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Dysthymic Disorder (Chronic Depression)


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#41 Guest_SarahN_*

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 10:39 AM

((((((((Areen))))))))) :bump:

I hope you feel better soon :shocked:

SN :hearts:

#42 Areen

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 04:31 PM

(((((((SN)))))))

Thanks!

I feel better today... sort of... DF helps me a lot... that's for sure! :hearts: And, thanks to all my friends here in DF (you know who you are :p)... I can't survive without you guys!!!
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#43 Joyous56

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 04:55 PM

I feel better today... sort of... DF helps me a lot... that's for sure! :hearts: And, thanks to all my friends here in DF (you know who you are :p)... I can't survive without you guys!!!



Areen...I'm so glad you feel better. But I've been meaning to tell you that I'm worried about your cat.......


There is some truth in the phrase "Misery loves company". Here it is true in the post positive sense. Out in the world I feel like such a mope. But here I feel relatively normal, and can actually smile at what I read.

Thanks for being here!
To be is to become: but the world has committed itself to being, delights only in being; yet wherein it delights brings fear, and what it fears is pain. Now this Life Divine is lived to abandon pain.

#44 Areen

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 05:08 PM



I feel better today... sort of... DF helps me a lot... that's for sure! :hearts: And, thanks to all my friends here in DF (you know who you are :p)... I can't survive without you guys!!!



Areen...I'm so glad you feel better. But I've been meaning to tell you that I'm worried about your cat.......


There is some truth in the phrase "Misery loves company". Here it is true in the post positive sense. Out in the world I feel like such a mope. But here I feel relatively normal, and can actually smile at what I read.

Thanks for being here!


LOL My cat is fine there, don't worry :tongue:

True!!! I feel so normal here I can talk about a lot of things which stucked in my head for so long already... I can't imagine myself talking to let say my friends about all of this stuff, they just don't get it... never will!
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#45 sadakaa

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Posted 07 December 2006 - 04:30 PM

hey lupis, not only am i blessed with this lovely disorder, but ever since its taken hold of me, i've used that EXACT quote to describe my daily grind.
For the music is your only friend
Dance on fire as it intends
- The Doors, "When the Music's Over"

#46 Tim12345

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Posted 08 December 2006 - 11:28 PM



For me, there is a fine line between accepting my diagnosis of dysthymic disorder (which might allow me to relax a bit), and continuing to feel that I have control (which allows me to feel hope that I can overcome this).

Even from my Psychiatrist, there is no clarification. Recently he recommended cognitive therapy, which implys that my depression is due to my inaccurate thoughts and feelings, and that by correcting those, I can aleviate my depression.

So how do I know which is which? How much is an illness that is out of my control, and how much is due to the way I think, which theoretically be corrected.

I am concerned that by believing this is within my control, I jeopardize my ability to accept my illness.

Honestly, I would love to believe that I can overcome this. But the fact that I've spent so many years looking for something I could control in this, I'm inclined to belive that acceptance is the key; I know that I would feel more content if I could accept that dd is a part of who I am....and let go of any expectations of feeling what other people feel.

Does anyone feel what I do...that perhaps we can overcome dd by thinking differently? Do you think there is more serenity to be gained by accepting the diagnosis, and learning to live with it.

I do need help with this....


For me, accepting that I had depression was liberating. I could then begin thinking about it as an illness that I had, and stop thinking that it was something wrong with me. I think one of the major problems with chronic depression as opposed to classic depression is that it becomes part of what we think of as our self. People with classic depression want to get back to feeling the way they did before; people with chronic depression have been depressed for so long that we have incorporated it into our view of ourselves, our personalities.

I don't know how effective cognitive behavior therapy is with dysthymic disorder. It has been relatively effective for me. But I am also on antidepressants now, and that has had a huge impact on me and how I view my depression. When I began feeling different on the meds, then it confirmed for me that I really did have an illness, it was a chemical imbalance in my brain. Did my thinking influence my brain, or did my brain influence my thinking? I'll probably never know. But I know the SSRI I take does help to alleviate my depression.

Am I going to have to always take meds? I don't know - maybe. Will the meds and therapy combination get me to the point where I can discontinue the meds? Again, I don't know.

I guess I think that accepting the diagnosis is important, but I don't want to just accept it and try to live with it. That's what I've been doing for some 25 years and it's not working for me anymore. And I also think that I can alleviate my depression by changing the way I think and feel about things. I guess what I'm saying is that acceptance and overcoming go hand in hand and aren't mutually exclusive.



Hey Guys,

Over the years I sometimes made efforts to stop myself from feeling depressed. However this did not happen very often as in general I had no hope of reaching happiness.

I tried reading some self-improvement books but stopped it soon. I also tried meditating but it was not going too well for me as my mind was too restless. Regarding sex, drugs and video games many times I tried stopping myself from doing it. This would work sometimes but only at the action level and only for a couple of days at most. Then I would give up and surrender to my desires.

I also tried doing various spiritual practices such as meditation, study of spiritual texts, going to churches or temples. But my interest was short lived and I could not find someone who could answer my queries about life and my predicament as well as help me.

After starting spiritual practice under the guidance of SSRF I started feeling a little better. The main thing was that a lot of my doubts were clarified and I received knowledge I could not find in other places. So because of that my hope increased. I started feeling that there is a purpose in life and my thoughts of committing suicide greatly reduced.

Reenu



Some very good post's in here. Thank you all.

