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[anselmo]

I had a bad day too. Must be something in the air. Mostly I just find myself looking a pictures and watching videos, and then hours will have gone by, and I'll be thinking thoughts like "Why do I even bother, my life sucks, I will never be good enough for this person." Which the sane part of me knows is irrational, because this person is a perfect stranger and it does not matter at all whether I am "good enough" for them. But I know that's what keeps me coming back - I think I have tied my lack of self-worth to this person, and my brain apparently believes that if I can convince myself I am as worthy as them, that will mean I am a valuable person. Which is stupid because I'm valuable anyway, in my own way.

I've already blocked YouTube because I wasted so much time on it, and I've been doing fine with that. I think the next step is to block tumblr. There are too many photo blogs on there with pictures that I keep looking at endlessly. Pointless waste of time. So that's my next task.

[maripapi]

Hugs to everyone having a bad day. And slipping up is part of the recovery process. I have had many times where I've selected an arbitrary date and said that I'll never look him (or his fiancee) up again after that date but that's all or nothing thinking and is not realistic. What we're all going through is similar to a physical addiction and like an alcoholic craving a alcohol or a smoker a cigarette we will give in to it at some point. We have to work on reducing how often we give in to that compulsion. Maybe say 'I want to look him/her up right now but I'm going to delay it by 24 hours', read a book or watch tv (not if they're on it of course) and then see if you can make it 48, and don't beat yourself up when you do eventually look them up.

[nedlow17]

I used to have bad days just like all of you and it's so painful :( But believe me when I say it gets better! My obsession has gone on for four years now and I'm at a point where I'm just really happy with it. I don't really know what the best way is to get through it, one day it'll just seem different. So hang in there everyone, it will get easier :)

[Damir9]

This awful situation continues to tire me out. Sometimes i feel like i can't take it anymore. Thinking of a person constantly, knowing that my dreams will never come true and that i'll never be able to show him how much i love everything about him, keeps torturing me cruelly. I don't know how much longer i have to endure this. But i'm trying. It's absolutely not easy to get rid of this unrequited love, infatuation, obsession when you can't stop thinking about it. So, I guess that at some point of our lives, we'll start getting used to it. But when? Well i don't have a freaking clue :P

Edited by Damir9, 11 May 2012 - 06:16 PM.

[aries_gurl]

It just so happened that I couldn't look up stuff about my obsession over the last day or two. I had surgery, so I've been doped up on pain meds and unable to get out of bed until now. I guess it was a blessing in disguise, because it allowed me a bit of a break, and to distance myself for a while. When I went back online today, I saw new pictures all over the net with him holding hands with his girlfriend, whom I dislike very much. I'm bugged about it, of course. But I don't feel as devastated as I did before. I don't know why. I think the key is just to try to cut back on exposure to the obsession. Take breaks. Do things to distract yourself. I'm going to try that. Like you said, it's hard to give it up cold turkey, but if you can reduce the amount of time spent, it may get easier. I hope you are all doing ok. We'll get through this together!

Edited by aries_gurl, 12 May 2012 - 10:56 AM.

[obsessed]

I just wanted to reply here to say that this gets better when you sort out what's stressing you.

I have bouts of obsession like this, and I'd say it's pretty close to an obsessive/compulsive disorder. In fact, having dealt with bulimia for six years when I was a teenager, I can tell you it feels exactly like the craving and compulsion to binge!

In my experience, I have felt ashamed and embarrassed about obsessing over celebrities and although others have spoken about feeling elated when they think about them - actually, I never really did. I just felt relieved. So I dont' know whether this is different or not.

I never enjoyed my fantasies and my internet searches that much but I HAD to do them. If I didn't, I felt uncomfortable. It was a compulsion and I just couldn't stop. It started when I was in a controlling relationship when I was 16. I naturally do not have any interest in celebrities and never have (until an obsession strikes), so my first obsession was my most frightening one. I had lost all of my friends because of my relationship with this man, who like I say was very controlling. I was lonely and felt trapped. If I split up with my boyfriend, I would have no one.

That's when the obsession started. My boyfriend showed me the Matrix and I thought Keanu Reeves looked quite good. I had to ask for his name because, like I say, I had no prior interest in celebrities at all! I didn't know who anyone was. I did however have a history of fantasising and excessive daydreaming. The reason I have no interest in celebrities is because real life has always seemed boring to me compared with what goes on in my mind. up until I started to obsess over Reeves, I considered celebrities part of the run of the mill boring world.

So the obsession started and it was much like what has been described here - all-day fantasising (including about people who had worked with him or knew him, because in my fantasies they became my new group of friends), internet searches, watching all of their movies. If I didn't do these things at least ten times a day or more I felt anxious and uncomfortable and I couldn't concentrate on what was going on around me. I had to do a quick internet search to make sure there was no new news to get some relief. I had been a straight A student, but I ended up going to uni through clearance because my grades dropped so much.

Once at uni, I finally made some new friends. As quickly as it had appeared - and two years after it had first appeared - the obsession vanished. Reeves became just another boring real-life celebrity and I became just as clueless about celebrities as I had been when I was 15.

