (Or Hated) By..well Pretty Much Everyone?

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I feel i have a huge problem with people most of the time. I'm perfectly polite and genuinely nice to people. I'm never overly fake nice, I don't insult people. For some reason I could never figure out why people seem to absolutely hate me. Ever since i was a young child, I had problems with this. Kindergarten up until fourth grade i had HUGE issues with my teachers, I was always the polite nice kid behaving themselves, and was always bullied by my adult teachers. It not my imagination because my parents often were confused when my teachers would very openly show their dislike for me, or criticize me for things that really weren't a problem (like being the quiet in class!)My teachers often were outright rude and insulting to me, told me i was wrong on things i had gotten correct, or ignored me when I wanted to raise my hand or ask a question. Middle school was when the bullying from older grades started, I remember specifically being targeted by a group of older girls who hated me for no reason at all. They would shove me, curse at me, and laugh any time they could. I chalked all this up to "the high school experience", and though things would change after i graduated. Sadly college was the same deal, bullying from other classmates, roommates who waged war on my and spread rumors, wrecked me things, locked me out of my room etc. Things have been a lot better at the school I have transferred to (don't want to jynx myself though) but I still have a huge problem with people in a social sense. Specifically my boyfriend's friends all seem to hate me with some deep passion. They are always rude to me, angry when I'm there, and at time have just been flat out insulting. I've had a few fights and serious conversations with my boyfriend and he insists that they do like me, of course they don't hate me. I try very hard to be friendly and social and get shut down every time. Its very frustrating that i feel i'm so despised everywhere i go! I'm not asking for many friends, just some respect. I've asked my boyfriend many time what he thinks it could be that people hate about me, and all he can think of is that since i am quiet by nature i'm easy to pick on. What I don't understand is the deep seeded hate and coldness people seem to regard me with. People go far out of their way to hurt me it seems. I don't understand why either. If i knew why, I could take steps to change this, but I have no idea. It really shouldn't bother me and I try to let these things roll off my back, but I'm getting sick of being treated with such open hostility even by friends of people who are very close and important to me. Does anyone else experience this? I would say I'm just being paranoid, but I've had too many incidents and times when a friend or relative said "why does that person hate you so much?". Any tips, advice, or similar stories?

Edited by AutumnGypsy

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Hi AutumnGypsy

You have been through an awful lot of abuse in your life. I can not tell you why people are doing this to you, but all the bullying and abuse you have received over the years could give you a different outlook to other people. Perhaps people feel threatened by you in some way. I find many people who treat people badly have their own insecurities and feel threatened. Perhaps there is something in your body language that makes people realize their insecurities?

Trace

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I feel i have a huge problem with people most of the time. I'm perfectly polite and genuinely nice to people. I'm never overly fake nice, I don't insult people. For some reason I could never figure out why people seem to absolutely hate me. Ever since i was a young child, I had problems with this. Kindergarten up until fourth grade i had HUGE issues with my teachers, I was always the polite nice kid behaving themselves, and was always bullied by my adult teachers. It not my imagination because my parents often were confused when my teachers would very openly show their dislike for me, or criticize me for things that really weren't a problem (like being the quiet in class!)My teachers often were outright rude and insulting to me, told me i was wrong on things i had gotten correct, or ignored me when I wanted to raise my hand or ask a question. Middle school was when the bullying from older grades started, I remember specifically being targeted by a group of older girls who hated me for no reason at all. They would shove me, curse at me, and laugh any time they could. I chalked all this up to "the high school experience", and though things would change after i graduated. Sadly college was the same deal, bullying from other classmates, roommates who waged war on my and spread rumors, wrecked me things, locked me out of my room etc. Things have been a lot better at the school I have transferred to (don't want to jynx myself though) but I still have a huge problem with people in a social sense. Specifically my boyfriend's friends all seem to hate me with some deep passion. They are always rude to me, angry when I'm there, and at time have just been flat out insulting. I've had a few fights and serious conversations with my boyfriend and he insists that they do like me, of course they don't hate me. I try very hard to be friendly and social and get shut down every time. Its very frustrating that i feel i'm so despised everywhere i go! I'm not asking for many friends, just some respect. I've asked my boyfriend many time what he thinks it could be that people hate about me, and all he can think of is that since i am quiet by nature i'm easy to pick on. What I don't understand is the deep seeded hate and coldness people seem to regard me with. People go far out of their way to hurt me it seems. I don't understand why either. If i knew why, I could take steps to change this, but I have no idea. It really shouldn't bother me and I try to let these things roll off my back, but I'm getting sick of being treated with such open hostility even by friends of people who are very close and important to me. Does anyone else experience this? I would say I'm just being paranoid, but I've had too many incidents and times when a friend or relative said "why does that person hate you so much?". Any tips, advice, or similar stories?

