Depression Affecting My Job Performance. Advice?
Posted 13 July 2010 - 02:40 AM
I work for a home health care agency for senior citizens as the scheduler (after starting out as a client care coordinator). Things aren't going so well and I'm more depressed now than I have ever been, I guess because I feel like a failure. I have been trying so hard to maintain an even keel to my moods without success. To add to my depression, I am bipolar and am on Geodon, Lamictal, Concerta, Xanax, and Ambien. I don't like being on medication and know that they are adversely affecting my memory to the point of being unable to remember conversations I have had with caregivers this morning! I've been doing some research on the internet and have decided to try Ginkgo to see if that helps. I'm going to the health food store tomorrow on my lunch hour. Anybody suffering from memory problems due to depression or the meds your taking for depression?
My job is quite involved in that I am responsible for the scheduling of 72 caregivers plus their clients. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this job. I really thought I liked it, but the more I find out about it, the worse I feel about it. See, the company provides in-home caregivers to the elderly so that they can stay in their homes as opposed to a nursing home. Sounds noble, doesn't it? Well, there are a few things that are really upsetting me, thus depressing me. First of all, the caregivers are only paid $7.35/hr to take care of the elderly clients to the extent of helping transfer them from wheelchair to the commode, or wiping behinds for those clients who wear Depends full time. Minimum wage, I feel, is not enough money for what these caregivers do. The company charges $16.50/hr and pay the caregivers $7.35/hr. The company charges $240.00 for 24-hour care and pays the caregivers $125 for the 24-hour shift. That's it! There are no benefits, vacation days, sick days ... nothing. There is no taking care of our caregivers to bestow dependability, loyalty, and a desire to work for the company longer than it takes to find another job that pays more. Then there's me. I am responsible for all of these people's lives and have been unable to wrap my head around the heavy responsibility of doing this. I get paid $11.00/hr to do the job of two people plus a client care coordinator. I have to be on call 40 hours a week on top of my 40 hours regular 8a-5p schedule and only get paid $100.00 for weeknights and weekend call. I'm expected to take call every other week, which is stressing me out.
This whole job is too stressful for me but my husband wants me to keep working it because it pays well (for Pueblo, CO). I'm so depressed about having to stay that I don't know what to do. I am definitely looking for a new job (even if I have to drive the mountain passes of Colorado Springs in the wintertime) but have to somehow muddle through and "pretend" like I care about this job, the clients, and the caregivers. To tell you the truth, it's too many unhappy lives pulling me down every day. I have a hard enough time keeping my own head above water emotionally and I'm so dragged down in the depths of their despair that I'm losing it.
The really upsetting factor is my memory, which I can't change right now (until I get started on the Ginkgo). I need to do something quickly because I'm going to get fired before I find another job if things keep up as they are with my mind. I get "stuck" in my negative feelings and have a hard time crawling out of the pit. How can I be happy and do a good job when I feel this way? What do I do?
Do I keep trying to work this job that I really hate deep down in my soul? Do I keep looking for a new job even if it means driving 100 miles round trip to Colorado Springs? Do I tell my boss that I am bipolar and suffering from depression? What do I do? What would you do?
I could really use some help with this one. I'm so confused. Any ideas are welcome!
Posted 13 July 2010 - 04:24 AM
I am sorry that you are battling with your job, you are not alone in this. Your health always comes first before anything else. Do you think you could take a little bit of time off?
I would be wary of telling your boss that you suffer from Bipolar, as there is still quite a stigma on it and even if it is not right, it can make your work environment difficult.
Bad memory is very common with depression. Omega 3 can help, also good nutrition and doing things like puzzles can help improve your memory.
True beauty must come, must be grown, from within.... - Ralph W Trine.
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