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#1 jersdreams


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Posted 01 June 2006 - 12:34 AM

I know this sounds odd, but when I'm depressed I feel a drive to seclude myself, although I'd like to be out with friends. The reason I want to be out with friends is...it relieves some of the depression, but that rarely happens and even if I do get the chance it takes a lot of might for me to go out and do it. It might be because I am anxious out in public and act eratic, but I just have to be alone I feel although it makes me a lot more depressed. I spend a lot of time behind my door in my room. I just have to detach and I don't get it...even though it really depresses me. I don't get why I do it...but I think it lets me get my feelings out to myself. I can yell and talk to myself and just release my emotions to my self. I don't know if this is making sense, but how do you fight seclusion?


#2 Guest_art.chick_*


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Posted 01 June 2006 - 01:15 AM

A lot of our members, myself included, went thru periods of isolation. It is always just like you say - you WISH you could be out, but you get self-conscious about your behavior and want to pull back. Over time, we get more and more intimidated about getting out in public again. We just feel totally inadequate to socialize. The only way to break the cycle is to make ourselves get out despite our feelings of inadequacy. I chose lower risk settings when I realized that I was unable to deal with crowds. Sometimes I would even tell people, "I am a little uncomfortable. It has been a while since I have been out." They were pretty understanding most of the time. I did have some "friends" who could be total jerks, though, people who lectured me about what I "should" be doing and claiming that I just wanted pity from them. I just wanted some forebearance, some friendship when I was not at my best. So I learned to avoid them.

Jeremy, your commitment to your recovery can become your focus. If you think of it as a long-term project, you can look past some of the stumbles on the way. Some people will be supportive, and some techniques will work. The stuff that does not work out on the way is just part of the process that you try to ignore. One of the elements I see working for our members time and again is commitment to recovery. One of the features of commitment is to not worry so much about what everyone else is thinking and stubbornly putting one foot in front of another.

#3 Lizzy



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Posted 01 June 2006 - 06:37 AM

seclusion = avoidance = being alone which is OK for a while. But when avoidance becomes a habit, as it did in my case: easier to not go anywhere than try to justify myself to others: I sought professional counselling. During those sessions I took what was necessary to help my own healing. Some things suggested were helpful, others utter rubbish ;-). It was obvious which therapists were in it for the money and those that had useful points to make.

Along with drug therapy talking my anger out helped a great deal. I found I was able to go for walks again, nip into the shop and even be sociable occasionally. As I gained courage and the fear factor faded, I was able to take a foothold back in society. Now I find that a quick trip to the village shop when I'm feeling low is enough to brighten up my mood. A complete change to when I was unable to go shopping at all.

Little steps! Now I am out and about when I feel I am able to do so. Those friends that didn't wait for me to recover are off my Christmas Card List ;-) and those I have made since have enough to occupy themselves in their own lives not to worry on the days I can't join in. When I was in my 30s it mattered now I'm in my 50s I can fill my own time without too many others around: but I can share our garden, dog walking, shopping trips when I am able to.

Rome wasn't built in a day .......... depression is an illness which takes a recovery period which is different for each one of us.
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#4 Viviane


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Posted 01 June 2006 - 07:38 AM

I am another that withdraws the more depression I am suffering the more I withdraw

however lately even though I havent felt much like it I have been taking my dogs out for a walk- other people always want to speak to pet the dogs - its a start - its interacting with others
on the really bad days I turn up the mp3 player and pretend I havent see people

I can however go out as long as my husband or daughter are with me - its like they know the real me and can pretect me if needed (not that it ever is - that is just my perception)

there are no easy answers about unlearning the seclusion - but the above works for me - my dogs and my family get me out and about then its small steps into other social situations

#5 Sheepwoman



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Posted 01 June 2006 - 09:09 AM

I am in a situation of "forced isolation whether I'm depressed or not. I find coming into DF helps with the isolation as I can interact with people who also suffer from depression. On a lot of bad days, I would really like to get out and about-just to "see" people, even if I don't talk to them. My closest friends are toll calls away; therefore, my interaction with them is limited. I haven't been able to drive for a long time, that is why I am isolated from people. I do find it refreshing when I do get out and it helps with my depression. As Lizzy and AC have said, try to be involved with what I would call "low impact" group outings.
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#6 lymom3


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Posted 01 June 2006 - 09:34 AM

I don't know how to fix the fact that I just don't enjoy people as a whole. I did have agoraphobia for years so at that time the getting out was really a problem. I have licked that particular issue but the bottom line is that I don't have any hobbies that involve other people. I am not interested in "girl" stuff. I could care less what color hand towels anyone wants to buy for their bathroom nor what pretty color flowers they want to plant at their house. I know I probably sound like an ignorant a** but I can't bring myself to fake interest. I am involved in church but a similar thing kind of goes there. I know what goes on in these peoples lives and they want to "pretend" like they are so Christian but good golly, those women are gossip queens. Lord help any single woman in that church because she will get talked and speculated about. I have no tolerance for that two faced junk either.

I have my husband and my kids whom I love dearly but I have never had close friends. Even when I visit my family (the dreaded sisters!!!) one day is all I'm interested in. I am ready to go home after that. Not that I don't love them but they have their own set of nonsense in their lives that drives me nuts. (ne sister married since 1968...she's a lot older than I am, still complaining to this day about her husband cheating on her and she's not going to take it anymore...how many years of that can you listen to? She supports them and always has as he works sporadically....leave him or shut up is the way I feel and I have told her that before but I know she needs comfort too but I can't give that. I don't feel sorry for her because she does nothing to change her situation.