Maybe it's possible that these people are jealous of you or are intimidated by you because you have some sort of advantage over them? Are you talented at something and they are very aware of it, or do you have something (i.e. money, good looks) that these people wish they had? Adults are known to be jealous of kids, so you would not be immune from teachers singling you out. And you would most certainly experience this as an adult, from other adults as well. People can hate others over the stupidest things, and usually they are things you have no control over.

I've experienced something similar to this also, but not to the extreme you are experiencing. I've been bullied relentlessly and figured it was because I was the new kid at school, but in addition had always been told by my loved ones "it's jealousy". Could be true, but it's so dumb. My family had a swimming pool (a second-hand above-ground that we bought for all of a hundred bucks, for crying out loud) and one kid who rode our bus actually accused me of thinking I was so great because I have one. Well...everyone could see it from the road! I certainly didn't think the stupid thing was anything to brag about, and do not recall even saying anything about it to begin with! Another example, in a piano recital once for my fellow students' families and friends, when my name was called to play my repertoire, this girl name Melanie or Melody made some snide remark (I don't remember exactly what it was). Even though we had both done this recital thing together before, she didn't even know me personally, and I never even spoke to her in my life! She was upset because I played better than she did.

Once someone called me "stuck-up" at school. I actually had to ask a classmate what the term meant. After he explained it to me, I told him maybe I was thought to be "stuck-up" because no one seemed to like me, they didn't make me feel welcome, let alone talk to me! And in one of my art classes, I worked on this really cool project, and it just so happened it turned out nicely. I was so proud of it. I added my name to it. Next day I came to class and it was broken in half. I just couldn't win.

All I can suggest to you is to continue being your polite and friendly self, but there is such a thing as trying too hard, so be careful to not go overboard in pleasing everyone; it's just not possible and it can turn people off. Maybe since you're the "quiet type", people are mistakenly thinking you're stuck-up, too? You sound like you have some friends and your boyfriend supports you. Heck, you HAVE a boyfriend. You must be doing something right. :Coopwink:

Edited by klaunhaus

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I know this is so cliche but once you stop caring about other people and their view of you, you will notice it will change. Often times I believe we build it up in our heads to be so much bigger than it is (I am not saying that you are not going through anything or it's all in your head). After so many years of you telling yourself "people hate me" whether it's fact or not it will definitely do some damage to your psyche and you almost predetermine your out come before it ever happens. If people are picking on you or treating you like garbage, stop being nice and polite you don't need to be over the top rude but you need to stick up for yourself once in awhile. When people find someone to be an easy target it's just in their bullying nature to pick on them. Be who you want to be and just love yourself and the rest of the world will follow suit.

I for example get the comment "he's so full of himself" all the time and the sad part is I am the least full of myself person in the world. However when you walk with head up high and back straight, people judge and hate because of their own insecurities. Hell I am 25 years old and I start balding when I was 18 still it doesn't make me hide in a corner or not walk tall, I just do what I want and what makes me happy and I do not care about people's negativity because dwelling on that will consume you, and your life will become a life of trying to please others for the wrong reasons. Sorry I got a little off topic but my point is F them and start thinking about the positive things people have to say in your life like your boyfriend or real friends. Oh and if a bunch of guys don't like you just show up where they are hanging out one night and bring pizza and alcohol and trust me no guy will hate you, or have a negative thing to say about you after that :)

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I feel like everyone judges me and thinks their better than me, which they probably are.

