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Unhealthy Obsession With A Celebrity *please Help*


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#1 aries_gurl

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Posted 18 November 2009 - 01:44 PM

Hi there. I am new here. I have never been diagnosed with OCD, but I do suffer from depression and anxiety. I have a problem and I didn't know where else to go.
I'm too ashamed to tell anyone close to me about it because I feel so ridiculous. What initially started as a harmless crush on this male celebrity has turned into something thats
taking over my life. Thing is, this celebrity is really nice in real life and really approachable, so it makes him even more attractive to me. I haven't met him but I know people who have.
I think about him all day, daydreaming constantly, spend hours googling him and checking all the latest news on him online. And if I hear he's dating someone,
I become really jealous and even more depressed. And heres the kicker: I am married to a nice man, who is very good to me. And I still have this horrible obsession on the side!
When my husband is at work, I'll spend the day daydreaming about this celebrity. I'll also watch his movies over and over, and turn on music and dance around, thinking
about what it would be like to be with him. I can't seem to stop! He's famous, he's out living his life, and he doesn't know I exist, and I am married for crying out loud!
What is wrong with me? I know it probably isn't love, it's an infatuation gone out of control and I don't know how to get my life back.
Is there anything I can do to stop this? I would really appreciate any help. Thank you in advance. :shocked:
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#2 Guest_iowa_*

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Posted 18 November 2009 - 02:21 PM

Hi aries gurl, If you have a psychiatrist, discuss this with her/him. If you don't have one, now would be a good time to find one. There are medications that can help tame obsessive thoughts. My guess is that you don't have typical OCD but do have obsessive thoughts. OCD is an illness just like any other physical illness like diabetes.
Iowa

#3 aries_gurl

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Posted 18 November 2009 - 02:27 PM

I was on Effexor for years, (for depression) but it made me gain so much weight that I had to stop taking it.
Is there really a medication I can take to help this? Hopefully one that doesn't cause weight gain.
I haven't seen a doctor about this, and I feel too ashamed to go.

Edited by aries_gurl, 18 November 2009 - 02:30 PM.


#4 maripapi

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Posted 11 December 2009 - 06:04 AM

I was on Effexor for years, (for depression) but it made me gain so much weight that I had to stop taking it.
Is there really a medication I can take to help this? Hopefully one that doesn't cause weight gain.
I haven't seen a doctor about this, and I feel too ashamed to go.


Hi
I am going through exactly the same thing as you right now and i know how hard it is. Like you I also have a loving partner but for some reason it has done nothing to cure my obsessions. I'm also obsessed with a male actor and about a week ago I decided I'd had enough of loving someone who doesn't even know I exist so I threw away everything I had of his and stopped reading about him and watching him in an attempt to get over my obsession. But instead of feeling good I just feel really depressed, like I've broken up with a boyfriend. Of course my real life boyfriend has no idea that I'm obsessed with this actor though he does know that I have a big crush on him and there's no way I'd ever tell him about it.

Anyway, you're welcome to PM me or post back on here if you need someone to talk to about this because I completely understand what you're feeling. If you're too embarassed to talk to your doctor about it then have you tried a counsellor/therapist? I tried counselling yesterday and although I was embarassed it was also a relief to tell someone. Counsellors are trained to deal with all kinds of mental health problems so they won't judge you.

Hope you're ok- I know it's been awhile since you posted but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.
Take care,
Mari

#5 TenaceFemme

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Posted 15 December 2009 - 11:47 PM

It doesnt have to be ocd. I think personally ocd doesnt give you much of that love feeling or that much feeling at all its just something in your head, the in love feeling reminds me more of like being manic on the bp side. Another thing about ocd is that its fear driven as well, like ocd people are afraid to stop their obbsessing becuase something bad might happen. I think bp obbsessions is more becuase it makes you feel a certain way.
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#6 red_shoe

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 04:38 AM

This is my first post on the forum, I joined after reading this thread because I too am in the same predicament. Celebrity obsession is something that has plagued me my whole life. Even when I was 3-4 years old, i'd become obsessed with cartoon characters and imagine them being a part of my life. I am now 22, and it has only escalated to actors/singers, usually only one at a time though. I spend stupid amounts to time day dreaming about them, imagining myself as a part of their life. I have a wonderful boyfriend and for about 18 months after i first met him he occupied my fantasies 100% but after that, I started clinging to celebrities again. It's awful because I feel for them the emotions I feel towards other people; jealousy, disappointment, joy, etc. I find it incredibly embarrassing, i've tried talking to a counsellor about it but I think I held back when mentioning the extent of it - i got told it was normal to fantasize. Believe me, this is not normal!

Would love to talk to anyone in a similar situation or someone who can offer advice.

Thanks!

#7 Gisle

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 06:10 AM

Hi Red Shoe,

If the amount of crap at the newstands is any indication, I would think you're not alone; perhaps you feel it more acutely than most.

I don't know what might help. In another life though, I had a handful of clients that were quite well known and what I took from that is a person's public persona has more to do with feeding ideal fantasies than what they might be like privately.

Welcome to DF,

Gisele

"Perhaps Looking-glass milk isn't good to drink," Alice said to her cat.


#8 red_shoe

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 08:48 AM

Thanks Gisele,

I know that celebrity culture is running rife, particularly with communication technologies such as facebook and twitter. I honestly feel that mine has reached a point that is unhealthy. It has started to distract me from my own life and I'm not achieving what I want to, rather focusing on that of the particular celebrity. I'm not what you would expect though, in that I'm not outward in my expression - there are no posters on my walls, or pics on my myspace or anything like that. I keep it very much to myself, I'm not a screaming fan who sleeps outside in a line to meet or catch a glimpse of this celebrity! My feelings are introverted

I should also probably mentioned that I have suffered from depression since the age of 13 and have been medicated since I was 16. Perhaps the extreme emotions I experience are a result of this.



Thanks again Gisele,

Red Shoe

#9 BrokenPieces

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Posted 14 May 2010 - 06:29 PM

I do this, too. If the celebrity is from another country, I end up being obsessed about their country, too. I had an obsession about Ireland for 12 years (even specialized in Irish history in college because of it), long after I had gotten over the celebrity who was from there.

I "manage" my obsessions by writing stories about these people, sometimes it's fan fiction (if I'm obsessing about a character in a movie instead of the actor), or if they're real people, I sort-of convert them into a similar-but-not-exactly-the-same character in a novel. Of course, the main female character they interact with isn't exactly me, but I "become" her. It's how I "fantasize" about interacting with them. I'm not into erotica or even slimy romance novels, so it's not about sexual fantasizing. I just create a whole different world around these people and "live" in it while I'm obsessing about them. It drives me crazy that I do it, but it just totally seems to me that this is how I "escape" from my own difficult world. I often feel very guilty about it, because I'm a Christian and I don't want to be making "idols" out of fallible human beings, but in all honesty, I can't help it. I used to think it was because I have a huge imagination (I've been doing this since childhood and I'm 47), but as I look back over my life, I realize it's probably a "coping" mechanism for when I can't deal with life. So much easier to escape into my fictional world, where I can think out scenes for the story, than to try to cope with the one I live in IRL.

