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How To Get Motivated To Take A Shower.


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#1 PeacePilgrim

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Posted 14 November 2009 - 12:33 AM

I am really getting annoyed at how much mental (and physical) energy it seems to take me these days to get myself into the shower (I hate baths by the way, always felt like I was sitting in a warm bowl of soup, showers USED to energize me...those wonderful ions spraying around).

I am lucky these days if I get into the shower once a week. I was struggling with it last night at apartment, and finally gave up when I realized I wouldn't have the energy to both take the shower AND drive myself back here to new house where I'm staying. So tonight I'm struggling again. The shower stall sits there, feet away, and everything is ready. "All" I have to do is get in, turn on the water and scrub. But lately, even when I get into the shower, 2 minutes later I want to quit and get out. Part of the problem is feeling isolated when I get in--and trapped. Partly it's the energy it does take; I have had some physical issues lately, so it does seem to wear me out a little. I'm not sure what the rest is, but it seems like a big commitment, and one I'm not willing to make, it seems. By the way, it usually takes me 15 to 20 minutes to shower--I've never understood people who can do it in 5 minutes (that's always been true; I really identified with Kramer on the one Seinfeld episode that dealt with this subject). I don't dawdle, it's just to soap and rinse takes me that amount of time. I have thought of turning up the radio loud so I have the company of music, but the largest part of me just doesn't want to do this. This used to be a "feel good" experience, what the heck has happened?

Any suggestions for making it easier?

Thanks, Peace
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Posted ImagePosted Image

My cat does not desert me, my cat does not judge me.

My life is not at all what I thought it would be and I am rather stunned and in shock trying to figure out what it actually is.

Paco was full of life even in the face of death. He would never pass up an opportunity to participate in, and rejoice in, life. I am remembering how I honored him the year following his passing, in saying: "What would Paco do?", and thereby finding the courage to do many things I might have passed by.

#2 Trace

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Posted 14 November 2009 - 06:57 AM

Hi Peace

Sometimes when you are in a bad place, even the things that you used to enjoy end up being really hard to do.
Could you try and think of something else when you try and get into the shower.
Here is an example, perhaps work yourself into a certain mindset.

Think of it as a journey and learning something new (I know this sounds strange).

Instead of feeling like you are trapped in the shower, try and picture yourself as being somewhere else, like perhaps a waterfall, where the water is washing away all the bad feelings. Close your eyes and try and picture what would be around the waterfall.
Also to get back into enjoying it again, don't put too much emphasis on washing yourself, just get in the shower and let the water wash over you.
In time you may start to enjoy it again and then you can slowly start washing.

Trace
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Listen in deep silence. Be very still and open your mind.... Sink deep into the peace that waits for you beyond the frantic, riotous thoughts and sights and sounds of this insane world. - A course of miracles.

True beauty must come, must be grown, from within.... - Ralph W Trine.



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#3 PeacePilgrim

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Posted 15 November 2009 - 11:43 PM

Thanks, Trace, for your response. The part I liked best was "...to get back into enjoying it again, don't put too much emphasis on washing yourself, just get in the shower and let the water wash over you."

After writing my posting, I did get one "light bulb" idea. I decided NOT to turn the noisy exhaust fan on, and instead opened both windows wide, even with the forty degree temperature. The noise gets on my nerves, and also signals my isolation even more (sound barrier keeping me out of touch with the world). Once the shower was over, I turned the fan on and closed the door on the sound. Was an improvement. Am hoping I can do this even when temps hit below freezing, because I will be pouring heat into the room from shower stall and it will only be for limited time. That exhaust fan is an extreme negative for me.
Posted ImagePosted Image

My cat does not desert me, my cat does not judge me.

My life is not at all what I thought it would be and I am rather stunned and in shock trying to figure out what it actually is.

Paco was full of life even in the face of death. He would never pass up an opportunity to participate in, and rejoice in, life. I am remembering how I honored him the year following his passing, in saying: "What would Paco do?", and thereby finding the courage to do many things I might have passed by.