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I feel like everyone judges me and thinks their better than me, which they probably are.

Don't even know you but will tell you with 100% confidence that is not true. No one is "better" than someone else, in life we are responsible for our effort not the outcome, do what you love and enjoy the ride. When you keep telling yourself stuff like that it's a slippery slope that leads to nowhere but loneliness, you deserve to be happy and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

Edited by zzyaa

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I'm sorry to hear about this. I have gone through similar events where teachers have disliked me, other children had disliked me and I was a good child, I was pretty adventurous and imaginative so I think I struck them as wierd. I did change a bit but even then I still got bullied. I think that children or adults can bully people because either jealousy, they feel that person has it better than them or it's just a vibe or maybe mistaken form of body language. Some people just do it, and I think it shows a lot about them as a person, they're not all full of daisies and happiness.

I think sometimes if you tend to think too deeply on it, then it arises more to you. I have done that several times, even if a person gives me a funny look when perhaps it wasn't directed at me, or a person shoves me out of the way to get on a bus when maybe they're just in a hurry and it's not really directed. If you think too deeply on events, say as that then you will feel worse because you feel as though everything is directed at you. Perhaps try to stay away from people that give you trouble or speak more to your boyfriend about how it's upsetting you?

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Yeah I experience this too, and have struggled with whether I am imagining it or if people really don't like me. I don't have any real normal healthy friendships right now, and never a real/normal romantic relationship. Always quiet socially when around a group. I remember seeing someone working at a bookstore I had a college class with. We never spoke until that day in the bookstore. She said she wouldn't have guessed I'd be reading about Leonardo Da Vinci, and from there the conversation went into her saying she misjudged me by thinking I would be "mean," because I never talked to anyone from class, never smiled, etc.

So some of it IS partly their perceptions of our behavior and personality, as well as body-language and other cues. A quiet person leaves much to assumption because they don't fill in the void of information we all seek to fill when sizing up someone's character and personality (and potential for threat). They could think anything about you, and it's all based on their assumptions moderated only by their biases and past experience. Most people tend to think I'm unpleasant and "mean" and keep their distance from me until I talk to them. But even when they get to know me some, they still keep a distance because of my mood and emotional state and hiding from them gives them a sense of "something's not right with him, better keep my guard up" kind of feeling intuitively. I don't actively think all people are evil and are going to hurt me in some way, but I act that way emotionally.

In school, I felt actively hated by kids and teachers alike. Most of my teachers taught my older brothers, who were borderline sociopathic and violent on top of uncooperative and disruptive. My teachers had the look of cursing in their eyes when they saw my last name, and for the first half of the year they treated me with that disdain and contempt, after which they began to see that while I was disturbed emotionally and had problems with my school work, I wasn't like my brothers. Kids either bullied me, or made fun of me. Until I was in high school I never had a real friend, which I define as someone who is at all times friendly and respectful of my feelings and friendship. All my "friends" made fun of me with others, I was the fat kid so most jokes were at my expense and that seemed to be why they tolerated me tagging along. Through Junior High those same "friends" got even meaner, adding their own angst to the mix of things socially. They'd come over to my house on my birthday, eat pizza and sleep over, then the next monday try to embarrass me in front of the girls to make themselves look better, betraying to everyone in the courtyard things I confided in private.

This is pretty much how my whole childhood went. Between this at school and abuse and severe neglect at home, I was totally alone and depressed and had PTSD-level anxiety and panic attacks by 10 years old. I'd go to school daily in Junior High and throw up every morning from the social anxiety. I never once felt at functional ease in school, not a single day in all the years between Kindergarten and dropping out in 10th grade (to take GED). I'm still angry at those kids and hurting from what they did to me, even though we are all adults today. That part of me is still a child inside emotionally and has never grown up and beyond those childhood traumas.