I am 35 yrs old, and it was not until this week that I realized that I have had this illness for almost my entire life. Like other's have said, it is a huge relief knowing that this is an illness, and there is hope. If I have to stay on meds my entire life, I would not care. As I begin treatment I just want to start by having one single day, that was slightly better than the last.

I can best remeber becomming seriouly depressed my freshman yr. of college, no coincidence that my parents marriage was ending, but I believe I beagn suffering from this at an early age. My fathers job required us to live in remote parts of the world, Africa, Central and South America. I never had a stable childhood, and as I grew older I found it harder to move on. Every social setting I have been in, people have had the same crtitism of my "poor" attitude. It did not help that I was always over achieving in sports, business etc... People just could not emphatize with my depression. I think my wife thought she was marrying a very storing and determined man.

My mother had serious mental illness. She tried ******* her self numerous times, it made me skeptical of medication and treatment until now. I fought depression on my own for many yrs. I self medicatted by smoking alot of urn for many yrs. This did not help. Lately I have had to cope with fatherhood, loss of a career, and being the victim of a serious financial crime. I am at my limit.

It has taken me 6 months to paint a single room. I have mild suicidal thought from time to time, nothing serious, but as someone else stated, the thought is almost a reief of some kind. Thank God for my two beuatiful children, they me give reason to fight it.

This thing grinds on you for so long. My recent reading in here suggests long term suffering and the stress related to it, leads to an imabalnce of sorts in the brain. I totally have felt that change over the yrs. The amount of stress I have been under is mind numbing. Literally. Combined with the fact that I have always fought depresion I feel like a zombie.

I am fighting to hold on to what I have left. My marriage, my children, and what material things I have left. I just hope to God that I can get better and realize what we all should, we have a reason to live, to be happy. There is so much out there in life to enjoy. Forget material possesions, forget the rat race, just find a way to live happily anyway you can. That is the greatest gift of all. Not even winning the lottery could replace beating this illness.

Be happy, anyway you can.

Tim

Edited by Tim12345, 08 December 2006 - 11:30 PM.


#47 Areen

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Posted 08 December 2006 - 11:37 PM

Wow, Tim! Very inspiring! Thanks.

:hearts: to board, by the way... :bump:
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#48 Areen

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Posted 08 December 2006 - 11:54 PM

I have mild suicidal thought from time to time, nothing serious, but as someone else stated, the thought is almost a reief of some kind.


I can't resist myself to comment on this one. Here is my favorite quote...

By means of the THOUGHT of suicide, one gets through many a bad night...
-Neitsche

Good luck to you Tim... I can relate to you very much.
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#49 Areen

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Posted 09 December 2006 - 12:20 AM

Its like this dialog from the movie office space,

Peter: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.

Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?

Peter: Yeah...

Dr. Dwanson: Wow, that's messed up.


LOL Yeah Lupus, I like this quote very much. Sooo true! :p

Here is my quote...
Dysthymia... how's it like?
Same s***... different day. Everyday.

Oookay! I've been stalking this thread way too much! I better go now lol
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#50 Guest_Shrink_*

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Posted 09 December 2006 - 05:55 AM

Same s***... different day. Everyday.


SSDD...


DREAMCATCHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*leaves after her quick Stephen King moment"

I'm sorry for going OT. But although I show some syptoms of DD, I'd rather not talk about that but wish you all good luck on your way of recovery. I hope everything goes well for you. And Reen, you'll be good :)

God bless you all.

#51 Isabel

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Posted 09 December 2006 - 12:51 PM

Hi....I don't know for sure if I have DD but ever since I was diagnosed with depression several years back, I tried to figure out where I stood. When I came across DD online a couple of years back, I almost felt like I was reading about myself. And now reading about what some of you are dealing with, again I feel like I can safely say I'm a victim off DD. And I say victim because it's tormenting me and cheating me out of a life I know I could have if I wasn't plagued with this.

I've been struggling since high school with this (I'm 29 now), and thought that this was just my personality. It was hard to keep friends because it was a real effort for me to want to do anything with them, and then when I did, I was still miserable. I often kept a smiling facade up (still do) because I got tired of trying to make people understand what I was dealing with and/or was tired of being judged. I was even accused of being lazy, distant and using depression as an excuse to act the way I do (in other words, I really didn't have it and I acted this way because I wanted to. :hearts: ). That was really messed up.

I can't seem to finish anything I start. It's frustrating because the things I do, I'm very good at, I really am, it's just the motivation I had for it goes quickly and I'm left with this emptiness in it's place. Then I'll be laying in bed and get this sudden burst of motivation that I can over come this, only to be back where I started from the following morning. Empty again.

Now, one of my biggest problems is the physical manifestations to add to all the emotional mess. I have pains all the time and most of all, this lethargy is ******* what life I did have.

I was wondering if anyone else had problems with being lethargic? It's hard for me to keep a job because I have no energy at all. My apathy has gotten worse and the silver lining on my clouds are gone. I just don't see any ways out anymore....

#52 KeepingAwake

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Posted 09 December 2006 - 01:21 PM

Isabel,

I think that ALL of us who sturggle with depression face these motivational highs and lows. Sometimes we think we can take on the world and others brushing our teeth is herculean effort.

Are you seeking any sort of treatment for your depression? It can help. I still have my motivational highs and lows, but they are a lot less dramatic with treatment.

KA
Beliefs Aren't Etched in Stone... Unless Your Brain is Made of Rock

#53 Cas

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Posted 09 December 2006 - 01:56 PM

Hi everyone. I've been away from the forums lately; just not able to concentrate at all, surprise surprise.