#4 frangipani

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Posted 15 November 2009 - 11:56 PM

Hiya Peace,

I've been in a bad place with the showering thing as well lately. One thing that I've tried in the past, though, was bringing a cooking timer into the bathroom with me. Set it for 20 mins (I take "long" showers as well), to make me realize that this is only 20 mins of hardship, discomfort, etc. Relatively short compared to the other 23+ hours of the day, plus it helped to count down the moments until I would be out of the shower.

I wonder whether that might help?
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#5 wastheman

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Posted 16 November 2009 - 03:05 PM

Hi Peace,

I sort of have something similar going on.

When I get in the shower and start all the little 'washing up' rituals I just get so tired....so ****** f'ing tired of this whole ordeal of being human and having to wash our bodies, scrub our teeth, wash the hair....etc..... it just sucks. I don't want to have to do this!

But I know that when I'm done I'll feel better so I just push myself through it. Sometimes though I do just what was said above. If it's all feeling a bit too much I just stand there and let the hot water wash over me, and I get out. I usually do manage to brush my teeth though, I'm a freak about having clean teeth.
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#6 kat43

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Posted 16 November 2009 - 05:13 PM

I hear ya about the shower thing. Today I planned my shower around when I knew I'd have time and energy. That worked well. I have felt that "trapped" feeling lately, too, though. To help me w/ that I just need to keep breathing.

I feel so much better after I have showered. When I'm not regularly doing it, I figure I'm saving money on my water bill...

These days I'm going for every other day. I hope it gets better for you.
Kat43

#7 Beanchop99

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Posted 16 November 2009 - 05:45 PM

Hello Peace.

I've got the shower problem, too. For the longest time, I thought it was just me. I carefully guarded my dirty (no pun intended :wwww:) little secret, ashamed that such a simple - and necessary - thing was often times beyond my capabilities. I'd become depressed, forgo showering, become anxious from feeling dirty and scummy, literally hide in my house because the anxiety got so bad, only to become even more depressed because I couldn't force myself to go out & live life. The more depressed I became, the more that shower stall looked like Everest. It's a vicious cycle.

I haven't found a "cure" that works 100% of the time, but it's gotten better. My husband gently persuades me to get in the shower by suggesting that the hot water, fruity scented shower gel & shampoo, and soft music (we keep a CD player in the bathroom) will help me feel better. He keeps "suggesting" until I finally shower. He's never pushy or mean-spirited about it; just kind and supportive, nudging me slowly but surely. I have to admit, he's right about a shower helping me to feel better. Hot water and aromatherapy help ease my anxieties. Just being clean lifts my depression a little.

Good luck to all of us with this problem! :shocked:
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#8 SecretMist

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Posted 16 November 2009 - 10:09 PM

Hi Peace,

I have found at times when I put some music on that I enjoy I turn it up fairly loud and listen to it when I get in the shower to motivate my self, of course there are times that I also find that some soothing music down low helps with a calming effect.
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*********************************
If we can't stand alone to help ourselves,
with support we shall stand together
to make the changes and a difference within our lives
and the lives of all for the better.
******************************************



#9 Hertz

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Posted 16 November 2009 - 11:18 PM

Showers used to energize me also. Now they feel good only right after going to the gym. Otherwise I have the impression they make me more tense, but I take them anyways because it helps me get in the beat of the day.

#10 PeacePilgrim

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Posted 17 November 2009 - 12:46 AM

Dear WasTheMan, I admire you for doing your teeth. I struggle with that also. My goal is to brush teeth once per day, and sometimes I sadly miss. I did take a friend's advice, and if toothpaste seems too much, I just brush with water. The main goal is to get them scrubbed--either with (1)electric toothbrush and paste, (2)manual toothbrush and paste, (3)manual toothbrush and water. I am embarrassed to go to the dentist, because of course they always ask how often you brush--and to some extent the evidence is there in my teeth. I am not sure he would understand if I said I don't brush due to depression. And forget flossing, unless something is actively stuck. I get very upset when I floss, feel like I'm not doing it right, become very aware of any soreness in gums and get even more depressed!

Thank goodness, no one asks me: how often do you shower! I figure once a week for showering is "good enough" for now; after all my grandparents would have had just the traditional Saturday night bath after working the farm all week.

Beanchop, when you said "shower stall looked like Everest", I thought "bingo". People here DO understand.

