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How Much Time Do You Spend Alone...


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#1 SadUK

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Posted 02 March 2011 - 12:52 PM

When I'm not at work, I'm alone. I can go from 6pm on a Friday when I leave work and not see or speak to another person until I get back into work on Monday at 9.... Every evening, I spend it at home alone... I've still a few friends, but I can go for weeks or months without seeing them...

Thing is, I seek this solitude out, but then sometimes I question if I should mix with others, if it's unhealthy to be alone and question if the emptiness I feel is because I haven't mixed with others (although it's most likely a symptom of my BPD). So I'll arrange to see someone, but I'll then spend the whole evening wishing I was alone... alone but lonely??

I just wondered how much time others spend alone and if they embrace or hate it.... if it's just the way some loners are, if it's their depression/condition, if they don't feel they fit so they stay alone or do they feel some kind of society pressure to go out and "have fun" even when they don't want to and would rather be alone... (the latter used to be me when I was younger)....

Or am I talking a load of old pants?

Edited by SadUK, 02 March 2011 - 01:03 PM.

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#2 MrSandman

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Posted 02 March 2011 - 01:05 PM

When I'm not at work, I'm alone. I can go from 6pm on a Friday when I leave work and not see or speak to another person until I get back into work on Monday at 9.... Every evening, I spend it at home alone... I've still a few friends, but I can go for weeks or months without seeing them...

Thing is, I seek this solitude out, but then sometimes I question if I should mix with others, if it's unhealthy to be alone and question if the emptiness I feel is because I haven't mixed with others (although it's most likely a symptom of my BPD). So I'll arrange to see someone, but I'll then spend the whole evening wishing I was alone... alone but lonely??

I just wondered how much time others spend alone and if they embrace or hate it.... if it's just the way some loners are, if it's their depression, if they don't feel they fit so they stay alone or do they feel some kind of society pressure to go out and "have fun" even when they don't want to and would rather be alone... (the latter used to be me when I was younger)....

Or am I talking a load of old pants?


I am the same way. I'm alone all the time. Ever since my wife and I split up almost two years ago. I go to work and then I go to my apt and sit alone. In the almost two years I have been living there only two people have been in that apt. My cousin twice and my X twice. It's not good but I really don't see that changing anytime soon. What's even worse for me is that I was an only child and was always alone as a kid. I was conditioned to be alone and I think thats why I'm like that. But yes, in general, at least in my reading on this forum us depressed people generally are loners. I've often wondered why we behave that way. It may have something to do with the fact that we are so vulnerable and we know it.

Just a few months ago, I got some feeling for this girl I had been hanging out with and ended up getting hurt by the whole ordeal. So, back into the cave I went and all and all at least I know I wont get hurt in there. That make any sense?

#3 SadUK

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Posted 02 March 2011 - 01:12 PM

In the almost two years I have been living there only two people have been in that apt.

Just a few months ago, I got some feeling for this girl I had been hanging out with and ended up getting hurt by the whole ordeal. So, back into the cave I went and all and all at least I know I wont get hurt in there. That make any sense?


I never have anyone in my flat unless I am comfortable with them, maybe a handful of people in the last 4 years (other than the odd plumber or person for maintenance reasons).

Yes it does make sense. My home is my sanctuary, so it's where I go to be safe...
Everything will be okay in the end. If it is not okay, then it is not the end...

#4 WorkingTowardsaBetterLife

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Posted 02 March 2011 - 01:43 PM

I spend a lot of time alone, although I know I would do a bit better with more social interaction. I don't trust people and I am a control freak, my wife even bigger. Having Bipolar 1 with OCD issues doesn't make things easy. Every since I can remember as a teen I like my alone time, my Mom is the same. My wife has a hard time with it sometimes. When I get depressed I isolate and its not healthy, but sometimes people just get me so frustrated, so its easier to control my own space and make it comfortable. Can you believe I was very successful in sales, LOL. I guess I can manage some of mental health issues well then.One thing that helps me, I think, is I learned to enjoy my time with myself. That way when people pi** me off in public I just leave. I would love a sound proof house. That would be my dream.

