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Untreatable Depression


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#1 Avian86

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Posted 25 February 2010 - 05:01 PM

Hello, I'm 23 yrs old and I'm a chronic depressive. I have had Dysthymia since 12 and reoccuring major depressive episodes since I was 18 caused by what I think was a lifetime of bullying/abuse. I have tried literally everything my doctors and I can think of.

I have tried over 40 different pharmaceuticals in the past 5 years with 8 of them being anti-depressants. The only type I haven't tried yet is MAOIs which I can't take due to their interactions with my pain killers that I take for my chronic pain.

In the past 5 years I have taken over 40 meds, 13,000 pills, 100+ hours of therapy, seen 10-15 doctors, 5-10 therapists, 4 psych ward visits, and had 4 attempts on my life.

I can't take this anymore. Every time I hear or read that "depression is a very treatable illness" I feel insulted and lied to. I am sentenced to a life of misery for which there is no parole. I hate every minute I'm here.

I struggle with college, barely able to attend somehow getting 85-90% average still. I can see myself dropping out soon. I'm also drowning in debt. Everything that could go wrong with my life, well has.

Anyone else feel this way? That they have been cheated out of life from depression? That this is an incurable illness?

Hate life,

Sincerely

#2 Sheepwoman

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Posted 25 February 2010 - 05:24 PM

Hi and welcome to DF, Avian86,
I also have severe chronic depression. However, mine is fortunately is somewhat under control via the combo of meds I take. We do have members here who are treatment resistant, too.

There are a few alternatives your pdoc can try as a last resort. There's ECT, Vegas Nerve Stimulator, Transcranial Stimulation (rather new) and a few other methods that I can't think of. You can check out these methods in Posting, Asking and Sharing and in Med News. Both are further down the menu. You may want to discuss these alternatives with your pdoc for advice and feedback.
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God will give you no more than you can handle. This is all a test to see if you are really ready for the good things that are going to come your way. All this pain is going to come back and make me stronger.-Clarence Clemmons 1942-2011

Everything I know, I know because I love. Leo Tolstoy War and Peace

#3 Avian86

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Posted 25 February 2010 - 05:34 PM

Hi and welcome to DF, Avian86,
I also have severe chronic depression. However, mine is fortunately is somewhat under control via the combo of meds I take. We do have members here who are treatment resistant, too.

There are a few alternatives your pdoc can try as a last resort. There's ECT, Vegas Nerve Stimulator, Transcranial Stimulation (rather new) and a few other methods that I can't think of. You can check out these methods in Posting, Asking and Sharing and in Med News. Both are further down the menu. You may want to discuss these alternatives with your pdoc for advice and feedback.
Sheepwoman

I've been denied ECT already and I haven't requested the other methods. My pdoc just dumped me saying he can't treat me, that I'd have to go off my pain killers. I am apparently being referred back the the depression clinic which I was a patient there twice already. Maybe they will give me ECT or TCMS, or vagus nerve stimulation.

Since I live in Canada, all my health care is free and my meds only cost me $2 each (on disability). So I have access to pretty much anything anyone can suggest.

#4 achingheart

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Posted 28 February 2010 - 07:32 AM

I have 'long term treatment resistant depression' as a result of trauma, bullying and abuse also. But I've recently been able to reduce the remeron dosage by half., to 15mg. At this point I am on no other psychiatric medications. I've been in intensive private analytic based psychotherapy for some years, and have also seen some complementary health practitioners over the years. I know that my depressions will never really go away, but I'm able to manage them better and live around them. I also have extensive suppprt from my managers at work.

So, there is hope.

Also, with depression caused by abuse and bullying, medication can only help ease the symptoms, because the damage was done in relationship, and has effected your relationship with yourself, others and the world, psychotherapy is the primary treatment in such cases.

Shadows echo deep and ache forever lonely in my heart, until caring gentle arms approach lost broken drowning child and see her in her loveliness, and hold her safe.


#5 pauly88

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Posted 01 March 2010 - 02:23 PM

Hello, I'm 23 yrs old and I'm a chronic depressive. I have had Dysthymia since 12 and reoccuring major depressive episodes since I was 18 caused by what I think was a lifetime of bullying/abuse. I have tried literally everything my doctors and I can think of.