I've got about a dozen "friends" on my Facebook, probably fewer than anyone else on the planet with a FB profile. A few of them are people I went to school with who never bullied or made fun of me but still weren't really *friends*. I don't know why they added me though, they never say anything and never comment on even bad news like my MRI reports showing I may never be able to work again. Not a single person said anything to that. It's things like this that make me feel like nobody in the world really likes me, that I'm unlikeable - and my dysfunctional experience with relationships (including parental abuse/neglect) makes me feel like I'm unlovable. My experience, itself, reinforces this belief and feeling. It's "logical" that, since I've never been loved and have never been in love (for real) with someone with warmth and affection and care, and that human beings universally need to love and feel loved, then it "follows" that it means I am not a human being, nor lovable.

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I've got about a dozen "friends" on my Facebook, probably fewer than anyone else on the planet with a FB profile.

Enclear...got you beat...8 friends...3 of whom I've never even met face-to-face! I do not actively participate in it, though, do you? One of my so-called high-school "friends"sent me an "invite" but I ignored it. She only "found" me because my (popular) brother is on FB. The time she treated me best was when my mother was killed in a car accident. What a load of crap! :boredsmiley:

Your story sounds ridiculously similar to mine (my story is in the thread I started entitled "Being Bipolar + Making, Keeping, Losing Friends")! I wasn't made fun of because of a weight problem, but because of my hair - I used a lot of hairspray. I was also teased about my very pale skin and my makeup (eye shadow), even though I hardly wore any. I didn't know any better - I had no friends to advise me! I'm still angry at those kids, too. Late one night I searched for them on FB so I could flip them the bird on my screen. :smilingteeth:

Where it sounds like we differ...I've noticed that I make up for my extremely lonely past (and hearing that old accusation of "aloofness" - similar to your accusation of "meanness") is possess a "wacky" appearance (wild hair colors/styles, pierced nose, T-shirts with self-deprecating messages). And I'm middle-aged! I think I subconsciously want attention (as it was much needed when I was younger, but in a positive way for once!), and I do it because it makes people smile and, as far as the hair goes, they compliment me and tell me I've "got balls" and am "cool". But then I get anxious that I will screw up any new friendships. People may be surprised to hear how insecure I am. Or maybe I scream it out loud through my appearance, who knows. Sometimes I wonder if my "weirdness" just invites more stress than I need. (At least my "normal-looking" and shy husband likes it.) But I digress.

If it's any consolation, I like you, and everyone else on the thread, for that matter. We all share something very deep and painful and I'm glad to be here to vent with you guys. :lookaround:

Edited by klaunhaus

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sorry i was away for a bit! thank you all for the replies!

trace- thank you for the kind words and support. at first i didnt' view this as bullying exactly, but now the more i think of these things the more i realize how much i was hurt physically and emotionally and just tried to brush it off. its possible there is something in my body language, maybe i act too cold or snobbish? this is why i always ask those close to me, to see if there IS anything i'm doing without realizing it so i could change, but no one has any answers for me :(

klaunhaus- i don't see anything for these people to be jealous of honestly! i'm not great at anything, no skills etc (maybe this is why i get bullied??lol) friends will tell me "oh they are jealous" but almost anyone who bullied me had much more than me, more friends, better looking, smarter, more social, great at sports etc. so i assume its not jealousy if they have nothing to be jealous of haha i try not to go overboard with friendliness. if anything my boyfriend thinks its because i don't fall all over myself to meet someone or act super social that makes them dislike me. my boyfriend's theory (now this one is funny!) is that i am a "hot" girl, and that because of that everyone expects me to be super friendly, super social party girl, and since i'm not they think i'm full of myself and a snob (but this is my bf talking! of course he would say that) but maybe i seem more cold than i realize and just THINK im being friendly i dont know :( that so awful that someone would break your project and treat you like that! i don't know why people do the mean things they do, that sounds for sure like it was jealously that drove them to do that