Until I broke up with my next boyfriend. Then I got a crush on another celebrity. Then I met a new boyfriend and it vanished. Then we broke up and I got a new obsession....

Basically, with me the obsessions were away of escaping my reality and the anxiety I felt when I wasn't constantly checking or obsessing was because reality was seeping in. Perhaps that old "boredom" of reality I have always had, the need to constantly fantasise, is actually escapism and when I'm under stress it just gets worse.

I now haven't had an obsession for two years and I'm glad to be free of them. If anything goes wrong in life, I know I'll start to obsess again but now I know it's stress and fear I'm going to start forcing myself to meet that fear head on. To live it, to experience it, to sit through it and not distract myself.

My advice to the people here, if you are still obsessed, is to completely cut yourself off from info on the celebrity, try to get through a day or two without them. If you start fantasising, distract yourself - try meditating. Then feel the anxiety and discomfort you will feel and recognise that this has been what's causing your problem all along. If you keep running away from that anxiety and refusing to face it and allow yourself to feel it, I think you'll end up trapped in the same cycle.

I hope this has helped anyone. I've had lots of anxiety problems and facing my fears and living through them has ALWAYS helped. So that's what I'm going to do if I get obsessed again. IF I get obsessed, hopefully I won't :)

[ewing3lives]

@ Obsessed, great advice. I like that. First and foremost, the main goal is to work on the behavior aspect of this first because that is more controllable than thoughts and emotions. (i.e. distracting ourselves so we don't look up so and so on the Net, etc) It may be a slow process but eventually, the thoughts and emotions will "catch up" with the change in our actions.
As far as celeb obsessions go, it really is best not to meet them, or have any intimate encounters with them. This is especially true if that person lives nowhere near us, as this obviously decreases our chances of a future with them even more. Learned the hard way on that. I have heard of a few lucky people who met their celeb interest, and the obsession died instantly because he/she was just so horrendous LOL but that may be the exception not the rule. I have finally accepted my feelings for "Dave" for what they are, and I have let go of regret. I still get discouraged some days, but I trust it will get better. :)

[maripapi]

I just saw him on tv. I thought I was doing ok but seeing him brought back all of those horrible feelings and it makes me hate myself. He makes me hate myself so much. I wish I could forget that he exists. He turns me from a normal, sensible person into a deranged lunatic and I'm starting to hate him for that even though it isn't his fault. :(

I don't understand why this has the power to upset me so much. I just want to forget about him.

[anselmo]

I just saw him on tv. I thought I was doing ok but seeing him brought back all of those horrible feelings and it makes me hate myself. He makes me hate myself so much. I wish I could forget that he exists. He turns me from a normal, sensible person into a deranged lunatic and I'm starting to hate him for that even though it isn't his fault. :(

I don't understand why this has the power to upset me so much. I just want to forget about him.

I know this feeling really well, but I try to keep in mind that this actually has nothing to do with him. He just happens to be the stimulus that triggered something in my brain, something that isn't right with my life. And I know it could have easily been someone else to bring this on, because I have obsessed about other people in the past. Several commenters on this forum have talked about this same experience as well - having had obsessions in the past that you somehow inexplicably get over, but then developing a new one.

This tells me that it has to do with me, not him. He doesn't have as much power as you think.

So far, I've blocked myself from YouTube, a couple of fan blogs, Tumblr, and some Facebook fan pages of my celebrity. It really is helping.

Edited by anselmo, 13 May 2012 - 08:31 PM.

[Damir9]

I just saw him on tv. I thought I was doing ok but seeing him brought back all of those horrible feelings and it makes me hate myself. He makes me hate myself so much. I wish I could forget that he exists. He turns me from a normal, sensible person into a deranged lunatic and I'm starting to hate him for that even though it isn't his fault. :(

I don't understand why this has the power to upset me so much. I just want to forget about him.

I'm passing through the same thing right now. Yesterday i was feeling better and i was surprised about that. Again i looked at his photos and vids, listened to him sing but it didn't make me feel that bad. But today it's just the opposite! I guess whenever i take a break (i do that unconsciously i mean i'm not sure how it happens) from this painful process, it all seems better and easy, but when that break ends it feels like i crash to the floor. I'm so unhappy and depressed again. I don't wanna eat, study, laugh... i just wanna dream about him and fall asleep. It's just terrible.

[anselmo]

Well, the last 10 days have been much better. I find that I am hardly thinking about my obsession at all, and when I do it's something that I just let go of. Totally avoiding looking at pictures and videos or reading articles/interviews has been really important. Also dealing with the underlying bad feelings about myself (I'm still working on paying attention to and relabeling unhelpful thoughts that tell me I'm a loser, etc.) has been helpful. That's an ongoing process, and I still feel bad sometimes, but it is BETTER than it was. I don't feel perfect, but I feel a lot of relief.

I think my next step is coming up with some new hobbies for myself. I've gotten sucked into a lot of negative habits, like spending too much time online and not getting out of the house much, and not being as productive at work or home as I could be. I'm working on finding some other things that add to my life so that I don't have as much time and space for obsessions to develop. Since the weather is getting nice, I've been spending more time outside which helps me feel better.