I have tried over 40 different pharmaceuticals in the past 5 years with 8 of them being anti-depressants. The only type I haven't tried yet is MAOIs which I can't take due to their interactions with my pain killers that I take for my chronic pain.

In the past 5 years I have taken over 40 meds, 13,000 pills, 100+ hours of therapy, seen 10-15 doctors, 5-10 therapists, 4 psych ward visits, and had 4 attempts on my life.

I can't take this anymore. Every time I hear or read that "depression is a very treatable illness" I feel insulted and lied to. I am sentenced to a life of misery for which there is no parole. I hate every minute I'm here.

I struggle with college, barely able to attend somehow getting 85-90% average still. I can see myself dropping out soon. I'm also drowning in debt. Everything that could go wrong with my life, well has.

Anyone else feel this way? That they have been cheated out of life from depression? That this is an incurable illness?

Hate life,

Sincerely



Hey I'm sorry to hear your having some problems. I too was bullied but suffered in silence, not realising I had depression until a few years ago. Like you I found medication didn't work. Have you tried some alternative self treatments? Something that has really helped me is meditation. I know it sounds a bit hippyish but just spending 10mins a day doing a guided meditation really helped me to pick myself up. I know its not a quick cure or anything like that but it did help me deal with things after a while. Theres lots of information online if you want to try it. At the very least its something to think about.
Why do we stay in prison when the key to the door is somewhere with us?

#6 hereforwhat

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Posted 13 April 2010 - 08:49 PM

hey man, i'm 23 too with that chronic depression diagnosis. I have tried all meds and talk therapy didnt work.

Make sure you know what your diagnosis is for sure. If you are depressed, have you tried tricyclic antidepressants? That is what I have been on for about a week and it seems to be helping. ECT is a well documented treatment for depression and you could ask your doctor to consider that for you.

Things not to do: stop going to school, give up, or try to help yourself as much as possible
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#7 Ign

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Posted 20 April 2010 - 08:53 PM

I can relate with you. Years of therapy, books, trying to exercise, meds, isolation, anger, insomnia etc. I got a dog recently, it helped more than I expected. Still, it's just me and my dog. I can't stand being around people for too long. I try to focus on something that I really like, chocolate ice cream, some tv shows. Some days I feel angry, some days I get sad about the depression. I rather be angry :shocked:
I wish I knew how to overcome abuse. I feel cursed.

Edited by Ign, 20 April 2010 - 08:54 PM.


#8 Unbearable

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Posted 28 April 2010 - 08:35 AM

have had unrelenting severe depression since childhood/adolescence, and i am very old. nothing has helped. have tried about 40 medications, not including combinations thereof. have absolute life of emptiness -- never any friends or boyfriends. miserable family. horribly, horribly lonely for decades. i don't qualify for clinical trials due to medical reasons.
have been turned down twice for disability. next appeal will take over a year. i don't want to be on disability, but i see no other way, unfortunately.
sorry to be so negative. can't find anyone in my boat.
i absolutely agree about seeing people post or say "depression can be treated." no, in my case, it can't.

#9 Guest_bravetwilight_*

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Posted 28 April 2010 - 12:17 PM

OOoohhhhh...whenever I read on a medical website or hear someone say that depression is treatable, I feel like screaming!!!

People who believe that are usually people who haven't experienced severe chronic depression in any form! It also is an advertising gimmick by the drug companies to keep people buying their drugs. So we mustn't take it personally when we know the truth about the different kinds of depression. Some people just can't be treated medically. Personally I had a very difficult time bouncing around from drug to drug. Some worked and some didn't, some caused horrific side effects and others made me more depressed.

What I find interesting is that about half of the mental health professionals I went to said that I was "treatment resistant". What the hell did that mean? Well, there were those therapists who wanted me to go intensively into psychoanalysis and I didn't because of my lack of finances. There were some who wanted me to go to support groups and I wouldn't because I was too depressed to even go to his office how could I get the energy for group? He said I was "treatment resistant". One psychiatrist told me that I needed to keep on with my re-entry studies and medication and I wasn't able to and he wrote in his notes, "treatment resistant". He also had prescribed around a dozen different drugs that didn't work too.