zzyaa- yes i totally know what you mean about just trying not to care about it, its not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things anyways. i do try very hard not to care, i guess i'm just frustrated after a life of feeling bullied and the outcast of everything. im sure i have let myself be an easy target, one of the issue i had in middle/high school (and actually in college too) was that i was often bullied by people i didnt even know, or had any contact with (but someone they knew me! knew my name when i never met them, what dorm i lived in etc.) often i would pass people in the hall or campus and have someone should rude and insulting things to me while their friends hysterically laughed. i guess i must just seem so vulnerable and easy that just anyone felt they had the right to walk all over me. the problem is idk how to balance being strong and not a push-over vs. overly aggressive and cold. if i could find a balance maybe that wouldnt happen anymore

staurachel- i'm sry your struggling as well! but like zzyaa has said you are not any less important than anyone else!

shining star- yes i often worry about if someone is laughing, are they laughing at me? i try to remind myself its probably not me after all. unfortunately most of the things that have happened to me were not imagined, but outright comments said directly to me, and or physical violence (like shoving) that was directed at me, not say an accidental shoving or anything like that :( usually in whatever i place i am in, i'm targeted by a specific group or person that will torment me until i eventually leave that place. in middle school and high school it was a certain group of girls and friends of theirs, college was roommates and friends of my roommates, elementary school was a teacher or two, and then at home i had to deal with my stepfather. within each place these specific people would tease me to my face, talk about me and spread rumors behind my back, or resort to hurting me physically. then sometimes a stranger (i mean a stranger to me, but they somehow know who i am) would cross path with me and throw out a nasty comment to laugh with their friends. i try not to dwell thought if i can, sometime these just build up and make me sad :( i guess what i wonder is why me? i know many people who don't encounter the same type of problems i seem to with people on a daily basis. and no one ive talked to can relate sadly. but its a good idea to talk to me boyfriend about it! i wish i knew how to solve the problem with his friends however (since i cant avoid them obviously) but he is just as confused as i am as to why they treat me badly

i also forgot to mention (idk how i guess blocking things out) that my stepfather was very brutal to me as well. My mom's boyfriend before him was so sweet and kind to me, but for whatever reason things didn't work out and she ended up with him. Things became pretty awful, he would call me a b**** when i would walk past him, or purposely bump into me in the hallway and pretend it was an accident. he always made up things i didn't do, and told them to my mom, who would then punish me! things of mine would get lost or ruined. and mind you i was about 12-17 while i was living with him, tough teenager years but no reason to bully a young child.

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enclear- it sounds like you have been through so much! i'm so sorry things were like that for you, and i agree its unfair but a true fact that people will judge with their own idea of who you are, even if you haven't given them a reason to think that. I think you hit on something too, about people filling in the blanks themselves, or seeing you as a threat because they cannot assess the type of person you are if you are quiet and don't talk to them! i feel its so strange since, why should anyone care? i wish people would just let others live and get on with their lives. thats so awful the kids hurt you so much, and were allowed to because no adults stepped in. i know what its like to not have any friends either, and the constant social anxiety (i still break out into a sweat anytime i go somewhere, in high school i used to come home feeling damp from sweating ALL day!) i have been made fun of many time for my lack of facebook friends! haha i try to only add people i really consider a friend, otherwise id be to paranoid to update info and let those im not friendly with to know my personal life. honestly i think facebook is one of the worst inventions ever! a place to judge everyone on their social life, how many friends you have (or dont have!) what you like like, where you work, where you go to school, what you do in your spare time, i feel like we have all become a nation of people competing to look better than our "friends' on facebook. most of the time i force myself to stay of it, all it does it make me worry im not achieving enough in life, when in reality i'm doing ok. if you ever want or need to talk about the things that have happened to you, bullying and whatnot feel free to message me if you'd like!

klaunhaus- you sound like an awesome, original person with a lot of style! people are terrified of anything "different" (and your husband obviously sees how wonderful you are) its great that you aren't afraid to be you, i wish i were more like that!