Welcome to the forums, Isabel. I hope you find the answers and support here that you're looking for; most of us have. :bump: To answer your question, yes.

I have a huge problem with lethargy and physical pain. No matter what I seem to do I always find myself exhausted... I guess in that sense it's more lassitude than it is lethargy. I just want to sleep all the time, even if I've slept 7-10 hours. If longer than that, I know it's probably oversleep that is making me feel icky more than anything else. I think a major contributing factor to my constant fatigue is depression-related insomnia. I simply can't get my brain to shut down -- all kinds of thoughts and worries keep me half-awake all night. I have strange dreams in which I know I am dreaming, but I'm not lucid enough to control them or fully wake up. Perhaps you are likewise experiencing insomnia and not actually getting fully rested?

In addition to fatigue/sleep problems, I have either a headache or stomach ache almost constantly, lots of pain in my shoulders, neck, back, and legs. Even my toes hurt sometimes! :shocked: Apparently there is nothing medically wrong with me; my thyroid is fine, I'm not anemic, etc.

Like most symptoms of depression, physical manifestations are often cyclical. For me, at least, feeling constant fatigue of mind and body keeps me from staying active. Lack of physical activity, whether or not one has depression, as you know, drives health downward. The combination of these two can be devastating. Not only that, but others constantly pointing out this lack and misinterpreting it as laziness and other cruel things certainly doesn't help us to make any forward progress.

I don't know what people like you and I can really do to stay one step ahead of the fatigue to help from being dragged back into the pit... my family and general practitioners offer nothing but exercise and vitamins/minerals. They want to treat it like the core is a physical illness, not a mental illness. As far as treating the depression in order to quell the symptoms, maybe medications really do work. I've tried several with no luck, so I tend to be biased... but I do know that a simple pill a day has completely changed the life of others -- so if you haven't tried, please do.

Thanks,
Cas :hearts:

Edited by Cas, 09 December 2006 - 01:57 PM.


#54 Isabel

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Posted 09 December 2006 - 05:25 PM

Hi KA and Cas,

Right now I'm not doing any treatments for my depression because I recently lost my health insurance due to losing my job.

Before that though, I was being tried on medications (for the past couple of years), but they weren't working so they ran several tests on me (thyroid and anemia) but all my labs said I was fine, so they just prescribed welbutrin and rushed me out the door. I've been tested so many time and it's the same thing: find a new medicatin to try me on and kick me out. I think I'm one of those patients that annoys them where they can't find what's wrong or what works. None of them even mentioned referring me to a specialist or anything. I don't even know who to see.

I'd like to maybe see a psychiatrist to help me through this because I don't think meds are going to help me at all. I've tried taking one fault of mine at a time to work through to build myself up but I keep falling through. I'm exhausted. I don't know how to do any of this. My family and doctors do the same thing with vitamins and such. They also tell me I need to go outside and exercise and take walks, that it will make me feel better. It took a lot for me not to go off because if going outside to take a walk was the ultimate cure for this, then we've all been suffering for no reason.

Because of my lethargy, you'd think I'd be able to sleep because of it but I can't even find peace there. My pains (mostly leg cramps/strains) are keeping me up now. I force myself...and do mean force and sometimes succeed, to do some kind of exercise at home mostly to tire myself out but that doesn't help me sleep either. Not to mention it is very difficult to want to get up and exercise when I feel like the walking dead and then don't see any results anyway.

I really don't want to be like this for the rest of my life.....

Anyway thanks for responding, it means a lot.

Edited by Isabel, 09 December 2006 - 05:26 PM.


#55 philly girl

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Posted 09 December 2006 - 08:40 PM

Okay... so I'm DD... I already knew that, just without the fancy terminology. But what does that really mean? How much of who I am is the DD, and how much is actually ME? Is it my personality that makes me DD, or is my personality like this because of the DD? Is there even a ME underneath the DD, or has it been so deeply engrained in my life that it's shaped a significant portion of who I am?
Cas :hearts:


Cas, this is exactly my thoughts when I found out the 'official' term for how I've been my entire life. I still don't know what to expect to find, now that I'm starting to feel a little clearer. I don't remember being any other way, which is frightening in a way. What if who I am is really that unhappy soul I've always been? What if there isn't anything else to me? I've talked about that a few times in my sessions but I still have a lot of worry about it. Having a label makes it worse and better at the same time.

#56 Tim12345

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Posted 09 December 2006 - 10:29 PM


Okay... so I'm DD... I already knew that, just without the fancy terminology. But what does that really mean? How much of who I am is the DD, and how much is actually ME? Is it my personality that makes me DD, or is my personality like this because of the DD? Is there even a ME underneath the DD, or has it been so deeply engrained in my life that it's shaped a significant portion of who I am?
Cas :hearts:


Cas, this is exactly my thoughts when I found out the 'official' term for how I've been my entire life. I still don't know what to expect to find, now that I'm starting to feel a little clearer. I don't remember being any other way, which is frightening in a way. What if who I am is really that unhappy soul I've always been? What if there isn't anything else to me? I've talked about that a few times in my sessions but I still have a lot of worry about it. Having a label makes it worse and better at the same time.



Do not worry about the label. It's better than being told you are misrable for no reason all your life. And it is nobody elses business. In my line of work, I could never allow it to be known to anyone.