I'm still reading the book I mentioned earlier. I'm pretty surprised how helpful I've found it. I promise I am not a salesperson or anything, it's just been a lot more helpful than I hoped it would be.

Edited by anselmo, 20 May 2012 - 03:17 PM.

[maripapi]

Congratulations Anselmo. I'm still waiting to feel better. It's been over a week now since I saw him on TV but I still inexplicably feel a lot for him and I catch myself thinking about him and try to put my mind on a different track. I feel like there's a huge gap in my life now that I don't spend my spare time looking at him or reading about him and it makes me realise how much of my life I invested in a futile fantasy for the past 3 years. There's a big sense of loss to adjust to.

I still don't know if depression was the chicken or the egg in this situation.

[anselmo]

I agree - there is a big sense of loss. It also made me realize how little else of value I had in my life, and that I need to add meaningful things to my life. I'm trying to fill that space with good stuff now.

[Degenerated]

Thank you everyone for your experiences. I've been reading this post since 2011 and I see my own obsession in everyone's posts. I cant thank you enough for your experiences/suggestions/laments/inspirations.

One day I will get the courage to post my story and be brave like all of you and express my 17 year obesssion with my brother-in-law. (wow I already feel a bit releaved by just writing that, as I've never told anyone not even my husband). I know obsessions over people dont always have to be about celebrities, but in my eyes he was my "celebrity" for years.

I hope people keep posting to this topic as your words have kept me not so ashamed about having an obession.

[0785779]

I can't believe my relief in finding this thread. I have had this same celebrity obsession issue since my teens. I remember distinctly in my 20's fantasizing the way I would "meet" my favorite celebrity at the time. And I would picture the scene over and over and over again.

In my teens, it felt like an escape from my overly controlling father. Fantasizing about the "glamorous" life I would one day live. In my 30's, I used these fantasies again to soothe myself when my abusive marriage was falling apart. I convinced myself that I had a whole exciting world of dating waiting for me and I didn't need to be sad about my divorce.

Now, I've been divorced for two years and have yet to have a relationship in that time. I needed the time to put myself back together but all the while have been daydreaming about celebrities I want to date. It helps to fill the empty void but I often wonder if it has also kept me alone. Dating a "regular guy" after all this fantasizing feels rather boring and underachieving at this point. This worries me, which is why I am here.

Interestingly, I always thought one day one of my fantasies would come into reality. You know, "Law of Attraction" and all. In fact, i was convinced that my most recent crush was going to happen because every time I tried to drop the fantasy about him, I would hear his songs all over the place or I would see him all over TV and it felt like "the powers that be" were giving me a message to not give up hope.

Has anyone else had that experience?? It's so very frustrating.

[ewing3lives]

Yes. For years, I "knew" somehow I was going to end up in a romantic relationship with one of my favorite musicians, "Dave." Silly, as we live in separate countries, but then again, he's not terribly difficult to meet if a fan was to attend his shows. Last year, I went to one of his shows, and we had sex afterwards. Casual one night stand. Barely spoken since. Wouldn't wish this mind-f*** on my worst enemy. I am happy to say I am doing reasonably better. The urges to contact him and look him up on the Net have waned significantly. I'm doing a much better job concentrating in my normal day to day living and not having panic attacks over him daily. This pain is only temporary. :) Therapy is helpful too, if needed.

[clown xo]

I just saw him on tv. I thought I was doing ok but seeing him brought back all of those horrible feelings and it makes me hate myself. He makes me hate myself so much. I wish I could forget that he exists. He turns me from a normal, sensible person into a deranged lunatic and I'm starting to hate him for that even though it isn't his fault. :(

I don't understand why this has the power to upset me so much. I just want to forget about him.

I know this feeling really well, but I try to keep in mind that this actually has nothing to do with him. He just happens to be the stimulus that triggered something in my brain, something that isn't right with my life. And I know it could have easily been someone else to bring this on, because I have obsessed about other people in the past. Several commenters on this forum have talked about this same experience as well - having had obsessions in the past that you somehow inexplicably get over, but then developing a new one.

This tells me that it has to do with me, not him. He doesn't have as much power as you think.

So far, I've blocked myself from YouTube, a couple of fan blogs, Tumblr, and some Facebook fan pages of my celebrity. It really is helping.

That is really brave and awesome. I've dealt with obsessions, mainly with people I know, and I KNOW they're not as great as I'm making them out to be, and yet...I still fantasize in an uncomfortable way. I've actually had my longest obsession for 4 years. I KNOW she's not that special. This has to be some sort of brain quirk. I don't like what I've done to my life -- haven't dated, think about the situation all the time. None of my friends know the extent of my obsession, how much I think about it, but it is so painful in that annoying way. I have so many great qualities, and yet...I stick myself in this muck and I feel like a crazy freak.

I've known this was me for awhile, but to see someone else say it...it was a needed reminder. Keep up the good work and I will be following behind you!

[anselmo]

I recently had a really bad week with depression, off my meds (just didn't get around to refilling, then did that stupid thing everyone seems to do from time to time and decided to see how I'd feel without them...then got so depressed that the idea of getting the refill was overwhelming) - I'm feeling better the last few days, since I started my meds again, and I realized one good thing: even in the midst of the horrible depression, I didn't go back to the obsession to escape. Compared to a month ago, the improvement in the obsession is striking. I had one evening where I watched a video for an hour or so (it was a long video) but that was it.

