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nealy

I'm So Fat And Disgusting

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I am so overweight. It is literally tearing me up inside and I am sliding further and further into deep depression. I gained a tremendous amount of weight in barely over 2 years and now I am considered obese. I don't know how to stop this. I want to help myself but I just don't know how. I never exercise... I sit in this stupid chair at the computer from morning until night. I can barely move my muscles sometimes. I have way too much cellulite and stretch marks and I keep myself hidden under my big sweatshirts and pajama pants. My diet is so poor. I try to eat lots of fruits and veggies a day.... but when I mix that with potato chips, A LOT of chocolate, soda, ice cream, etc... it doesn't really matter. I feel so guilty when I am eating that way, but I continue to do it anyway.

This is all I can think about. What doesn't help is when people (even in my own family) point it out to me that I'm fat. Even my landlord does. She always rubs it in that she went out for a walk, or just got back from the gym like she is trying to prove some kind of point.

All of my self-esteem, and confidence is so far gone. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without crying and thinking about what a monster I am. I'm ugly and nobody wants to see this person. Nobody wants to see me with my fat hanging over my pants or these stupid disgusting love handles, or this gross double chin I am starting to get. I looked in the mirror today and started crying. I said " I.. am ..so ..ugly.." and just cried and cried.

I'm sick of feeling this disgusting. That's what I am - disgusting. I'm sick of my muscles aching, I'm sick of all this pain. I"m sick of being me. (here come the tears now) . I just need someone who understands

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Posted

I am so overweight. It is literally tearing me up inside and I am sliding further and further into deep depression. I gained a tremendous amount of weight in barely over 2 years and now I am considered obese. I don't know how to stop this. I want to help myself but I just don't know how. I never exercise... I sit in this stupid chair at the computer from morning until night. I can barely move my muscles sometimes. I have way too much cellulite and stretch marks and I keep myself hidden under my big sweatshirts and pajama pants. My diet is so poor. I try to eat lots of fruits and veggies a day.... but when I mix that with potato chips, A LOT of chocolate, soda, ice cream, etc... it doesn't really matter. I feel so guilty when I am eating that way, but I continue to do it anyway.

This is all I can think about. What doesn't help is when people (even in my own family) point it out to me that I'm fat. Even my landlord does. She always rubs it in that she went out for a walk, or just got back from the gym like she is trying to prove some kind of point.

All of my self-esteem, and confidence is so far gone. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without crying and thinking about what a monster I am. I'm ugly and nobody wants to see this person. Nobody wants to see me with my fat hanging over my pants or these stupid disgusting love handles, or this gross double chin I am starting to get. I looked in the mirror today and started crying. I said " I.. am ..so ..ugly.." and just cried and cried.

I'm sick of feeling this disgusting. That's what I am - disgusting. I'm sick of my muscles aching, I'm sick of all this pain. I"m sick of being me. (here come the tears now) . I just need someone who understands

Hi nealy,

It sounds like you're having a rough time - though you may be overweight, nobody has the right to be rude about it and it does not diminish your worth as a person. Are you seeing a therapist or anything right now?

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Posted

I am so overweight. It is literally tearing me up inside and I am sliding further and further into deep depression. I gained a tremendous amount of weight in barely over 2 years and now I am considered obese. I don't know how to stop this. I want to help myself but I just don't know how. I never exercise... I sit in this stupid chair at the computer from morning until night. I can barely move my muscles sometimes. I have way too much cellulite and stretch marks and I keep myself hidden under my big sweatshirts and pajama pants. My diet is so poor. I try to eat lots of fruits and veggies a day.... but when I mix that with potato chips, A LOT of chocolate, soda, ice cream, etc... it doesn't really matter. I feel so guilty when I am eating that way, but I continue to do it anyway.

This is all I can think about. What doesn't help is when people (even in my own family) point it out to me that I'm fat. Even my landlord does. She always rubs it in that she went out for a walk, or just got back from the gym like she is trying to prove some kind of point.