Makes me feel like a total weirdo, though.
I've had questions without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing that I'll cling to,
You are faithful, Jesus, You're true.
When hope is lost, I'll call you Savior
When pain surrounds, I'll call you Healer,
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart.

-newsboys

#10 bonkersinthenut

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Posted 31 May 2010 - 10:46 AM

I am so glad that I have found this thread and other people who share this problem! Like many here I have had anxiety and depression for a long time and have developed these obsessions with celebrities and with people in my real life for pretty much as long as I can remember.

I would never admit these obsessions to anyone as I feel so embarrassed and ashamed but I long to be free of them because I know how detrimental they are to my life. Once one starts, the feelings are so addictive that I can't let go. I can totally relate to it being a coping mechanism that I use to deal with problems and worries in my life.

My obsession with the person begins to dictate every area of my life. If it is a celebrity I will collect pictures and keep them with me, record and watch every TV programme they are on and watch them repeatedly, look up all the information I can about them on the internet etc. I soon find that almost ALL of my thoughts revolve around the celebrity, whether I am alone, working or socialising. It is like being in a constant daydream where I imagine what it would be like to be their partner, and although I know this will never happen and that the whole thing is ridiculous, the obsession just gets deeper and I end up subconciously doing things to be closer to them somehow.

For example, with my last celebrity obsession I found out which studio he was regularly filming in and began to commute home that way each evening *cringe! cringe!*. I never once saw the guy, but just doing that made me so excited and happy.On another occasion I was somewhere close to the city where I knew he was from. I told myself I would have a day trip there because I had never been before and would like to visit that city...all innocent, but deep down I knew there was only one reason why I was going there, and I was already entertaining fantisies of bumping into him in the street and him falling madly in love with me. Next thing I know, I'm thinking of doing a drama course because I believe it is what I personally want to do, but really I'm completely deluded and only wanting to do it because he is an actor and therefore I want to be too! It's all too embarrassing for words and no way for a grown woman to behave!

I also experience the strong emotions others have mentioned. It is an infatuation, and if I find out he is married or has a partner it destroys everything and I feel as depressed as I would at the end of a real relationship.

I have been single for long periods in my life and I know the obsessions fill the void of loneliness. However, when I have been in the first flush of a real relationship the obsessions stop and are directed at the real man in my life, but like one of the other posters mentioned, after about 18 months when that period wares off, my mind creates an obsession with someone else. I feel very lost and lonely in the periods where I don't have an obsession but I would love to stop having them.

Edited by bonkersinthenut, 31 May 2010 - 10:55 AM.


#11 elbee68

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Posted 31 May 2010 - 09:56 PM

I am also obsessed with a celebrity. I cannot tell anyone I know about it because of the tremendous shame I feel. This is not the first time this has happened to me. I suppose it won't be the last. I am currently going to a counselor to help deal with it. If the obsession is taking over your life, where your productivity at work has declined like mine has, you need to get professional help.

For the past 2 months, I have thought of this man non-stop. The only relief I get is when I sleep. The moment I wake up the thoughts begin. When I'm on the internet all I want to do is look at pictures or videos of him. When I'm not on the internet, I get anxious because I'm thinking about him and wondering if I'm missing any news about him. My fantasies about him have become rather detailed.

Although I feel elation when I think of him, reality keeps rearing its ugly head. My fantasies will never become real and that leaves me feeling incredibly empty. I know that I have no place in this man's life. I am also anxious because I fear hearing things about him that I may not want to hear. For instance, there are rumors of him dating someone. This makes me feel intensely jealous. Then I feel intensely stupid because I know I have no business feeling jealousy about a man I do not know.

This has taken up the past 2 months of my life. I have spent numerous hours on the internet, at home and at work. When I'm not on the internet, I'm fantasizing. I feel that my life has been consumed by this man. I do not care about having a social life (well, I don't have much of one anyway), I don't care about the daily news, HE is the only one I care about. Now, my work is backed up. I know this is not good. I cannot lose my job.

So, I am getting help. I am going to get over this and get my life back. I told my counselor that I feel such shame about this because I feel so alone. There is so much information and support about drug and alcohol addiction, gambling addiction, sex addiction, etc. But you don't hear much about addiction to a celebrity. I encourage everyone with this problem to seek a counselor if possible. In the meantime, I would love to converse with everyone on this thread. It feels good to know that I am not alone.

Edited by elbee68, 31 May 2010 - 09:59 PM.


#12 bonkersinthenut

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Posted 03 June 2010 - 03:07 PM

Hi elbee, I am glad you are getting help for your problem. I am going to see a counselor soon and I am going to mention my problem to them. It is going to take some doing though because I am so embarrased!

I think these sort of obsessions do get out of hand because of the wonderful feelings of elation that they bring. In the case of my celebrity crush, I was always aware that I did not know him and that he would never be a part of my life, but I liked to deny it to keep the magic alive. I always held onto the ridiculous notion that one day I would meet him and I would end up being his partner. He lived in my city and he wasn't a major celebrity so I knew meeting him wasn't impossible and he wasn't entirely inaccessable to someone like me. It also meant that I was less likely to come across undesirable information about him (i.e. existence of wife/girlfriend) when trawling the net which was a blessing as far as my obsession was concerned.

Initially, the obsession gave me a lot of confidence and boosted my self-esteem. He was essentially my imaginary boyfriend, providing all of the emotional and sexual support that I needed through fantasy. At work I would think about him all day. At home I had photographs that I would carry around with me all of the time and I'd spend hours just gazing at them, lost in fantasy. I knew it was wrong but I didn't want to stop and frankly couldn't. These things are bad news. In my case a substitute for a real partner and an escape mechanism from life. Time to put a stop to them.

Edited by bonkersinthenut, 03 June 2010 - 03:28 PM.


#13 elbee68

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Posted 05 June 2010 - 10:17 AM

Hi bonkers,

I can relate to pretty much everything you said. I am feeling somewhat better about my obsession. I know I can get help to stop it, but there's a part of me that doesn't want it to stop. I just love looking at him-- he's so beautiful to me! In my case, I do not live anywhere close to this man, so there is no chance of me meeting him. If I did meet him, I'm sure I'd be disappointed. There's no way he'd be interested in me. I'm a few years older than him and I'm certainly not gorgeous like the Hollywood women he's acquainted with. What I would like to do is stop the obsession, but still remain a casual fan. But I don't know if that's possible.

#14 Guest_march_baby_67_*

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 02:41 AM

Hi bonkers,

I can relate to pretty much everything you said. I am feeling somewhat better about my obsession. I know I can get help to stop it, but there's a part of me that doesn't want it to stop. I just love looking at him-- he's so beautiful to me! In my case, I do not live anywhere close to this man, so there is no chance of me meeting him. If I did meet him, I'm sure I'd be disappointed. There's no way he'd be interested in me. I'm a few years older than him and I'm certainly not gorgeous like the Hollywood women he's acquainted with. What I would like to do is stop the obsession, but still remain a casual fan. But I don't know if that's possible.



