My name is Cas and I just started here on the forums.
I was diagnosed with DD a while back, but frankly, the diagnosis itself meant nothing to me. For some people, just getting a label is enough to get the wheels turning on treatment/recovery, and that is extremely awesome and I'm glad to hear things are working.
For some people, though, the diagnosis only serves to be more confusing. The questions/thoughts that I had in my mind after the diagnosis were something like this:
Okay... so I'm DD... I already knew that, just without the fancy terminology. But what does that really
mean? How much of who I am is the DD, and how much is actually ME? Is it my personality that makes me DD, or is my personality like this because of the DD? Is there even a ME underneath the DD, or has it been so deeply engrained in my life that it's shaped a significant portion of who I am?
I suppose the way that I look at it all is this: questions like that will probably always and forever float around in my head, but I don't believe there's really a way to answer them... how is a person to know? Unfortunately, the mind is a gray fog (to me, at least). There is no black and white, no "this chunk of my identity is from the DD, and this chunk over here is who I am uninfluenced by the DD." So for the most part, I kind of just ignore those questions because I have so little energy as it is, why waste it on metaphysical ponderings?
What I have taken from those questions, however, is that there is no chunk of me uninfluenced by the DD.
I believe my life is where it is because of having this disorder. Perhaps it would be drastically different without DD, perhaps it wouldn't be too far off. But I can't really know that, can I? Unless you guys are hiding like... a cross-dimensional time machine or something where I can go see alternate universe versions of myself.
Well, are you?
Seriously, though... I suppose you can say that I've accepted DD, not that I'm certain my definition of acceptance is the same as some of you who have asked the question... but what I've basically done is said, "okay, this is who I am... and if this DD really is treatable in some way, then theoretically, I will change during/after treatment... does it particularly matter
to me if this change is because of the DD or not? No. What matters to me is whether or not I am a happier and better person after those changes. The other thing that matters to me is whether or I can actually make changes that will move me closer to being my ideal self - the happy, successful, good person that I've built up in my mind."
So I suppose what I'm trying to say, in the end of this long ramble (sorry, I'm not very eloquent), is instead of drowning in the sea of questions that you likely have, try to stop and decide what truly matters to you. I think it will be easier to make sense of it all once you've eliminated the questions that you decide either don't really matter in terms of your goals, or are not worth the effort right now in seeking answers to. The questions that are important to you may or may not be similar to questions that are important to other people, but that doesn't matter in the least. You reaching your goals is what matters most.
I hope that helps in some way... to answer questions or give a new perspective or at least to provide another name with which to relate.
I can't say that my thinking on DD has particularly helped me reach my goals as of yet, but it does help keep me treading the water for now.