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[Chester Cheetoh]

this is a good thing.

The selfish, self-absorbed, unsupportive narcissists reveal themselves so we can avoid them.

[Lifeintheslowlane]

Yes, there are a few people on some of these sites that write ridiculous things in their profiles regarding mental health. It's uncomfortable to read, as no legitimate site would allow anyone to post "If you are a N-word, don't message me" if they don't want to date a black person, or "don't message me if you are a f*g" if they don't want to date a bisexual person, for example. However 'don't message me if you've got a diagnoses, because you are nuts" - that is fine? Grrr. I almost sent a message to one person once because of her headline about "no mental cases" to express my anger. But then I calmed down and figured why bother, she's obviously not worth it. While she may end up with someone who does not have mental issues, people like that who are openly judgmental generally have shallow and unrewarding lives because they have no compassion and huge egos.

Everyone does have the right to express preferences in a civil manner. If I read a profile that said "I prefer to date someone without a history of mental health issues", then that doesn't sound so bad. Perhaps that person has mental health issues herself/himself. Perhaps he/she had a bad experience with a parent with mental health issues ... dunno, but at least it is respectful.

I definitely do not like the disrespect, the implication that people without mental health issues are better than those who have them. The part that I find so frustrating is that they do not have mental health issues because they have been fortunate enough not to experiences things that lead to depression or ocd or other illness. Like people ask for mental illness? It's the luck of the draw whether we get sick, a combination of biology and experiences that usually happen before we are adults and have a choice in the matter.



Many of the best people I know either have mental health issues or a family member/close friend with mental health issues and are kind and compassionate. Many of the shallowest, superficial -and doing the most harm to society - people do not have mental health issues (in terms of diagnosis).

Still, there seems to be a lot of decent people on some of these sites and probably several with mental health issues who do not disclose up front for fear of the stigma.

That stigma really sucks.

Edited by Lifeintheslowlane, 02 May 2010 - 10:33 PM.

[Chester Cheetoh]

Firstly, you have to have a better understanding of the online dating dynamic.

A large number of these people think that they approach perfection in all facets of their makeup. They in turn seek the same in a partner not realizing that no such person exists in the world.


You then hear from them countless stories of how terrible online dating is because they cannot find this perfection.


They are narcissists and would be equally hurtful to you to your face as they are online. If not your depression, your clothes or hair or facial features or body type.



Personally I have no issues with them using hurtful language. It reveals their true nature so you can avoid at all costs.

[Chester Cheetoh]

let me quote from the song "Tom Sawyer" by Rush.

What you say about his company
Is what you say about society

[Lifeintheslowlane]

Simply to add a bit of positive thoughts on this matter - although it doesn't pertain completely to dating sites, per se, but I have disclosed to several lovers that I experience depression and I haven't been rejected by any because of it. Hell, half of them have depression too. I am gaining some confidence that I am able to meet people and be judged on my behaviour, not on an internal health matter.

I still don't like the ridiculous judgments made by people, of course, and even more so that organizations with management and administrators don't put the clamp on this discriminatory language. It is a reflection of how easy it is to mock those with mental illness and still be considered a decent person. Someone please find me a person who can use racist language and not be shunned by anyone with a brain ... doesn't happen. However, mocking mental illness and even sexuality often leads to some twisted sense of admiration for not 'giving in to the politically correct police'. Bleagh bleagh bleagh. As if ignorance is heroic.

[Chester Cheetoh]

Simply to add a bit of positive thoughts on this matter - although it doesn't pertain completely to dating sites, per se, but I have disclosed to several lovers that I experience depression and I haven't been rejected by any because of it. Hell, half of them have depression too. I am gaining some confidence that I am able to meet people and be judged on my behaviour, not on an internal health matter.

So true. 100% of the world has something wrong. Whether it is mental, emotional, physical, experiential, character flaw, attitude problem, drug or alcohol issues, whatever.

Some people have zero medically wrong, but are just flat-out a-holes.


Its nice to meet people that are not judgemental prior to getting to know you.

[xchairity_casex]

yes i see this all over the place a few years ago i was so frustrated and all i wanted was SOMEONE to talk to i felt so strongly like well ending things for myself if you know what i mean so i got onto yahoo! chat and not one single person told me not too everyone was edging me on TO do it and calling me a coward and a liar ect. i did try becuase i felt so awful. of coarse i now know that that was an ***** move and i shouldnt have done it but i was 16 years old at the time. and also sometime last year i tried getting some info from yahoo! answers (im on yahoo! alot ) i asked a little bit about if anyone knew of any programs for getting in to see a doctor about getting a diagnoses becuase i had just lost my health insurance and several people told me to "quite faking" and to "stop being a burden to society" and "to stop being a freak" though there were a few people who tried helping me. it really was amzaing to see so many people trying to be so mean pourposly honestly when i first came here i really expected to be ignored or told off by people. but thankfully that hasent happend and i am starting to feel better to talk to people about things concerning this.

[Mythica]

While you're right, the rudeness tone of some of them could go down a notch... at least they're letting it be known that they don't have the mental or emotional capacity to support someone who needs that kind of support. Better to avoid it all together than have both people suffer the frustration of not understanding/supporting each other.

[Kalla]

I've seen this on a few dating sites too, and it's one of the reasons why I stay away from them completely. I found that the majority of profiles had unusually high standards or they had obvious emotional baggage that sent up red flags - for example, sometimes I'll see people on there listing their past relationship problems ("just got out of a relationship where my ex cheated on me" / "i hate liars, my recent ex was a total liar") - it makes me think they aren't ready to date again. From reading your post, these examples may have been from people who were in bad relationships with those who were on antidepressants or had mental health issues...and because of that bad relationship, they don't want to repeat it. It's ignorant, rude, and insensitive, yes, but it makes me wonder what made them specifically write that down on their profile.

We studied online dating in a relationship and gender class, and we were asked to look through profiles and "critique" them. We talked about how online dating is all about puting out your best "face" to attract a mate, just like it is in real life, but online profiles can be more controlled with the messages that can be sent out. And it can be more impersonal - you can write whatever you want without much consequence. Because of that, people often lay everything out and they come across as well...jerks. They put a perfect face out there and they expect perfectionism in their mates in return. I've seen the standard "I want a blue eyed, blonde, cute girl who knows how to make me happy" to "I want an intelligent, sexy, funny, and outgoing guy who can put up with my mood swings and take care of me 100%" It's sad, because they aren't perfect...no one is perfect. But it's a culture nowadays of perfectionism - and storybook romances where everything is wonderful and happy all the time. That you should expect to find "the one."

No one I know has had much success with dating sites, including myself. They were a waste of time and emotional energy. I'd rather be single my whole life than go through online dating again lol

[Blue_Envy]

I'd rather know their intentions and feelings early in the relationship than to fall in love and the subject comes up and he/she spills his/her guts about not liking someone because they are on medication and or have what the norm of society would label as a mental behavioral problem.