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Yeh Ive felt this. And at times has been true... Highschool was like that.

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Not necessarily hated, but I do feel like no one cares and no one loves me. I'm ugly and no one likes my personality.

The whole reason I came online to talk about how I feel is because all I have is fair weather friends. They don't like to hear me whine, unless we're talking about a teacher or a fellow classmate or the weather. SOmething stupid like that. Our conversations never go deeper.

I hate seeing therapists. I'm just another job to them. I want love, not to talk to a paid stranger.

no one understands it.

when I do talk about how i feel i always get this advice

-suck it up. you have money. you've got it good.

-have faith in god

-take medication

-go to counseling

-keep busy

-don't do anything rash because i wouldn't like it

THE END.

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I don't have the focus to read the whole thread.

But this is something I can struggle with too. Everyone who really knows me - my flatmates, therapist, GP, colleagues, managers... they're all fine with me and respect me. But I have this uncomfortable painful internal flashback dynamic going on in my head around strangers, particularly those with provocative body language, which keys into the experiences of being bullied files in my head... and my reactions to this can open me up to disrespect and ridicule.

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Enclear...got you beat...8 friends...3 of whom I've never even met face-to-face! I do not actively participate in it, though, do you?

I don't actively participate in FB anymore no, just piddle here and there, maybe add some likes to movies and music i enjoyed recently but that's about it.

If I were to remove those who never say anything to me on FB, I'd have only 1-2 FB friends, one of which died recently and neither of which I've ever met in person. So if I did that cleaning-house of "friends" I'd have you beat on FB friendlessness heh.

I may do that, and see who notices. I'm guessing maybe 2 will notice eventually.

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honestly i think facebook is one of the worst inventions ever! a place to judge everyone on their social life, how many friends you have (or dont have!) what you like like, where you work, where you go to school, what you do in your spare time, i feel like we have all become a nation of people competing to look better than our "friends' on facebook. most of the time i force myself to stay of it, all it does it make me worry im not achieving enough in life, when in reality i'm doing ok. if you ever want or need to talk about the things that have happened to you, bullying and whatnot feel free to message me if you'd like!

I recently read an article about dating and social networking and all that. The article interviewed various types of people for perspective. One interviewee was a young woman, mid-20's or so, who said that when she meets a guy she checks out his Facebook before anything else, to see how many FB friends he has. She said "Any man with less than 100 Facebook friends is a loser I wouldn't date!"

That's a pretty rigid judgement considering studies indicate that most FB "friends" aren't really friends at all and are not an active contact in a person's life. Many are there only because of games (the shared prizes/awards/etc from things like Farmville).

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My heart goes out to everyone who has suffered so much abuse in their lives. I don't want to draw attention to myself or steal anyone's thunder but I have never suffered like that.

To AutumnGypsy - It's very possible that you are hot and you just don't know it. That's the first thing I think of when people are jealous. It's usually surface deep. They don't know you. How could they possibly hate you for anything deeper than skin? You say that people who don't know you very well don't treat you right. I really think it could be the problem.

I just want to say that I'll never understand what you're going through so I can't sympathize or empathize but I really hope you do your best to be happy and that things become really good for you.

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whew a lot of responses! i'll try to get to everyone that i can, but if i don't it doesn't mean i didn't care about or read your post! i may have to get to some tomorrow since its close to bedtime :)

lowlifezzz- yes high school was very rough! it sounds like its over for you, and i know myself i'll never wish to go back! lol. i'm so sorry you've shared this type of pain :(