Edited by danielsaun, 02 March 2011 - 01:45 PM.


#5 bigblackdog

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Posted 02 March 2011 - 03:08 PM

I'm same, if it wasn't for family I can easily go a whole wkend on my own. Except for flatmates who are strangers that I don't count and rarely see anyhow. I have no friends in the city I live.

Sometimes I desperately need alone time, my job is very communication based so often at the end of the day i'm exhausted emotionally from dealing with it all, but friendships tend to rejuvinate me...when they are healthy. I crave friendship but it seems to get harder as I get older to accomplish. And I tend to push older friendships away because they're not 'good enough'. On the bpd aspect I don't think emptiness is the same as aloneness. I can be busy with therapy, work, parents, family in general that a week can pass but it doesn't make me feel less empty. I am empty because I lack a concept of myself which makes connecting and feeling emotions from anyone else almost impossible.

I like my alone time but I also like time with friends. I lack balance in my life in this area right now. I think it is okay though if people like time on their own....everyone is different.

#6 Doommantia

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Posted 02 March 2011 - 04:16 PM

Pretty much 99.9% of the time I'd say.

I do everything alone at home. I stay in my bedroom mostly, unless we have guests. I eat, watch TV, listen to music, read, play games, use my PC all in my room. The only thing I don't do is go to the toilet in here. lol

I rarely go out these days, because I don't have any money and I don't have much motivation to go out and seek work, as much as I want to work. So most of my time is spent indoors, alone.

#7 Carolb4nftr

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Posted 02 March 2011 - 06:22 PM

The more depressed I become the more I want to be alone of course. I guess its mostly so I don't have to "pretend" .. Pretend I want company, pretend I care. I file it until I can be alone but its getting harder. Been fighting this all my life. Dont want to fight it today and am hiding at work.. have 6 other people at home. One of which has possible bi-polar. I have no place to hide there.. don't want to go home..... :( don't want to explain this to anyone. Just want to sleep it off.......



#8 SySt3M

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Posted 02 March 2011 - 07:54 PM

I live in my own room by myself. But then again I don't like hanging out with people takes a lot of effort. Why do that when I have all the music/ video games/ awesome badass time/ television/ books/ movies/ internet with unlimited information at my fingertips. It's not a hard comparison. Alone but lonely is a perfect description of it too. I am wicked lonely but I don't want to go out and do anything I'm contradicting myself?
"It's not that I'm afraid of death, but afraid of the thought of my people laid to rest; They saying there is 6 million ways of death but not even one way to fade the stress."
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#9 shakeybones

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Posted 02 March 2011 - 09:42 PM

I spend alot of time by alone. I try and find and get out on occasion even if its just to a store to take a breath of air and change up the scenery. Also try and keep myself occupied with the few intrests I have but have a hard time doing that because my attention span is horrible. I do enjoy seeing spending time with my parents, unfourtanly I barley ever see the one friend I have.

#10 tarathin

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Posted 02 March 2011 - 09:55 PM

I spend almost all of my time alone. The only time I spend around people is when I am in class.

#11 Myono

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Posted 02 March 2011 - 11:14 PM

I used to spend almost all my time outside of work alone. I've gotten closer to some friends since then, I try to hang out with them a couple times a week, but I'm not always able to. Even so, when I'm alone, I often mull about it. Sometimes I feel like I need to be around people in order to be happy, I think it's because when I'm with others, it's a lot easier to be distracted from whatever's bothering me.

#12 Doommantia

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 08:37 AM

I tried going out today. I was walking towards the town centre, to have a browse around a few shops and grab a coffee somewhere. When I was overcome with anxiety and paranoia that everybody was looking at me, I then proceeded to go home. I was out for a grand total of 50 minutes.

That would have been the first time I've been out properly in like 2 weeks.

I did go to the hospital on Tuesday, but I don't count that. lol

I'll be going out on Monday morning to sign on at the Job Centre, but no doubt I'll just come straight home afterwards. I really can't handle the outside world or being around people it seems. I've been a recluse for so long, that I'm simply not used to being outside around people.

I can't even talk to my Mum, I simply don't have the confidence to have a conversation with anybody. It's all one word answers and I come across as either miserable or obnoxious.

