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How Do You Atone For Mistakes You've Made?


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#1 Avian86

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Posted 01 June 2010 - 06:58 PM

How do you atone for mistakes you've made? Everyone I've tried to help just seems to end up getting hurt. I've made some mistakes in my life and sometimes feel like I don't really deserve to live. My life is one giant mistake that even an entire sea of white-out couldn't fix.

#2 darcness

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Posted 01 June 2010 - 08:53 PM

(((Avian)))

The only way you can atone for the things you've done is to forgive yourself for them. If you've made mistakes, then accept them, learn from them, and move on. If you were only trying to help and things ended up going back for no fault of your own, then resolve yourself of the guilt for it, because you simply don't deserve it. I know it's easier said then done, but we have to forgive ourselves before we can accept ourselves.

Some of the greatest advice I've ever received on DF: "Always remember that recovery is not linear"
Such a simple phrase, but so easily forgotten...


#3 Lenore

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 01:43 AM

Once I asked my priest this question. I had lied to some people at work about why I wasn't able to come in (depressive black hole). I knew also that my amger and bad attitude were hurting my family and friends. My priest suggested that I pray for them, which surprised me. I was the sick one. Shouldn't they be praying for ME? I found that it helped me to pray for them and it was empowering that I was able to do that.
I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing.
Anais Nin

#4 kaitlyn_b

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 11:11 AM

How do you atone for mistakes you've made? Everyone I've tried to help just seems to end up getting hurt. I've made some mistakes in my life and sometimes feel like I don't really deserve to live. My life is one giant mistake that even an entire sea of white-out couldn't fix.

Avian, It seems your depression is saying nasty things to you. We all make mistakes. I have found that profoundly depressed and anxiety ridden people are usually the ones with the biggest hearts. Why? Because we care too much and try too much and when it doesn’t work out, we are so hard on ourselves that we go back into that place of beating ourselves up over something we could never have controlled in the first place. My mother told me when she went thru her first (and only) MDD in her twenties, she had a bumper sticker on her car that said “since I gave up hope, I feel much better”
I don’t know how much you pray, but I have found so much peace and comfort in talking to god throughout my depression, because I realized that he and only he could control life’s situations and turnouts. I hope this helps. Feel better soon! :shocked:
"In HIS eyes you can live again, Free within" - P.O.D

"She takes these pills and she moves along, she takes these pills and it's better" - Hurt

"My pain is self chosen, at least so the Prophet says" - Layne Staley

"C'mon drift away through fundamental boundaries to find ourselves surrounding
the ones who've already gone and come back stronger" - 32 Leaves- All is Numb

"I wish the real world would just stop hassling me" - Matchbox 20

#5 Avian86

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Posted 06 June 2010 - 01:39 AM

Thanks guys for the replys! I'll try to work on forgiving myself.

#6 healer120

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Posted 19 June 2010 - 10:25 AM

Hi Avian86!

You may find greater peace of mind if you try to patch things up with those you have hurt. Even if they don’t initially respond well to your apology, your humble words of regret will hopefully open a new dialogue with those you are estranged from. I would write a letter of apology. This shows that you are willing to take personal responsibility for your actions. Emphasize that you understand the impact of your actions, and express a desire to make things right with the people you have hurt. Just writing the letter will purge the bad feelings you have about your past behaviors. You also put the ball in their court to make the next move. More than likely, those you have hurt will be thankful for your kindness and ready to open a new line of communication with you.

I think it’s wonderful that you care enough to seek a resolution to your problem. I wish you the best as you try to mend fences with those around you.

healer120

#7 Avian86

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Posted 19 June 2010 - 12:19 PM

Hi Avian86!

You may find greater peace of mind if you try to patch things up with those you have hurt. Even if they don’t initially respond well to your apology, your humble words of regret will hopefully open a new dialogue with those you are estranged from. I would write a letter of apology. This shows that you are willing to take personal responsibility for your actions. Emphasize that you understand the impact of your actions, and express a desire to make things right with the people you have hurt. Just writing the letter will purge the bad feelings you have about your past behaviors. You also put the ball in their court to make the next move. More than likely, those you have hurt will be thankful for your kindness and ready to open a new line of communication with you.

I think it’s wonderful that you care enough to seek a resolution to your problem. I wish you the best as you try to mend fences with those around you.

healer120

I've apologized to all those I've wronged. They all forgive me, its just I have trouble forgiving myself.

#8 Kalla

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Posted 19 June 2010 - 03:01 PM

How do you atone for mistakes you've made? Everyone I've tried to help just seems to end up getting hurt. I've made some mistakes in my life and sometimes feel like I don't really deserve to live. My life is one giant mistake that even an entire sea of white-out couldn't fix.


I'm always beating myself up for my mistakes. Even small, stupid ones. I'm very critical of myself and always afraid I'll be judged or ridiculed for them. I'm also afraid these past mistakes will come back to haunt me, and that negative people in my life will come back to start problems again. I don't think that's quite your situation, but...

We're human. We make mistakes. We have to learn from them or else they will just keep repeating, over and over again. We also have to move on from them or else we will be stuck in guilt and fear the rest of our lives. I always tell myself that even if people do judge me harshly, or find out about my mistakes, I just have to take a few deep breaths and say "everyone makes mistakes, even the ones judging me right now!" and "this doesn't mean I'm a bad person, I can still live after this" etc etc...No one's perfect. We make mistakes and get involved with people who don't have our best interest in mind, and we get manipulated and do stupid things. However, the main goal is to learn from the mistake, move on, and be the best person you can be, faults and all. I think it's telling to your personality that you are a good person, one who feels bad about these mistakes and wants to make it right...That, I think, reflects a good character in you! :shocked:

For me, through a religious standpoint, I believe God forgives if you truly understand the nature of your mistakes and feel a deep sorrow for them...and you try not to repeat them. I once read that extreme guilt affects your relationship with God and keeps you apart from Him, out of shame. This really speaks to me because often I don't pray to God because I feel like I'm not good enough for his love, and that I don't deserve his guidance and support. I have to learn to forgive myself the way God has already forgiven me. I need his strength to continue living and to overcome any obstacle in life thrown my way...and to remain vigilant of those who may want to create pain in my life again. I need him to ease my depression and anxiety, and live his purpose for me in this world. Otherwise, I'll just waste away and regretting even more.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."





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