My mom was manic depressive and when I was a kid she would hallucinate and hear voices. She had a nervous break
down at 26 and had to be temporarily institutionalized. Later on when I was in third grade she burned our house down.
As for my dad he never played with me, never hugged me, we were basically two strangers who lived in the same house. I never felt wanted or loved by him at all. He never abused me but the little interaction I did have with him as a kid was mostly negative. He was always quick to criticize and slow to praise. I never felt comfortable talking to him about anything as a kid for fear he'd yell at me. So I decided from a very young age that it was up to me to solve my own problems seeing as how I couldn't depend on anyone else to be there for me. When a boy is growing up he needs the love and affirmation of his dad. I never got that and now I feel like there's a big gaping hole inside me.
On top of that I was bullied really bad in school by my male peers to the point that I came to
hate school. I was always a sensitive guy so I was frequently the one singled out. That just reinforced my
distrust and fear of other guys and served to make me feel even more isolated and alone. Every place I turned,
it seemed nobody wanted me. It was only after my parents divorced and I came to live with my grandma that I felt for the first time that somebody really loved me.
I'm 29 now and still have battles with depression and loneliness. It may sound silly but even now when I see a dad rough housing and being affectionate with his young son or if I see a group of guys laughing
and interacting with each other it hurts because i've never had that. I feel utterly cut off from other guys. Sometimes I think i'd give almost anything for just
one close guy friend to talk to.
Everybody's comments are welcome but I'd especially like to know if there's any guys on here who
can relate with what i'm talking about.
Edited by lindahurt, 29 January 2011 - 02:07 AM.