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SadUK

How Much Time Do You Spend Alone...

166 posts in this topic

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When I'm not at work, I'm alone. I can go from 6pm on a Friday when I leave work and not see or speak to another person until I get back into work on Monday at 9.... Every evening, I spend it at home alone... I've still a few friends, but I can go for weeks or months without seeing them...

Thing is, I seek this solitude out, but then sometimes I question if I should mix with others, if it's unhealthy to be alone and question if the emptiness I feel is because I haven't mixed with others (although it's most likely a symptom of my BPD). So I'll arrange to see someone, but I'll then spend the whole evening wishing I was alone... alone but lonely??

I just wondered how much time others spend alone and if they embrace or hate it.... if it's just the way some loners are, if it's their depression/condition, if they don't feel they fit so they stay alone or do they feel some kind of society pressure to go out and "have fun" even when they don't want to and would rather be alone... (the latter used to be me when I was younger)....

Or am I talking a load of old pants?

Edited by SadUK
bella8933, Janeen and whatDidImiss like this

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When I'm not at work, I'm alone. I can go from 6pm on a Friday when I leave work and not see or speak to another person until I get back into work on Monday at 9.... Every evening, I spend it at home alone... I've still a few friends, but I can go for weeks or months without seeing them...

Thing is, I seek this solitude out, but then sometimes I question if I should mix with others, if it's unhealthy to be alone and question if the emptiness I feel is because I haven't mixed with others (although it's most likely a symptom of my BPD). So I'll arrange to see someone, but I'll then spend the whole evening wishing I was alone... alone but lonely??

I just wondered how much time others spend alone and if they embrace or hate it.... if it's just the way some loners are, if it's their depression, if they don't feel they fit so they stay alone or do they feel some kind of society pressure to go out and "have fun" even when they don't want to and would rather be alone... (the latter used to be me when I was younger)....

Or am I talking a load of old pants?

I am the same way. I'm alone all the time. Ever since my wife and I split up almost two years ago. I go to work and then I go to my apt and sit alone. In the almost two years I have been living there only two people have been in that apt. My cousin twice and my X twice. It's not good but I really don't see that changing anytime soon. What's even worse for me is that I was an only child and was always alone as a kid. I was conditioned to be alone and I think thats why I'm like that. But yes, in general, at least in my reading on this forum us depressed people generally are loners. I've often wondered why we behave that way. It may have something to do with the fact that we are so vulnerable and we know it.

Just a few months ago, I got some feeling for this girl I had been hanging out with and ended up getting hurt by the whole ordeal. So, back into the cave I went and all and all at least I know I wont get hurt in there. That make any sense?

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In the almost two years I have been living there only two people have been in that apt.

Just a few months ago, I got some feeling for this girl I had been hanging out with and ended up getting hurt by the whole ordeal. So, back into the cave I went and all and all at least I know I wont get hurt in there. That make any sense?

I never have anyone in my flat unless I am comfortable with them, maybe a handful of people in the last 4 years (other than the odd plumber or person for maintenance reasons).

Yes it does make sense. My home is my sanctuary, so it's where I go to be safe...

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I spend a lot of time alone, although I know I would do a bit better with more social interaction. I don't trust people and I am a control freak, my wife even bigger. Having Bipolar 1 with OCD issues doesn't make things easy. Every since I can remember as a teen I like my alone time, my Mom is the same. My wife has a hard time with it sometimes. When I get depressed I isolate and its not healthy, but sometimes people just get me so frustrated, so its easier to control my own space and make it comfortable. Can you believe I was very successful in sales, LOL. I guess I can manage some of mental health issues well then.One thing that helps me, I think, is I learned to enjoy my time with myself. That way when people pi** me off in public I just leave. I would love a sound proof house. That would be my dream.

Edited by danielsaun

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I'm same, if it wasn't for family I can easily go a whole wkend on my own. Except for flatmates who are strangers that I don't count and rarely see anyhow. I have no friends in the city I live.

Sometimes I desperately need alone time, my job is very communication based so often at the end of the day i'm exhausted emotionally from dealing with it all, but friendships tend to rejuvinate me...when they are healthy. I crave friendship but it seems to get harder as I get older to accomplish. And I tend to push older friendships away because they're not 'good enough'. On the bpd aspect I don't think emptiness is the same as aloneness. I can be busy with therapy, work, parents, family in general that a week can pass but it doesn't make me feel less empty. I am empty because I lack a concept of myself which makes connecting and feeling emotions from anyone else almost impossible.

I like my alone time but I also like time with friends. I lack balance in my life in this area right now. I think it is okay though if people like time on their own....everyone is different.

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Pretty much 99.9% of the time I'd say.

I do everything alone at home. I stay in my bedroom mostly, unless we have guests. I eat, watch TV, listen to music, read, play games, use my PC all in my room. The only thing I don't do is go to the toilet in here. lol

I rarely go out these days, because I don't have any money and I don't have much motivation to go out and seek work, as much as I want to work. So most of my time is spent indoors, alone.