I've started to move away from things that make me feel like crap (like random internet surfing and obsessing, and negative websites that make me feel worse instead of better) and am trying to replace them with other things. Watching good movies is one, since I love movies but often put off watching them in favor of reading stupid websites, and reading really fun, guilty-pleasure books is another. Aside from the depressed week, I had also been going outside more and am getting back into it now. Just trying to fill the gap with anything that makes me happy and doesn't result in feeling worse.

I still have a few interests that are ultimately negative, and I'm going to focus on replacing those with other things soon. (Like not watching crime stories or murder mysteries anymore...they are interesting in the moment, but leave me in a really negative frame of mind that comes back to bite me in the *** with disturbing images and thoughts when I am depressed.)

Edited by anselmo, 06 June 2012 - 12:10 PM.

[Rodente]

Hi! Umm I didn't read all the posts but I know what you are talking about just that I'm on the other side: my boy and I ended up divorcing due to his obsession. He was never ashamed of it and didn't care if he lost friends or his couple to it. My question is why does this happen and can it be cured?
I just keep on thinking that I wasn't a good enough husband and that's why my boy ended up looking in someone else... Even if he wasn't real!

[Kiteflyer32]

It's really been helpful to read all of your experiences. I've developed obsessions on celebrities ever since childhood. Always once person at a time, and sometimes not even really famous or good looking people. I've had my current obsession since early 2010 and its ruling my life now. I've always kept the obsessions from people I know so have never talked about it to anyone. Before I've seemed to manage with the obsession but the latest one is starting to worry me as I've manipulated situations so as to meet and correspond with the person in question. It's now getting to a stage where it is impacting upon my career, relationships with family and friends.

I've decided to go to my doctor but I have no idea how to explain what is going on. I've never gone to seek medical help with any mental health problem before. I'm worried I'm either going to look stupid or not be able to explain how serious this is becoming. Has anyone any advice of how they have approached the subject with their doctor?

[fabulousrockstar]

Good morning...

Back again, different celebrity, not as strong an obsession as first one...

Saw a new pic of him, publicity for his next role (he's an actor/singer), immediately got intensely jealous. He's with a somewhat attractive woman in a steamy pose...not cool with me.

I can't help but feel possessive about both of my guys, more with my second one. He's gorgeous, always around attractive women...

Confession: My mind plays out like a soap opera, starring myself and other TV stars in an alternate universe. Both of my guys are my leading men. Guy #2 is my husband, guy #1 is best friend/lover/fiancee. Basically, it's my escape from reality, cause reality sucks, of course. I've had this going on since I was 13. I needed something to escape the hell I was going through with being bullied at school and smacked around at home. I'm 32 now and still have this going on. Again, reality hasn't been easy. My mind plays out this fantasy of everything I want to be in life...rich, thin, beautiful, famous (and maybe loved?). I absolutely hate that I'm neither of those. I just can't accept it. That's where I need the most help.

Sorry for rambling...

[anselmo]

It's really been helpful to read all of your experiences. I've developed obsessions on celebrities ever since childhood. Always once person at a time, and sometimes not even really famous or good looking people. I've had my current obsession since early 2010 and its ruling my life now. I've always kept the obsessions from people I know so have never talked about it to anyone. Before I've seemed to manage with the obsession but the latest one is starting to worry me as I've manipulated situations so as to meet and correspond with the person in question. It's now getting to a stage where it is impacting upon my career, relationships with family and friends.

I've decided to go to my doctor but I have no idea how to explain what is going on. I've never gone to seek medical help with any mental health problem before. I'm worried I'm either going to look stupid or not be able to explain how serious this is becoming. Has anyone any advice of how they have approached the subject with their doctor?

I've never talked to the doctor about it, but to put it in terms that a doctor would understand (and to be less embarrassing to you) you might try saying that you are having intrusive obsessive thoughts, and that they are disrupting your ability to function in daily life. If they want more details, you can say that it's an obsession about a person, but the relevant part to a doctor would be the obsessive thought pattern itself, not necessarily the target of those thoughts. There are medications that can help people to deal with OCD, and maybe the doctor will also refer you to therapy.

The problem is the obsession, not the person. It's a medical problem, and a doctor should understand that.

[0785779]

Before I've seemed to manage with the obsession but the latest one is starting to worry me as I've manipulated situations so as to meet and correspond with the person in question.

I've done this too. I live in NYC so running into celebs happens fairly often, though I've never run into the people I'm obsessing over. But I'll find out about a club or hangout that my particular celebrity will frequent and convince my friends we need to hangout there (though I never tell them why) just to potentially catch a glimpse of him. It never happens.

I have discussed a "similar" topic with my therapist (I haven't worked up th courage to talk specifically about this) and the conclusion is that being linked to someone of seeming importance will some how make me feel validated as a person. Which as I know, can never replace feeling validated in my own right.