So my isolation is self imposed, I guess. My hubby always tells me that I did fine when we are out somewhere and I do. You can clean me up and take me out without being embarrassed but I just don't enjoy it.
Never give up on yourself. Tomorrow is always another day and with another day there is hope.

#7 dohta


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Posted 01 June 2006 - 08:43 PM

I know this sounds odd, but when I'm depressed I feel a drive to seclude myself, although I'd like to be out with friends. The reason I want to be out with friends is...it relieves some of the depression, but that rarely happens and even if I do get the chance it takes a lot of might for me to go out and do it. It might be because I am anxious out in public and act eratic, but I just have to be alone I feel although it makes me a lot more depressed. I spend a lot of time behind my door in my room. I just have to detach and I don't get it...even though it really depresses me. I don't get why I do it...but I think it lets me get my feelings out to myself. I can yell and talk to myself and just release my emotions to my self. I don't know if this is making sense, but how do you fight seclusion?

It's not odd at all. In fact, I think we've all experienced that some time or another.

It would depend on how long you are being in seclusion. We all need some time alone, but when it sinks to a strong form of depression, that's when the problem comes.

Are you uncomfortable with the people you go out with? That could be a reason why you're feeling secluded recently. If that is the case, then try to convince yourself to go out actively and find another group of friends. Alternatively, try to seek out the reason why you're uncomfortable. Are you afraid of making a fool of yourself? Are you afraid of being a boring person to be with? Are you afraid of being looked down upon? Is the seclusion stemming from you or your friends?
Live like a salesman.

#8 weeble


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Posted 03 June 2006 - 02:58 AM

Hey Jers, Seclusion as you can see by the previous post is fairly common amongst us. Over the years I have gone through spurts myself of varying degrees. I just recently stepped out for the first time in almost 2 yrs. No phone calls, no trips to town, no family, no friends. Have a guy who works around the place who picked up supplies, ran errands and such but other than that I gave up and desired no contact with the outside. The Point....
There is one common denominator, over the years each time I did this was within a short time after I quit taking meds.
Depression has many symptoms. Seek out a good Doc and Therapist, follow their treatment plan and don't forget to take the meds. Even when you think you're better don't discontinue treatment unless it's something everyone on your treatment team agrees on.
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You grow old because you stop laughing

#9 Moonlight_Magic


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Posted 03 June 2006 - 06:22 AM

i dont fight seclusion.

Usually when i want to be alone its for the following reasons:

Im emotionally, mentally or physically exhausted and i need to recharge my batteries.

As an introvert and somewhat of a loner, i tend to find that mixing with people takes a hell of a lot of energy out of me. People just dont seem to understand how much having to mix depletes my energy levels. Its not something that comes naturally to me, its something i have to try real hard at, always have even when i was a child i spent a vast majority of my time alone and found it difficult to mix with the other children (shy and i could usually keep myself amused). Therefore if i am already exhausted to begin with, going out and mixing isnt the best thing for me to do as it literally makes the exhaustion worse. Its alright for people to say to me i need to get out and about, but what good is it going to do me if its going to aggitate the problem?

Sometimes i just need space to work through my feelings and sometimes i just feel like doing my own thing and being alone/quiet. Im not one of those people that need to be in large groups or have company to feel satisfied with my life, i do however need some company some of the time.

Also i get tired of putting a face on and pretending im feeling happy or cheerful or whatever when im not. People expect you to be polite and smile when you dont feel like it or you have to think of things to talk about when your mind is else where and so on and so forth, its tireing.

When i am ready, and when i have recharged my batteries sufficiently, and once ive got certain areas of my life organised again, i will resurface and go back out into the world for a while. Im not exactly in a social frame of mind right now because im pretty drained from recent events. At this time, socialising would make things worse for me so i avoid it, for a while anyway.

Edited by Enigmatic_Soul, 03 June 2006 - 06:25 AM.

"Oneday your prince will find you, mine just got lost on the way and was too stubborn to ask for directions!" (annoymous)

All quotes below by me and whomever happened to come up with them before i did (lol):

"Beneath the pessimism that is depression im an eternal optimist, so please don't be fooled by my seeming negativity!" *ahem*

"Finding acceptance from the world around us, begins with finding acceptance of the self".

"You dont have to achieve great things to be a great person!"

"On the road of life im a sunday driver. Im taking the scenic route at a speed im comfortable with. So if you want to overtake me, please feel free, but dont keep beeping your horn at me, its irritating. Thankyou"

#10 babsro



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Posted 03 June 2006 - 08:42 AM

Seclusion and isolation for me are barometers of my depression: the worse it is, the less I want to leave the house, the less I want to be involved with people, the harder it is to be in social situations. I recognize this as something I have to work on and mustn't let it take over. But it is so hard sometimes to go out and put on a "social face"- it takes so much energy to try to look all right in front of other people when inside there is just numbness and despair. Yet I must be doing it adequately because people tell me "you don't look depressed".

I fight it in the little ways I can. I walk my dog every day. I go to church and that's hard because everybody knows me. I take my dog to a nursing home where he is a "pet therapy" dog (the residents there pet him) and I am forced to be cheerful. I go to the store when I have to. Maybe someday, when I am feeling better, I'll actually want to go out socially, but right now I can't fathom that. When things are bad I can't even do these things, but I try. Baby steps.

#11 Lupus



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Posted 05 June 2006 - 01:39 AM

I began a cycle of seclusion brought on by severe dysthymia (a depression disorder of sorts) about 6 years ago and it soon developed into an extreme form of social anxiety disorder and agoraphobia. Currently i have to take sedatives simply to go grocery shopping and am incapable of being a functional adult.

Edited by Lupus, 05 June 2006 - 01:40 AM.

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