So I just don't believe that there is such a thing as "treatment resistant" depression. I do believe that there are so many alternatives out there in the world that we have to try in order to find which one works for our particular (w)holistic needs. It's just that it takes alot of energy to do the researching and then trying all those different methods that is the most difficult for chronically depressed people to do.

I can only say that somehow we all must do our own homework and healing. There is help available and it may be in the form of a drug or many drugs, or natural herbal infusions and supplements plus a combination of accupuncture, meditation, and perhaps even religion or something that is holy and sacred like building an altar to remind us that there is something more than just this life and/or depression......for me, it's a combination of many methods that I can my own source of healing and recovery......maintaining the top position over the depression. This is the work of my life, the real work and it is the most difficult work I've ever had to do....but it is also the most rewarding in ways that used to seem inconsequential to me.


peaceful blessings to all on this thread,
bravetwilight

#10 Tomatheus

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Posted 30 April 2010 - 12:50 AM

Avian86,

For what it's worth, the only treatment that's ever had a meaningful impact on my depression for more than a few days is Nardil, one of the MAOIs. Some depressive patients actually have an excess of the enzyme monoamine oxidase A (MAO-A) in the brain (Meyer et al., 2006, 2009), and the only depression treatments that directly affect the levels of this enzyme are the MAOIs. I understand that you can't take any of the MAOIs that are currently available because they would interact with your pain medications, but I do know that there is a reversible inhibitor of MAO-A called Tririma that's in Phase II clinical development that may not carry the same dietary restrictions that are associated with the older MAOIs. I'm not sure if it too would interact with your pain medications, but if it doesn't, it might be worth considering if and when it becomes available.

I can sort of relate to what you wrote about feeling lied to when you hear that "depression is a very treatable illness." Even though I experienced full remission on Nardil, I had problems with bad batches of the medication that ultimately led me to discontinue it. So, even though I wouldn't say that my depressive illness is completely untreatable, I would say that it's been very difficult to treat given today's interventions.

I am very sorry that you've tried as many treatments as you've tried without getting any meaningful results. Have you ever responded even partially to any of the medications that you've tried? Also, have you tried over-the-counter supplements like St. John's Wort or SAMe? I think that they'd be worth looking into if you haven't tried them already.

Tomatheus

==

REFERENCES

Meyer, J.H., Ginovart, N., Boovariwala, A., Sagrati, S., Hussey, D., Garcia, A., et al. (2006). Elevated monoamine oxidase A levels in the brain: An explanation for the monoamine imbalance of major depression. Archives of General Psychiatry, 63, 1209-1216.

Meyer, J.H., Wilson, A.A., Sagrati, S., Miler, L., Rusjan, P., Bloomfield, P.M., et al. (2009). Brain monoamine oxidase A binding in major depressive disorder: Relationship to selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor treatment, recovery, and recurrence. Archives of General Psychiatry, 66, 1304-1312.

Conditions: schizoaffective disorder & probable idiopathic hypersomnia

 

Blog: tomatheus.blogspot.com


#11 Unbearable

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Posted 30 April 2010 - 06:57 AM

If anyone knows of any other websites on this, I'd appreciate any info. I have searched the web and can't find anyone to identify with who has had early-onset severe depression that has been unremitting -- non-episodic. One therapist suggested that people as severe and lifelong in their illness as I simply aren't on the web.
What I find really hurtful is when I go in chat rooms of mentally ill people, and the first response is, "Do you want to get better?" It's amazing to me that the mentally ill have such anger against themselves.
I, personally, am finding medical research shows a lot of illness is genetic and/or neurological in origin. For example, research has shown people with depression have smaller hippocampi and a thinner cerebral cortex. Although I guess there is hope that that means it could be treated medically in the future, I think the possibility is, at the least, very far into the future.
Even the initially optimistic reports of deep brain stimulation treatment are not evidenced by the people I follow on the internet who have had it. These treatments, like vagus nerve stimulation and DBS, have very dramatic results when they are first reported. When I follow subsequent studies and other patients, however, and look at long-term results, I find the results are far less sanguine.