elzoro- i'm sorry you feel so unloved. i've been in the same position as well, and hated more than anything the exact same responses people give. I feel there is a severe lack of sensitivity for anyone with depression, anxiety, etc. the best conclusion i have gathered is that people are honestly terrified or emotions and the problems that go with them. we are also taught to hide our emotions, your world could be crumbling but put on a smile and a happy face or others with become uncomfortable. I once had a friends (she was a good friend too!) who clammed up totally when it came to emotions. if you had a bad day, and outburst, cried, got angry, or wanted to just talk about how your felt, she would become terrified and uncomfortable and try to disappear until your "issues" blew over. not exactly a fair weather friend, she was there otherwise if you needed her, she just couldn't handle displays of emotions, ever. people try to mask their fear of not understanding depression by putting the problem on you. the sooner you fix yourself the sooner they don't have to worry or feel uncomfortable anymore! thats just the general feeling i get from people and friends. the only thing you can do it find people who DO understand, and are ready to empathize.

achinheart- i'm sorry that you experience triggering even though things are at a good point in your life. i understand that too because often i will be sitting there or involved with a project and get a random flashback to some bullying that id buried away for SO long. and its like re-living it over again :( thank your for sharing this is helps so much to have everyone contribute their own experiences and give advice.

enclear- yes i agree thats a really rigid standard for who you would or wouldn't date! i would never look at someone like that (in fact i might look at it the opposite..anyone who has less than 100 friends probably only has actual friends they have met over the course of their life, and don't buy into the facebook popularity game...and by that i mean adding tons of people you barely know and will most likely never talk to!) interesting that its become such a tool for establishing whos a "loser"

schwinn57- thank you for the kind words! its wonderful to talk in a place where even someone who hasn't dealt with this specific issue is still there to support. i really hope things will get better, it helps talking this out so i can finally put it all behind me. haha i'm not sure im comfortable with that theory exactly! i would be the last person in the world to think of myself as hot lol! people have commented that i am attractive but if thats the reason anyway, why are most of the bullies the hot/attractive ones? i personally would consider anyone who has been mean to me (roommates especially and classmates in high school) as being much more appealing in the looks department than i could ever be. but your right in saying that their issues with me can only be surface deep, since in fact they DON'T know me. i guess all i can do is try to project more confidence, without going overboard and maybe people will show me more respect.( haha but thanks for the compliment..and then the laugh i got from it right after! haha)

thank you to everyone who has contributed! i feel a lot better about this knowing im not alone, and i've gotten a few new perspective and advice to help me through this. you're all the best!

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AutumnGypsy - Glad I could give you a laugh. Anything to ease the pain I suppose. The reason I said it was because I've had a weird last few weeks.

I'm not sure how many boyfriends you've had but I've never had a girlfriend before and I recently got into the online dating site because I was WAY too shy and kind of loserish to meet anyone in real life. After sending several hundred message, I finally got one and I met up with her and for the first time ever, someone told me that I was "hot". She never called me back but I've never heard that from anybody before so its possible that other people think the same (or maybe it was just her).

I've never had an objective take on my looks because I don't have any friends to tell me. Thats the reason I said it.

Hope everything is well,

Schwinn 57

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Posted

I don't feel like everyone hates me, I mostly feel like nobody really understands me. Most people judge me right away because of the fact that I have bi polar disorder. Everyone is so quick to judge, that's what makes it even worse. I feel like people around me say a lot of horrible things about me and it always gets to me. If it's done right i nfront of my face I'd stand up for myself but most of the time it's always done behind my back. So I never know who to really trust or not anymore cause so many people has betrayed me in my past. :tear2:

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Posted (edited)

I used to be really obsessive about what people thought of me. I felt like some of you: like people hated me, misunderstood me. I was always trying my best to be nice but something always went wrong. I guess it's my personality... There's just no way of changing that. And then I stopped caring so much about their opinion and about wanting to please them; it got a lot better and I could actually be myself without any remorse.

Sometimes I still feel like people look at me sideways for something I say or do but I don't get bothered as much. I'm not completely made of stone, though, so it affects me a bit but I learned to get over it.

Many people have openly expressed their dislike for me and even explained why; some I understood, others I had no idea what I had done wrong.

My point is, you can't please everyone. And sometimes you can't please no one. I feel some people are just not meant to sympathize and others are just too pure to be in this world. I know it sounds utopian but I believe it's true.Because some will be forever misjudged for no apparent reason.