[Kiteflyer32]

I've done this too. I live in NYC so running into celebs happens fairly often, though I've never run into the people I'm obsessing over. But I'll find out about a club or hangout that my particular celebrity will frequent and convince my friends we need to hangout there (though I never tell them why) just to potentially catch a glimpse of him. It never happens.

I have discussed a "similar" topic with my therapist (I haven't worked up th courage to talk specifically about this) and the conclusion is that being linked to someone of seeming importance will some how make me feel validated as a person. Which as I know, can never replace feeling validated in my own right.

Yes I was hoping by meeting the person in question that they might be horrible and put me off. However they were far too nice and friendly and ended opening up more avenues to contact them. I think that's the point where the obsession got worse.

No matter how much you can try and understand why you feel like you do, doing something about it seems impossible at times. I just need to get past the receptionist and book an appointment with the doctor. I've decided I have to be totally honest no matter how embarrassing it might be.

[scottsgirl67]

For myself, I couldn't imagine life if I wasn't obsessing over the actor who I have been in love with for 4 years now. I am completetly satisfied with the fantasy life that I've created with him, that I am never letting him go. He makes me so happy, and I love him so d*** much! Sure there have been plenty of times when I got so depressed about his personal life, so I do my best to avoid anything that has to do with that, and it's been working out for me. I love my life with him, and he's gonna stay in it too. I would love to have friends who I can share my obsession with, but I don't want to hurt anyone who is trying to get over their obsession, by talking about my obsession all the time.

Edited by scottsgirl67, 12 June 2012 - 12:40 AM.

[scottsgirl67]

I really wish I had a magic wand and could go, 'poof' and make everything all better for us

Edited by scottsgirl67, 12 June 2012 - 01:21 AM.

[maybe_baby]

Thank God I'm not the only one...
I'm extremely embassed about this and haven't told anybody but I feel I need to talk about it. My obsession is with David Mitchell...He's just lovely. Usually its just harmless romantic fantasy but when I found out he was getting married I felt really depressed which is silly. I'm married and have two kids, I'm on the other side of the world and have no interest in meeting him but again as I write this I feel horrible as if we just broke up. I love my husband but there isnt alot of romance or long conversation going on, life just gets in the way( job, bills, kids, etc) I have experienced this with another celeb ( Glen Beck believe it or not :D) but this just fizzled out and I didn't mind he was married with kids himself. Any suggests to stop these feelings would be fantastic.

[dreamerlouise]

Hi,

I’ve joined this forum just to post on this topic, as I’m so relieved to find that there are other people out there who go through this as well. I have never come across other people who experience this intricate daydreaming, so just reading some of your stories is comforting to know I’m now completely alone (although of course I wish that none of us had to go through this).

I had the usual boyband crushes from when I was aged around 9 onwards. When I was 13 however I started getting into rock music, and quickly became obsessed with a metal band. I would spend my time in school lessons thinking about them, detailing every moment of our lives together, even the most mundane conversations. I would meet their friends, set up home with them, meet their family and them mine. My weekends were spent in my room daydreaming. If one of my friends invited me out I would make my excuses in order to daydream on my own. My focus on that particular band faded, but another band soon took over, and after them another musician/actor/presenter, and so on.

I’m now 26 and I still have this problem, and it gets me really down sometimes. I spend so much of my time in this fantasy world, with whatever celebrity has caught my attention – that’s the thing, when I first start on someone the feeling is so intense. I get very upset when I find out they are married/have a partner, or if they are spotted out with someone I feel real anger towards the girl they’re with. I look up endless videos, interviews and pics of them, feeling giddy at the little things they do, something they say or a smile they do. I feel like they are the most amazing person and I wish more than anything that this fantasy life I have with them was real. I feel almost like it’s a cruel trick by life that I know this person and yet we can’t have this perfect life together. Then… in a few weeks/months it will be someone new (so fickle! :))

It gets me down when I look back on my life and see how much has been wasted in a dream world. I have been to some amazing places on holiday and spent it in my head with a celebrity instead, I’ve daydreamed so much in school lessons and university that I’ve never done as well as I should have, I could have got ahead at work but any quiet time is used to escape in this world rather than use it to achieve more. Your teenage years are meant to be looked back on with fondness at the fun you had, but mine were spent in an imaginary relationship with a celebrity. Even though I know all this and regret this lost time, I still can’t help myself when I become attached to a new celeb.

I can’t figure out where it’s come from. I had a very happy childhood with loving parents. I am an only child so I spent a lot of time on my own with just my imagination to occupy me, which could well be where this ability to escape into my head comes from, however there are plenty of only children without this issue. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and have never been particularly unhappy with him, and it hurts because I know he’d be devastated if he knew about these imaginary relationships I am always in.

The only thing I can really think of is that I have very low self esteem and complete lack of confidence. In these daydreams the celeb always sees something absolutely amazing in me – they think I am the most beautiful woman they’ve seen, and as superficial as it sounds their friends also think I’m attractive and how lucky this celeb is to have me, and I imagine newspaper articles about me and the celeb saying the same things. It’s horrible to write down as it sounds so incredibly vain, but that’s how they go. They think I’m clever, interesting, funny.. they will publicly speak of how much they think of me, they would quit their music/film/tv for me if I asked them to, in short they think the world of me. I think in a way it’s what I feel is missing from my current relationship. As lovely as my boyfriend is, I never get that feeling from him, I’m always seem to be never quite good enough – don’t dress how he likes, don’t have the look he likes, and yet these are things my dream celeb loves about me.. real life boyfriend doesn’t like my friends, but dream celeb does; my bf doesn’t want kids or marriage, dream celeb does. And so on.