I am still toying with the idea of somehow piping music into the bathroom; if I keep the fan off while showering, maybe I can just leave the door open a hole and hear the music from the tv in the bedroom.

I am so delighted that others are sharing their thoughts on this, thank you, Peace
Posted ImagePosted Image

My cat does not desert me, my cat does not judge me.

My life is not at all what I thought it would be and I am rather stunned and in shock trying to figure out what it actually is.

Paco was full of life even in the face of death. He would never pass up an opportunity to participate in, and rejoice in, life. I am remembering how I honored him the year following his passing, in saying: "What would Paco do?", and thereby finding the courage to do many things I might have passed by.

#11 mkaz

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Posted 17 November 2009 - 11:15 AM

I agree with Secret Mist. I couldn't be bothered sometimes with the whole shower/bath thing so i started to put some soothing music on - I have a selection of what i call bath music. I put a cd on real loud so i can hear it in the bathroom, maybe some candles as well.
Now i look forward to the end of the day so i can listen to my music, have a shower (i think it washes all my day troubles away). I do alot of my thinking in the shower or bath and i have this as me time. :shocked:

#12 SecretMist

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Posted 17 November 2009 - 11:22 AM

If you have a portable or even battery operated radio that would be good to just sit in the bathroom, I use my grandchildrens small boom box in the bathroom and plug it in, it can be the radio, the tape player or cd part to where if i prefer to listen to something particular then I have tapes and cd's I can pop into it to listen to my favorite music.

*********************************
If we can't stand alone to help ourselves,
with support we shall stand together
to make the changes and a difference within our lives
and the lives of all for the better.
******************************************



#13 Kittie

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Posted 18 November 2009 - 12:25 AM

I have a hard time getting into the shower. I don't like the sensation of the water on my skin and the steam makes me feel like I can't breathe. I feel really good after I'm out and dried off and in a different room as long as my wet hair isn't touching my skin. I like feeling clean and I feel this overwhelming sense of shame when I haven't showered in more than 3 days that I wont go out and avoid sex with my boyfriend. I'm not really sure how to get thru showers with the tactile issues.

I have the same issue with baths. I like baths for about the first three minutes and then the steam bothers me and it's uncomfortable to wash my hair, and I'm tall, so it's difficult to get everything under the water and the parts that are above get cold. It just makes me more anxious.

#14 Mark73

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Posted 18 November 2009 - 01:47 AM

Hi all, First post. You are not alone, I couldn't be bothered and have very little self pride to keep myself showered daily. In saying that, I am rarely motivated to do anything that would make me sweat or dirty anyway. Mark.

#15 joewantshelp

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Posted 18 November 2009 - 03:44 AM

yay im not the only one!

something i find helps when trying to get into the shower is to see it as rain. (bare with me) im a child when it comes to this and like to wear an ichigo mask while styleing my hair with shampoo doing poses in the mirror. its very fun to pretend that its raining and your a warrior fighting off monsters and what not. am i the only person that dose this? if so then im just kidding and i dont do anything previusly stated lol.
also the music idea works awsomly too :D.

also when it comes to teeth. most the time i just use mothwash and forget to brush. its not that i dont like to brush its just i forget too. but to save time and to help remember to clean them in college i used to brush my teeth in the shower still do. it realy is a time saver plus it helps keep it all in a routine daily thing if you know what i meen? helps you remeber. also do the same when shaveing. though danceing about and singing isnt a good idea.

singing is most probly the most common one too. putting on a song to sing to is a massive help. good songs to sing to. drops of jupiter by train, line & sinker by billy talent, young folks by peter bjorn and jhon and an all round fun song to sing. pirates who dont do anything by relient k. anything you can sing along to helps massivly so turn it up to eleven and have fun.

:wwww: :shocked:

#16 Depressionable

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Posted 19 November 2009 - 05:38 PM

[quote name='PeacePilgrim' date='Nov 13 2009, 09:33 PM' post='583342']
I am really getting annoyed at how much mental (and physical) energy it seems to take me these days to get myself into the shower (I hate baths by the way, always felt like I was sitting in a warm bowl of soup, showers USED to energize me...those wonderful ions spraying around).

I am lucky these days if I get into the shower once a week.