Edited by ThompsonCherry

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Posted

I've been disliked by a few people. That's because they're not nice themselves.

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Posted

I relate to people in this post, and honestly what I need now are answers as to why -- and a therapist who will help me cope. So far my therapists have brushed off my past, saying it's the present and what matters now, and how I deal now. However, this is a repeated pattern. I was constantly teased as a child and never had real friends. I was chubby, unattractive, had horrible acne through my adult years -- all fodder for constant ridicule. People I would hang with would be there for me when they felt like it, but would ditch me at a moments notice or flat out tell me to go home because they didn't want me around. To this day, I hate amusement parks because I was ditched twice and left to wander around alone. I also had the same problems with teachers that people mentioned above, or just people assuming that I am a problem child, when I do nothing to provoke it. I do not date or have never been in love. . I often wondered why coworkers (that I was friendly with during work and lunch hours) who asked each other out, would never ask me. I always assumed it is because I am not an attractive person, because that is how I was judged as a child. Actually in grammer school, I was very popular, but from the 7th grade on, when boys and girls become attractive to one another, I was no longer popular and shunned by all my former friends. As others have said -- High School stuff that people grow out of right? Not for me. It never ends.

The loneliness I feel now as a 41 year old woman is so palpable it physically hurts. I went through my entire 30s with no friends, never going out anywhere, never being invited.

As a result of what I went through my entire life, I have social anxiety and am afraid of going out. I have no connections with anyone and feel empty all the time. I don't know most of the people on my FB either -- they are not my friends. And I avoid going there, because it's depressing to see people pictured with family and friends and having fulfilled lives. I am not close to my cousins who ignore me. My brother is exactly the same as me -- very alone and isolated. The only person who gives a crap is my Mother, and she is not going to be around forever. So I am filled with fear and anxiety lately because it seems like I am going to be alone forever, and I just can't bear the thought of never being loved. And just simple things like -- I need a ride to the airport or from the hospital, I need someone to bring me cold medicine or just to "be there" for me -- I don't have a soul to count on. And that is very scary.

I recently moved to a new area. I made friends through work, and have been making an effort to get over my anxiety. The more I go out, the more I haven't been content with staying home. So in that regards it gets easier the more you do it. However, I feel a friend that I had a blast with, along with others, pulling away from me. At happy hour two people that I went out with, and seemingly we all had a great time, practically turned their backs to me. It was weird, but all too familiar. I went home early because it hurt so much to see my past catching up to me.

Bottom line -- I have problems making friends and keeping them. I am afraid to make friends because the pain of inevitable losing the friendship when that person no longer wants to be around me, is sooo very painful, confusing and frankly -- depressing.

It helps to get it out on this forum, but I really need this pattern to end and need help, advice, prayers, whatever will end this pattern of loneliness and rejection that had followed me all my life.

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Posted (edited)

After that long ramble I want to add something. Since I am older than others in this post, I think that being depressed could be why teachers and others see us as a "problem". Two of my past jobs, within the first month, I was called into HR. To preface, I am a hard worker, and I do my job well and am friendly and eager -- especially when I first start a job. The first time, company owners told me that I had "an attitude problem" and when I pressed them for an example they could not give one and were actually embarassed by it. Eventually one of them confessed that she sensed "a sadness about me" and "I didn't seem to need their help". Bingo! That was the real issue. In my current job, HR called me in because I did not "seem happy", again I pressed them for more details, and again the HR manager was embarassed by not being able to offer anything concrete. Meanwhile, my immediate supervisors were surprised by the accusations, because they had actually taken the time to get to know me.

So there you have it. You can do all the right things -- be a good student, employer, friend, etc. But if people sense "depression" then they want to label you as a "problem".

Edited by Aimz

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Posted

I was bullied for many years and now in my late 30s, have found that I am always on the watch for kids who are bullied or being verbally abused by adults.

Hang in there!

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