I don’t want to seem cruel about my boyfriend, but this is the main thing I have noticed in daydreams compared to real life. And I’m to blame for this as well. In my dreams I am very accommodating to the celeb, I’m laid back, fun, spontaneous, sexy. Yet all of these things I never am in real life. I go into my dream world as a better version of myself for a man I wish I could have. I spend so long in this world and yet never try to become that person for the man I am actually with.

So I tried (not for the first time) to do something about it. Last week I stopped watching vids, reading interviews etc about my latest celeb. Every time I started daydreaming I made a real effort to focus on something else instead. And as stupid as it sounds I feel like we’ve broken up in real life. I feel sad, I feel emptiness. I start getting teary all the time. The hours I would have spent dreaming is now just a large chunk of time in my life I don’t know how to fill. I feel completely miserable and completely ridiculous. This man never knew me, I never actually knew him, so why do I feel like this – I have a good boyfriend, a good job, a house, friends and family, I just wish I could snap my fingers and this would all go away sometimes so that I could live a normal life and live it to the full rather than look back with regret.

Anyway sorry for venting but I just had to get some of this down. Thanks for listening :) Louise xxx

[Gaby1712]

I can't believe there are other people as screwed up as I lol. I didn't find this site by accident, I was lookin for 'help' and here you all are.
reading all of your stories I am touched and overwhelmed by your experiences because I relate to ALL of them on such a deep level.
I have found myself once again in the midst of a gripping, mind boggling, all consuming and dangerously seductive fantasy about a Canadian actor.
why do I keep doing this to myself???? It's torture.
These 'fantasys' have the illusion that they are giving us something... A special place we can go in our minds that offers us tiny glimpses of heaven. But the illusion tricks us because it gives us nothing... It only takes away.
I find that I am stripped of my happiness, self esteem, desire, and ability to function in the real world.... Only to be given them all back as superpowers in my fantasy land.
everything is heightened in my special place..., the music is louder, the people are nicer, I am more beautiful, the day is brighter and of course... He is there.
it's an amazing feeling and I am taken away on a whirlwind for a short amount of time....
until I come back to the real world.... not gently I might add, every time with an almighty crash. And then I feel empty.
There has to be a mental disorder that causes this... Because no one would choose this... Im genuinely 'lovesick'.
I would love to have someone I could open up to but I'm so embarrassed. I'm an intelligent woman who spends a lot of her time in a pathetic fantasy like a child.
I need help!!!
Someone please reply
Xx

[Gaby1712]

I would love to share my personal experiences but I'm actually afraid incase I even alienate the people on this site.
I have actually managed to do the unthinkable... Make my fantasy real.
I have had an actual relationship with my last obsessive celebrity crush. It lasted 9 months.
The whole thing was orchestrated and he played right into my hands. he fell in love with me too and then it all came crashing down around me.
I feel like I need to tell someone the truth and have them decide if I'm crazy or not because I honestly can't tell any more.
The scary thing is I can feel it happening all over again with this Canadian actor. I know where he will be next month and I'm toying with the idea of actually going to see if I can make it happen again.
I think I need someone to stop me before I get back on that roller coaster. I honestly don't think I have the energy for it a second time

[0785779]

I think I need someone to stop me before I get back on that roller coaster. I honestly don't think I have the energy for it a second time.

Gaby, it sounds like this relationship didn't go quite as you had fantasized. It's hard for me to tell you to not to pursue the new obsession since you were once successful in pursuing the object of your fantasy. Heck, I want to ask you how you accomplished it. But that wouldn't be the most supportive thing for me to do. :/

For me it definitely all come down to confidence. In my fantasies, without fail, I am always the woman who is wildly successful (sometimes I'm a producer, sometimes I am the president of a charity etc.). The celebrity meets me and decides that I am the smartest, sexiest person he's ever met and we have this intensely intellectual yet physical relationship. Sadly, the dissection of this is quite easy since I have always been insecure about my desirability to the opposite sex and my ability to achieve my goals.

Honestly, I will probably save myself the embarrassment of telling my therapist the details of this obsessive celebrity fantasizing since for me this all seems to be rooted in horrible self esteem.

[scottsgirl67]

I can't believe there are other people as screwed up as I lol.

Well I would hardly consider myself, 'screwed up', as I am quite content with my obsession with Scott. And I wish I did have a magic wand, so I could go 'poof' and make my fantasy life with him become real...but I know that's never going to happen, but I'm ok with it. I have a great imagination, and it satisfies me. I can't explain why it works for me, but not others. All I know is you are not me, and you can't say how my life is. Scott's the greatest love of my life, and I wouldn't give him up for ANYTHING!!. I'm not here to seek, 'help', cause I don't need it. I'm hoping to meet others like me....happy with their obsession, and can deal with it. I know those people are out there somewhere, they just haven't gotten here yet

[maripapi]

Perhaps the title of the thread puts those people off as they don't consider their obsession unhealthy. Maybe you should start a new thread for those who are happy with their obsession. I'm very envious that you are happy with yours as mine makes me nothing but miserable unfortunately.