Like so many others I can relate. I know only didn't want to shower I didn't want to do anything else either. For too many weeks I found it almost impossible to do anything. I stayed in bed and hated myself for it. No matter how hard I tried I could not motivate myself be be at all productive. I talked to my therapists (yes I got up to go there, when I didn't cancel) about it for weeks then he suggested an adjunct to my Cymbalta. Abilify. I took it. Two days later I got up, I felt much better and I did some things. Now I feel good about doing lots of things. Of course now I can't remember how to relax so perhaps I have more to learn. I am not backing up however.

#17 catherine1971

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Posted 20 November 2009 - 06:39 PM

oh dear add me to the list .thank heavens im not the only one who really cant be botheed taking a shower and rather sit thinking, i really need one but physically have no energy. waiting for a bath to run ??? id fall asleep or the novelty would just wear off ,hate baths anyway never feel clean afterwards .. i used to shower every day couldnt function without one now i couldnt function if i had one it would just tire me out and want to sleep.i hate myself for being this way i feel like a right lazy moo if there is something on the floor i think sod it ill pick it up nxt week lol this is truely how i feel though...wouldnt it be good if we could just go and buy some energy lol on the plus side at least we saving on water :shocked:
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#18 SecretMist

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Posted 21 November 2009 - 11:08 AM

Sometimes while being depressed it's amazing the effects it has on us even in the smallest task as showering but I think so many people have been there and I won't deny it, I have been there too.

*********************************
If we can't stand alone to help ourselves,
with support we shall stand together
to make the changes and a difference within our lives
and the lives of all for the better.
******************************************



#19 PeacePilgrim

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Posted 22 November 2009 - 10:03 PM

I appreciate all your responses and sharing.

I am "up against it" again today re taking a shower, and by looking here, I can see it's been a week and a day since my last one. I'm feeling a little more hopeful tonight re accomplishing it, but I will let you know.

Thank you again, Peace
Posted ImagePosted Image

My cat does not desert me, my cat does not judge me.

My life is not at all what I thought it would be and I am rather stunned and in shock trying to figure out what it actually is.

Paco was full of life even in the face of death. He would never pass up an opportunity to participate in, and rejoice in, life. I am remembering how I honored him the year following his passing, in saying: "What would Paco do?", and thereby finding the courage to do many things I might have passed by.

#20 SecretMist

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Posted 23 November 2009 - 12:25 AM

keep those hopes up Peace and shower away.

*********************************
If we can't stand alone to help ourselves,
with support we shall stand together
to make the changes and a difference within our lives
and the lives of all for the better.
******************************************



#21 Chasing Sanity

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Posted 23 November 2009 - 12:38 AM

It's taken my family the longest time to stop bothering me about daily showers.
A) I'm in bed all day and
B) I'll do it later.
I don't like the feeling of showers, I never feel clean anyway because I have oily skin. I hate seeing myself naked. I hate how because it's so hot that by the time you're done drying, you're sweating again.

#22 PeacePilgrim

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Posted 23 November 2009 - 04:46 PM

I hate how because it's so hot that by the time you're done drying, you're sweating again.

Welcome, Chasing Sanity!

I just dropped by to report on finally getting that shower, a week and 2 days since last one. I felt so confident last night, and then managed to do everything else BUT shower, until I was too tired to do so.

Today I told myself I would do it in daylight, so the natural light would improve my spirits. I almost missed that one too: I seem to be an expert at shower avoidance. I finally squeaked it in at dusk, so SOME natural light. I tried to remember what people here said about just letting the water wash over you. I was able to really appreciate that I didn't have to worry about running out of hot water, unlike the apartment, so I could take my time.

Chasing Sanity, ironically even before reading your message, I had done 2 things to avoid that overheated feeling at the end:
(1) Both windows were fully open to our New England cold, and
(2) I ended the shower by changing from hot to cool water for a minute or so.

~Peace
Posted ImagePosted Image

My cat does not desert me, my cat does not judge me.

My life is not at all what I thought it would be and I am rather stunned and in shock trying to figure out what it actually is.

Paco was full of life even in the face of death. He would never pass up an opportunity to participate in, and rejoice in, life. I am remembering how I honored him the year following his passing, in saying: "What would Paco do?", and thereby finding the courage to do many things I might have passed by.