Every where Ive gone in life, people had the same reaction to me. It really quite amazing. I always did well in sports and work, but because of my attitude, other's wanted to strangle me. lol. Quite unfair really, becaue i was mentally hanging on by a thread, and in way over my head. BUt eventually I really became hard on myself. Worrying about that whole inside out thing, "why am i percieved this way?" Finally I stopped caring about what other thought, which was good, but not addressing my illness was bad.

For example: Do not be self concious about calling in sick to work, do not feel as if you have to explain it to anybody. Be proud you are not living in denial and doing more damage to yourself. MOst people are not doing that, whatever their problem might be.

Tim

#57 Cas

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Posted 09 December 2006 - 11:13 PM

Kind of responding to both Isabel and philly girl... yes it is very difficult to deal with feeling like you don't have control. People with other types of depression tend to say, "I wish I could feel like I used to," whereas we tend to say, "I wish I could feel like I had any kind of identity not influenced by the depression."

I think one of the hardest issues in dealing with the physical symptoms is the fact medical technology can, unfortunately, only move so fast... and not enough is known about DD to treat it properly. From what I hear, DD is one of the most difficult to treat depressions.

I think it's because -- and I'm repeating here what's been touched on in previous posts -- DD persists over such a tremendous period of time for most of us. Many people can track it back to mid- or late-teens; others, like myself, as far back as single-digit ages. When something affects one's life on a daily basis, how can it be denied that it's probably difficult to get rid of? Whatever the cause, the fact remains that we have adapted our behaviors to cope over decades of time.

I think the other major factor in DD's resilience to treatment is that it's what people call a "mild" depression. Now, I hate to use that word because it has such negative connotations, as if DD is not as severe as other depressions. The difference: it's just as severe, only more quiet (a "quiet rage," to quote an unrelated sociological documentary I like). I believe that the quieter the type of depression, the worse its affects. Most of us probably do not think to seek mental health treatment for several years when symptoms first appear, either falsely attributing its presence to other factors that eventually get resolved, or by hoping to treat our percieved "laziness" (or apathy, pessimism, whatever).

Instead of understanding the problem from the start, we battle treatment methods that don't work, and get weighed down by comments that bruise our egos. We learn to cope in less than healthy ways, and kept those methods for years because we don't know what else to do.

So from all that, I think treatments for us have to be particularly agressive, and multi-faceted. For some disorders, medications do exactly what our bodies can't... for others, maybe just getting some thoughts off their chests and organized through talk therapy works... for still others, behavior therapy is the most helpful. I'm sure there are other treatments as well that I'm not thinking of at the moment.

For us, I think behavior therapy would probably have the strongest influence -- we're so hardwired in our ways, to simply protect ourselves, that no matter how much we can change physically (in terms of possible chemical imbalances, being physically unfit, etc.) our mental habits need equal attention or we won't really fully change for the better. I don't believe though that behavior therapy will work in itself... I think each type of treatment can affect a part of us that the other treatments cannot.

Anyway, babbling as usual... sorry...
Cas :hearts:

Edit: I started writing my response and took so long, Tim12345 slipped in a post too! He's right; I think it's very important to try to not focus on what others say. This is hard, since most of us have fairly low self-esteem anyway. But our energy is precious enough trying to hold ourselves together that it would be such a waste to devote it to others that don't deserve it. I also think Tim gives a good example of the behavior type of therapeutic approach I was mentioning -- it's REALLY HARD to change our method of coping with the kinds of comments co-workers and peers have when they see us falter, but it's a defense we have to break through nonetheless....

Edited by Cas, 09 December 2006 - 11:17 PM.


#58 coaxle

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Posted 09 December 2006 - 11:19 PM



For me, there is a fine line between accepting my diagnosis of dysthymic disorder (which might allow me to relax a bit), and continuing to feel that I have control (which allows me to feel hope that I can overcome this).

Even from my Psychiatrist, there is no clarification. Recently he recommended cognitive therapy, which implys that my depression is due to my inaccurate thoughts and feelings, and that by correcting those, I can aleviate my depression.

So how do I know which is which? How much is an illness that is out of my control, and how much is due to the way I think, which theoretically be corrected.

I am concerned that by believing this is within my control, I jeopardize my ability to accept my illness.

Honestly, I would love to believe that I can overcome this. But the fact that I've spent so many years looking for something I could control in this, I'm inclined to belive that acceptance is the key; I know that I would feel more content if I could accept that dd is a part of who I am....and let go of any expectations of feeling what other people feel.

Does anyone feel what I do...that perhaps we can overcome dd by thinking differently? Do you think there is more serenity to be gained by accepting the diagnosis, and learning to live with it.

I do need help with this....


For me, accepting that I had depression was liberating. I could then begin thinking about it as an illness that I had, and stop thinking that it was something wrong with me. I think one of the major problems with chronic depression as opposed to classic depression is that it becomes part of what we think of as our self. People with classic depression want to get back to feeling the way they did before; people with chronic depression have been depressed for so long that we have incorporated it into our view of ourselves, our personalities.

I don't know how effective cognitive behavior therapy is with dysthymic disorder. It has been relatively effective for me. But I am also on antidepressants now, and that has had a huge impact on me and how I view my depression. When I began feeling different on the meds, then it confirmed for me that I really did have an illness, it was a chemical imbalance in my brain. Did my thinking influence my brain, or did my brain influence my thinking? I'll probably never know. But I know the SSRI I take does help to alleviate my depression.

Am I going to have to always take meds? I don't know - maybe. Will the meds and therapy combination get me to the point where I can discontinue the meds? Again, I don't know.