My self esteem is completey broken.

#13 hocico

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 08:57 AM

I spend most of the time during the week alone (from 8-3) till my wife gets home from work.
Do not wait for extraordinary circumstances to do good; try to use ordinary situations. - Jean Paul Richter
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#14 ate2five

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 10:50 AM

Doesn't look like I can be satisfied either way. I am in my own little area at work, so for the most part, I am alone at work except for the occasional visitor. I come home and my wife spends a lot of time on the PC - she is a Facebook/Farmville addict. Makes me angry; other times, it hurts to know she'd rather be with the 17" screen than conversing with me. In some ways, it's funny tho - I can only take so much of her when she is around me, and am soon ready to be left alone again. It seems I want and miss interaction, but when it happens, I retreat.
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#15 aquelle

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 11:54 AM

I only spend about two hours a week alone, literally. My boyfriend and I live together, have classes at similar times and neither of us work so we're together 99.9% of the time. The fact we can be around each other so much and not bicker constantly or bite each other's heads off probably means we're about as compatible as two people can get, we rarely fight at all actually.
Forsan miseros meliora sequentur - For those in misery perhaps better things will follow.

#16 hocico

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 12:51 PM

In reply to the second part of your question:

It's my opinion that some people with depression started out as trusting other people but where badly let down in their relationships. They find it harder later on to form relationships because they are scared of being hurt again so they avoid situations where this might happen. This is especially true where these relationships were a contributing factor to their depression.
Do not wait for extraordinary circumstances to do good; try to use ordinary situations. - Jean Paul Richter
Democracy no longer works for the poor if politicians treat them as a separate race - Frank Field

#17 chased

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 04:15 PM

Sometimes, when I am in a really bad place internally, I will go off by myself to a remote cabin I have about 3 hours from home for 3-5 days, winter or summer. My Dad left it to me when he passed away, and my wife and kids hate the place, so it's the perfect escape. Just me and the birds, and the occasional skunk. And not a soul anywhere near. If I try the alone thing in my home, eventually someone will rattle it. So into the woods I will venture. But then a very strange feeling will overwhelm me, usually after 2-3 days by myself. The senses become heightened, and near panic will set it. Especially in the winter when the lake is frozen over and most birds have migrated. Silence. Pure silence. And that silence can be overwhelming. It's wonderful to escape the vacuum of noise that we live in, and are so used to it that it's normal to us, but in reality it isn't. I may sound a little off centre here, but if you have ever experinced it, it is something else. And that something else is not good. At least to me. I think my Father built the place for that reason, he was an avid outdoorsman, and didn't do well for long periods of time in the city. I admire his tenacity, and I am not half the man he was.

#18 WorkingTowardsaBetterLife

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 04:31 PM

In reply to the second part of your question:

It's my opinion that some people with depression started out as trusting other people but where badly let down in their relationships. They find it harder later on to form relationships because they are scared of being hurt again so they avoid situations where this might happen. This is especially true where these relationships were a contributing factor to their depression.


Bingo! I grew up in alcoholic abusive household. How do you determine who's trustworthy when your own parents weren't? I wish I could tell my wife the truth but she didn't take well some of the abusive things I have done to myself. I went to my pdoc today and when I told her I recently harmed myself she was upset. So now do I really want to admit that to my wife? Hell no ! She is already OCD and suffering from depression. I don't need to burden her anymore than have.

To add to your point. I think that those of use with mental health issues subconsciously seek out sick people as well. One of the things that attracted me to my wife was she had never done drugs and hardly ever drank, but maybe I chose to overlook her hoarding? I don't know ?