#23 SecretMist

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Posted 23 November 2009 - 09:52 PM

:shocked: :wwww: :sneaky2: that's great Peace, I'm sure you felt so relieved and refreshed, yes taking a shower in the daytime would also be great with the daylight. I hope your proud of yourself, you deserve a big :huh:

*********************************
If we can't stand alone to help ourselves,
with support we shall stand together
to make the changes and a difference within our lives
and the lives of all for the better.
******************************************



#24 Trace

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Posted 24 November 2009 - 03:08 AM

Hi Peace

I think that is fantastic!
I hope that it becomes easier to shower after this step.

Trace
Listen in deep silence. Be very still and open your mind.... Sink deep into the peace that waits for you beyond the frantic, riotous thoughts and sights and sounds of this insane world. - A course of miracles.

True beauty must come, must be grown, from within.... - Ralph W Trine.



Posted Image

#25 Chasing Sanity

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Posted 25 November 2009 - 01:42 AM

I hate how because it's so hot that by the time you're done drying, you're sweating again.

Welcome, Chasing Sanity!

I just dropped by to report on finally getting that shower, a week and 2 days since last one. I felt so confident last night, and then managed to do everything else BUT shower, until I was too tired to do so.

Today I told myself I would do it in daylight, so the natural light would improve my spirits. I almost missed that one too: I seem to be an expert at shower avoidance. I finally squeaked it in at dusk, so SOME natural light. I tried to remember what people here said about just letting the water wash over you. I was able to really appreciate that I didn't have to worry about running out of hot water, unlike the apartment, so I could take my time.

Chasing Sanity, ironically even before reading your message, I had done 2 things to avoid that overheated feeling at the end:
(1) Both windows were fully open to our New England cold, and
(2) I ended the shower by changing from hot to cool water for a minute or so.

~Peace


Congrats on your shower! I live in a very hot place, for 6 months of the year I don't even have cold water unless it's from the fridge! So even a cold shower is out :shocked:

#26 noir

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Posted 26 November 2009 - 05:21 AM

I have a bit of this problem too, but not so much recently.

One thing I think is important (and you seem to have discovered this with your recent shower) is showering in the day. I always shower in the morning now (unless it's an extra shower, like after exercise). The way it works for me is I just have to do it on auto-pilot. In the morning that's easy because my brain hasn't even woken up yet - I just step into the shower without thinking about it at all. Also, in the morning it can become part of your routine, which I think is important. I take an hour to get ready in the morning, and it's basically like a memorized daily to-do list. Get up, brush teeth, shower, dry hair, get dressed, go. I never even have to think about it. It sounds like all I'm doing is describing how easy my life is, haha - but it's not! I have suffered shower-avoidance quite a lot in the past. The automatic morning routine thing is what fixes the problem for me.

Good luck! :shocked:

#27 heywatchthehorns

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Posted 27 November 2009 - 05:49 PM

hi guys, i'm TOTALLY new here but wanted to add my support to those of us who have trouble with those "self care" things!

showering is a really tough one, and i think it's tied to not only the fatigue of depression, but also possibly the lack of self-esteem/self-worth - what's the point of showering when i don't care about any other aspect of myself, either? just a thought.

i'm with the rest of you who've suggested music - i prefer stuff that i can sing along to to take my mind off what i'm doing. my issue while showering is that i get obsessive thoughts/phrases/song snippets while showering which are quite unbearable. i guess the music helps with that as it gives my brain something else to do other than obsess.

for whoever said they avoided it because they were ashamed of their body; i can totally relate. i took a tiny dose of risperdal to sleep for 5 months or so, which caused me to gain 45 lbs in 2 months. showering just reminded me of the way that this depression has twisted my body as well as my mind.

anyway, i like some of the suggestions here. maybe doing something like facepainting or putting on loads of silly makeup so you HAVE to shower could be a technique to motivate.

um, and hi, forum!!

#28 PeacePilgrim

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Posted 29 November 2009 - 03:30 AM

Wanted to report that I just got another shower, using the open window, no noisy fan technique. It was the middle of the night, but with my sleep schedule, that's when I am most apt to take one. this one was early Sunday morning 11/29 at around 3:00am. I couldn't sleep, and finally decided to see if I could "imperfectly" shower instead. The imperfectly referes to the prior suggestion not to work so hard at scrubbing! I can see by my posts above that this time I beat the week mark, coming in at 6 days instead. Remembering poor Chasing Sanity, who doesn't have access to cool water, I did finish my shower off with cool water, which does feel good at the end.

