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Dooin' it

What to do when you just can't take it anymore???

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Posted

What do you do when you just can't take it anymore????

I'm anxious like I'm gonna crawl outta' my skin every morning from 5am 'til about 3pm. That's just too long. I take a .5mg Klonopin at 6am along w/ my 40mg Celexa. Then that has to get me thru 'til noon when I take another Klonopin. (Man, noon never comes soon enough!!)

Then, I think the noon Klonopin dose just helps me slide into my 3pm relief. (I go from about an 8 on the anxiety scale down to about a 5 or 4.). Then by 6pm I'm down around a 3 and I can tolerate that.

Then I take another .5mg Klonopin before bed & I've been sleeping pretty good.

It's just this morning stuff that's ******* me. I'm going w/ my daughter to see her child therapist (my pdoc will also be there too)........should I beg for something else???

I'm tapped!!! It's just so hard to fight!!! I'm exhausted!!!!!!! :hearts:

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Posted

You poor soul. You sound really exhausted. I have anxiety issues too, and I have been on meds for them from time to time. Right now I am getting talk therapy that is helping. Do you have a therapist at the moment? Definitely talk to the doctor while you are there. I do not know if "begging" is in order, but make him aware of your level of suffering and see what he has to say about it. You may be beyond "Take a hot bath and sniff some lavender," but maybe not. There may be some alternative therapies worth trying if he is not keen on a new med.

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Posted

Dooi'n it,

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. I agree with art.chick. Maybe it is best for you to address your pdoc about how you're feeling. He/she's there to help you out right?

I hope you two can work something out that brings you some relief soon!

Wishing you well... Keep us posted on how you're doing. We care!

Much luv,

Autumn

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Posted

Thank you ArtChick!!

And thank you Autumn!!

I'm gonna say this for about the umpteenth time..................YOU MODS ARE GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!

Coming from some forums that move as slowly as molasses (and I realize that his is a "help now" forums), it is VERY refreshing to get responses back so fast!!! Obviously you guys have been there/are there, so I'll assume you know exactly what I'm talking about when you see a reply on the other side of the internet reaching back to pat you on the back!!!!

I'm an adult w/ wife & 2 kids, yet I feel like a little baby at times. It sucks!! Especially as a man. Just shatters the male ego all to pieces.

AS AN UPDATE: I will be seeing my pdoc by coincidence tonite. I take one of my daughters in to a therapist for some childhood issues she's working thru and I will explain my situation to him and see what he thinks. He listens very well, and if there's anything he can do, I'm sure he will!!

I'm almost up for another Klonopin maybe as soon as I get to work (so it'd kinda' make my morning Klonopin 1mg just spread about an hour apart so I don't fall asleep while driving), but then, of course.......the next logical concern is falling asleep at work!

Thanks again folks & if anybody has ANY feedback they wanna throw out here, PLEASE...........I"LL TAKE ANYTHING YOU"VE GOT..............even if it's............"Yup, been there too". I don't care. Just anything to help me feel better!!!

My gratitude cannot be expressed enough to the folks on this board..........thanks gang!!! :hearts:

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Posted

It's so good to hear you're seeing your doc tonight. It sounds as if he's a caring person and that's great.

And euhm... don't worry too much about male ego. At times we can all use some support. Expressing how you feel isn't always easy. I'm glad you came here and talk to us. Keep posting!

Hang in there!

Autumn :hearts:

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Posted

Dooin...

Wow! You really are struggling with the anxiety in the first half of the day. Yes, do talk with your pdoc when you see him at your daughter's appt (well, you're probably done with that by now!).

Remember this is part of an illness. There is nothing to feel bad about, and it is very appropriate to ask for help - even if it is just in passing like tonight. The worst that can happen is you are told to make an appt later. Hopefully he was able/is able to do something to help you right away, though!

For some reason, the past month or so it seems like we've had many more men joining DF than before. Maybe you guys are finally getting a bit more able to open up? Or maybe for some reason men are just really getting hit with depression right now....whatever, I hope you continue sharing. It can reallly help!

Karen (ados, currently on in Admin role)

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Posted

Karen.......THANK YOU!!!!

Actually, no I haven't gone yet. I'm in California so I'm gonna leave here in a few minutes to go. I'm sure he'll help me w/ something. I was w/ him when he was very small & he and I get along very well. I've also helped him counsel another guy on a peer to peer basis when I was feeling really good for a few years, so we're definitely a step above a regular doctor/patient relationship.

I think the season also has something to do with this influx of people (men?) coming to DF. My sister says she notoriously has post-holiday stuff going on (which she says used to be "pre" holiday stuff). Her birthday is in February so that also sets her off as she hates getting older.......(welcome to life, eh?)

I've got some evening relief coming now so I'm down from about an 8 or 9 to about a 5 or 6. Still not great, but DEFINITELY better than when I originally posted the first message!