All of my self-esteem, and confidence is so far gone. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without crying and thinking about what a monster I am. I'm ugly and nobody wants to see this person. Nobody wants to see me with my fat hanging over my pants or these stupid disgusting love handles, or this gross double chin I am starting to get. I looked in the mirror today and started crying. I said " I.. am ..so ..ugly.." and just cried and cried.

I'm sick of feeling this disgusting. That's what I am - disgusting. I'm sick of my muscles aching, I'm sick of all this pain. I"m sick of being me. (here come the tears now) . I just need someone who understands

Hi nealy,

It sounds like you're having a rough time - though you may be overweight, nobody has the right to be rude about it and it does not diminish your worth as a person. Are you seeing a therapist or anything right now?

No, I am not seeing a therapist. I quit because I hated it. I doubt they could help me with this anyway. I know that I should just ignore peoples comments... but I am such a sensitive, highly emotional person and I can't just blow it off. Why can't people just keep those comments to themselves? I just feel so vulnerable right now, and anything that anyone says is just going to make me feel worse.

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Posted

(((((((((((((Nealy))))))))))))))

You have been in a bad place for a while now and being in that space really can leave you with lack of motivation.

I know you are afraid to go out.

You are not ugly Nealy, not by far, you have a beautiful soul.

I read an article the other day that said you can get a little bit of exercise by doing the simplest things in your own home.

Things like putting on some music and dancing while you do something else. Also having a good house clean can also help you get a little exercise.

Being at home all day, must be really soul destroying for you. Has your boyfriend got any time to take you for a walk or to the shops at all, something that you can do together.

You are a beautiful person and I wish that you could see it for yourself.

Trace

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Posted

(((((((((((((Nealy))))))))))))))

You have been in a bad place for a while now and being in that space really can leave you with lack of motivation.

I know you are afraid to go out.

You are not ugly Nealy, not by far, you have a beautiful soul.

I read an article the other day that said you can get a little bit of exercise by doing the simplest things in your own home.

Things like putting on some music and dancing while you do something else. Also having a good house clean can also help you get a little exercise.

Being at home all day, must be really soul destroying for you. Has your boyfriend got any time to take you for a walk or to the shops at all, something that you can do together.

You are a beautiful person and I wish that you could see it for yourself.

Trace

Thank u trace.

I wish I could see it for myself too. I know I have a beautiful soul... but to everyone else, and me, it is what's on the outside that really matters. No one gives a girl like me a second glance.

My boyfriend works all day and when he comes home, he barely has any energy for his video games, let alone trying to keep me motivated. He doesn't know what to do to help me, and I don't blame him... because I am impossible to help.

Being alone at home all day is soul destroying for me. That made me cry. I have completely destroyed my life ... all by doing nothing.

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Posted

Nealy, I can't believe it. I wrote a very long motivating and inspiring post for you and some telesales git phoned me as I pressed the "add reply" button. My Internet connection cut out because of the incoming call (it happens sometimes) and the post was lost in the cybernothingness. Aaarrggh!

Here, I'll write the short version...

Do a search for people on the net who have been in your position but who have lost weight. I did and it helped me. I've lost a lot of weight and I attribute my initial motivation to them. Inspiration breeds motivation.

If you need advice about the ins and outs of how to do it I can help. I'm not a coach but I've went from a 40 inch waist (I'm a short guy so that looks terrible) to less than 34. The details about how to lose weight are simple. If it's the will power you need I recommend reading about those who faced a similar battle to find their motivation. I was one of them and it worked for me.

Good luck.

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Posted

Nealy, I can't believe it. I wrote a very long motivating and inspiring post for you and some telesales git phoned me as I pressed the "add reply" button. My Internet connection cut out because of the incoming call (it happens sometimes) and the post was lost in the cybernothingness. Aaarrggh!

Here, I'll write the short version...

Do a search for people on the net who have been in your position but who have lost weight. I did and it helped me. I've lost a lot of weight and I attribute my initial motivation to them. Inspiration breeds motivation.

If you need advice about the ins and outs of how to do it I can help. I'm not a coach but I've went from a 40 inch waist (I'm a short guy so that looks terrible) to less than 34. The details about how to lose weight are simple. If it's the will power you need I recommend reading about those who faced a similar battle to find their motivation. I was one of them and it worked for me.