Appreciate every one's comments in this thread, thank you.
Posted ImagePosted Image

My cat does not desert me, my cat does not judge me.

My life is not at all what I thought it would be and I am rather stunned and in shock trying to figure out what it actually is.

Paco was full of life even in the face of death. He would never pass up an opportunity to participate in, and rejoice in, life. I am remembering how I honored him the year following his passing, in saying: "What would Paco do?", and thereby finding the courage to do many things I might have passed by.

#29 Trace

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Posted 30 November 2009 - 04:44 AM

Hi Peace

I am glad that you had another shower and it is only a pleasure to be there for you.

Trace
Listen in deep silence. Be very still and open your mind.... Sink deep into the peace that waits for you beyond the frantic, riotous thoughts and sights and sounds of this insane world. - A course of miracles.

True beauty must come, must be grown, from within.... - Ralph W Trine.



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#30 broken_child

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Posted 04 December 2009 - 11:19 AM

Sorry to bump this, but this is a problem for me also. I seem to think I need to do something to "deserve" showering, or any other self care activity. There are days I don't even brush my hair. Now that I might be getting a job, I really need to get this under control.
~I will not allow my past to define me~

#31 melissa

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Posted 04 December 2009 - 01:13 PM

This is a problem for me too; I thought I was the only one. I went to group therapy once and said I let showering go when I'm depressed, and one of the other women said 'Why?' and looked at me like I was crazy.

The steam makes me feel dizzy and stuffed up, and my hair gets greasy very quickly and looks awful unless I straighten it (been bleached a lot) so it feels like a neverending cycle. My mum tends to 'encourage' me by saying are you going to have a shower, you'll feel better- I usually do feel a bit better but really hate doing it when I feel bad. Part of me feels like I don't deserve to be clean and look nice when I don't feel it inside.

It has been mentioned in previous employment; my 'personal hygiene'- when I can barely hold it together in public and they want me to conform to their bottom-retentive tasks and smile and be clean...I've never been one to shower every day, every other day at best, and I have a scalp-picking problem that makes my hair greasy, so when I'm feeling down/very bad/just fed up of it all/too busy 'feeling good' it all goes down the drain...or not, pardon the pun.

I'm terrible with brushing my teeth, I recently got 3 fillings after years of hiding from the dentist in shame. I brushed my teeth well in between visits as I was scared she wouldn't complete the fillings. I aim for once a day tooth brushing or even twice if I feel good but I never get very far with it, and it's about 10 seconds fast brushing...my gums bleed, the dentist said it would stop as I brushed more often, but I hate doing it. I think it's like showering. I've never liked my teeth, they're crooked- I had braces then a retainer but didn't wear the retainer, so it feels like my punishment to have crooked yellowing teeth...

I wonder if it's related at all to generally not being able to relax..the only times I really relax are when I'm with my now ex, or getting an aromatherapy massage, but they're free as part of a back-to-work scheme I'm on and they said I could only have 3 :'(

#32 broken_child

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Posted 04 December 2009 - 02:52 PM

I have trouble with relaxing and self care/self soothing activities in general. I always wonder what I have done to deserve to have down time, or to take a shower, etc. I'm horrible with brushing my teeth but for some reason am getting rather good at using mouth wash once a day. Progress maybe?
~I will not allow my past to define me~

#33 IsleofSkye

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Posted 07 December 2009 - 05:03 AM

Sorry to bump this, but this is a problem for me also. I seem to think I need to do something to "deserve" showering, or any other self care activity. There are days I don't even brush my hair. Now that I might be getting a job, I really need to get this under control.


Hi - I completely understand what you mean by "deserving" to shower. i sometimes feel since so and so doesn't have access, why should I "Waste" water? Other days, I felt as though even though I'm taking a shower , I'm only going to get dirty all over again and have to do it tomorrow. Of course I smell. of course other people can tell when I haven't showered, changed or brushed my teeth or washed my face. I sometimes don't even put on moisturiser because i feel it's dirtying my skin. There were days when I was petrified of going into the bathroom becuase I felt that it would disintegrate before my eyes.