Hi elbee,
I'm also going through the same thing. I'm 43 years old, married, and I'm totally IN LOVE with an actor. He's pretty much my whole life right now. In fact, I talk about him on my Facebook profile more than I talk about my husband. I use his picture as my Facebook profile pic (same thing on my Myspace profile). I even talk about him at my work. I think of him as my 'boyfriend'. I've made videos of him. I use clips of him from his movies and I add music to it. He's married too, and sometimes it doesn't bother me. But other times I just hate her guts! I get sick when I see pictures of them together. The actor I'm in love with, is 68 years old now. He's been in the business since 1967. I'm in love with the 'younger' version of him. But of course I love the 'older' version too. So when I get jealous of his wife, I say to myself "Well he wasn't married to her when he was young and HOT", so then I fall back 'in love' with him all over again. I have pictures of him from his moveis on my wall. I always use him as my computer background picture. I dream about him every night. So yeah, I'm really into him. The thing is, I don't want to stop this obsession either. I'm having fun with it. I mean, I know I'll never be with him in a relationship. But maybe, if I could meet him and get an autograph and a picture taken with him, that would satisfy me. Would it really though? Who knows. But I don't want the fantasy to end. That was one of the songs I used in a video of him, Mariah Carey's 'Fantasy'. I would like to find women friends who are thinking the same way about their favorite actor. It would be great to have friends who can relate to me. If you would be interested in a friendship, let me know. Maybe we can help each other. But I'm not interested in getting help with this. I don't want it. I want to keep it going as long as I can. I love him too much to let go. I mean, when I watch his moveis, it brings me so much happiness. He was so darn cute when he was younger. He's still handsome today too. Hope to hear from you, or others, please feel free to talk to me.

#15 bonkersinthenut

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 04:44 PM

Just reading march baby's post, I thought I'd add that although my obsession with the last actor ended about three weeks ago (found out he was married, was totally devastated etc etc), today I found myself developing similar feelings for another actor who was a) in his prime in the 60's and b) has been dead for 20 years! It all started from seeing his photo in a book. Before I knew it I was on the internet, finding out his name and brooding over other photos. All the familiar feelings came rushing back but it is absolutely ridiculous. It's as if my mind just can't cope without one of these obsessions and will try to create one whether I like or not. Luckily this one can't come to much because he isn't alive!

Edited by bonkersinthenut, 10 June 2010 - 04:47 PM.


#16 baley

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 09:15 PM

I do this too, I always have. But 99% of the time it makes me really happy. Which is probably happier than a lot of real boyfriends would make me. I don't like reading about his girlfriend but he just tells me it's the tabloids making up rumours and it happens to all celebrities. And then after a day or so I don't mind anymore. He's really kind and loving, I don't usually get lonely when he's around. We talk all the time but we talk about what I'm doing, about this site, about what I'm doing in the next few days. He helps me with stuff like my degree and hugs me when something bad happens and reminds me to do things and tells me to go to bed when it's late and I'm still on the computer. I don't google him because it embarrasses him, it feels weird googling him right in front of him. (Not that I'm really in any position to say what's weird and what isn't.) Often when I've loved someone like this I've often met them and had a real friendship with them too and I'm still friends with some of them but that's actually okay. It's almost like they're two different people.

#17 elbee68

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Posted 11 June 2010 - 10:19 PM

Hi bonkers,

I can relate to pretty much everything you said. I am feeling somewhat better about my obsession. I know I can get help to stop it, but there's a part of me that doesn't want it to stop. I just love looking at him-- he's so beautiful to me! In my case, I do not live anywhere close to this man, so there is no chance of me meeting him. If I did meet him, I'm sure I'd be disappointed. There's no way he'd be interested in me. I'm a few years older than him and I'm certainly not gorgeous like the Hollywood women he's acquainted with. What I would like to do is stop the obsession, but still remain a casual fan. But I don't know if that's possible.



Hi elbee,
I'm also going through the same thing. I'm 43 years old, married, and I'm totally IN LOVE with an actor. He's pretty much my whole life right now. In fact, I talk about him on my Facebook profile more than I talk about my husband. I use his picture as my Facebook profile pic (same thing on my Myspace profile). I even talk about him at my work. I think of him as my 'boyfriend'. I've made videos of him. I use clips of him from his movies and I add music to it. He's married too, and sometimes it doesn't bother me. But other times I just hate her guts! I get sick when I see pictures of them together. The actor I'm in love with, is 68 years old now. He's been in the business since 1967. I'm in love with the 'younger' version of him. But of course I love the 'older' version too. So when I get jealous of his wife, I say to myself "Well he wasn't married to her when he was young and HOT", so then I fall back 'in love' with him all over again. I have pictures of him from his moveis on my wall. I always use him as my computer background picture. I dream about him every night. So yeah, I'm really into him. The thing is, I don't want to stop this obsession either. I'm having fun with it. I mean, I know I'll never be with him in a relationship. But maybe, if I could meet him and get an autograph and a picture taken with him, that would satisfy me. Would it really though? Who knows. But I don't want the fantasy to end. That was one of the songs I used in a video of him, Mariah Carey's 'Fantasy'. I would like to find women friends who are thinking the same way about their favorite actor. It would be great to have friends who can relate to me. If you would be interested in a friendship, let me know. Maybe we can help each other. But I'm not interested in getting help with this. I don't want it. I want to keep it going as long as I can. I love him too much to let go. I mean, when I watch his moveis, it brings me so much happiness. He was so darn cute when he was younger. He's still handsome today too. Hope to hear from you, or others, please feel free to talk to me.


Hi March baby,

It sounds to me like you have a good handle on your fantasy. If it doesn't harm your personal life, then maybe everything's okay?

On the other hand, I'm pretty upset right now because the guy I'm crazy about seems to be dating someone. And I generally like the person he's dating, but the fact that they ARE dating makes me feel horribly jealous and now I want to dislike this woman. I hate feeling like this. That's why I want my obsession to end, because I can't seem to just look at my fantasy as strictly a fantasy. I wish I could. I want to be able to enjoy fantasizing about him without getting so wrapped up in his personal life.

#18 Guest_march_baby_67_*

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Posted 12 June 2010 - 01:37 AM

Hi bonkers,

I can relate to pretty much everything you said. I am feeling somewhat better about my obsession. I know I can get help to stop it, but there's a part of me that doesn't want it to stop. I just love looking at him-- he's so beautiful to me! In my case, I do not live anywhere close to this man, so there is no chance of me meeting him. If I did meet him, I'm sure I'd be disappointed. There's no way he'd be interested in me. I'm a few years older than him and I'm certainly not gorgeous like the Hollywood women he's acquainted with. What I would like to do is stop the obsession, but still remain a casual fan. But I don't know if that's possible.