#19 WorkingTowardsaBetterLife

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 04:34 PM

Sometimes, when I am in a really bad place internally, I will go off by myself to a remote cabin I have about 3 hours from home for 3-5 days, winter or summer. My Dad left it to me when he passed away, and my wife and kids hate the place, so it's the perfect escape. Just me and the birds, and the occasional skunk. And not a soul anywhere near. If I try the alone thing in my home, eventually someone will rattle it. So into the woods I will venture. But then a very strange feeling will overwhelm me, usually after 2-3 days by myself. The senses become heightened, and near panic will set it. Especially in the winter when the lake is frozen over and most birds have migrated. Silence. Pure silence. And that silence can be overwhelming. It's wonderful to escape the vacuum of noise that we live in, and are so used to it that it's normal to us, but in reality it isn't. I may sound a little off centre here, but if you have ever experinced it, it is something else. And that something else is not good. At least to me. I think my Father built the place for that reason, he was an avid outdoorsman, and didn't do well for long periods of time in the city. I admire his tenacity, and I am not half the man he was.


That's ironic in that in my dream home it would be a soundproof bubble. I am considering trying out a flotation/isolation tank. On a great day I can get that sense from meditation

#20 Stuarachel

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 04:36 PM

If I'm not out I'm in my room myself, sometimes for close to 24 hrs a day. I just tend to think of all the rejections I've had and all the fears and worryies I had at a very young age about being a grown up and now that those fears are becoming a reality I'm starting to think their's only one way out.
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#21 lindahurt

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 04:48 PM

This sounds like me SadUK. I live alone and I am retired. So I spend most of my time alone and I embrace my solitude. But there are times, not a whole lot that I want to get out and be around people so I will attend the theater, shop a little, or do something with a friend, visit family in another city for a couple of days, etc. I may or may not attend a social engagement. When I do I don't stay for a long time because I want to go home. I also keep in touch with my immediate family by talking to them at least 5 times out of the week. But for the most part I feel like a loner. Even if I'm not experiencing a depressive episode, I for the most part enjoy my solitude. There are several things I do with my time so I not home just being bored. I think this is a good thread SadUK.

Lindahurt

When I'm not at work, I'm alone. I can go from 6pm on a Friday when I leave work and not see or speak to another person until I get back into work on Monday at 9.... Every evening, I spend it at home alone... I've still a few friends, but I can go for weeks or months without seeing them...

Thing is, I seek this solitude out, but then sometimes I question if I should mix with others, if it's unhealthy to be alone and question if the emptiness I feel is because I haven't mixed with others (although it's most likely a symptom of my BPD). So I'll arrange to see someone, but I'll then spend the whole evening wishing I was alone... alone but lonely??

I just wondered how much time others spend alone and if they embrace or hate it.... if it's just the way some loners are, if it's their depression/condition, if they don't feel they fit so they stay alone or do they feel some kind of society pressure to go out and "have fun" even when they don't want to and would rather be alone... (the latter used to be me when I was younger)....

Or am I talking a load of old pants?


Even in the most horrific of situations, one's attitude has an enormous role in shaping what happens ~ Viktor Frankl
In you lies the power to choose, to commit - Stephen Convey

 
The kind of person you want to become is greatly influence by your inner decisions, and not from outside influence alone. We can even under adverse circumstances, decide what shall become of us ~ Brian C. Stiller



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#22 Spiritual_Wanderer

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 04:56 PM

What's even worse for me is that I was an only child and was always alone as a kid. I was conditioned to be alone and I think thats why I'm like that. But yes, in general, at least in my reading on this forum us depressed people generally are loners. I've often wondered why we behave that way. It may have something to do with the fact that we are so vulnerable and we know it.

I wasn't an only child, but my dad worked all the time and my mom didn't have any friends. I think it affected my brothers and I because we are all loners now. My parents didn't really have relationships with their family members either and now my brothers and I rarely talk. We are on decent enough terms, we just never learned how to form and maintain deep friendships/relationships.

I'm sure that's not the only reason I'm a loner, though...
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#23 Spiritual_Wanderer

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 04:59 PM

It seems I want and miss interaction, but when it happens, I retreat.


Yes, this I can relate to. It's the same with me.
Many Blessings,
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#24 Spiritual_Wanderer

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 05:03 PM

It's my opinion that some people with depression started out as trusting other people but where badly let down in their relationships. They find it harder later on to form relationships because they are scared of being hurt again so they avoid situations where this might happen. This is especially true where these relationships were a contributing factor to their depression.