Just taking the clothes into the bathroom is such a chore.

Does anyone find it difficult to go to the toilet? There was a time three weeks ago that i couldn't face going becuase of all the dirt and germs. I've effectively told my body to remain in a constipated state and I wait till I'm absolutely bursting before going to the toilet.

these are physical necessities. why is it so hard? why do i feel guilt? my mum showers each day first thing, why can't i be like her? automatic?
Previous Rx: Prozac, Citalopram, Olanzepine, Duluxotine, Alprazolam, St John's Wort. Each one messed me up more than helping me.

Currently taking homeopathy and trying really hard to believe in Reiki healing and meditation and prayer. Also trying to keep up with yoga. It does help!

Dear God: thank you for the experience of depression and poor mental health. I have learned my lesson, leave me with the empathy to help others and take the evil away from me now.

I desire stable mental health from today and all my days.

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." - C.S. Lewis

#34 PeacePilgrim

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Posted 07 December 2009 - 08:50 PM

It looks like I've gone over a week without a shower again; my last record here is early Sunday morning 11/29, so that would make it eight days and I'm not sure I'm going to get one tonight. Last night I prepared the shower stall w/the soap, etc I need. But I wanted to shower after an unpleasant job that would leave me feeling contaminated, and since the job never happened, the shower never happened. I COULD tonight, but I am so tired after a long day, there seems to be no will and no desire. I want to write, to listen to music, to sleep. Also I am still airing out the stinky bathrooms, so not the most pleasant environment (I had a plumber here today).

Anyway, I don't think I've chimed in on the teeth brushing, which is also a real issue for me. It's been a year since I saw the dentist, since I'm sure he wouldn't understand depression preventing faithful brushing of teeth. I try to brush at least once per day, some days do, go through periods when don't. I fairthfully take CO-Q10 to help support my gums. My rule of thumb, given me by a friend, is this: try to brush with electiric brush for 4 mins w/toothpaste, 2nd choice electric brush for 2 mins w/toothpaste, 3rd choice manual toothbrush w/toothpaste, 4th choice manual toothpaste with just plain WATER (no toothpaste). As my friend pointed out, to just brush w/water is better than not brushing at all. And for me, it helps when I have a sweet taste (eg grapes) in my mouth that I don't want to take away.

Finally, on our shower and hygiene thread: here's a struggle I've had going on for years. I start wearing one outfit, and it's difficult to wear something new the next day. I think it has to do with comfort, and fear that something else won't be as comfortable or work as well, or I don't know what! There seems to be a great comfort in repeating familiar actions, and without realizing it, it happened again recently: I am wearing the same navy blue skirt and brown print shirt every day. Years ago when I was totally locked into same outfit (red/white calico print), friend and I actually had a ceremony and burned the outfit when I was finally ready to give it up. I have a feeling it may be an OCD thing--or is it just plain tiredness--or both? I read as a young school girl that Red Cross founder Clara Barton had this trait as a school girl: she brought 2 trunks of clothing to school, but in her shyness, only alternated wearing two of them, and was eventually ridiculed for same.

~PeacePilgrim
Posted ImagePosted Image

My cat does not desert me, my cat does not judge me.

My life is not at all what I thought it would be and I am rather stunned and in shock trying to figure out what it actually is.

Paco was full of life even in the face of death. He would never pass up an opportunity to participate in, and rejoice in, life. I am remembering how I honored him the year following his passing, in saying: "What would Paco do?", and thereby finding the courage to do many things I might have passed by.

#35 PeacePilgrim

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Posted 10 December 2009 - 03:08 AM

Okay, finally a shower tonight (12/09/09 Wednesday night, or early Thursday morning, depending on your point of view). This one took long enough to get. Last shower was evidently on 11/29. Finally had a "window" when I thought I could motivate myself to do so, although bribed myself by saying I could have ice cream afterwards. Used the open window/no fan technique that I thought of myself, and the "just let the water run over you" thought taken from upthread here. Tried to use the shower for think/problem-solving time, like I used to, although don't know how successful I was on that. Anyway it's done, I would imagine for maybe another week??
Posted ImagePosted Image

My cat does not desert me, my cat does not judge me.