I guess I think that accepting the diagnosis is important, but I don't want to just accept it and try to live with it. That's what I've been doing for some 25 years and it's not working for me anymore. And I also think that I can alleviate my depression by changing the way I think and feel about things. I guess what I'm saying is that acceptance and overcoming go hand in hand and aren't mutually exclusive.



Hey Guys,

Over the years I sometimes made efforts to stop myself from feeling depressed. However this did not happen very often as in general I had no hope of reaching happiness.

I tried reading some self-improvement books but stopped it soon. I also tried meditating but it was not going too well for me as my mind was too restless. Regarding sex, drugs and video games many times I tried stopping myself from doing it. This would work sometimes but only at the action level and only for a couple of days at most. Then I would give up and surrender to my desires.

I also tried doing various spiritual practices such as meditation, study of spiritual texts, going to churches or temples. But my interest was short lived and I could not find someone who could answer my queries about life and my predicament as well as help me.

After starting spiritual practice under the guidance of SSRF I started feeling a little better. The main thing was that a lot of my doubts were clarified and I received knowledge I could not find in other places. So because of that my hope increased. I started feeling that there is a purpose in life and my thoughts of committing suicide greatly reduced.

Reenu




Hey Reenu
What is SSRF, sounds interesting
Carolyn

#59 SecrecyLives

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Posted 10 December 2006 - 12:47 AM

Yep, im one of those rare freaks blessed with dysthymia.

While its not the horrible debilitating problem that major depression is, its a much more subtle and subversive illness. It creeps into every facet of your being and totally subverts your personality to the point that being depressed is a normal state of being for you. Over the years it will grind you down and debilitate you in the same way a-typical unipolar depression does only dysthymia doesnt ever go away.


That pretty much sums it up...I feel like crying right now out of relief that I'm not the only one who feels like this!

#60 Areen

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Posted 10 December 2006 - 08:32 AM


Yep, im one of those rare freaks blessed with dysthymia.

While its not the horrible debilitating problem that major depression is, its a much more subtle and subversive illness. It creeps into every facet of your being and totally subverts your personality to the point that being depressed is a normal state of being for you. Over the years it will grind you down and debilitate you in the same way a-typical unipolar depression does only dysthymia doesnt ever go away.


That pretty much sums it up...I feel like crying right now out of relief that I'm not the only one who feels like this!


I feel you... :hearts:
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#61 Beachdre

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Posted 13 December 2006 - 06:52 PM

Hey everyone. I am very new here. I have had dysthymia for about 20 yrs. now. I was 1st diagnosed about 7 yrs. ago. Wasn't on meds because no health insurance. Tough to work when you feel so bad all the time. I just started taking Paxil today. I'm hoping it can end this vicious disease that debilitates all of us. Just wanted to introduce myself.

Thanks, Dre

#62 Guest_Shewolf_*

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Posted 14 December 2006 - 12:09 PM

I'm not sure if i have DD or not to be honest.
I've never had anything more than a diagnosis of 'depression'.
I just can't pin it down to one sort, Bipolar, Chronic, Manic.

#63 Cas

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Posted 14 December 2006 - 04:19 PM

:hearts: Beachdre and Shewolf. I hope you both find here the answers and support that you're looking for. We all try our best to be open and supportive!


Cas :bump:

#64 CTMel

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Posted 14 December 2006 - 10:09 PM

Reading this topic made me want to join this group, and so it seems I have..

Thank you for this and pinning it to the top!

I have DD. Not officially. Officially I've only been told I have depression. But I'd gamble that any depression that lasts ohh.. 15... 20 years is a chronic one. Anyway, mine has been largely under control for the past 8 or so years. Under control, but never really as I would like it to be.

You all have done well to describe this illness. What I relate to most is someone's description of the confusion regarding what parts of me are me and what parts are pure DD. I wonder about this mostly regarding things that could very well be considered character flaws, such as low motivation due to DD.. or am I just plain ole lazy? .... slob who hasnt showered in 2 days.. or in a DD low? ... bad and uninterested mother or detached due to my illness or drugs?

I'm not really sure what I meant to say here, just felt the desire to post. I am in a new-ish slump and feel like I'm sinking in quicksand or something. Old habits (or symptom?) are back and I'm mad, sad, frustrated and scared. Cant sleep, sometimes dont want to sleep and stay up too late, oversleeping, late for work, not keeping up with responsibilities, zoning out, mind fog, poor hygeine, disconnected, crying (having had these crying bouts in sooo long), procastinating etc. etc. I think one of the things bothering me most lately is that I've been making alot of mistakes at work (about 6 months now). Things like missing details or common sense things I should catch. I'm even appearing dyslexic.. transposing numbers and such -a lot-. Absolutely frustrating because I KNOW I am smart and these mistakes are so dumb! I went back to college about a year ago, and have maintained a 4.0 for crying out loud! Jeesh, guess I'm angrier than I thought hehe.

I dont know if this is the right place to be posting my issues, hope its relevant to the topic somehow to someone.

Happy to have joined th group.. but not sure where to go from here..
Mel
PS, is there a DD section in the forums here?

#65 Joyous56

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Posted 14 December 2006 - 10:32 PM

Hi Mel,

Welcome to DF!

I've got dysthymia too...and struggle with the episodes of major depression that come and go.

So much of what you wrote is familar....are my 'character flaws' related to DD, or am I simply lazy, unmotivated, etc. ?

Yes, I've realized recently I've got a lot of anger too. Why me? And why can't I 'fix' this?