Hi elbee,
I'm also going through the same thing. I'm 43 years old, married, and I'm totally IN LOVE with an actor. He's pretty much my whole life right now. In fact, I talk about him on my Facebook profile more than I talk about my husband. I use his picture as my Facebook profile pic (same thing on my Myspace profile). I even talk about him at my work. I think of him as my 'boyfriend'. I've made videos of him. I use clips of him from his movies and I add music to it. He's married too, and sometimes it doesn't bother me. But other times I just hate her guts! I get sick when I see pictures of them together. The actor I'm in love with, is 68 years old now. He's been in the business since 1967. I'm in love with the 'younger' version of him. But of course I love the 'older' version too. So when I get jealous of his wife, I say to myself "Well he wasn't married to her when he was young and HOT", so then I fall back 'in love' with him all over again. I have pictures of him from his moveis on my wall. I always use him as my computer background picture. I dream about him every night. So yeah, I'm really into him. The thing is, I don't want to stop this obsession either. I'm having fun with it. I mean, I know I'll never be with him in a relationship. But maybe, if I could meet him and get an autograph and a picture taken with him, that would satisfy me. Would it really though? Who knows. But I don't want the fantasy to end. That was one of the songs I used in a video of him, Mariah Carey's 'Fantasy'. I would like to find women friends who are thinking the same way about their favorite actor. It would be great to have friends who can relate to me. If you would be interested in a friendship, let me know. Maybe we can help each other. But I'm not interested in getting help with this. I don't want it. I want to keep it going as long as I can. I love him too much to let go. I mean, when I watch his moveis, it brings me so much happiness. He was so darn cute when he was younger. He's still handsome today too. Hope to hear from you, or others, please feel free to talk to me.


Hi March baby,

It sounds to me like you have a good handle on your fantasy. If it doesn't harm your personal life, then maybe everything's okay?

On the other hand, I'm pretty upset right now because the guy I'm crazy about seems to be dating someone. And I generally like the person he's dating, but the fact that they ARE dating makes me feel horribly jealous and now I want to dislike this woman. I hate feeling like this. That's why I want my obsession to end, because I can't seem to just look at my fantasy as strictly a fantasy. I wish I could. I want to be able to enjoy fantasizing about him without getting so wrapped up in his personal life.



Hi Elbee!

I tried to send you a message, but I don't think it was sent. I would like to talk to you about this, so please send me
a personal message, my name is Doris. Hope to hear from you soon!

Edited by iowa, 12 June 2010 - 02:41 AM.
Personal Details Removed as per TOS


#19 Guest_march_baby_67_*

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Posted 12 June 2010 - 01:35 PM

I think we can help each other deal with this issue. As I said before, I don't want to stop my fantasy about HIM. I enjoy it too much to give it up. Sure, there are plenty of times when I get so depressed that I can't be with him, but then I try to overcome that by asking myself, "What is it about him that makes me happy?". So then I go through all the reasons in my mind, and I fall back in love with him all over again. And that's a wonderful feeling. If I wasn't 'obsessing' over him, I really wouldn't be happy. He's my life 24/7, and I can cope with this. I'm here to help anyone who would like help with coping with their 'fantasy'. Send me a PM through here if you are able too. If not, leave me a comment on my profile page.

#20 elbee68

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Posted 12 June 2010 - 10:02 PM

I think we can help each other deal with this issue. As I said before, I don't want to stop my fantasy about HIM. I enjoy it too much to give it up. Sure, there are plenty of times when I get so depressed that I can't be with him, but then I try to overcome that by asking myself, "What is it about him that makes me happy?". So then I go through all the reasons in my mind, and I fall back in love with him all over again. And that's a wonderful feeling. If I wasn't 'obsessing' over him, I really wouldn't be happy. He's my life 24/7, and I can cope with this. I'm here to help anyone who would like help with coping with their 'fantasy'. Send me a PM through here if you are able too. If not, leave me a comment on my profile page.


Hi march baby,

I would be interested in corresponding further with you. I'd like to hear your point of view. It's late at the moment, so I will contact you by email tomorrow.

Edited by elbee68, 12 June 2010 - 10:03 PM.


#21 soonamee

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Posted 13 June 2010 - 05:06 AM

hi all,

I'm amazed! So many people seem to be going through this, and I really thought I was the only one! I have had countless obsessions, some celebrities and some people I knew in real life. I even got involved with some of the real life people, which led to a lot of heartbreak. Turns out sleeping with someone you're obsessed with is not a good idea. It was so easy to convince myself that these people must feel the same way about me, but usually they just wanted sex.

I can totally relate to the jealousy, the constant reading of information on the internet, collecting thousands of pictures, and staring at photos for hours! I even had imaginary conversations with these people. Whenever I was thinking to myself, I would imagine I was talking to him. Strangely enough, though, I sometimes imagined conversations with people that I wasn't attracted to, but that I admired. I don't know how many people have done this!

Facebook has made it so much easier to obsess over people in real life, too. They kinda become like celebrities because you can look up all their information, you can stare at their photos, and you can follow all their updates. I even stalk their friend's pages. It's ridiculous.

Before adolescence I was obsessed with celebrities in a non-sexual way, so it was mostly females that I admired. Since then I've had serious obsessions with at least 7 male celebrities, plus many other brief obsessions. Also about 8 major, all-consuming obsessions with people I knew. The first 3 happened when I was young. I got involved with all of the last 5 of them, all leading to terrible heartbreak. That was all in a 2 year period of being single. One of those obsessions was actually maintained over the whole 2-year period. It was the worst. After being obsessed with him for 2 years, I found the perfect drunken opportunity to sleep with him and then he never called me again. Hmmm... why did I expect any different?

All that I managed to fit into my 24 years!

Luckily I'm in a stable relationship now and I don't have to deal with all that anymore.

I don't know where these obsessions come from, but I think it's a combination of idealising people and getting addicted to the high of being "in love". Maybe I never had any other way to find meaning in my life.

Anyway, wow, I can't believe I have actually opened up about this...

#22 bonkersinthenut

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Posted 13 June 2010 - 08:59 AM

Hi soonammee,

Welcome to the obsessives club lol :shocked: Yes it seems there are more of us than you might think, which is a relief! Interesting that you say you obsess about celebrities and people in your real life as this also happens to me. Of all my real life obsessions, only one of them turned into anything. I had a wonderful three-year relationship, but it fizzled out. Otherwise I've been too afraid to make a move for fear of rejection or fear of him not living up to my expectations. This has probably caused me as much heartache as getting them then being disappointed would!

I once had an obsession with a single friend for three years but never breathed a word! I eventually admitted that I liked him to some friends and instructed them to tell him how I felt but they wouldn't do it. In the end he moved away, still oblivious and I was devastated! During those three years though, my feelings never ebbed. I was stuck permanently in that heady high that you get in the first months of a real relationship before it starts to wear off. That's why the obsessions are so addictive. Beats illegal drugs I suppose.

#23 sober4life

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Posted 14 June 2010 - 06:56 PM

I've had obsessions with celebrities most of my life. It goes from one to the other usually for years each but I don't think there's anything wrong with it because it just seems like being in love with anyone else. I just wish for some miracle to happen to make it so I can be with them but I know it will never happen. I think to be really in love with someone you have to be obsessed with them so what's the difference?