I agree with you. In my early 20s (37 now), I was hurt very badly by someone I loved (unrequited). He was my best friend and I would do anything for him, and he was a messed up individual. A couple other roommates back then were also emotionally abusive and dysfunctional. I really do think it scarred me and affected my life after that. I've bounded back over the years, but I think that is partly why I am such a loner... fear of being hurt, rejected...

To be honest, though, I typically DO like being alone. Sometimes, it bothers me.
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Don't let the muggles get you down. ― J.K. Rowling

#25 notnorm

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Posted 04 March 2011 - 12:50 AM

I honestly forget that other people arent alone most of their time.I do have friends and I mean friends who understand that I " struggle" but honestly if I go to see them im like ..."what am I doing here" ?...I went and saw some people the other day and they had a cookery programme on a massive flat screen, some fool shouting a recipe at me and I just wanted to howl. It was like another planet....couldnt wait to run away and be alone again.I much prefer it when friends come round here and even then I kind of cant wait for them to leave ( even though I love them ) ....though they do get looked after to the best of my ability ...nobody ever complains of lack of tea and cake round my house . They appreciate it cos they understand the effort it takes for me to get to the shop .....I really try not to ask them to go for me , though sometimes I simply have to . But yes I spend and prefer to spend most of my time alone.....I think.

Edited by notnorm, 04 March 2011 - 12:59 AM.


#26 Gen1

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Posted 04 March 2011 - 01:50 AM

I'm nearly alone 24/7, even in classes where no one wants to talk to each other or they all have their own group of friends. I've tried talking to people and they will talk to me for a little, then their friends come in and I'm ignored again so I just tend to sit in the front and be alone then I get back home and I am alone again in my room till the next day. On weekends I tend to spend it all inside, at first I just ignored the thought of how depressing this is but recently it just hit me that's it's a pretty sad life considering I like being around people at times.

Irony is, when I am around people or my "friends" as people would call them, they never invite me to gatherings, parties, hang outs etc... then it's just plain out rude to be like oh hey I am coming too, or invite myself. I sit there, walk with them to their destinations and they say, "bye, thanks" when I even told them I have nothing to do today. Couple of times I even asked them if I could hang out but they seemed hesitant so I tend not to ask anymore, or I feel like they are going to think that I am being wayy to pushy or I am trying to make myself fit in ( I know they think like this because they express the same exact thoughts about other people when I am around them)

The same goes for clubs, I join them, have a good time at the meetings, events, but no one ever invites me anywhere else, why? because everyone already formed their own group and I feel like they shut me out. I try to talk with them, they talk with me for a good minute and end up back with their friends. I exchange some numbers because they say we'll hit you up if anything goes down and what do you know, nothing, no call no text, nothing.

Also, when I am with people there are a lot of times where I think to myself, dammit I want to be home alone, then I get home and I want to be outside with friends. Oh how great...

So I end up alone. Doesn't help my depression or my trust issues at all what so ever.
Good way of putting it tho, alone but lonely. Thumbs up for that one.

Edited by Gen1, 04 March 2011 - 01:51 AM.


#27 strive4life

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Posted 04 March 2011 - 02:09 AM

I Am alone everyday, until my husband comes home from Work, between 6 or 7pm. Though I am not alone because I have my yorkie. Dod Riley! Ihave no friends, no work, just me n Riley. Oh. I also have GAD, social anxiety along with TR depression. So about 10hours during the week.

#28 Blue Butterfly

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Posted 04 March 2011 - 02:49 AM

I Am alone everyday, until my husband comes home from Work, between 6 or 7pm. Though I am not alone because I have my yorkie. Dod Riley! Ihave no friends, no work, just me n Riley. Oh. I also have GAD, social anxiety along with TR depression. So about 10hours during the week.


Hi there! I can totally relate to you. I'm alone all day too until my boyfriend comes home at around 6 or 7 sometimes. My only friends are my dogs Frodo and Roxy and my parrot Rio. Love your Yorkie's name, so sweet! I also have GAD and in my opinion treatment resistant depression, yet they keep throwing more meds at me (been through everything!). May i ask how you keep yourself occupied? I need some ideas :help:
Kat

#29 hocico

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Posted 04 March 2011 - 10:48 AM

I agree with you. In my early 20s (37 now), I was hurt very badly by someone I loved (unrequited). He was my best friend and I would do anything for him, and he was a messed up individual. A couple other roommates back then were also emotionally abusive and dysfunctional. I really do think it scarred me and affected my life after that. I've bounded back over the years, but I think that is partly why I am such a loner... fear of being hurt, rejected...