I have NEVER gotten to the point of not showering every day until the last 6 months..or being late for work. Am I just a slob?

Cant sleep, sometimes dont want to sleep and stay up too late, oversleeping, late for work, not keeping up with responsibilities, zoning out, mind fog, poor hygeine, disconnected, crying (having had these crying bouts in sooo long), procastinating etc. etc. I think one of the things bothering me most lately is that I've been making alot of mistakes at work (about 6 months now). Things like missing details or common sense things I should catch.


Oh, this is SO familiar. Are you by chance in accounting or finance? I am...and I recently learned I have "severe ADD"...there are different kinds, and I'm not 'hyperactive', I'm 'inattentive'. Accounting is kind of a bad career for people with ADD....but then, I was never really sure about this ADD diagnosis...whether it was depression, ADD or just plain stupid. I do know how that feels.

I'm not sure I can help in any way, except to let you know you are not alone. Joining a web community like this is a big step in helping you feel not so alone with this.

I wish you luck, and look forward to hearing more from you.

Edited by Joyous56, 14 December 2006 - 10:33 PM.

To be is to become: but the world has committed itself to being, delights only in being; yet wherein it delights brings fear, and what it fears is pain. Now this Life Divine is lived to abandon pain.

#66 CTMel

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Posted 15 December 2006 - 02:18 AM

Thanks for the quick welcome, that was nice!

Right now at work I am dealing with inventory and shipping which involves alot of part numbers. So I'm doing things like pulling the wrong part, not noticing and then shipping it out.. and other stuff like that. I'm not sure about ADD. This is interesting though.. I've been taking adderal, an ADD med, (doc let me try it for my daytime sleeping issues, and I've just kept on it) weird that over the same time period I've noticed the inattentiveness (thanks for that word, it describes my mistakes well). Arent ADD drugs supposed to do the opposite? :bump:

So, no I'm not in accouting, but even worse... I'm back in college for nursing. I'm terrified that I'm going to make a mistake with a drug dose or something! Everytime I make a silly mistake at work I end up beating myself up with "What kind of nurse are you going to be if you cant even do such and such right?" thoughts.

I dont know how I started slipping into this low again, but I have to pull out. I will not and can not let this pull me back down and steal away this nursing goal from me. Now just to figure out how. My doc recently asked me to get an evaluation from a psych.. shes not dumping me off, she just wants a more experienced opinion and or medication advice. I keep procrastinating on that though. I think I would like therapy, but money is such an issue currently. For now I think I need to figure out the meds. Not sure what happened but I think around the time I started adderal, I began forgetting my zoloft more and more and didnt notice anything bad moodwise .. then i was confused about why I still had the physical and motivation issues so talked to the doc about a possible med change. We tried cymbalta, I didnt like it.. and wham! I start oversleeping, crying, being more withdrawn.. now I'm back on zoloft for about 10 days now but dont feel any better.. oops sorry I got to rambling, you did say you wanted to hear from me! hehe

Is it okay to be doing this here, or is there a better place?
Any advice on what to do now that I've joined? I've read a lot of posts, but havent felt compelled to reply to any but this one yet.

Mel

PS - No, you're not a slob. Me either I guess. Although.. we might be a little stinky :hearts:

#67 Tim12345

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Posted 15 December 2006 - 09:15 AM

Hi Mel,



Cant sleep, sometimes dont want to sleep and stay up too late, oversleeping, late for work, not keeping up with responsibilities, zoning out, mind fog, poor hygeine, disconnected, crying (having had these crying bouts in sooo long), procastinating etc. etc. I think one of the things bothering me most lately is that I've been making alot of mistakes at work (about 6 months now). Things like missing details or common sense things I should catch.


Oh, this is SO familiar. Are you by chance in accounting or finance? I am...and I recently learned I have "severe ADD"...there are different kinds, and I'm not 'hyperactive', I'm 'inattentive'. Accounting is kind of a bad career for people with ADD....but then, I was never really sure about this ADD diagnosis...whether it was depression, ADD or just plain stupid. I do know how that feels.


Welcome Ctmel!

I know exactly how you feel "mind Fog been there, still there" Welcome.

Joyouos, I am in Finance, and I too might have type of ADD, I cannoy focus for more than an hour, tops. Its gotten really worse with recent problems as the stress seems to just take its toll. Its awful because a crap life just becomes a self fullfilling prophecy when you can no longer be productive at work, it just makes everythign else worse.

If we cant support our families, everything just gets worse, our martial problems, everything. Even my therapist thinks we have to save my career before we can svae anything else. Sucks being a man sometimes.

#68 Guest_SarahN_*

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Posted 15 December 2006 - 11:20 AM

PS, is there a DD section in the forums here?



Is it okay to be doing this here, or is there a better place?
Any advice on what to do now that I've joined? I've read a lot of posts, but havent felt compelled to reply to any but this one yet.

Mel


Hi Mel,

Welcome to the forums,

I am glad you have joined us :shocked:
I do not think we have a special section on DD, so I guess if you want to start a thread/topic about it, right here in Depression Central would be the place.
Once you have hit 5 posts you can start your own topic. If you need help right now, you can always start a thread in the Members Needing Extra Support Now room ( = Members Needing Extra Support Now)
But please do not feel obligated to post, if you want to read along for now that is fine too :bump:
Check out our portal and our rescources (see top of the page) for more information!

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask!