#24 bonkersinthenut

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Posted 15 June 2010 - 07:26 AM

Hey that's the age old question. I'd say my obsessions are lust. I don't think I have ever actually been in love. To me, love is still wanting to be with the person once the initial lustful feelings have worn off. I've never got to that point.

#25 AllYouNeedIsLove

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Posted 09 July 2010 - 02:00 PM

Just by admitting that you have this problem, and are aware that it is not normal, shows that you still have a grip on reality. We all get celebrity crushes from time to time, thinking, "Wow that's exactly the kind of person I want to date- why couldn't I have met him/her through some friends or at a coffee shop instead of having to hear about them on tv?" It just doesn't seem fair.

I wonder though- and forgive me if this is out of line, but it's just a thought so correct me if I'm wrong- but are you really in love with your husband? Or has the flame seemed to have burned out? Just a thought- but perhaps you find it so easy to become infatuated with someone because your real life is lacking the romance you crave.

#26 maripapi

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 11:26 AM

Just by admitting that you have this problem, and are aware that it is not normal, shows that you still have a grip on reality. We all get celebrity crushes from time to time, thinking, "Wow that's exactly the kind of person I want to date- why couldn't I have met him/her through some friends or at a coffee shop instead of having to hear about them on tv?" It just doesn't seem fair.

I wonder though- and forgive me if this is out of line, but it's just a thought so correct me if I'm wrong- but are you really in love with your husband? Or has the flame seemed to have burned out? Just a thought- but perhaps you find it so easy to become infatuated with someone because your real life is lacking the romance you crave.


I have wondered about this myself, but I'm genuinely very happy in my relationship. However we've been together a long time and are long past the 'honeymoon' phase which produces the infatuated feelings I now only seem to get from my crush. Realistically I think after a certain number of years, no matter how much you love someone you can't exist in that heady, intense emotional state for your whole life and so relationships naturally become more settled. I know that I love my boyfriend and he is far more compatible with me than the object of my crush but for some reason I can't seem to shake the obsession no matter how much logic I use.

I really want to hear from others with this problem because nearly two years on I'm still suffering because of it and there's no reason to believe that once I get over this one it won't happen to me again (this is my third celebrity obsession). I don't know what to do for the best, cutting it out only intensifies it. It's steadily driving me insane, and I don't know how much longer I can keep living with this. The stress of it is taking its toll on my physical and emotional health.

Edited by maripapi, 01 September 2010 - 11:28 AM.


#27 cantcleanenough

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 12:21 PM

the guy im married too now,,we have been boyfriend/girlfriend starting in 2nd grade,when we were in high school he broke up with me for another girl. totally crushed me and after waking up in the hospital after taking a bottle of pain pills, i realized that nobody would ever hurt me again like that. i developed an obsession on axle rose(ugh) and swore i would marry him,,i really believed this with all my heart,,even though i didn't give up my friends over this, i did party twice as hard but i wouldn't date anyone,there was only one guy for me and he was far out of my reach. i lived this for 3 years and then my hubby and i got back together and the obsession was gone,it went as fast as it went. but when i think about this now i think it was a safe haven for me so i didn't have to deal with reality or take a chance on getting hurt again.

just a thought

#28 bonkersinthenut

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 02:26 PM

Just reading march baby's post, I thought I'd add that although my obsession with the last actor ended about three weeks ago (found out he was married, was totally devastated etc etc), today I found myself developing similar feelings for another actor who was a) in his prime in the 60's and b) has been dead for 20 years! It all started from seeing his photo in a book. Before I knew it I was on the internet, finding out his name and brooding over other photos. All the familiar feelings came rushing back but it is absolutely ridiculous. It's as if my mind just can't cope without one of these obsessions and will try to create one whether I like or not. Luckily this one can't come to much because he isn't alive!

Well I've just proved to myself that it doesn't matter if my object of desire has been dead for 20 years, because now this crush has taken over where the other one left off! So what do we make of this? I'm going through the same old motions as I always do - doing everything with him in mind, feeling like I'm doing everything for him, staring at photos, making him the subject of all my sexual fantisies and yet this time I know there is absolutely no chance of me ever being with this man because he is dead! Perhaps it is because I so rarely find men that I am genuinely sexually attracted to in real life. I find him extremely attractive and want to make the most of the lovely intense feelings he generates, alive or not! I'm also suffering from depression and anxiety at the moment and I feel like it is an escape from the pain of it.


Edited by bonkersinthenut, 01 September 2010 - 02:34 PM.


#29 maripapi

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Posted 02 September 2010 - 08:05 AM

I see a lot of you are receiving counselling for this problem; has it helped? Also is there always a link between depression/other mood disorders and obsession? I've never been diagnosed with depression but if it wasn't already there then the obsessions certainly created it as one obsession brought me to the brink of suicide a few years ago.

It is worth noting that we are all quite self-aware, and we know that we have a problem. None of us (as far as I can tell) are stalking our celebrities, and we aren't experiencing delusion.

Do you think it's possible to recover from these obsessions permanently or will they just be transferred to someone new each time? Let me know what your thoughts are.

Edited by maripapi, 02 September 2010 - 08:07 AM.


#30 bonkersinthenut

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Posted 02 September 2010 - 02:45 PM

I don't think I'll ever get rid of them now. I'm not sure how I got this way but I guess it always was a coping mechanism for stress and depression and quite a successful one at that (until it all goes wrong), which is probably why my mind insists on repeating the pattern over and over again. I've proved that my mind subconsciously seeks out an obsession even if I don't want one and has done right from me hitting puberty. It's as if I need to have one now, just to function in life.

#31 elbee68

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Posted 03 September 2010 - 09:01 PM

I see a lot of you are receiving counselling for this problem; has it helped? Also is there always a link between depression/other mood disorders and obsession? I've never been diagnosed with depression but if it wasn't already there then the obsessions certainly created it as one obsession brought me to the brink of suicide a few years ago.

It is worth noting that we are all quite self-aware, and we know that we have a problem. None of us (as far as I can tell) are stalking our celebrities, and we aren't experiencing delusion.

Do you think it's possible to recover from these obsessions permanently or will they just be transferred to someone new each time? Let me know what your thoughts are.


The counselling is helping me. And it also helps to read this thread and see that I'm not alone! I'm also exchanging emails with somebody going through the same thing. So, I'm feeling a lot better about the whole situation. The obsession is still there, and sometimes I still have bad days, but overall I feel like I have better control of it.

I agree with what bonkers said above, that depression and stress contributed to me becoming obsessed with someone. Well, I'm no expert, but it seems that there is some kind of link.

Honestly, I think it will keep happening. Before my current obsession, I was sure it wouldn't happen anymore. Until it did. So, I'm thinking that at some point this obsession will fade, I'll go through a period with no obsession (this could be months or years) but then some other celebrity will eventually catch my eye and it'll happen again.