Good luck.

Thank u keepcool.

I have tried that and it just makes me feel worse because they are so happy now and in great shape.... and then here I am. I'm happy that it motivated you, but it does no such thing for me. I appreciate the advice though. I guess there is just no answer for me.

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Posted

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now - you're not disgusting and you don't deserve to be harassed about it. Can you tell your family that you're aware of your weight and their comments are painful? They could just be concerned and are showing it in the usual way - exactly the wrong way.

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Posted

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now - you're not disgusting and you don't deserve to be harassed about it. Can you tell your family that you're aware of your weight and their comments are painful? They could just be concerned and are showing it in the usual way - exactly the wrong way.

Thank you Mulligrubs

I honestly believe I do deserve it, because I am doing nothing to fix it. As far as my family goes, I just try to avoid them. Me saying anything isn't going to do any good, except make them talk to each other about me behind my back. My family isn't concerned about me... they don't give a crap about me.

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Posted (edited)

Embrace the fact that you are you; regardless of what you may look like on the outside.

Your goals, morals, and ideals are what make up who you are; not your physical features. I too have issues with my appearance in regards to others. I always feel as if those around me are judging me. When you imagine things like that, it feels just like they were saying the things I imagine... and I don't even purposefully imagine the thoughts... they just sort of appeared.

I have always cared about what others have thought of me, but I have been trying to adapt an outlook that allows me to disregard what others think of me.

We just have to disregard those thoughts. Sometimes, it's even okay to be blunt about how such comments are not acceptable..

Edited by RexM

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Posted

Embrace the fact that you are you; regardless of what you may look like on the outside.

Your goals, morals, and ideals are what make up who you are; not your physical features. I too have issues with my appearance in regards to others. I always feel as if those around me are judging me. When you imagine things like that, it feels just like they were saying the things I imagine... and I don't even purposefully imagine the thoughts... they just sort of appeared.

I have always cared about what others have thought of me, but I have been trying to adapt an outlook that allows me to disregard what others think of me.

We just have to disregard those thoughts. Sometimes, it's even okay to be blunt about how such comments are not acceptable..

Thank u Rexm

I appreciate your response. Apart from what others think of me..... what I think of myself is what is really scaring me. I really try to not let what others think of me hurt me.... but it is hard when I hate my appearance so much already. If I was could just accept what I look like... then others stupid comments would have no effect on me. I guess this is what I deserve for doing this to myself in the first place.

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Posted

You are really beautiful.

I used to be very overweight. And I compulsively ate, even though i knew the whole time it was bad.

Have you tried any medication? Prozac is a known appetite suppressant. - Well it defiantely has that effect on me. Maybe cause when you feel happier you eat less maybe.

I used to sit at home all day too. And I always thought the worst all the time. And felt ugly and fat.

THINGS CAN CHANGE.

Youre worth it. Go see a professional. A psychairtrist maybe?

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Posted

((((( nealy ))))) We love you just the way you are!!!! :hearts:

Iowa

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Posted

You are really beautiful.

I used to be very overweight. And I compulsively ate, even though i knew the whole time it was bad.

Have you tried any medication? Prozac is a known appetite suppressant. - Well it defiantely has that effect on me. Maybe cause when you feel happier you eat less maybe.

I used to sit at home all day too. And I always thought the worst all the time. And felt ugly and fat.

THINGS CAN CHANGE.

Youre worth it. Go see a professional. A psychairtrist maybe?

Thank you for the compliment :hearts:

I don't want to see a professional because I tried it once before and I really hated it. I don't think it was for me. Maybe I will try it again someday in the future.

I could always ask my regular doctor for some advice. I've been doing good today, have only eaten twice, 2 very healthy meals with tea to drink. Have had no junk food, which I definitely gave myself a pat on the back for. The days not over yet, but I feel pretty confident about it. Even if it's just for today, I will take what I can get.

