I was raised Christian by my family. My mom doesn't push it on me however. I left Christianity when I turned 14, realizing there is no evidence for god. This was all great for about a year. More and more I began to look at things differently. I would question why humanity has a will to live.. I would think about how none of our lives will matter in the totality of existence. I soon learned this view is called nihilism. That reality is worthless and has no objective meaning. In turn, this has slowly worsened into a depression. I look around now and see robotic people, sheep of society, living their lives without ever wondering why..or what different it will make. I try to find subjective reasons to live (namely: drugs). My will to live is breaking. Within the past few months these thoughts of depression and nihilism have turned to suicide..What is the point of living a normal life for another 60+ years knowing that it all means absolutely nothing in the long run? I would never be able to live a complete life knowing it has no purpose. Reality is a terrible misfortune, in my opinion. Why should consciousness be doomed to exist, and realize its own nonexistent value..I do not think I will commit suicide relatively soon. Perhaps in 8-9 years, in an attempt to enjoy myself and find subjective meaning along the way...But it is all futile, for in the end I will always be reminded of nihilism, my view. And one day it will finally hit me, and I will just put a gun to my head and exit reality. Will my suicide be reported similarly to other suicides? Will they know of my disease called nihilism, and its inability to have a cure? I think not..but at the end of the day, it matters not, because all existence is worthless.
Edited by My Void, 12 September 2010 - 07:50 PM.