NOW...........what I need to remember is that I have to literally be able to *recall* to him how I felt from 5am to 3pm today. It's so easy to think I'm feeling a little better at *this hour* and to just keep my mouth shut. That's WRONG!!! I need help so I've got to remember to speak up!!!!!!!!!!

I'll post back here w/ what he suggests. I'll probably be catching him as he's off since my daughter's appt is when he's scheduled to leave, but I'm gonna get there early & even interrupt him in the parking lot if I have to.

Thanks again & I'll post back as soon as I get back home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Wish me luck, prayers, wishes, etc. etc.!) :hearts:

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Posted

I know what you mean about remembering how to describe the rough times, when you are feeling a bit better. I have the same problem.

I REALLY like the way you rate the anxiety on a 1 - 10 scale. Share that with him. And/or even print out this thread and show it to him.

Just some ideas. Looking forward to hearing how it goes.

Karen

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Posted

Wishing you good luck with your talk with your doc! I know how hard that anxiety can hit.

When I was at my worst (and thank G-d, I'm not at the moment - so keep hopeful: it can get better), I would do deep relaxation breathing in bed before I even opened my eyes in the morning. I also had some acupuncture sessions for the anxiety, and it helped take the edge off. Just some thoughts...

I wish you well...

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Posted

OK, well here's the update..........

I'm very positively hopeful due to some serious changes in my newly assigned regimen as of this evening.

First off..........he gave me a "freebie" visit. His receptionist told him I wanted to "chat" and so he took me into his office and we sat down. Then he asked for my file and started perusing over the stuff he knew from the past. He had also already discussed with the other doc what we'd been thru the last few weeks.

He gave me the option of continuing 40mg Celexa in the morning and then supplementing w/ another 20mg Celexa in the evening. I didn't like this one so much as I know that 40mg is an effective dose of Celexa and 60mg doesn't necessarily (I say that cautiously, but confidently) net significantly better results.

Next, he wanted me off of Klonopin. He just doesn't like it much. I know it was doing some good for me during mid-day, so I cerainly can't say it was bad, but it definitely wasn't getting it for me in the morning. It was too biased. Either not enough or knocking me out, so I dunno. I'll miss Klonopin for what it did,but will be hopeful of my new benzo...........XANAX.

He wants me on Xanax as I can take it more frequently to treat my anxiety on a more "time specific" basis......(i.e. morning). If morning is really my issue, he feels I can better manage it with 2 or 3 doses of Xanax vs. one dose of Klonopin, then suffering 'til I can take another dose.

And lastly, Celexa will be making way for my new SSRI..........Lexapro. While I hadn't thought much of it, I knew that Celexa worked for me so I didn't really care. However........something important came up.......

This pdoc does NOT like GENERIC SSRI'S!!! He could not emphasize enough now displeased he was with the generic versions. He said he gets no kickbacks, could care less what I took, but has had too many cases of generics falling short of their original counterparts. Therefore, I decided if i was going to pay for either the original Celexa or Lexapro, I chose Lexapro since it's newer & supposedly faster-acting with fewer side effects at onset. (I really didn't suffer much with Celexa anyway, but I'd just rather the newer drug for my hard-earned money).

All this leaves me to say that I'm hopeful. He is VERY determined to make me well again and would like my wellness to rely more on my SSRI (Lex) as it had in the past (Celex) rather than steering me down a path where I might become benzo dependant because the generic version of Celexa may not fully fill the bill. I'll say, too, that he didn't totally disagree with generics, he simlply did not like them in SSRI's!

To his defense (in case anybody's a huge generic lover) my mother (upon hearing this news) reminded me that in years past she had 2 different doctors that did not like her taking generic immipramine as well as generic pamelor. After hearing that, I'm willing to at least test the theory whether it's gospel or not.

Hope that wasn't too long, but wanted to give a full report back for folks who certainly spent the time to listen to my cries initially!! Again, I'm pleasantly hopeful & looking forward to the near future!!! :hearts:

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Posted

That sounds really really promising

I hope the new regime works well for you and that the start up effects on the lexapro are minimal as you have already been on its close relative

My doc doesnt like the generics either

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Posted

I'm glad your appointment went okay. You sound so much better. I hope the Xanax will bring you some relief. I was on it a few times and I really benefitted from it. Hopefully this goes for you as well!

Wishing you well!

Take good care of yourself!

Luv,

Autumn :hearts:

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Posted

It is great to have some hope for improvement; a new strategy! Good for you, for getting right on this. And good for your doctor, for helping you out right away. Let us know how it goes with the new meds. :)

Karen

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Posted

This doc sounds like a gem, and I'm encouraged for you! Hopefully the Lex will help decrease your anxiety, as it has for many people here. Be well...