#12 Guest_Jakob_*

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Posted 01 May 2010 - 03:56 AM

One thing that has helped me is to simply accept depression. I accept it as part of my genetics, part of my personality. It's something that puts into perspective the struggles that I go through, and gives me character. Put in a different light, it can be seen as a positive thing. At least I'm not mindlessly, blissfully ignorant like most are. It's a type of handicap, but a handicap that I can be proud of. Any accomplishment is an amazing one, given what I have to go through to get there. Others do not.

Good luck with everything.

#13 Unbearable

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Posted 01 May 2010 - 08:39 AM

thank you for your response.
i have tried accepting my depression, but how can you accept being in torture every second for decades? more succinctly, how can you accept not accepting?

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Posted 01 May 2010 - 01:45 PM

We can accept that depression exists and that we have it in our lives. But we must not identify with it. It is not who we really are in spirit. How to separate our personalities and spirit from depressive thinking and emotions is the work of our lives. It is through acceptance where we become more compassionate towards our plight and other's as well. When we identify our soul and spirit, or believe that we are one with depression, then we are fueling the pain and anguish of it at bonfire level. Acceptance that it is merely an illness and that how we behave can be an outcome of it's symptoms is where we become clear again and do the work of recognizing what thoughts and feelings are created by depression. Dissecting our mental habits is where we separate and detach from depression and how it controls us. We must detach our ego and personality from the illness and only then can we move forward toward healing and recovery. Not easy work, but I have found that through acceptance (as opposed to resisting through fighting and battling depression) I am able to detach the real me, my real personality and observe what language I use in my mind and in communication with others that perpetuates toxic emotions.

blessings,
bravetwilight

#15 jofram22

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Posted 17 June 2010 - 07:08 PM

Hello, I'm 23 yrs old and I'm a chronic depressive. I have had Dysthymia since 12 and reoccuring major depressive episodes since I was 18 caused by what I think was a lifetime of bullying/abuse. I have tried literally everything my doctors and I can think of.

I have tried over 40 different pharmaceuticals in the past 5 years with 8 of them being anti-depressants. The only type I haven't tried yet is MAOIs which I can't take due to their interactions with my pain killers that I take for my chronic pain.

In the past 5 years I have taken over 40 meds, 13,000 pills, 100+ hours of therapy, seen 10-15 doctors, 5-10 therapists, 4 psych ward visits, and had 4 attempts on my life.

I can't take this anymore. Every time I hear or read that "depression is a very treatable illness" I feel insulted and lied to. I am sentenced to a life of misery for which there is no parole. I hate every minute I'm here.

I struggle with college, barely able to attend somehow getting 85-90% average still. I can see myself dropping out soon. I'm also drowning in debt. Everything that could go wrong with my life, well has.

Anyone else feel this way? That they have been cheated out of life from depression? That this is an incurable illness?

Hate life,

Sincerely


I'm a 21 year old male who's been dealing with severe clinical depression for 2 years (probably had dysthymia before that for a few) and it was triggered by isolation/ breaking down of social ties but I can't seem to get my life back on track. I recently came across this website online (I have researched depression online for 2 years straight trying to find answers, meds (been on 4 and mood stabilizers) haven't helped me either, nor talk therapy) "Please PM Member for Link" I HIGHLY recommend you read what they have to say about illnesses such as anxiety/depression/chronic fatigure syndrome, etc. Only in the last couple of months (because of what reverse-therapy teaches) have I begun to feel like there is a way out of this hell. Here is one of the articles which has been enlightening, but in order to understand the theory you have to read about "Bodymind" and "Headmind". Trust me when I say I don't **** around, I have researched almost everything and this is the only practice/way of living that makes sense for my depression. Essentially the idea is that often depression is the result of your ego's supression of emotions which you were taught were inappropriate or weak. In your case of bullying there might be alot of anger which was forced down and possibly sadness too. When you reconnect with your true passions and who you really are (not who others what you to be) then these emotions will likely surface and that is the time to express/release them... they are keeping you numb and sick.

#16 thekid86

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Posted 18 June 2010 - 12:43 PM

Hello, I'm 23 yrs old and I'm a chronic depressive. I have had Dysthymia since 12 and reoccuring major depressive episodes since I was 18 caused by what I think was a lifetime of bullying/abuse. I have tried literally everything my doctors and I can think of.

