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toots_83

Ocd And Cleanliness

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Posted (edited)

Hello everyone, I have an issue that I have been embarassed to bring up but I feel it is time for me to share it. It all started when I first tried to get off Celexa 20mg years ago when I first became aware of what OCD was. I c/t'd from a 2 week taper and then tried to go back on when the symptoms frightened me. I was very carefree and most of my OCD sypmtoms manifested into having things perfect. The way I touched something(drinking from a bottle ,twisting a cap, reading a sentence or clicking on a certain spot on the screen etc.)..it just had to feel right. I guess I didn't give celexa enough time to work again or maybe because I have now experienced the symptoms they are now stuck like a broken record. I moved on to zoloft and then prozac always fearing that nothing was working. I did give everything at least 5-6 months to work. Nothing worked. And during those years my OCD has changed a bit and is now more about cleaniness. I have most problems with showering, brushing, hand washing and washing my clothes. I have the other problems too but these ones effect my day. No matter how much I scrub or rinse I never feel I am clean enough, whether it be showering or brushing. With showering I can take up to an hour or till the water is freezing and with brushing I can brush till my gums are irritated and my tongue is flaming red, and I feel I need to wash my clothes after one wear. I know these are routine things that everyone does but I am now dreading these daily routines. I know I don't smell and my breathe doesn't smell till the end of the day but once I get started I can't seem to stop. I have tried CBT for this before and I saw a tiny change after 20 sessions and then it was cut off. But it wasn't earth shattering results. I would just like to hear stories so that I can think differently about this..Do you guys go and meet people without showering or washing your hair? Could you give two craps what anyone thinks about how you look or smell?? I know its important for daily hygiene but is it do or die for you if you miss a day?? I know this is such a trivial matter but it takes a lot for me to get out the door. I'm exhausted and just too anxious to leave after I am done everything. I am also afraid to meet people face to face cause I think I am bad smelling or repulsive to be around, and I have been told over and over again that I smell good. But for some odd reason I feel like I can FEEL the germs or dirtiness all over me. Thanks for reading.

Edited by toots_83

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Posted

Hello everyone, I have an issue that I have been embarassed to bring up but I feel it is time for me to share it. It all started when I first tried to get off Celexa 20mg years ago when I first became aware of what OCD was. I c/t'd from a 2 week taper and then tried to go back on when the symptoms frightened me. I was very carefree and most of my OCD sypmtoms manifested into having things perfect. The way I touched something(drinking from a bottle ,twisting a cap, reading a sentence or clicking on a certain spot on the screen etc.)..it just had to feel right. I guess I didn't give celexa enough time to work again or maybe because I have now experienced the symptoms they are now stuck like a broken record. I moved on to zoloft and then prozac always fearing that nothing was working. I did give everything at least 5-6 months to work. Nothing worked. And during those years my OCD has changed a bit and is now more about cleaniness. I have most problems with showering, brushing, hand washing and washing my clothes. I have the other problems too but these ones effect my day. No matter how much I scrub or rinse I never feel I am clean enough, whether it be showering or brushing. With showering I can take up to an hour or till the water is freezing and with brushing I can brush till my gums are irritated and my tongue is flaming red, and I feel I need to wash my clothes after one wear. I know these are routine things that everyone does but I am now dreading these daily routines. I know I don't smell and my breathe doesn't smell till the end of the day but once I get started I can't seem to stop. I have tried CBT for this before and I saw a tiny change after 20 sessions and then it was cut off. But it wasn't earth shattering results. I would just like to hear stories so that I can think differently about this..Do you guys go and meet people without showering or washing your hair? Could you give two craps what anyone thinks about how you look or smell?? I know its important for daily hygiene but is it do or die for you if you miss a day?? I know this is such a trivial matter but it takes a lot for me to get out the door. I'm exhausted and just too anxious to leave after I am done everything. I am also afraid to meet people face to face cause I think I am bad smelling or repulsive to be around, and I have been told over and over again that I smell good. But for some odd reason I feel like I can FEEL the germs or dirtiness all over me. Thanks for reading.

I hope someone can give me positive insight as this is ruining my life.

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