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Posted

This doc sounds like a gem, and I'm encouraged for you! Hopefully the Lex will help decrease your anxiety, as it has for many people here. Be well...

Thanks to ados, Vivian, Lizard and Autumn (in no particular order.....lol).

I hope so too.

The .25mg of Xanax didn't do much for me today, but there was about an hour of sun so I went for a walk. I'm also feeling very tired right now (Celexa *and* Lexapro in my system, as well as leftover Klonopin and now Xanax) so I may just take a nap.

I slept in a bit today. I'm usually up at 5:45am to do my devotional reading, praying, etc. So, I slept in 'til about 7:45 today. Hopefully that cut off a couple hours of otherwise anxious time.

I've been given liberty to adjust Xanax as needed, so I'm gonna go with *lesser* right now, but come Monday I might up that as needed just to cope with work better!

Thanks so much you guys............the words of encouragement are priceless!! You are great people to devote so much time here to helping others..........truly!!!!!!!!!!!!! :hearts:

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Posted

Thanks so much you guys............the words of encouragement are priceless!! You are great people to devote so much time here to helping others..........truly!!!!!!!!!!!!! :hearts:

I've seen you be very supportive of others too

thats what I like about this place - there always seems to be someone around to support you on a bad day

take it easy tomorrow (sunday) and for the rest of today

and remember it will take time for one med to leave your system and another to get to a theraputic dose

so if you feel like sleeping - and you have the time

then do it - let your body and mind heal while you sleep

I really do hope the new regime works for you

you sound so much more positve - that in itself is a good sign

Viv xx

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Posted

Hi Dooinit,

Hope things are picking up for ya ;)

Im just wondering why did your pdoc change your meds to Lexapro? How is it sposed to be better? Im on 40mg Celexa, but still struggling, so thats why Im asking...

Also, I dont like taking generics as well, but my insurance only covers those :( Do you know what the prices are for original ones as far as both Celexa and Lexapro?

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Posted

Vivian,

Thanks! When I'm "down" I can definitely say that my heart, mind and soul are in a much better place........(dare I say, Godly?). All the times I think I didn't need anything in the past. I'm fine. Don't need church. Don't need a God. Don't need a lot of things.

Well..........as soon as you hit bottom.........you need A LOT of things!! And in my case, I know my place is in church on Sunday and if I truly believe that there's a God, then I need to follow thru with what I believe about Him. My heart gets into a very *compassionate* place when I'm feeling like I do these last few weeks. It's almost like I'd do *anything* for *anybody* because I feel as though I've let my own agenda rule for too long and I feel both humbled and responsible to be a better human being.

(Does that all make sense or just sound sappy??? LOL!!!)

Bluecat,

It was really as much my choice as his. I just decided that if I was going to pay for the brand name, I'd try the Lexapro as they'd both cost me similarly. Also, Lexapro's supposed to have a quicker onset and right now, my priority is getting better QUICKLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

That said........I still think Celexa's a great drug. My pdoc's biggest beef about generics is the way that they test them before releasing them. He certainly wasn't opposed to going to 60mg of Celexa, but I figured if the 40mg (at least in generic form) wasn't working for me, I'd try Lexapro.

As for price, I can't remember what my insurance picks up, but it's kinda' weird for me. My insurance has a $250 annual deductible. So they pick up like 10% first 'til you get to $250, then after that, brand names are $25. So I think last night 30 tabs of Lexapro cost me $69.xx dollars. Ya, it's steep, but after 3 months, I'll have met the $250 deductible and then it'll be $25. I'm just happy I have any insurance at all. Here in the U.S. the whole medical insurance game is getting ridiculous!

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Posted

Yeah I know what ya mean with the insurance...

I hope L works better for yoiu!

Im still trying to decide if Celexa is working; Its only been a few days since on 40mg but I still feel low, not as low as before starting this AD, but far from my old self just from a few months ago..

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Posted

Well, hopefully I can help you in that regard.

Here's my experience with Celexa..............

1998 took me about a solid 4 weeks to get total relief..........(well, I don't want to say total, but definitely MUCH better than I was). I wish I'd written notes back then, but hindsight is 20/20 and of course you don't want any of this stuff to begin with so sometimes the last thing on your mind is doing anything other than "getting better!!"

I remember thinking it was tough, but you just find ways to get thru. 1998 was about 50% depression 50% anxiety for me. (Much different than my '03 episode and this current episode which are about 90% anxiety 10% depression). I would come home and literally cry harder than I've ever cried for about 10 long minutes and then I recall feeling literally no better than I did when I started crying. (Ugh, that was awful).

Well, I can honestly tell you that the Celexa started turning me around and by that summer......(all 3 bouts in my life have been at the turn of the year '97/'98, '02/'03 and now very early '06).......I was already telling the doc I was fine & couldn't wait to get off the drug. Well, now as I'm older and learning more, I know that's not necessarily the best idea. Newere studies suggest simply staying on a "maintenance" dose of your SSRI of choice and that it'll significantly reduce recurring episodes in the future. (Not eliminate, but at least reduce, and I'll take any advantage I can get).

