[Richter_Belmont]

when im depressed:

a) my emotion/feeling became flat. it is also reflect on the expression of my face. my facial expression became flat. its like a robot.
b) feeling super down.

c) when the depression reaches it peek (worst). im look dead. my expression of my face looks dead flat. im really looks scary. when this happens.
people scared on me. they don't look me in the eyes. the strangers stayed away from me and think that im an drug user (im a clean guy. i dont have vices and i dont use drugs) . the people will think that im going to do bad things like:
1.) when i go to stores. guard walks out on there position and stalk me.
2.) when i walk on the street. and when im going to pass a stranger, they stared at me and they will hold there belongings like im going to steal it.
3.) when im in a line, the person in my front will look back and look at me. after they look at me, there items in there back pocket (like cellphones or wallet), they will place it in their front packet thinking that im going to steal it.
( it really pi**ed me off f***ing strangers)

d) my mind splits into two. im only depressed half of my mind (right brain) and it also affects half of my body. its like my emotional part was detach to my reason/logical part.

e)d3stroying my self unaware and weird.

unaware, im d3stroying myself slowly by suffocating my self.
1.)i sniff my left nose frequently to clogged it so i cant breathe. (im not aware of it really) (i have deviated septum, and it became my mannerism to sniff).
2.)my head always bow down (standing,sitting, walking) (makes my breathing hard)
3.) my sleeping position is bad (curve)
4.) my back is curve.

because of this sometimes i stop breathing, gasping for air. stop breathing when im sleeping.

f). i talk to my self verbally. trying to figure things out.

g) my memory became impaired. when i read books, i understand it. but when im going to recall it or remember it, i can't)

h). i can't sleep. or 1 to 2 hours of sleep. always have nightmares. when i wake up. i feel dizzy.

i) becoming bipolar.

j). when im almost fell asleep or unconscious (my mind in the transition of sleep).i started to imagine or talking without my control, against my will. and its really annoying.

k) my whole back aches. from my neck down to my pelvic.

any comments?. or help.

--
currently recovered from depression by luckily figured the answer to my problem...

This post has been edited by Richter_Belmont: 07 November 2009 - 12:53 PM

[joewantshelp]

hey richter and welcome to DF

nothing can be done about the strangers. honestly though it happens to just about every one. people in this day of age or very causuois of thifs, drug sellers/ useers.... so on so on. the prejudice actions of these people is something that every one will be victim to every once in a while. quite frankly thoguh if you were to wear a smile while walking down the street it would make you look like your upto something. just try not to worry about it. denying yourself the right to breath is very much so self punishment and in some ways what your donig is better than how others cope with self punishment. though it would be best that you try to slow down on doing it if not can stop it all together. lack of oxygen to the brain could be causeing your dizzy spells. yes getting up to fast from suffering of nightmares can case blood to rush to your head ad cause dizzyness. but self denile of oxygen isnt helping. bi polar symptoms combined with verbal self communication, uncontroled comunication and short term mermory loss could be a number of things (espesaly at later teens ) and im not qualifyed to tell you of anything it could be. dont trust the internet on what it is ether. see a profetional face to face. nothing less.

its best you speak to your Dr about it and also see about sleeping medication. on the subject of night mares, all dreams in all forms are considerd simulations. when you enter r.e.m sleep. (rapid eye movement) you will offten run simulations of situations you have or beleive your self to go though. and its quite normal to run them more than once until you are happy with the results. (how you act in the dream) cheak out some stuff on meditation. meditation helps control breathing and helps train the mind to keep thoughts in order so your not trying to think about to much at once. it also helps for keeping calm in stressful situations. meditation isnt a religious action and is acceptible for anyone to do if not recomended for mental health. another thing to talk to your Dr about though im sure you have already is medical treatment for your back. with cronic pain, over counter medication isnt always best and might not even help at all. dont settle for the suger cubes when your Dr could perscribe something helpful. also be asertive when explaining your symptoms.

many Dr's will offten attempt to convince you that nothing or something that dosnt requir as much treatment (or corect treatment) will be going on (he/she dosent know how you are, outside his/her office). if theres a test for it and your ok with getting it. get it. dont worry about feeling flat, thats the essance of depression. in time you will over come it. take part in activatys you enjoy and try not to be alone. though depression is something that never leaves you. its truly something thats life altering, mostly for better, and makes alot of good people. hope this helped some.

keep it real and go for it what ever it may be. peace.