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Posted

((((( nealy ))))) We love you just the way you are!!!! :hearts:

Iowa

Thank you, iowa. Your very sweet. :hearts::flowers:

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Posted

Hi nealy,

I just want to say that I have a friend that I haven't seen in a long time and have asked her to send me some updated pictures of herself. She doesn't send them to me for the weight that she has gained. what makes a differents to me is not what someone looks like on the outside but what is on the inside and you sound like such a beautiful person that has been hurt by some cruel comments. I do know how that feels, it hurts and when we are sensitvie people it's hard to get over that hurt. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing yourself to where you cry, try putting a big note on the mirror when you look in the mirror saying " I am not ugly, I have a beautiful soul and heart and I am just as beautiful as any other person" I do know this is a hard thing to do but if you keep doing this day after day then maybe you will realize how beautiful you are and then try working on the weight be just doing things at home or walking, take it slowly as you start out, we don't want you to become overwhelmed with doing things, just do small things until you can work up the energy to do more. What count's in what is on the inside.

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Hi nealy,

I just want to say that I have a friend that I haven't seen in a long time and have asked her to send me some updated pictures of herself. She doesn't send them to me for the weight that she has gained. what makes a differents to me is not what someone looks like on the outside but what is on the inside and you sound like such a beautiful person that has been hurt by some cruel comments. I do know how that feels, it hurts and when we are sensitvie people it's hard to get over that hurt. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing yourself to where you cry, try putting a big note on the mirror when you look in the mirror saying " I am not ugly, I have a beautiful soul and heart and I am just as beautiful as any other person" I do know this is a hard thing to do but if you keep doing this day after day then maybe you will realize how beautiful you are and then try working on the weight be just doing things at home or walking, take it slowly as you start out, we don't want you to become overwhelmed with doing things, just do small things until you can work up the energy to do more. What count's in what is on the inside.

((SecretMist)),

I wish a lot more people were like you. The world would be a much better place, that's forsure. Like you suggested, I am going to put a note on my bathroom mirror and try to say those words. Although, I find it very difficult speaking to myself in the mirror. I almost feel embarrassed, like I am looking at a stranger. Hopefully speaking to myself this way will help with my confidence and the way I see myself. Thank you for the wonderful advice ♥

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Posted (edited)

Nealy,

I totally agree with SecretMist ! I am SURE you have beauty within and thats the part people cant see because they wont give you a chance. I myslef highly doubt that you are ugly its what you are telling yourself that might be making you feel ugly. I have done the note thing on several occassions and it DOES work! What I have also learned is you have to love yourself from within. You might not see it now but it is there. Have you thought about getting a few self-help books. I believe there is one called "Learning to Love Yourself". I had read it a long time ago and it helped me tremously. If you can find a book like that believe me it would be worth the investment cause you will be able to see the beauty within yourself which will cause you to feel more confident and more comfortable with yourself . Once you get to that point I am sure you would be able to move forward with whatever you had to do to look the way YOU want to. Everyone has beauty within we just have to find it and use it more, instead of telling ourselves those negative thoughts that only bring us down. You need something to make you feel more confident and feel more worthy of yourself and there are alot of self help books that can give you a great start in that department. If you say you sit around all day why not read and learn about the beauty you have within. I know for me when I concentrate on whats wrong with me its takes away from the good things about myself. Make yourself a positive list about yourself and list all the things you like about yourself. Take a while and really think about it and then be honest . I am sure you will come up with alot good things and not worry about your weight. You need to feel good about YOU and get yourself strong and then maybe worry about the phychical part later on. SecretMist is right you need to repeat these things to yourself everyday all day long and change the way you think about yourself. Dont worry about those outsiders that dont care if they hurt you or not just make sure you dont join in with them and hurt yourself more. We tend to beat ourselves. Give yourself a break. I dont even know you and I can tell you are a good person now you need to believe that.Please consider a self help book like I mentioned above. They have helped me somuch through my life when things were rough. WE all care about you here so keep writing ! I wish you all the best ! Oh I love your signature have you REALLY read it lately???????? ""Be strong now because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever"

Edited by SerenityForever

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Posted

Hi Nealy,

I know some techniques work differently for each individual, I also found it hard to talk to myself in the mirror because I felt silly about it so then instead of saying it out loud I just started thinking it over and over in my thoughts which really helped a lot.