My life is not at all what I thought it would be and I am rather stunned and in shock trying to figure out what it actually is.

Paco was full of life even in the face of death. He would never pass up an opportunity to participate in, and rejoice in, life. I am remembering how I honored him the year following his passing, in saying: "What would Paco do?", and thereby finding the courage to do many things I might have passed by.

#36 Pink Sock

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Posted 10 December 2009 - 09:45 AM

PeacePilgrim, no matter when your next shower is, you did it last night and today you can bask in that success! As we all have found out, it is often these seemingly small steps that can make a day (or moment) better than the one before.

So, bravo to you!!

#37 SoulSurvivor

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Posted 11 December 2009 - 12:58 AM

Hi PeacePilgrim-

I know exactly what you mean- I have to force myself to take a shower these last 2 months.. but I didn't take a shower for 2 weeks then when I did, I just felt annoyed because of all the work I had to do to get in and then out.. but I just had surgery... but even now after my incision has healed- I still rather not shower- I don't want to be bothered .. I just want to wear the same black sweats with a black turtle neck and watch either the Shawshank Redemption or To Wong Foo Thanks for Everythng, Julie Nemar over and over again...
Always forgive your enemies....nothing annoys them so much....
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image Oscar Wilde

#38 PeacePilgrim

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Posted 22 December 2009 - 08:37 PM

Okay, finally a shower tonight (12/09/09 Wednesday night, or early Thursday morning, depending on your point of view). This one took long enough to get. Last shower was evidently on 11/29. Finally had a "window" when I thought I could motivate myself to do so, although bribed myself by saying I could have ice cream afterwards. Used the open window/no fan technique that I thought of myself, and the "just let the water run over you" thought taken from upthread here. Tried to use the shower for think/problem-solving time, like I used to, although don't know how successful I was on that. Anyway it's done, I would imagine for maybe another week??

Well, I went longer than I thought. For the past few days I've been itchy and knew the shower needed to be done. I actually didn't know by the calendar how long it had been. FINALLY done tonight 12/22 around 8pm. It's been such a stressful time, with assistants canceling on me, getting to the shortest/darkest day of the year (yesterday Dec 21st), knowing I will be alone for two days when the world shuts down (24th, 25th), car repair, and dealing with the Northeast storms, the worst of which for me is the salt/chemicals, of which I have an OCD "phobia". I have felt the push-pull for the past few days, but managed to "avoid" the shower until now. But it's done.
Posted ImagePosted Image

My cat does not desert me, my cat does not judge me.

My life is not at all what I thought it would be and I am rather stunned and in shock trying to figure out what it actually is.

Paco was full of life even in the face of death. He would never pass up an opportunity to participate in, and rejoice in, life. I am remembering how I honored him the year following his passing, in saying: "What would Paco do?", and thereby finding the courage to do many things I might have passed by.

#39 SecretMist

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Posted 23 December 2009 - 12:05 AM

That's wonderful Peace, I know it's sometimes hard to even get motivate to shower and you have been making progress with this. How did you feel after the shower? I hope that it has refreshed you for a bit. You have done well and should be proud of yourself.

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If we can't stand alone to help ourselves,
with support we shall stand together
to make the changes and a difference within our lives
and the lives of all for the better.
******************************************



#40 PeacePilgrim

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Posted 02 January 2010 - 02:55 PM

Finally got another shower; it's amazing that I am still going over a week without one. Today's plans got canceled due to snowstorm, and I am feeling very disjointed and disconnected. Felt the need to accomplish at least one thing, so while still daylight and with window open (prior to high winds tonight), I finally got a shower around 2pm. Stayed in there as long as I wanted, with plenty of hot water, but still don't know why it seems like such a "commitment" when I step in the shower door.
Posted ImagePosted Image

My cat does not desert me, my cat does not judge me.

My life is not at all what I thought it would be and I am rather stunned and in shock trying to figure out what it actually is.

Paco was full of life even in the face of death. He would never pass up an opportunity to participate in, and rejoice in, life. I am remembering how I honored him the year following his passing, in saying: "What would Paco do?", and thereby finding the courage to do many things I might have passed by.




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