I have tried over 40 different pharmaceuticals in the past 5 years with 8 of them being anti-depressants. The only type I haven't tried yet is MAOIs which I can't take due to their interactions with my pain killers that I take for my chronic pain.

In the past 5 years I have taken over 40 meds, 13,000 pills, 100+ hours of therapy, seen 10-15 doctors, 5-10 therapists, 4 psych ward visits, and had 4 attempts on my life.

I can't take this anymore. Every time I hear or read that "depression is a very treatable illness" I feel insulted and lied to. I am sentenced to a life of misery for which there is no parole. I hate every minute I'm here.

I struggle with college, barely able to attend somehow getting 85-90% average still. I can see myself dropping out soon. I'm also drowning in debt. Everything that could go wrong with my life, well has.

Anyone else feel this way? That they have been cheated out of life from depression? That this is an incurable illness?

Hate life,

Sincerely


First of all I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. Many on this board are going through the same or similar, so you will find a lot of people who can and will sympathize with you. Depression CAN BE a very treatable illness, for SOME people. That's the bottom line. For some it's easier and some it's harder. Some people may think they are depressed, some may just be going through very short term depression such as when a spouse or child dies unexpectedly, and some obviously are more depressed than others. Unfortunately for you the depression seems to be very deep and hard to treat. Not impossible however. And certainly not easy. But somewhere in there you can be helped.

You say you have taken over 40 meds in the past 5 years. Are you giving each med the proper amount of time to work? I know I took Zoloft very on-and-off and it wasn't working. You have to give each drug at least 6-8 weeks. So that may be one reason. I too was bullied as a kid, not severe but it has certainly affected me in a negative way.

I do feel like I have been cheated by depression. It has taken everything and anything from me. Friendships, relationships, money, time, and career prospects. Actually what it has taken away that bothers me the most is what COULD HAVE BEEN. Such as what girls could I have dated? What college could I have attended? What jobs did I miss out on? etc. The questions are almost endless for me. I can go back and pinpoint at least 5-7 specific girls I could have, and would have loved to look into dating, but my depression/anxiety/stress prevented it. Some of them got as far as "just friends" and some I barely talked to, but I never got over the hump and got intimate with any of them. That bothers me to this day, almost 10 years later.

I think since you seem to have tried to conventional route to treating depression, start looking into other possible cures. Someone above mentioned St John's Wort. That's an excellent idea. Google "St John's Wort" and find Kelley's page for St John's Wort, and check it out. Some good experiences and stories there. Again you need to give it a minimum of 6-8 weeks, but it is available over the counter in the USA, and cheap. I got almost a 2 months supply for about $8. So far it hasn't helped at all but it's only been 1.5 weeks, I'm going to stay patient on it.

Also fish oil/krill oil can be a tremendous benefit. I believe I had the best few weeks in a long while when I was on a generic Wal Mart brand of fish oil, but I'm not sure if that was the exact reason or if I was just having a good week or two. Right now I am trying krill oil but will go back and try the fish oil if it doesn't work. Again I am going to give it about 1.5-2 months minimum to see if it will work.

The person above also suggested Sam-e. Another good idea, I tried it and it didn't have a great benefit, but everyone is different. You may benefit from it. It's a bit expensive but nothing crazy, around $1 per pill and you take 1 per day.

I would also suggest looking into 5-htp, which is similar to some SSRI's. It didn't work for me but again everyone is different. Certainly worth a try.

Recently I have also been looking into simply adding supplements into my diet. Today I bought some vitamin C. I have read that low levels of vitamin C can be to blame. Same goes for vitamin B and D, or even something as simple as zinc or magnesium. If all else fails for me I won't give up, I'll simply try something new. For me it will be zinc, magnesium, and possibly flaxseed oil. If/when those fail, I will simply try some SSRI's or other pills and see if they help.

Above all I am really trying to get into an exercise regimen. And also eating healthy can be a great benefit to you. I feel like if I can start exercising, and really stick to it, it will make everything a lot easier. At that point it just becomes a game of toying with the right supplements/SSRI's/stimulants or whatever is necessary. I'm learning more and more each day about which supplements affect me, how they work or don't work for me. It's a trial and error game, just don't get discouraged or give up because things in the past haven't worked. I have felt horrible throughout the past 10+ years, like nothing has ever, or will ever go right for me. But things can change. Even though I'm still struggling as much as ever with my symptoms, I'm not ready to give up hope yet. Last week I went on a gambling binge and lost a bunch of money and felt horrible. I've gone through crying spells all week and struggled with my low energy levels. Just keep trying, and don't be afraid to stray off the path and go for something such as adding a vitamin C pill to your daily routine. Who knows, it may work wonders for you...

