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Stuck In Bed


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#1 innertorment

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 09:44 AM

Another morning of hiding in the only place i feel safe: under the covers.
My wife left for work, the apartment is quite, its now safe to hide.

I hate feeling too scared to get up in the morning-mid morning-late morning-then hell. I'll get out if bed to let the crying dog out, to get myself some water, to use the bathroom, to suck down my ant-everything meds, to pretend i am not so depressed that I can start the day like a "normal person", but then the stomach gets so tense and the negative thoughts start attacking me that I have to swiftly get back under the covers. With nothing but my shame.




sorry I have not posted in so long.
got married, been more productive, things were feeling more stable, but guess what...I'm still the depressed guy no matter what.


innertorment-





#2 Ronny8

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 10:35 AM

I know how you feel. At times the very same thing happens to me. Try not to critisise yourself for this. Some days we need to hide away.
But what I find sometimes helps and maybe you could try this, is to let some fresh air in, let the sun in. It's strange how much that can affect your desire to hide away.


Do you like to read or watch films? You could escape in that way. It's a much healthier way and you won't hate yourself for it. Even doing some housework could help. Maybe play with your dog?

Most of us here go through what your going through right now, but so long as you know you have this support network I hope that helps.

xxx

#3 bobsaget12

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 10:39 AM

I am stuck inside as well...I woke up early, showered and decided I would trek down to the cafe to study for a while and then play some chess. In my head I kept asking myself "Why? What's the point?" until I put my things away, changed back into my t-shirt and shorts, and came back on the computer. I never made it anywhere today, and now I sit here all alone. The only "activity" I'm involved with concerning the outside world is going to work and back. Every day is exactly the same.

#4 Ronny8

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 11:18 AM

I am stuck inside as well...I woke up early, showered and decided I would trek down to the cafe to study for a while and then play some chess. In my head I kept asking myself "Why? What's the point?" until I put my things away, changed back into my t-shirt and shorts, and came back on the computer. I never made it anywhere today, and now I sit here all alone. The only "activity" I'm involved with concerning the outside world is going to work and back. Every day is exactly the same.




I think that's where a lot of our problems lie is in thinking. We think too much and I think it's a dangerous tool. If those questions hadn't have popped into your mind there's a pretty good chance you may have left the house today.
Next time ask yourself, why shouldn't I go, what have I got to lose by going? Everytime questions like that come into your head TRY to ignore them (easier said than done I know).

And yes, every day is the same, but because you keep it that way. I really hope that doesn't sound mean. I've just felt how you are, and I still feel like it at times. The way I combat it is by changing what I do. So next time you want to go to the cafe to study, get out there. Try and say good morning to a few people on the way. Smile. I promise, try these things and your day will becoming brighter, even if only by a smidgen.
xx

#5 innertorment

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 12:34 PM

I hear you about the 'other thoughts or voice' telling us, asking us, yelling at us, things like "what's the point/ It won't help! You won't feel any better. You're a loser anyway. Get back in bed. Look at how pathetic you are! I worry to much. I think too much. I feel too much!' etc etc. If there were only a way to shut off that internal speaker or mute that voice. Something that I have founds antidepressants can't even do.

Anyway - thanks for sharing your dark morning with me. Thanks for the responses.

Somehow, I got the strength to call my younger brother back (missed 3 calls while in bed) and he needs my help today with running an errand and coming over while he's in a conflict with his wife. I could feel he needed help and my presence would help...even if leaving the house scares the crap out of me.
I forced myself to shower, shave, and eat something and now planning to drive 45 mins to his place. Lets hope the dark thoughts stay (mostly) in the bedroom and not follow me in the car.

At least I am out of the bed...but part of me wants to get back in and hide from the nervous gut and exhausting negative thoughts. But as BudFox once wrote in a great post called "Remember it's Depression," I'm going to go through with day, in small steps, and just accept that the depression is coming with me. It's depression.
....but it's still really really hard.

Next time go play that game of chess...and bring the dark thoughts with you...or invite them to stay home while you step out for some air.

peace -

#6 innertorment

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 06:53 PM

Day is almost over. Ending in a Migraine which sucks and has me back in bed, in the dark, with an ice cold wrap on my forehead and sumatriptan rushing through my veins. At least it's a different kind of pain.




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