SN :hearts:

#69 DNAngel

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Posted 15 December 2006 - 11:57 AM

I've only joined this forum a few days ago and the first thread I start reading is this.
I relate almost to every word said above.

It took me a few good days to read all of this. It's hard.
Sometimes I would read what some of you have said, and I had to stop and think it over, because you are so right, and no one has ever said it the way you do, especially Joyous56.
It's like you are speaking out my thoughts, if I could get them in order.

I have no doubt I have DD.
Dysthymic Disorder - at least it's a good name :)

I can recall me feeling that something was wrong with me to the days following high school. During the high school days I new I was different, but I thought it was because of my extreme shyness, plus I had a very intensive study course and my last two year were mostly about studying hard.
After finishing high school, and starting my first degree I got over my shyness, and other defects in my personality (like low self-esteem, not being assertive and so on), but this feeling inside in my chest, that something is missing, that I'm not smiling like others do, didn't go away. Even studying what I wanted at the most prestiges university in the country, didn't help. Nor did having a job in my profession doing exactly what I wanted with good people to work with.
Nothing seems to help, I still feel like a dead man walking.
:hearts: Waking up in the morning is just as bad as coming back home in the evening. Only when I'm busy and my mind is not thinking about how pointless everything is, do I get a little relief.

Motivation is a key word, because I know I can do anything I set my mind to, but I don't have anything I want to do, and if I do, the passion for it quickly goes away. So I usually end up at home, dumbing my mind with television and internet. :bump:
Just not to think about anything.

I really want to get some help, but it's a financial drag I can't afford right now, and my co-workers don't know how sever my situation is - if they'll find out I'm seeing a shrink it might even cost me my position.

DN.

Edited by DNAngel, 15 December 2006 - 11:58 AM.

~ Everybody wants to be happy.
~ Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm they're depressed. If they were happy they couldn't be depressed anymore. They'd have to go out into the world and live... Which can be depressing.
(Closer)

#70 ellil

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Posted 21 December 2006 - 10:14 PM

“Over the past decade there has been a revolution in the treatment of chronic depression. We really can treat this illness effectively in many people. This couldn’t be said fifteen or twenty years ago…” --David Hellerstein, MD

1) What is dysthymic disorder and how is it diagnosed?

Dysthymic disorder (abbreviated as DD) is chronic low-grade depression. To qualify for the diagnosis of dysthymic disorder, a person must have been feeling depressed for at least two years. In practice, people often after have suffered from dysthymic symptoms for twenty or thirty years or more before seeking treatment!

Dysthymic disorder can be thought of as a paradoxical disorder. Though its symptoms are fairly mild on a day-to-day basis, over a lifetime DD is actually a severe disorder—leading to high rates of suicide, work impairment, and social isolation. In fact, the risk of suicide is higher with dysthymia than major depression! Another aspect of the paradox is that because people think of dysthymia as mild they often do not seek treatment. Or if they do seek treatment, it is with types of medicine or therapy that are unlikely to help them feel better.
Read More.... Q and A about Dysthymic Disorder (Chronic Depression)



I'm not really sure how to reply to these posts. I have been diagnosed with Dysthymic disorder and that was a number of years ago so it must be true. I am looking for topics of discussion and I am having a difficult time figuring out how to actually discuss rather than just post.

#71 Areen

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Posted 21 December 2006 - 10:31 PM

Hi, welcome to the forum.

I believe that there is no specific DD's room here other than this thread. Feel free to post your experiences with DD here, I would love to read them.
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#72 joanneunit

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Posted 21 December 2006 - 10:47 PM

hello, i've just joined. i hadn't heard of DD before today, and i'm pretty much relieved to find something that sounds so close to what i'm feeling. i'm 20 and from england. i think most of you are from america? i've felt, i think the word would be numb, for as long as i can remember now. i don't have highs or lows, it's just a constant..stream of blah. i've been to my doctor a few times, i was diagnosed as 'depressed' when i was 15, i went again a few months back and the doctor informed me that i certainly am not depressed as i can maintain good eye contact and am not suicidal. which left me thinking maybe this is all in my head. i read a lot of things people write saying how s*** their life is and how down they feel all the time and i don't really relate to that. i don't feel really UPSET much of the time, i just never, ever feel happy. never anything more than ok. how have you all been diagnosed, does anyone have any advice? i know there's not much doctors can do but i want a diagnosis to put my mind at ease and reassure myself that i'm not making this up!

Edited by joanneunit, 21 December 2006 - 10:47 PM.


#73 destructive

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Posted 21 December 2006 - 11:05 PM

I just got told I had dythymia. It seems that even though some of you are on meds it is a hard thing to kick. Does it ever go. Straight after he said you have a condition called dysthymia he proceeded to tell me that I could get better within 2-3 months. hmmm does that sound funny to others or just me? 'You have a long term chronic illness which you will be over in 2months' LOL
Don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks-
masks that I'm afraid to take off and none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me
but don't be fooled for God's sake, don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure
That all is sunny and unruffled with me within as well as without
that confidence is my name and coolness my game
that the water's calm and I'm in command and that I need no one.
But don't believe me. Please!
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#74 Areen

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Posted 21 December 2006 - 11:16 PM

LOL des... something sounds not right there...
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#75 destructive

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Posted 21 December 2006 - 11:19 PM

i thought so, glad im not the only one
Don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks-
masks that I'm afraid to take off and none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me
but don't be fooled for God's sake, don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure
That all is sunny and unruffled with me within as well as without
that confidence is my name and coolness my game
that the water's calm and I'm in command and that I need no one.
But don't believe me. Please!
Posted Image