To be honest, though, I typically DO like being alone. Sometimes, it bothers me.




I guess my past is similar, I was very lonely in my late teens/ early 20's so I spent a lot of time travelling around meeting people. Unfortunately my depression often blinded me to how the real intentions of some of these people were and that they only wanted to meet with me so they could play mind games.

I guess that is why Im really cautious and suspicious of people now, my wife is completely different though , very open and trusting so I spend a lot of time trying to protect her from people I get danger signals from.

Edited by hocico, 04 March 2011 - 10:51 AM.

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Democracy no longer works for the poor if politicians treat them as a separate race - Frank Field

#30 WorkingTowardsaBetterLife

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Posted 04 March 2011 - 01:04 PM

The best advice someone gave me for making friends, since I am challenged a bit, is to have a dinner party with a time limit, make up an excuse. Then invite only the ones you like back over and forget the rest.

I know the whole church, common interest things, but being without children, in my 40's and don't believe in formalized religion wipes out some of my choices. But that's ok, because I have this board and I enjoy myself and my quiet time.

#31 Kalla

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Posted 04 March 2011 - 08:34 PM

I guess it depends on how you feel about being alone - if you are happy being alone, then I think it's fine. Some people really enjoy solitude, especially after a week of working or staying busy. Others hate being alone and are miserable because of it, wishing that their anxiety/depression/etc didn't keep them so isolated.

For the most part, I like being alone, especially if I "socialize" (casual interactions) at work or at Church throughout the week. For me, I only need a few close friends to feel satisfied, even if I only speak to them over the phone every now and then. I don't mind spending my weekends alone and doing my own thing. But there is an occassional moment here and there where I wish I had more people around me, especially a boyfriend....but those moments aren't very often so it's OK.

If you are worried about being alone, I would suggest joining a hobby club, Church group, etc...There are a lot of things out there that will help you meet people and make friends :gathering:

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."


#32 strive4life

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Posted 05 March 2011 - 02:39 AM


I Am alone everyday, until my husband comes home from Work, between 6 or 7pm. Though I am not alone because I have my yorkie. Dod Riley! Ihave no friends, no work, just me n Riley. Oh. I also have GAD, social anxiety along with TR depression. So about 10hours during the week.


Hi there! I can totally relate to you. I'm alone all day too until my boyfriend comes home at around 6 or 7 sometimes. My only friends are my dogs Frodo and Roxy and my parrot Rio. Love your Yorkie's name, so sweet! I also have GAD and in my opinion treatment resistant depression, yet they keep throwing more meds at me (been through everything!). May i ask how you keep yourself occupied? I need some ideas :help:


I need to clarify, it's 10 hours a day!! I am lucky my husband likes and understands technology. I pretty much watch programs recording on our TiVo. Some days I go thru the bundle of receipts hubby leaves for me. Open mail, pay any bills, match up medical bills with insurance explanations of benefits, feed Riley, and have a meal or two depending on when I get up. Pretty boring. If I am not distracted I tend to dwell in depression, it's always negative and I hate it. How bout u? How do people PM each other?

#33 Guest_bayosgirl87_*

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Posted 05 March 2011 - 04:54 AM

I'm alone WAY too much, it's unhealthy and I know it. I am unemployed, I live alone (my fiance is 3k miles away while we work out how to move him out here), I have only one sort-of friend. All of the things I like to do are solitary: reading books, cooking, and riding horses (well..I guess there's the barn scene, but don't get me started on that!) My issue is I don't trust people; I've been burned one too many times by people I thought were my friends. Yet the loneliness is definitely contributing to my depression. What to do?

#34 Ben Varrey

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Posted 05 March 2011 - 05:18 AM

I spend most of my time alone by choice. I don't feel in the the least bit lonely and I wouldn't change things from the way they are now. Except for this blasted depression that spoils everything.