#32 maripapi

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Posted 05 September 2010 - 08:48 AM

The counselling is helping me. And it also helps to read this thread and see that I'm not alone! I'm also exchanging emails with somebody going through the same thing. So, I'm feeling a lot better about the whole situation. The obsession is still there, and sometimes I still have bad days, but overall I feel like I have better control of it.

I agree with what bonkers said above, that depression and stress contributed to me becoming obsessed with someone. Well, I'm no expert, but it seems that there is some kind of link.

Honestly, I think it will keep happening. Before my current obsession, I was sure it wouldn't happen anymore. Until it did. So, I'm thinking that at some point this obsession will fade, I'll go through a period with no obsession (this could be months or years) but then some other celebrity will eventually catch my eye and it'll happen again.


I wish I had someone to talk to about this. I went to counselling once while at university but was too embarassed to go back again (the counsellor basically asked me if I was a stalker, and made me a feel like an utter freak). I've left university now, don't have a job yet which isn't helping as it means I'm home all day fighting this obsession alone. If anyone wants to talk post back here or send me a message. The loneliness is the worst thing for me.

How are you handling it elbee? Do you still read about them or do you try and stay away? Neither seems to make a difference for me.

#33 Guest_march_baby_67_*

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Posted 12 September 2010 - 01:08 PM

Hi Maripapi,

I'm pretty much in the same situation...my husband and I have been together for 17 years (married for 7 of them) and we're kind of just 'settled' in our relationship now. I've been obsessed with an actor for 2 years now. For the most part, I think I handle the obsession pretty well. Oh sure, I have my share of 'bad' days too, where I get in these funks over his marriage and personal life, but I tend to snap out of the funk quickly and get back into the 'fantasy' of him. I have to admit that I do have alot of fun and I'm pretty happy obsessing over him 24/7. I would love to talk to you about this, but I don't know how much help I would be to you if you want to stop your obsession, for I wish to continue on with mine. Post back to me here, or message me if you'd like.


The counselling is helping me. And it also helps to read this thread and see that I'm not alone! I'm also exchanging emails with somebody going through the same thing. So, I'm feeling a lot better about the whole situation. The obsession is still there, and sometimes I still have bad days, but overall I feel like I have better control of it.

I agree with what bonkers said above, that depression and stress contributed to me becoming obsessed with someone. Well, I'm no expert, but it seems that there is some kind of link.

Honestly, I think it will keep happening. Before my current obsession, I was sure it wouldn't happen anymore. Until it did. So, I'm thinking that at some point this obsession will fade, I'll go through a period with no obsession (this could be months or years) but then some other celebrity will eventually catch my eye and it'll happen again.


I wish I had someone to talk to about this. I went to counselling once while at university but was too embarassed to go back again (the counsellor basically asked me if I was a stalker, and made me a feel like an utter freak). I've left university now, don't have a job yet which isn't helping as it means I'm home all day fighting this obsession alone. If anyone wants to talk post back here or send me a message. The loneliness is the worst thing for me.

How are you handling it elbee? Do you still read about them or do you try and stay away? Neither seems to make a difference for me.



#34 maripapi

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Posted 22 September 2010 - 11:35 AM

Hi Maripapi,

I'm pretty much in the same situation...my husband and I have been together for 17 years (married for 7 of them) and we're kind of just 'settled' in our relationship now. I've been obsessed with an actor for 2 years now. For the most part, I think I handle the obsession pretty well. Oh sure, I have my share of 'bad' days too, where I get in these funks over his marriage and personal life, but I tend to snap out of the funk quickly and get back into the 'fantasy' of him. I have to admit that I do have alot of fun and I'm pretty happy obsessing over him 24/7. I would love to talk to you about this, but I don't know how much help I would be to you if you want to stop your obsession, for I wish to continue on with mine. Post back to me here, or message me if you'd like.



The counselling is helping me. And it also helps to read this thread and see that I'm not alone! I'm also exchanging emails with somebody going through the same thing. So, I'm feeling a lot better about the whole situation. The obsession is still there, and sometimes I still have bad days, but overall I feel like I have better control of it.

I agree with what bonkers said above, that depression and stress contributed to me becoming obsessed with someone. Well, I'm no expert, but it seems that there is some kind of link.

Honestly, I think it will keep happening. Before my current obsession, I was sure it wouldn't happen anymore. Until it did. So, I'm thinking that at some point this obsession will fade, I'll go through a period with no obsession (this could be months or years) but then some other celebrity will eventually catch my eye and it'll happen again.


I wish I had someone to talk to about this. I went to counselling once while at university but was too embarassed to go back again (the counsellor basically asked me if I was a stalker, and made me a feel like an utter freak). I've left university now, don't have a job yet which isn't helping as it means I'm home all day fighting this obsession alone. If anyone wants to talk post back here or send me a message. The loneliness is the worst thing for me.

How are you handling it elbee? Do you still read about them or do you try and stay away? Neither seems to make a difference for me.


You say you enjoy your obsession and this is where we differ. When it first happened I did enjoy it, it made me feel like a teenager again. But as time went on it made me less happy and became more painful, probably because the person I have these feelings for doesn't seem to be a particularly nice person and if I met him I don't think he'd be very kind to me which stops me from getting carried away on a wave of dreamy infatuation. It also makes me worry about myself and my life, the fact that this has happened to me in the first place must mean that I have unresolved emotional issues of some kind. I know logically that my relationship is good and I don't even have to meet this celebrity to know that he would not make me happy. But this knowledge never changes anything. I feel sad whenever my mind turns to him now (as it does everyday almost all the time). Does your obsession not hurt you sometimes?

#35 leagoss

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Posted 26 September 2010 - 05:09 AM

Hi there. I am new here. I have never been diagnosed with OCD, but I do suffer from depression and anxiety. I have a problem and I didn't know where else to go.
I'm too ashamed to tell anyone close to me about it because I feel so ridiculous. What initially started as a harmless crush on this male celebrity has turned into something thats
taking over my life. Thing is, this celebrity is really nice in real life and really approachable, so it makes him even more attractive to me. I haven't met him but I know people who have.
I think about him all day, daydreaming constantly, spend hours googling him and checking all the latest news on him online. And if I hear he's dating someone,
I become really jealous and even more depressed. And heres the kicker: I am married to a nice man, who is very good to me. And I still have this horrible obsession on the side!
When my husband is at work, I'll spend the day daydreaming about this celebrity. I'll also watch his movies over and over, and turn on music and dance around, thinking
about what it would be like to be with him. I can't seem to stop! He's famous, he's out living his life, and he doesn't know I exist, and I am married for crying out loud!
What is wrong with me? I know it probably isn't love, it's an infatuation gone out of control and I don't know how to get my life back.
Is there anything I can do to stop this? I would really appreciate any help. Thank you in advance. :shocked:


Hello, as i read ur topic, i felt the same. I have a crush since april 2010 on a female model. I tryed to add her on her facebook, but of course she didnt accepted. Since then i feel depressed. I would like to have contact with her online, but it didnt happened. All i have are her fotos and videos and im feeling really down. I have no idea , what to do with it.