If you want my opinion on the matter, I'd make 4 weeks (maaaaaybe 6) the max I'd allow a drug to work. I know Celexa is great. I can't say for sure about the generic bias my doctor holds, I can only go w/ his opinion, I *can* say that when I was on the brand-name Celexa, I had great success. I don't want that to necessarily influence you, but I still stand my ground that 4-6 weeks is max. After that, I'd say you've given it your all and would not hesitate to ask for a change of game plan.

Hopefully...........that will not be the case for you and you'll start seeing some results within the 2 week window that I *used* to enjoy!!!

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Posted

Dooinit,

Thanks so much for your response :)

Well, I have been on Celexa since Dec 1st 05; first 3 weeks 10mg, then 4 weeks 20mg, then 3 weeks 30mg and finally Ive been on 40mg for about 10 days; So total it's been almost 3 months ; but only 10 days on 40mg. Would you say that was plenty to see if this AD works?

I am not sure what to do, if I should try sth else or if this is not bad what Im feeling now....I know I am better as far as anxiety but still not really well...

Its an interesting thing you said about one being depression and other the anxiety; I hit really low before I got my dosage uped to 40mg, and it was ANXIETY; horrible crying spells, panic attacks; but that eased up with the help of Klonapin; Anyway I am a huge mix of both, but Id say that mostly anxiety.. :(

So I am not sure what to tell the pdoc next week as far as how I am doing...

Im actually seeing 2 different ones, one that I saw before and a new one just to see if maybe the other one is better....

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Posted

Hmmmm......interesting.

Well, not being a doc......and not knowing *exactly* how recovery time-frames work..........(I plan on getting involved more in my current pdoc's "group" therapy when they move into their new building which will provide us a conference center, etc.)............I'd say that you've done rather well. I'd say no more than another couple weeks for you at 40mg and if you don't see more significant improvement, then you need to express.......(or I should say "I'd" express).......a desire to find a way to make things better.

Glad to hear the Klonopin helped you. That's good! Better is better.........and it's so priceless when you feel bad.

As for anxiety vs. depression...............man........I don't know which is worse. To be honest, since I've always had both......I don't know what it's like to have exclusively, one or the other. I just can't comprehend it 'cuz I haven't experienced it.

Now........as for what to tell the pdocs. Here's where I'd just spill the beans. If you have certain times of day that you feel worse.........(like mornings for me)...........I'd write down on paper what YOU would tell YOUR pdocs if you had them in front of you right then. Like, "Help, I need more help!!" Or maybe, "I'm still OK, but I really want to feel better!". Whichever/whatever type of phrase you choose, you need to keep it recalled (by writing on paper or whatever) so that you can ACCURATELY relay how you felt then......when you go see 'em & you might be feeling "so-so". Sometimes that can cause you to keep quiet about things that 6 hours earlier you might have been begging for!!!

P.S. Thanks for the timeline. I was almost gonna ask you that.

P.P.S. Curious.............who's the maker on you generic Celexa???

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Posted

Questions still pending to bluecat...........I just have to cry out here this morning..........

Feeling HORRIBLE this morning!!!!

I feel like I'm gonna crack in two. I'm sure some of it is the introduction of Lexapro, but I took a .5mg of Xanax and not feeling anything.

I think I need to take another .5mg.

I need some relief..................like RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :hearts:

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Posted

AAWw Dooinit,

Hope youll feel better like NOW! Klonopin or Xanax helps a lot when you just feel like crap;

Have you taken any? Feeling any better?

I havent taken the generic Celexa yet, my mum sent me the original but Im gonna run out soon...

Hang in there!

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Posted

Oh I do so remember living from pill to pill - just so that I didn't get that awful anxiety 'dip'. It tooka while to get a regime which suits me. Now I take 5mg of Lexapro and 40mg betablocka at night: plus if necessary 20mg betablocka during the following morning. But if that surge hits I begin to panic!

Eating well is important. Low blood sugar can cause massive anxiety surges. So if we are too busy and don't eat properly, then our body cries out for sustenance which can cause us to go into over-drive as we don't recognise those feelings as hunger. So keep a banana close by and graze during the day. Some fast food is OK but mainly we should eat good quality fruits and vegies, probiotic drinks and plenty of water.

I tended to take my drugs when it suited me rather than when 'told'! Once my anxiety evened out and I felt stable, I went onto night times so that it's the last thing I do before I sleep. <wink>

If your children have anxiety issues then you might be feeling extra anxious which will encourage that surge. Any stressors will cause it so work out where the difficulties lay at present and work round them. That way you can plan meal times and therapy visits so that you get the best benefit from both!

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