#76 Beachdre

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Posted 21 December 2006 - 11:32 PM

Hey destructive. I have dysthymia. Know I've had it for over 20 yrs. So, I'd love to meet the doc. that can rid of it in such a short time! LOL

Take care, Dre

#77 TwilightZephyr

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Posted 21 December 2006 - 11:32 PM

ellil...welcome to the forum...I think it's a little bit sporatic in here so just kinda jump in, ask questions, respond to anyone...whatever...or at least that's what I do lol...though I'm not real active in this thread I've had Dysthymia with re-occuring bouts of major depression for about 10yrs + now. I was just officially diagnosed this year though.

joanneunit... I would definately go to a different doctor for another opinion. Just because you can maintain eye contact and are not suicidal does not mean you are not depressed. Niether one of those are even required to be diagnosed as even majorly depressed.
I once had a therapsit tell me my $5 word was Anhedonia -- inability to experience pleasure from normally pleasurable life events such as eating, exercise, and social/sexual interactions. It's on of the big key symptoms to depression especially I find Dysthymia. Others include lack of motivation and energy.

destructive...welcome to the club ^_^ I honestly think any chronic condition is going to be hard to kick. I think the longer one has been in a pattern the harder it's going to be to change. 2-3mos just seem a little short to me...I have read articles that say about 6mo-1yr I think is the typically...but I imagine it varies person to person and on probably how long the person has had it. If your looking at only 2yrs of Dysthmia or without the re-occuring major depression...it is probably an easier beast to tame.

#78 DeeBear

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Posted 22 December 2006 - 11:30 AM

I just got told I had dythymia. It seems that even though some of you are on meds it is a hard thing to kick. Does it ever go. Straight after he said you have a condition called dysthymia he proceeded to tell me that I could get better within 2-3 months. hmmm does that sound funny to others or just me? 'You have a long term chronic illness which you will be over in 2months' LOL



Des,

I hope he meant that you would see improvement in a few months, which is possible. Being over it? No way. I think it might be possible to begin to manage it and see progress, but being over it is not gonna happen that quick.

Take care,
Dewayne
I'm not a complete *****. Some parts are missing.
Please don't drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
If life is a joke, then I don't get it.
I'm just mentally ill. It's the rest of the world that's crazy.
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#79 bluesman55

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Posted 25 December 2006 - 03:59 PM

Ho Ho merry Christmas. Well my first post didn't make it so I'll try this again. I'm 55 single white male. (Never married cause I been too dammned depressed.) Grew up in an insane situation. father - bipolar, mother - depressed. Both brothers and sister had problems with depression. My mother died two years ago May. (16 years to the DAY since I got sober!) So I have fought depression since I was a child. I remember being incredibly sad before I started school. I have had just about every med going for depression. None worked very well. Zoloft the best but can't sleep well on it. Wellbutrin worked the best actually but only for about 2 months. So I have a Dr. appt the 27th but I don't know what to do. I want off Cymbalta. Only works marginally. has way too many side effects. Headache and nausea feeling the worst. Can't sleep. I feel angry more than I have in a while. Road rage is awful. I'm tired and lonely. Don't believe in suicide cause I feel it's a sin for which there is no chance to ask forgiveness. But if a meteor hit me tonight it would be a blessing. Christmas is tough. Reminds me of the torture I grew up in. There is this persistent myth running through my head that a girlfriend would make me feel better but it would probably just make things too complex. But it's hard to give up on. I have few friends right now. One of my best friends just died a month ago. I'm just so bummed. I have had counceling several times but it didn't help me as much as it hurt my wallet. I just don't know what to do righht now. Arghhh.

Thanks for listening,
Bluesman55

Edited by bluesman55, 25 December 2006 - 09:46 PM.


#80 Joyous56

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Posted 25 December 2006 - 10:50 PM

Hey Bluesman....welcome!

I'm almost as old as you, and have been depressed almost as long as you have. I can relate to much of your story. Having depressed parents (well, my mother was depressed and my father was mostly just "there") not only sets us up for depression genetically, but because depressed mothers don't do the best job of parenting, there are usually other 'issues' that develop. I was married long enough to have a son (poor boy)....and made some feeble attempts to date for about 5 years afterward, and just decided, as you did that being in a relationship just makes things too complex. But I did smile when I read about you having that "persistant myth" that a relationship would make things better.

I'm glad that Christmas is over. Once my son got older, I am ashamed to say that I've done less and less to celebrate the season. First, the Christmas cards went.....then the list of who to buy for got shorter and shorter.....this Christmas the only decoration I have is a pointsetta someone bought me...oh, and the wreath on my door that is there year round. We didn't even have a tree. I told my son when he got home from college that I'd be happy to get a tree if he was willing to help...but he was reading a good book and wasn't into it any more than I am.

Well, enough about me. Joining a forum like this is a good way to not feel so alone with your "stuff"....and a good way to enjoy 'friendships' without even leaving the house....or getting out of pajamas for that matter! Online forums seem to have been designed with the depressed in mind.

Oh...meds. I take trazadone at night to help with sleep, and it does help. I was put on remeron for the same reason about 8 years ago, but quit because of the weight gain. Now I'm losing weight because I'm taking Welbutrin....the first side effect I actually like. Good luck with the meds.
To be is to become: but the world has committed itself to being, delights only in being; yet wherein it delights brings fear, and what it fears is pain. Now this Life Divine is lived to abandon pain.




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