[Richter_Belmont]

iowa, on Nov 8 2009, 04:54 PM, said:

Hi! With your breathing problems, you might want to work on your posture and sleep position. Breathing is so important to our mood state. When your brain isn't getting enough oxygen, you become more depressed. Try to breathe as deeply and completely as possible. That will lift your mood some.
I agree with joe, that taking something to help you get better sleep would be very helpful to you.
I'm glad that you're feeling better now. Are you afraid that the depression will come back?
Iowa

no. this breathing problem occurs when im depressed. this is how i destroy myself. i don't self harm. when i became depressed. my body wants to do it. i started to curve my back, bow my head. curve my back when i sleep. and my body wants to stop breathing. i really want to correct my posture but its heavy. its like my body doesnt want to. after my depression is gone. everything will be back to normal. including my breathing and my posture...

going back to answer the question. im afraid that if im become depressed again. i can no longer solve it. i solve my problem by luck. im going to tell you my short story of what happened.


i fall in love in our helper (maid). i don't do anything yet. but i became close to her. being close to a girl is new to me because its my first time. (im a loner).
the depression started when i started to dislike her. i started to dislike her when i found out that she has boyfriend already. i dislike her in a way i start not to talk to her, not helping her, and snob her. because of this i started to feel this bad feeling inside me. it gotten worst when i started to hear her talking to her boyfriend in her phone.
do you know what i felt when i heard them talking?. this horrible and scary SHOCK. this feeling is so horrible that i feel it in my chest. after i feel it, i feel shy, my eye expression became stunned.im stunned as a whole. its like my chest was pulled down. and then my depression became worst. like what i had stated above.

i became severely depressed that i locked my self in my room trying to solve it. i can't go out in my house because im look sick. it is no longer accepted in the society in a way i started to caught attention of people. even if i do nothing.

i talked to myself verbally saying reasonable answer and all of it doesn't solve it. no matter how reasonable it was. luckily this one solve it. heres my conversation of myself:

speaking to myself verbally in my room:
me (reasonable tone): i already told you every answer that we can think off and everything failed. we done it all.
me (emotional):please let me love her............
me (reasonable tone): no we can't. she's already have a boyfriend and its stupid.
me (emotional): please let me love her........
me(reasonable tone): hmmmmm.... ok i think we have no choice. ok lets love her.

(when ever i became depressed, my mind split into two: emotional and the logical one. so these talking occurs if its happened)

after i said that. D***! i feel sooooooooooo GOOD!. i started to breathe again and i feel alive again. because of it. my depression was gone. what a luck.

after that i said to myself that:
1.) im going to love her not as a guy who wants a girl as a lover but as a friend.
2.) im going to help her again in her chores.
3.) if she's happy then im happy too. so if hes talking to her boyfriend in her phone. im gonna say to my self "shes happy talking to her boyfriend, so im happy for her".

these cure my depression. i never expected that loving her again will be the solution. because logically its wrong because she's already has a boyfriend. but anyway...

note:
thanks to this wonderful Forum. that i can share this and makes me feel good and somebody is reading it. ^_^
i can't talk this thing to the people i know. because im a quiet guy. and i don't talk emotionally to them...

This post has been edited by SecretMist: 10 November 2009 - 11:36 PM

[SecretMist]

Hi Richter,

I'm sorry that you are struggling. It does sound that when you talk to yourself that you are saying all the right things in thinking of the positive ways so that you are not hurting. Are you on any meds at the time and seeing a therapist? Something that you might want to consider is a sleep study to where they can monitor your sleep and know when you are having trouble breathing. It's just a thought that does help people as if you are not sleeping well and not breathing well when sleeping they have a c pap machine, it's kind of like an oxygen mask that you sleep with and when you stop breathing it causes you to keep breathing. You may give it some thought