Edited by maripapi, 25 June 2012 - 01:46 AM.

[scottsgirl67]

Perhaps the title of the thread puts those people off as they don't consider their obsession unhealthy. Maybe you should start a new thread for those who are happy with their obsession. I'm very envious that you are happy with yours as mine makes me nothing but miserable unfortunately.

Well maybe I will do just that, thank you for your suggestion in fact, maybe I'll stop coming here all together, since this is not the place for me. I wish you all the best of luck!

[AmeliePuolain]

Hi everyone,
I feel so relieved that I managed to find a forum like this. I have been obsessed with an NHL hockey player and it feels really bad knowing that this obsession will most probably last very long. Honestly, I have never experienced such a feeling before. When I was younger, especially during my early-teenage years, I had few celebrity crushes but it was totally harmless, just average fangirling. I tended to fall for some actor or athlete but usually it faded away very quickly. But this obsession is something completely different. I think about him everyday, he is the first thing on my mind when I'm waking up and I can barely focus on the other things, i neglect my duties, my social life is miserable, I have no need to go out, I'm rejecting my friends when they call me to hang out with them, etc. What is worse, I was not able to concentrate on my final exams at university, instead of studying vast amount of materials required for exams I was just daydreaming about him. I don't even know how I managed to pass all my exams, it's like a miracle to me. It was really ridiculous, because the Stanley Cup finals were at the same time as my exam period and it was absolutely normal for me to spend a night before an exam watching a hockey match instead of studying. To clarify my situation, I live in Europe where is a 6-hour time difference compared to east coast of USA, so for example when the game started at 8:30 EST in my time zone it was 2:30 in the morning and I kept watchng the game until 5 AM! And then without any sleep I proceeded to an exam. I also spend enormous amount of time on the internet, browsing on tumblr, his facebook fanpages, or just some hockey related websides. I am able to stare on pictures of him for hours. When I can't go online and check his photos and news I feel really uncomfortable and nervous. My smartphone and notebook are full of his images and I also looking at picture of him before I fall asleep. I just feel so pathetic. My daydreaming is taking over me, I can't think about anything alse but him. In my mind, I imagine that I am a successful woman/celebrity and he meets me and falls in love with me, he thinks I am the perfect woman for him and we have a perfect relationship. It's driving me insane but on the other hand when I have these fantasies I feel so happy and full of joy. But then I realise that it's JUST a fantasy, not reality and I start to feel incredibly sad and pity myself that I never gonna meet him. As I mentioned I live in Europe so it is impossible for me to attend any NHL game and see him in person. Few days ago I was totally wrecked because thanks to Tumblr I found out that he was having "meet and greet day" so his fans could take picture with him, have his autograph etc. I was so upset that I am not one of these lucky fans. Later that day I saw like a thousand posts of girls taking pictures with him and I was jealous and furious. I fully realise that I sound really silly but I can't help myself. My another issue is that i can't take a thought of him having a girlfriend. He is currently single but I'm sure he is dating and seeing women..and here we go again, I'm jealous and I cant take it. I have no idea how to handle this obsession. I thought that I just quit watching hockey and stop browsing internet in order to get newest information about him. But it's not that simple, I have been watching hockey for 10 years and I can't give it up just because of my obsession. I think that I will see a psychologist but I am not sure if I'll be able to do so.
Anyway, I'm sorry for my English, it is not my language but I'm trying to express myself as clear as possible. I actually can't believe that I have written my confession. I feel a little bit better knowing that I'm not the only one having problems with obsession with a celebrity.

[anselmo]

Hi everyone - just checking in again. This month has been really good overall. My obsessive behaviors are basically non-existent. I haven't spent any time fantasizing or watching videos or looking for pictures online. I think the work I did with myself psychologically really helped, but ALSO making sure I had lots of activity in other areas of my life. I got really involved with my work again and have been feeling really proud of myself for working so hard. The more I got back into work, the more opportunities started coming my way, so I've had the chance to work on some additional projects to further help myself stay busy with the things that really matter to me.

I hope you all can find some peace. If you are serious about getting over your obsession, I think it's a good idea to get some therapy or do some self help exercises for obsessions and compulsions, and take it one step at a time to back off from your obsession. If you don't take actual steps to change your behavior and to respond to your repetitive thoughts, then nothing will change. But if you do, everything can change.