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The more depressed I become the more I want to be alone of course. I guess its mostly so I don't have to "pretend" .. Pretend I want company, pretend I care. I file it until I can be alone but its getting harder. Been fighting this all my life. Dont want to fight it today and am hiding at work.. have 6 other people at home. One of which has possible bi-polar. I have no place to hide there.. don't want to go home..... :( don't want to explain this to anyone. Just want to sleep it off.......

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I live in my own room by myself. But then again I don't like hanging out with people takes a lot of effort. Why do that when I have all the music/ video games/ awesome badass time/ television/ books/ movies/ internet with unlimited information at my fingertips. It's not a hard comparison. Alone but lonely is a perfect description of it too. I am wicked lonely but I don't want to go out and do anything I'm contradicting myself?

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I spend alot of time by alone. I try and find and get out on occasion even if its just to a store to take a breath of air and change up the scenery. Also try and keep myself occupied with the few intrests I have but have a hard time doing that because my attention span is horrible. I do enjoy seeing spending time with my parents, unfourtanly I barley ever see the one friend I have.

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I spend almost all of my time alone. The only time I spend around people is when I am in class.

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I used to spend almost all my time outside of work alone. I've gotten closer to some friends since then, I try to hang out with them a couple times a week, but I'm not always able to. Even so, when I'm alone, I often mull about it. Sometimes I feel like I need to be around people in order to be happy, I think it's because when I'm with others, it's a lot easier to be distracted from whatever's bothering me.

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I tried going out today. I was walking towards the town centre, to have a browse around a few shops and grab a coffee somewhere. When I was overcome with anxiety and paranoia that everybody was looking at me, I then proceeded to go home. I was out for a grand total of 50 minutes.

That would have been the first time I've been out properly in like 2 weeks.

I did go to the hospital on Tuesday, but I don't count that. lol

I'll be going out on Monday morning to sign on at the Job Centre, but no doubt I'll just come straight home afterwards. I really can't handle the outside world or being around people it seems. I've been a recluse for so long, that I'm simply not used to being outside around people.

I can't even talk to my Mum, I simply don't have the confidence to have a conversation with anybody. It's all one word answers and I come across as either miserable or obnoxious.

My self esteem is completey broken.

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I spend most of the time during the week alone (from 8-3) till my wife gets home from work.

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Doesn't look like I can be satisfied either way. I am in my own little area at work, so for the most part, I am alone at work except for the occasional visitor. I come home and my wife spends a lot of time on the PC - she is a Facebook/Farmville addict. Makes me angry; other times, it hurts to know she'd rather be with the 17" screen than conversing with me. In some ways, it's funny tho - I can only take so much of her when she is around me, and am soon ready to be left alone again. It seems I want and miss interaction, but when it happens, I retreat.

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I only spend about two hours a week alone, literally. My boyfriend and I live together, have classes at similar times and neither of us work so we're together 99.9% of the time. The fact we can be around each other so much and not bicker constantly or bite each other's heads off probably means we're about as compatible as two people can get, we rarely fight at all actually.

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In reply to the second part of your question:

It's my opinion that some people with depression started out as trusting other people but where badly let down in their relationships. They find it harder later on to form relationships because they are scared of being hurt again so they avoid situations where this might happen. This is especially true where these relationships were a contributing factor to their depression.

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Sometimes, when I am in a really bad place internally, I will go off by myself to a remote cabin I have about 3 hours from home for 3-5 days, winter or summer. My Dad left it to me when he passed away, and my wife and kids hate the place, so it's the perfect escape. Just me and the birds, and the occasional skunk. And not a soul anywhere near. If I try the alone thing in my home, eventually someone will rattle it. So into the woods I will venture. But then a very strange feeling will overwhelm me, usually after 2-3 days by myself. The senses become heightened, and near panic will set it. Especially in the winter when the lake is frozen over and most birds have migrated. Silence. Pure silence. And that silence can be overwhelming. It's wonderful to escape the vacuum of noise that we live in, and are so used to it that it's normal to us, but in reality it isn't. I may sound a little off centre here, but if you have ever experinced it, it is something else. And that something else is not good. At least to me. I think my Father built the place for that reason, he was an avid outdoorsman, and didn't do well for long periods of time in the city. I admire his tenacity, and I am not half the man he was.

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In reply to the second part of your question:

It's my opinion that some people with depression started out as trusting other people but where badly let down in their relationships. They find it harder later on to form relationships because they are scared of being hurt again so they avoid situations where this might happen. This is especially true where these relationships were a contributing factor to their depression.

Bingo! I grew up in alcoholic abusive household. How do you determine who's trustworthy when your own parents weren't? I wish I could tell my wife the truth but she didn't take well some of the abusive things I have done to myself. I went to my pdoc today and when I told her I recently harmed myself she was upset. So now do I really want to admit that to my wife? Hell no ! She is already OCD and suffering from depression. I don't need to burden her anymore than have.

To add to your point. I think that those of use with mental health issues subconsciously seek out sick people as well. One of the things that attracted me to my wife was she had never done drugs and hardly ever drank, but maybe I chose to overlook her hoarding? I don't know ?