#36 Sonnet

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Posted 07 October 2010 - 01:58 PM

Well, Im pleased I finally found a Forum with people willing to share their celebrity obsession, because I am really trying to understand a situation I am in that is in danger of breaking up a wonderful friendship .. and I just dont know how to cope with it anymore. Is it for me to say anything? ..do anything? ..or just go with it if I can?
The scenario is, I have a very good female friend of about 6 years standing ... purely platonic .. and its been lovelly (Im a neighbour, male aged 54 .. shes 43)
Until about a year ago, she was happily with a partner for 10 years, but sadly she was dumped unexpectantly. As a friend she could lean on, I was willing and able to help her through it .. it was so hard to see her so down and upset .. shes always been a cheerful person and we got on really well as friends.
So ... circumstances have led her to visiting almost every day for nearly a year ... sometimes just for a cup of tea ... a chat etc ..or watch some tv together .. and thats all been fine .. and I suppose our friendship has grown a lot deeper .. but it has and always will remain platonic.
And now for the crux of the problem ! She has become totally obsessed with a male celebrity, and Aries_Girl here on this forum just about describes her actions perfectly. Ill add she has watched over and over again any Youtube clip he is on, every film, interview, tv appearance ... and is even travelling all over the UK to try and glimpse/talk to him whilst filming .. hanging around radio studios where he he is giving an interview ..just cant dare miss any opportunity.
Now, this is a sane woman, smart, intelligent, talented who runs her own small business .. but .. from the outside I can see her running up her credit card for flights, merchandise, and also actually neglecting her work/marketing so her business is beginning to suffer. I can see all this ..but she cant seemingly. Is that any business of mine?
As for the friendship breaking ..well .. thats because I am losing rapidly the very things that made it so nice because now nothing else seems to matter except this celebrity ... Ive lost a certain amount of friendly warmth, talks about art, literature, theatre, faith, etc etc and just her pleasant company when we shared a lot .. oh and her spontaneous laughter.
So perhaps its me that has a problem too? But to see this happening and it taking over her life when I really think it will come to nothing, confuses me as what best to do ... because I do care very much about her .. and yes .. I suppose I love her to bits as friend.
Being the kind of woman she is, I actually expected her to find a new boyfriend/partner by now ..somebody available ... but I fear that if she keeps this up on the celebrity, she will suffer emotionally, and lose out on opportunities to meet someone who is real.
She does suffer from bouts of low self esteem ... which actually, to me and any outsider isnt justified, and over these last few months I have done my best to build her up again when she gets a crash on.
Nearly done ! Her having that feeling of being in love with this celebrity, buying stuff, chasing him around ..seems to make her happy though ... should I interfere with that? Because I would like to see her happy. Whats confusing though is one minute shell say shes too old, not pretty enough and has done nothing with her life (not true by the way) and that this celebrity will take no interest ..then the next day shes off to try and meet him ....aaarrrgggghhhh. Just when I think shes coming to her senses .. she goes backwards and falls in love with him all over again.
Im sure she cant see it, but our friendship has become very one sided now ... any tv/dvd seems to have to have this celebrity in it. I have enjoyed so many good times in her company ... weve gone to places as friends etc ... but now Im sort of being left behind ... and perhaps its my self esteem that is being knocked now because I have so little to offer,even as a caring friend, compared to this celebrity.
She despises his current partner, and previous partners in his life .. so much so I dare not mention them or she goes off on one ...
The odd thing though in the back of my mind is ... because I know her so well, and now know everything (almost lol) about this celebrity ... she has as much chance of turning his head as anyone ..so should I interfere at all ? But if shes now just using me as a convenient place to be ..ie meals and on my pc following every move ... then perhaps I should tell her enough is enough ... but I know that will make her sad as she does regard me as a friend ... and if this celebrity shuns here eventually ..guess wholl be needed to pick up the pieces!
The final bit that actually hurts MY feelings, is that she has become very secretive about when she goes somewhere to try and meet him .. its as if Im not allowed to know .. I dont get that .. because I wouldnt judge her ..just be genuinely interested and supportive.
Id be interested in anyones comments please, because I dont want to lose what has been a good friendship to date ... but this celebrity obsession is putting a strain on it.

Thank you
DG
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#37 Violet31

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Posted 09 October 2010 - 03:16 PM

Hi Sonnet,

It seems she is forgetting her own problems by becoming obsessed with this celebrity and/or has co-dependency issues. I cannot really judge it. Sometimes it may help to hear the other side of the story - some celebrities have been harrassed. It doesnt seem so in this case, though.

It is putting a strain on your friendship, so I would quietly sit down and think about what you want from this relationship. Is she doing anything constructive about her obsession like the people in this thread are doing?

I know it must be very hard to handle this and frustrating for you. Be patient, it may pass.
When you´re going through hell, keep going.
Winston Churchill


When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.

Viktor Frankl

Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.
Jean-Paul Sartre


Use adversity      Declare Independence 

Violet :rose:

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#38 maripapi

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Posted 20 October 2010 - 05:48 AM