Just as a review for myself of what I did, looking back over the posts I made here, I took the following steps:

#1 - Used Leechblock (for Firefox) to block YouTube so I wouldn't look at videos, and posted here for the first time - also found some criticism of my celebrity, which helped to break the idealization a little bit
#2 - Started reading You Are Not Your Brain (and actually doing the exercises)
#3 - Blocked Tumblr fan pages using Leechblock
#4 - Started pushing myself to do positive things with my time: read fun books and movies, some from my childhood, go outdoors more, spend more time with friends, cooking and doing more things around the house
#5 - Blocked Facebook fan pages using Leechblock
#6 - Got more involved at work and threw myself into some new projects

It was important that I took this one step at a time. I would do one thing for at least a week before moving onto the next. Now it is just under two months since I first posted here, in the depths of the obsession. A week ago I had to reinstall Firefox, which erased all the blocked website settings I had put in Leechblock - which means I now have access to all the sites that were feeding my obsession, and I just don't care. I don't go to them, I don't look at them. I still like the celebrity and have good feelings toward him, but I don't think about him at all, really. So in two months, I feel I have made a complete turnaround.

Since I am still vulnerable to these types of obsessions, my ongoing work is to 1) work on self-esteem issues by doing some counseling or self-help, 2) keep enjoying doing fun leisure activities instead of just web surfing, and keep my internet time limited (I have Leechblock set to let me surf non-work-related sites for 1 hour every 12 hours, which feels like enough), and 3) keep busy with work and also building relationships with friends and family. OH - and stay on my medication :)

Working on this stuff helped get me better and I think it will keep me healthy in the future.

I've had depression for years, but this experience has actually been really helpful, even though it was miserable at the beginning. Something about getting sucked so low into this obsession, and then extra low with the week I went without meds - it was like a I hit bottom, and I knew something HAD to change. When I started my meds again and felt a little bit better just from that, it snowballed into me doing a little more each day, until now I am more functional than I have been in months or maybe years. I don't exactly understand it, but I am grateful for it and I don't want to question it too much! I just want to enjoy it.

Edited by anselmo, 30 June 2012 - 07:47 PM.

[maybe_baby]

Hey guys,

Congrats Anselmo I'm happy that there is hope that we can all move past this uncomfortable situation. I have been thinking and realise its about how I am unhappy with my life and how I feel about myself. I have a lot of work to do but it isn't about my crush or his girlfriend, its about self esteem. Thank you Aries_gurl for starting this topic which made me feel less alone because I thought I was the only who had these feelings. If anyone needs to chat just message me.
I hope you are all having a great day! xoxo

[ewing3lives]

Gaby, read some of my older posts. I can completely relate. Although I never had a relationship with my "Dave", we had a one night stand about a year ago, and have barely had any contact with him since. We live in separate countries, and at this point, i don't know if that makes things better or worse for me. The sex was incredible. Therefore, I can't swear that i would avoid any future meetings with Dave, but it would probably be advisable for you and I not to go that route. Easier said than done i know. Perhaps you could try writing up a Cost/Benefit analysis of seeing him next month versus not seeing him? And don't worry, there is nothing "crazy" about this. ;) Unbearable celeb crushes themselves are rotten for anyone, but when the fantasy turns to reality like it did for us....well, i wouldn't wish such a psychological mind game on my worst enemy. I think the reason the fantasy turns reality thing is so evil is because as someone else said, reality cannot compete with fantasy, regardless of how good the sex is, how smart he may be, or whatever.

I would love to share my personal experiences but I'm actually afraid incase I even alienate the people on this site.
I have actually managed to do the unthinkable... Make my fantasy real.
I have had an actual relationship with my last obsessive celebrity crush. It lasted 9 months.
The whole thing was orchestrated and he played right into my hands. he fell in love with me too and then it all came crashing down around me.
I feel like I need to tell someone the truth and have them decide if I'm crazy or not because I honestly can't tell any more.
The scary thing is I can feel it happening all over again with this Canadian actor. I know where he will be next month and I'm toying with the idea of actually going to see if I can make it happen again.
I think I need someone to stop me before I get back on that roller coaster. I honestly don't think I have the energy for it a second time

[sazbee]

Hello everyone :)
Came across this topic whilst googling my problem and it feels like a huge weight off my shoulders to know that people are in the same boat as me and I can talk about it with people who actually understand.

I have never been actually diagnosed with anything as I have not plucked up the courage to go to the doctors yet but I feel that I have depression, severe anxiety issues and mild obsessive compulsions which seem to be growing stronger lately.

My obsession is with a well known motorsport racer, and has been a problem for the past few weeks or so. I am in a loving relationship but lately I feel like nothing compares to the feeling I get when I am thinking about this man. I constantly fantasise about us being together (in non-sexual situations), google him, and look at his pictures. When I recently found out he was in a relationship it made me sick to the stomach and I have not been able to shake this feeling ever since. I have been feeling extremely low and am starting to hate him for making me feel this way, even though I know this is totally irrational.

I feel like a psycho for these feelings and I would love to stop this behaviour before it gets too far.

Anyone got any tips on controlling this?

Much appreciated.

[anselmo]

I've been feeling tired and a bit drained the last week or two, and today I noticed myself doing some old obsessive behaviors. Time to invoke Leechblock again for a few websites. It's interesting to notice that the thoughts and behaviors come up when I'm feeling tired, stressed, or vulnerable in some way. Need to pay attention to that and take care of myself.

I've put the settings in Leechblock and now I'm going to do something else completely to get away from the computer.

Edited by anselmo, 12 July 2012 - 12:15 PM.