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Sometimes, when I am in a really bad place internally, I will go off by myself to a remote cabin I have about 3 hours from home for 3-5 days, winter or summer. My Dad left it to me when he passed away, and my wife and kids hate the place, so it's the perfect escape. Just me and the birds, and the occasional skunk. And not a soul anywhere near. If I try the alone thing in my home, eventually someone will rattle it. So into the woods I will venture. But then a very strange feeling will overwhelm me, usually after 2-3 days by myself. The senses become heightened, and near panic will set it. Especially in the winter when the lake is frozen over and most birds have migrated. Silence. Pure silence. And that silence can be overwhelming. It's wonderful to escape the vacuum of noise that we live in, and are so used to it that it's normal to us, but in reality it isn't. I may sound a little off centre here, but if you have ever experinced it, it is something else. And that something else is not good. At least to me. I think my Father built the place for that reason, he was an avid outdoorsman, and didn't do well for long periods of time in the city. I admire his tenacity, and I am not half the man he was.

That's ironic in that in my dream home it would be a soundproof bubble. I am considering trying out a flotation/isolation tank. On a great day I can get that sense from meditation

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If I'm not out I'm in my room myself, sometimes for close to 24 hrs a day. I just tend to think of all the rejections I've had and all the fears and worryies I had at a very young age about being a grown up and now that those fears are becoming a reality I'm starting to think their's only one way out.

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This sounds like me SadUK. I live alone and I am retired. So I spend most of my time alone and I embrace my solitude. But there are times, not a whole lot that I want to get out and be around people so I will attend the theater, shop a little, or do something with a friend, visit family in another city for a couple of days, etc. I may or may not attend a social engagement. When I do I don't stay for a long time because I want to go home. I also keep in touch with my immediate family by talking to them at least 5 times out of the week. But for the most part I feel like a loner. Even if I'm not experiencing a depressive episode, I for the most part enjoy my solitude. There are several things I do with my time so I not home just being bored. I think this is a good thread SadUK.

Lindahurt

When I'm not at work, I'm alone. I can go from 6pm on a Friday when I leave work and not see or speak to another person until I get back into work on Monday at 9.... Every evening, I spend it at home alone... I've still a few friends, but I can go for weeks or months without seeing them...

Thing is, I seek this solitude out, but then sometimes I question if I should mix with others, if it's unhealthy to be alone and question if the emptiness I feel is because I haven't mixed with others (although it's most likely a symptom of my BPD). So I'll arrange to see someone, but I'll then spend the whole evening wishing I was alone... alone but lonely??

I just wondered how much time others spend alone and if they embrace or hate it.... if it's just the way some loners are, if it's their depression/condition, if they don't feel they fit so they stay alone or do they feel some kind of society pressure to go out and "have fun" even when they don't want to and would rather be alone... (the latter used to be me when I was younger)....

Or am I talking a load of old pants?

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What's even worse for me is that I was an only child and was always alone as a kid. I was conditioned to be alone and I think thats why I'm like that. But yes, in general, at least in my reading on this forum us depressed people generally are loners. I've often wondered why we behave that way. It may have something to do with the fact that we are so vulnerable and we know it.

I wasn't an only child, but my dad worked all the time and my mom didn't have any friends. I think it affected my brothers and I because we are all loners now. My parents didn't really have relationships with their family members either and now my brothers and I rarely talk. We are on decent enough terms, we just never learned how to form and maintain deep friendships/relationships.

I'm sure that's not the only reason I'm a loner, though...

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It seems I want and miss interaction, but when it happens, I retreat.

Yes, this I can relate to. It's the same with me.

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It's my opinion that some people with depression started out as trusting other people but where badly let down in their relationships. They find it harder later on to form relationships because they are scared of being hurt again so they avoid situations where this might happen. This is especially true where these relationships were a contributing factor to their depression.

I agree with you. In my early 20s (37 now), I was hurt very badly by someone I loved (unrequited). He was my best friend and I would do anything for him, and he was a messed up individual. A couple other roommates back then were also emotionally abusive and dysfunctional. I really do think it scarred me and affected my life after that. I've bounded back over the years, but I think that is partly why I am such a loner... fear of being hurt, rejected...

To be honest, though, I typically DO like being alone. Sometimes, it bothers me.

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I honestly forget that other people arent alone most of their time.I do have friends and I mean friends who understand that I " struggle" but honestly if I go to see them im like ..."what am I doing here" ?...I went and saw some people the other day and they had a cookery programme on a massive flat screen, some fool shouting a recipe at me and I just wanted to howl. It was like another planet....couldnt wait to run away and be alone again.I much prefer it when friends come round here and even then I kind of cant wait for them to leave ( even though I love them ) ....though they do get looked after to the best of my ability ...nobody ever complains of lack of tea and cake round my house . They appreciate it cos they understand the effort it takes for me to get to the shop .....I really try not to ask them to go for me , though sometimes I simply have to . But yes I spend and prefer to spend most of my time alone.....I think.

Edited by notnorm

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