#17 tackyjan

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Posted 27 June 2010 - 02:17 PM

Hello, I'm 23 yrs old and I'm a chronic depressive. I have had Dysthymia since 12 and reoccuring major depressive episodes since I was 18 caused by what I think was a lifetime of bullying/abuse. I have tried literally everything my doctors and I can think of.

I have tried over 40 different pharmaceuticals in the past 5 years with 8 of them being anti-depressants. The only type I haven't tried yet is MAOIs which I can't take due to their interactions with my pain killers that I take for my chronic pain.

In the past 5 years I have taken over 40 meds, 13,000 pills, 100+ hours of therapy, seen 10-15 doctors, 5-10 therapists, 4 psych ward visits, and had 4 attempts on my life.

I can't take this anymore. Every time I hear or read that "depression is a very treatable illness" I feel insulted and lied to. I am sentenced to a life of misery for which there is no parole. I hate every minute I'm here.

I struggle with college, barely able to attend somehow getting 85-90% average still. I can see myself dropping out soon. I'm also drowning in debt. Everything that could go wrong with my life, well has.

Anyone else feel this way? That they have been cheated out of life from depression? That this is an incurable illness?

Hate life,

Sincerely



I TOTALLY agree with you.. sure there are some people who can be treated but there are also those of us that simply cannot be treated. We end up getting frustrated by the lack of help from the medical community and being screwed by the insurance companies.

Oh and the worst phrase ever... "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." LOL Sounds like a bad advertisement slogan. Suicide is permanent solution to a permanent problem. And who knows, it might not even be permanent. What if you wake up in heaven, or whatever your religion is what if you wake up in some kind of beautiful place where there is no pain. Or perhaps reincarnation. Not heaven but at least you would get another chance at life.

Oh and if you say, "what if you wake up in hell?" I am already there.

Edited by tackyjan, 27 June 2010 - 02:19 PM.


#18 Avian86

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Posted 27 June 2010 - 02:41 PM

My major depression has been in remission since mid March 2010. I am starting to slip back again but i am trying really hard not to. I think it was Nortriptyline that brought me into remission this time. Since I made this thread I have loved and lost, and got new friends and have hit my OCD hard. I am feeling much better than I did back when I made this thread.

As for the drugs I have tried in the past 5 years for my wide range of illnesses, I will post the list:

Adderall XR
Advil
Aerius
Allegra
Alprazolam
Amitriptyline
Atrovent
Buproprion SR
Bricanyl
Celebrex
Cesamet
Cialis
Claritin
Clonazepam
Codiene Contin
Concerta
Cymbalta
Depakene
Dexedrine
Diazepam
Dicetel
Docusate Sodium
Fentanyl Transdermal Patch
Fluoxetine
Gabapentin
Geodon
Gravol
Gravol Ginger
Hydromorph-Contin
Hydromorphone
Hydroxyzine
Immodium
Imovane
Lexapro
Lorazepam
Lunesta
Lyrica
MS-Contin
Melatonin
Memantine
Methylphenidate
Metoclorpramide
Metoprolol
Mirtazapine
Naprelan
Naproxen
Nexium
Nortriptyline
Olanzepine
Ondansetron
Opticrom
Oxycocet
Oxycontin
Palafer
Pariet
Paroxetine
Pennsaid
Prochlorazine
Prozac
Pulimcort
Quentiapine
Rabeprazole
Ralivia
Reactine
Remeron DS
Risperdal
Ritalin SR
Senokot S
Seroquel XR
Simethicone
Soflax
Starnoc
Statex
Symbicort
Tramacet
Trazodone
Tylenol
Tylenol 1 generic
Tylenol 2 generic
Tylenol 3 generic
Valerian
Wellbutrin SR
Wellbutrin XL
Zantac
Zolpidem
Zopiclone
Zyprexa
Zyprexa Zydis




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