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Babette00

Commitment Phobia Or Bipolar Disorder?

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Posted

I've never been in a relationship and I'm 29. I'm slowly trying to be proactive about finding love and companionship but like in the past, I'll get high when I first meet someone and then low immediately thereafter. I'm trying to reconcile for myself, after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder: is this a symptom of the disorder or just basic commitment phobia. The more I over-analyze, the more I conclude it's the latter. There are plenty of bipolar sufferers who've been in relationships. Although, for me relationships of any kind are burdensome and emotionally/psychologically overwhelming. I shut off immediately at any sign of impending turmoil. Can anyone relate?

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Posted

Hello there, welcome to DF =)

I've also never been in a relationship before, I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder among other mental health issues, anyway I can relate to the emotions you're having, it sounds to me that you also suffer from some relationship issues, a group therapy may be really helpful for you to teach you some skills to be applied in your social life, are you taking meds ? Meds are the primary treatment for Bipolar disorder, keep writing to us and remember we really listen =)

r90

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Posted

Hi Babette00

Unfortunately we can't tell you if Bipolar is causing this. However, it can be very hard for someone suffering from Bipolar to keep a relationship going. My ex husband has bipolar and it was not easy at all. We got married, everything was ok, then he got paranoid, locked his emotions away and then eventually left without saying a word.

Trace

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Posted

Hello there, welcome to DF =)

I've also never been in a relationship before, I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder among other mental health issues, anyway I can relate to the emotions you're having, it sounds to me that you also suffer from some relationship issues, a group therapy may be really helpful for you to teach you some skills to be applied in your social life, are you taking meds ? Meds are the primary treatment for Bipolar disorder, keep writing to us and remember we really listen =)

r90

Hi, r90, thanks for responding. No I'm not on meds yet. I'm awaiting treatment but I'm at the point where everything is coming to a head. I've lost a decade of my life -- dropped out of college, unable to complete any of the infinite ideas or endeavors I've undertaken, no relationships, etc. And now that I've been diagnosed I'm getting a little anxious to take back my life. I'm reminding myself not to pressure myself about companionship b/c it will only make things worse. I've felt safe from the complications of unions but I also feel it's so unhealthy to have never allowed myself to be loved or love. Anyhoo, I'm doing research on the various non-med treatments to take.

And Trace, your husband reminds me of myself. I can go MIA at the drop of a dime, I've done that with employers and friends.

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Posted

Hi Babette

I'm BP and have kept up a few relationships over time. What I've noticed (naturally only personal experience) is that if I don't have my moods strictly under control, or logging them, then I can hit a high, be all excited about things, then hit a low and think everything has changed, its worse, they're too good for me and I want to break it off.

I also think most of us naturally get a high/low at the start of any potential relationship, as we get all excited about someone, then over-analyse whether their SMS not arriving is because they don't like us or whatever... so there is a natural set of mood swings at the start of a relationship.

So, (again, personal opinion only!) I think that when you add a BP high/low to relationship start-up high/lows, it can very quickly throw us over the edge if we don't pay really close attention to ourselves, rather than the other person.

Silly as it sounds to get over the whole relationship thing at the start I've basically trained myself into not caring that much, which helps. I no longer get anxious over whether I've received a message or whatever. But it is quite hard to change your thought patterns like that.

So the constructive advice is that the previous suggestions of therapy groups is great. The other thing is to just put yourself out there with no expectations of relationships, but in situations where you are dealing with lots of different people. That helps give you confidence in yourself, which is really important to have before trying to be in a relationship.

Best wishes

Hircon

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