Life has made me very suspicious of people and I prefer to 'talk' to people via messageboards. It gives me a degree of control over contact (no offence intended). The only member of my family I now bother with is my son who annoyingly makes me leave the house (but after I've been shoe-horned outside, I'm glad I'm outside).

I found people too demanding and expecting too much of me, which started this whole depression thing in the first place. Life is much calmer now.

Plus, I can listen to my music (tends to be rock) without my estranged husband wanting to put his RAF Military Theme Tunes on instead :veryangry:
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Falling flat on your face isn't failure - not getting up again is failure

#35 dreamer123321

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Posted 05 March 2011 - 09:44 AM

I spend most of my time alone by choice. I don't feel in the the least bit lonely and I wouldn't change things from the way they are now. Except for this blasted depression that spoils everything.

Life has made me very suspicious of people and I prefer to 'talk' to people via messageboards. It gives me a degree of control over contact (no offence intended).


I do the same.After work i return and spend my time alone.On weekends,i rarely speak more than 50 words.I don't resent my loneliness.In fact,i have came to like it.I have been staying alone from last 6 years and got used to it.I just cant stay with other people.\
Since my divorce,i don't believe in people anymore.I think relationship cant exist for me.So i go on...
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#36 zapple

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Posted 05 March 2011 - 09:56 AM

I prolly spend most of my time "alone". I either spend most of it on the computer or going out doing my own thing, unless I want someone to come along, but most of the time I don't brother.
However, me and one of my group of friends had pitch in for mumble server *Mumble is like..team-speak, Or...Skype but without the BS* so, We do talk alot online via mumble.

#37 WorkingTowardsaBetterLife

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Posted 05 March 2011 - 10:19 AM

I'm alone WAY too much, it's unhealthy and I know it. I am unemployed, I live alone (my fiance is 3k miles away while we work out how to move him out here), I have only one sort-of friend. All of the things I like to do are solitary: reading books, cooking, and riding horses (well..I guess there's the barn scene, but don't get me started on that!) My issue is I don't trust people; I've been burned one too many times by people I thought were my friends. Yet the loneliness is definitely contributing to my depression. What to do?


I empathize I feel the same. How about taking a chance on people whom others perceive as safe?I am very observant and can distinguish between nice and bad people. Can you practice the same? Maybe you invite them over for dinner letting them know you have to be somewhere in a few hours and would love to have them over. Then if you really enjoy their company you can tell them your plans changed. Also you could offer to meet them for coffee, not to $$$. If the annoy you then you can say you have a meeting to go to and need to leave. Just trying to help.

My biggest problem is that when I make new friends I often want to tell them the truth, and that's not attractive. How are you Dan? Well Steve I depressed now because I am coming off a manic high, LOL. You can't tell people that you suffer from vivid memories of your Mom being an alcoholic, abusive parent. So I would go to Al Anon, and other 12 step groups. But I am ashamed to have to go there. I wish I could be more normal. Many times you wouldn't even know. I can really put on a happy face and make things appear like they are together. I guess they call that suffering in silence. Its funny I have received so much from with work I have done on myself, but it so painful doing it. Living in denial was easier, or so it seemed.

#38 Schwinn57

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Posted 09 March 2011 - 09:55 AM

I haven't had any friends in upwards of 8 years now. I guess I just feel numb. Sometimes I hate people and sometimes I want to get out there - but I never do because I am ridiculously shy. Most of the time though, I guess I've just gotten used to being very bored all the time. Nothing really excites me or interests me and you just end up sitting in front of the computer for hours upon hours doing and looking at nothing. There's only so much you can do on your own and I don't really enjoy those things I guess.