Well, Im pleased I finally found a Forum with people willing to share their celebrity obsession, because I am really trying to understand a situation I am in that is in danger of breaking up a wonderful friendship .. and I just dont know how to cope with it anymore. Is it for me to say anything? ..do anything? ..or just go with it if I can?
The scenario is, I have a very good female friend of about 6 years standing ... purely platonic .. and its been lovelly (Im a neighbour, male aged 54 .. shes 43)
Until about a year ago, she was happily with a partner for 10 years, but sadly she was dumped unexpectantly. As a friend she could lean on, I was willing and able to help her through it .. it was so hard to see her so down and upset .. shes always been a cheerful person and we got on really well as friends.
So ... circumstances have led her to visiting almost every day for nearly a year ... sometimes just for a cup of tea ... a chat etc ..or watch some tv together .. and thats all been fine .. and I suppose our friendship has grown a lot deeper .. but it has and always will remain platonic.
And now for the crux of the problem ! She has become totally obsessed with a male celebrity, and Aries_Girl here on this forum just about describes her actions perfectly. Ill add she has watched over and over again any Youtube clip he is on, every film, interview, tv appearance ... and is even travelling all over the UK to try and glimpse/talk to him whilst filming .. hanging around radio studios where he he is giving an interview ..just cant dare miss any opportunity.
Now, this is a sane woman, smart, intelligent, talented who runs her own small business .. but .. from the outside I can see her running up her credit card for flights, merchandise, and also actually neglecting her work/marketing so her business is beginning to suffer. I can see all this ..but she cant seemingly. Is that any business of mine?
As for the friendship breaking ..well .. thats because I am losing rapidly the very things that made it so nice because now nothing else seems to matter except this celebrity ... Ive lost a certain amount of friendly warmth, talks about art, literature, theatre, faith, etc etc and just her pleasant company when we shared a lot .. oh and her spontaneous laughter.
So perhaps its me that has a problem too? But to see this happening and it taking over her life when I really think it will come to nothing, confuses me as what best to do ... because I do care very much about her .. and yes .. I suppose I love her to bits as friend.
Being the kind of woman she is, I actually expected her to find a new boyfriend/partner by now ..somebody available ... but I fear that if she keeps this up on the celebrity, she will suffer emotionally, and lose out on opportunities to meet someone who is real.
She does suffer from bouts of low self esteem ... which actually, to me and any outsider isnt justified, and over these last few months I have done my best to build her up again when she gets a crash on.
Nearly done ! Her having that feeling of being in love with this celebrity, buying stuff, chasing him around ..seems to make her happy though ... should I interfere with that? Because I would like to see her happy. Whats confusing though is one minute shell say shes too old, not pretty enough and has done nothing with her life (not true by the way) and that this celebrity will take no interest ..then the next day shes off to try and meet him ....aaarrrgggghhhh. Just when I think shes coming to her senses .. she goes backwards and falls in love with him all over again.
Im sure she cant see it, but our friendship has become very one sided now ... any tv/dvd seems to have to have this celebrity in it. I have enjoyed so many good times in her company ... weve gone to places as friends etc ... but now Im sort of being left behind ... and perhaps its my self esteem that is being knocked now because I have so little to offer,even as a caring friend, compared to this celebrity.
She despises his current partner, and previous partners in his life .. so much so I dare not mention them or she goes off on one ...
The odd thing though in the back of my mind is ... because I know her so well, and now know everything (almost lol) about this celebrity ... she has as much chance of turning his head as anyone ..so should I interfere at all ? But if shes now just using me as a convenient place to be ..ie meals and on my pc following every move ... then perhaps I should tell her enough is enough ... but I know that will make her sad as she does regard me as a friend ... and if this celebrity shuns here eventually ..guess wholl be needed to pick up the pieces!
The final bit that actually hurts MY feelings, is that she has become very secretive about when she goes somewhere to try and meet him .. its as if Im not allowed to know .. I dont get that .. because I wouldnt judge her ..just be genuinely interested and supportive.
Id be interested in anyones comments please, because I dont want to lose what has been a good friendship to date ... but this celebrity obsession is putting a strain on it.

Thank you
DG


Hi. This lady is very lucky to have a friend like you that cares about her so much and wants to help. However, in this situation only she can help herself, with your support. One connecting thread in all the posts on this issue seems to be depression coupled with low self-esteem. The lengths she has gone to in order to meet this man are worrying as they verge on stalking behaviour. Have you spoken to her about this, not in an accusational way but just to mention that you're concerned that her life is going off-track because she is so preoccupied with pursuing this celebrity? You don't say whether she has been successful in any of her attempts to meet him, if so I wonder if he has unknowingly encouraged her interest? But she has clearly thrown herself into this as a way of coping with the break-up which sounds like it hit her very hard. The fact that she is secretive about her pursuit of the celebrity suggests that on some level she knows that what she is doing is not normal. My advice is that you try and get her to open up to you, not by outright condemning her actions but as a concerned friend who wants to help. It may be that she needs the help of a professional counsellor.

Out of interest, who is the celebrity?

#39 Jo_

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Posted 02 November 2010 - 08:05 PM

It's such a relief to find this forum. My obsession is different in that it's with a real person who I had a brief encounter with 5 years ago. I can't call it a relationship but it wasn't just a fling either, we really liked each other but he went cold on me because he was too soon out of a relationship and he just stopped contacting me until I confronted him and it ended. I felt like I'd completely fallen for him within about 2 meetings, and when it didn't go anywhere I was devastated. This was 5 years ago, since then I've been in various relationships and am in one now but can't seem to get this man out of my head. I know so much about him its scary, I know what his girlfriend's name is, what she does, where she lives, I've found videos she's made, I became obsessed with the city he lived in (where we met) and moved back there after leaving 2 years previously after uni, I went to the club he worked in every weekend for years and felt depressed if he wasn't there, even with my boyfriend in tow! I used to constantly read his myspace blogs and if there was any mention of his girlfriend I'd feel depressed for days. He occupied my thoughts constantly, varying in intensity but pretty consistently for 5 years. In the summer I insisted we holiday in the country he recently moved to, I tell myself this was for other reasons but I'm not even sure I believe myself anymore. Whilst there I dragged my boyfriend to the venue he was playing a gig at, and of course he chatted to me introduced himself to my boyfriend. I just seem to inject myself into his life, subtly but forcefully enough for it to be completely abnormal. I can't seem to keep away and leave him alone completely, which I know is what I should do. I started taking Prozac earlier this year and it did help, but I came off it 2 months ago because the lack of motivation I had was making my situation even worse. I felt ok for a while, but today I feel like it's suddenly come back and hit me like a ton of bricks. I just can't go on being like this, I don't know what to do

#40 BrokenPieces

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Posted 14 November 2010 - 08:58 PM

So I'm still obsessing about the same celebrity as when I posted months ago. Actually, this obsession has been going on for four years now, nearly five. I'm a Christian, he's a Christian, so I won't let myself go down the road of sexual fantasy. For one thing, I respect him a lot and it would just be wrong to "go there" about him. He's also married, and so am I, so I don't want to commit "virtual adultery." I just think he seems like the most awesome guy and I wish I knew him. I think. I imagine he's probably not as completely wonderful as I think he is, but I still think he'd be a great friend. Fortunately we live in towns very far from each other so I can't act on that wish. I definitely don't want to turn into the stalker type! (Even "innocent" stalking.)

I think I'm different from some of y'all in that I don't want to know that much about his real life. I like who he is in my head, and while I don't mind knowing basics like his birthday, where he grew up, etc., I'm good just obsessing about the person I've created in my head from him.

At any rate, I don't want my obsession to end, either. When it starts to wane I do things to stir it up again, like re-reading the story I'm writing about him (well, a person based loosely on him), I load up his band's videos, listen to their music exclusively, etc. I get extremely depressed when his real life intrudes into the one I've created for him. Sometimes that's pretty strong because I'm always looking for new pictures of him on the internet and that will eventually lead me into the "reality" waters I don't want to be in.

I feel super guilty about doing this, since I'm married and have been for almost 20 years. I love my husband, but we definitely have some issues and this "created image" of this celebrity fills in the emotional places DH doesn't. I hate that I do it, but sometimes I think this celebrity thing is what gets me through rough days. When reality really starts to suck, I just turn the situation into something for my story (in which I'm pretty much the girl who ends up marrying him). I feel like such a freak for admitting that. I, too, go around the house all day having conversations with him (as the characters in the story), and I often wish I lived in my story instead of my real, boring life.

As I said, I don't want my obsession to end (although they always do, and something else eventually takes its place, another obsession), but I do worry sometimes that it's keeping me from learning to cope with life's difficulties in a more "normal" way. I have so much fun with it, though! Except when his reality and mine collide -- then it's excruciatingly depressing.
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I've had questions without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing that I'll cling to,
You are faithful, Jesus, You're true.
When hope is lost, I'll call you Savior
When pain surrounds, I'll call you Healer,
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart.

-newsboys




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