#39 AutumnGypsy

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Posted 09 March 2011 - 11:52 PM

I spend almost *ALL* my time alone. At this point in my life i've lost touch with old high school friends, and friend from my old college (transferred). I've never really had a desire to seek people out so I haven't made any friends yet at my new school. I basically go to school, come home, do homework, then jump into tv, movies, books, video games etc. Usually this doesn't bother me, i'm actually pretty content with this lifestyle, but every once and a while i'll miss old friends. Actually my biggest problem is facebook, I'll be perfectly fine until i check out what everyone else is doing and suddenly feel sad and loser-ish over not having a social life and seeing old friends out having fun with their new friends. I've been a loner for most of my life though, so I'm kinda used to it. I think some people isolate themselves because of depression, and other are just true loners. I've always needs loads of alone time (but i'm also an only child i grew up alone!) Although i feel pretty sad sometimes, there are some positive aspects about being alone! I have found a sense of independence and self-reliance out of being a loner, and i'm pretty free to do what i want when i want! its been a lot easier to "find myself", i'm never controlled or influenced by anyone else. when i did have friends, and a few very close ones, it was constantly sacrificing my own wants and needs for everyone else. relationships can be draining, some people just take and take without giving. its hard to find people who are actually good, solid friends. to be honest i think our society places too much value on a social life, as though there is something wrong with you if your a loner. i only think being alone is a bad thing if your suffering emotionally, each person will be different. it really depends on what truly make you happy! sometimes i wonder if im lonely because i truly want people, or lonely because i feel i SHOULD be with people.

p.s. i also have BPD, so i struggle too between wanting friends/relationships and then when i have them i pull away. unfortunately there are times i have forced myself to spend time with people, and ended up feeling empty, angry or just wanting to go home to my comforts. but i understand how you feel!

Edited by AutumnGypsy, 09 March 2011 - 11:58 PM.

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"Sometimes I feel like there's a void inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there's a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. I'm not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don't want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon." ~ Practical Magic

#40 SySt3M

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Posted 10 March 2011 - 11:00 AM

I spend almost *ALL* my time alone. At this point in my life i've lost touch with old high school friends, and friend from my old college (transferred). I've never really had a desire to seek people out so I haven't made any friends yet at my new school. I basically go to school, come home, do homework, then jump into tv, movies, books, video games etc. Usually this doesn't bother me, i'm actually pretty content with this lifestyle, but every once and a while i'll miss old friends. Actually my biggest problem is facebook, I'll be perfectly fine until i check out what everyone else is doing and suddenly feel sad and loser-ish over not having a social life and seeing old friends out having fun with their new friends. I've been a loner for most of my life though, so I'm kinda used to it. I think some people isolate themselves because of depression, and other are just true loners. I've always needs loads of alone time (but i'm also an only child i grew up alone!) Although i feel pretty sad sometimes, there are some positive aspects about being alone! I have found a sense of independence and self-reliance out of being a loner, and i'm pretty free to do what i want when i want! its been a lot easier to "find myself", i'm never controlled or influenced by anyone else. when i did have friends, and a few very close ones, it was constantly sacrificing my own wants and needs for everyone else. relationships can be draining, some people just take and take without giving. its hard to find people who are actually good, solid friends. to be honest i think our society places too much value on a social life, as though there is something wrong with you if your a loner. i only think being alone is a bad thing if your suffering emotionally, each person will be different. it really depends on what truly make you happy! sometimes i wonder if im lonely because i truly want people, or lonely because i feel i SHOULD be with people.

p.s. i also have BPD, so i struggle too between wanting friends/relationships and then when i have them i pull away. unfortunately there are times i have forced myself to spend time with people, and ended up feeling empty, angry or just wanting to go home to my comforts. but i understand how you feel!


I hear you. I love doing my own stuff reading, video games, movies, TV, etc.. But I get lonely after time. Then I hang out with people, get all uptight and awkward and want to be back hanging out with myself... It's really draining. Also Facebook is a horrible horrible creation for people with depression. It just makes you feel even more like crap. I'd say I spend 90% of my time alone and 10% of my time around other people, and at the same time worrying about those people, this life is very tiring and difficult. I want to find love but I can't open my heart to anyone I would feel too vulnerable. I think a good word for people like us is "People Pleaser" and I'm not saying that to be mean. It's just how we turned out. Freaking regret blows.
"It's not that I'm afraid of death, but afraid of the thought of my people laid to rest; They saying there is 6 million ways of death but not even one way to fade the stress."
-TECH N9NE




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