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Posted (edited)

Nealy-

Just wanted to say your pic in the profile is beautiful! I'll add that with a new job I started about 4 mos ago, I came into contact with a new "co-worker". She is a beautiful blonde, and yes, she does have weight challenges. Over the past four months(your post made me realize) I don't even see the "weight" anymore. She is beautiful inside and out. She is the most caring, compassionate, and understanding person I think I have ever met.

I now find myself asking "why did you not realize the beauty" from the beginning. I'll say this with no ill intention, but when I realized this beautiful lady had a heart that was bigger than the body I at first saw, the body is no longer realized...... it's the heart she has. She is pure heart!

You sound similar! Weight can come and go. A heart never fades...nor fails.

Best wishes to you, Nealy.

Deepster

Edited by Deepster

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Posted

Very well put Deepster, I do like the way you put it into words.

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Very well put Deepster, I do like the way you put it into words.

My reply is to nealy although I am quoting SecretMist because I agree with the comment. Deepster reminded me of a friend I had when I was a teenager. She was overweight for the whole time I knew her and not one person I know of ever said anything about it. I think back then (the 1960's) we lived in a kinder world than we do now. But this girl was caring, sharing and never had a bad word to say about anyone. I never thought of her as disgusting and I still do not think of her that way. We live in a world now where people think it is perfectly ok to say whatever they want and many do not hesitate to do that. I feel sorry for them because they have the ugliness and disgust inside of them. They have their insecurities and to make sure you do not see what that is, they use methods to draw attention to you because they are so afraid.

Do not let them draw you into their hateful fearful world. As long as you're busy thinking how they perceive you, you don't have time or energy to focus on them. I am no expert on anything but I do get angry when I hear of bullies like this picking on another persons weakness. Others in here are far more able to advise you than I am, but one thing I would suggest to you is to read a book on assertiveness. It will help give you confidence in yourself and give you the courage to speak up when people make rude comments. You might also do some research or read a book on how to deal with bullies because that is what it sounds like they are.

And also from reading your posts here there is no way I could ever believe you are disgusting. You communicate very well and seem like a caring person.

I really do believe there are more people in the world who care for others than do not. Sometimes it just seems like we are surrounded by uncaring people. I think that is part of our depression.

I hope what I said was ok, sometimes I don't post because I feel I will say the wrong thing and make people feel worse. That is one of my insecurities. It all boils down to me caring though.

PillowandBlanket

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Posted (edited)

PillowandBlanket-

This so reminds me of a lesson I learned from the clinical director of the ogranization I work for. We were discussing "judgement" at a day class, and she shared with the class that she had basically exchanged the feeling of "judgement" to "curiosity". It took me only a sec to snap onto this. She is one very smart lady!

In a matter of seconds, I saw how I could instantly exchange my "judgements" to "curiosity". I hope this makes some kinda sense.

In other words when you come into my office, I could say "he's just here to bide time, get his educational requirements overwith, and out he goes". Yet, I could take the stance of "where can I support this person? How can I be the the instrument to get him to realize he has the capacity to "recover" through his own understanding and experience of himself? How can I give guidance, reassurance, and a feeling of self importance that I recognize is so needed? How can I role model"?

I know this seems a bit off topic, but where I'm coming from is that everyone has the capacity to heal, and it comes from within, and often with supporters from the outside.

I have a woman who comes to one of my classes every week who is terribly obese. What's odd about this is that I never even see her as this "obese person" coming into class. She is a beautiful soul, and her soul carries her weight. She's a gifted artist, a gifted supporter, a gifted poet, a gifted writer, and a totally GIVING person.

I honestly must say that at first, I was a bit taken aback. Now, she is just this beautiful being who shows up once or twice a week and contributes so much. I have no "inner vision" of what she might look like from week to week. I just know her presence is notable. That's it!

Deepster

ETA: I am so thankful that even when people give up on themselves, I hold hope for them. I keep giving them hope, over, and over, and over again. I just always want them to know that if they will "be there" I will always be too. Hope is the greatest gift of life!

Edited by Deepster

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Posted (edited)

Hi nealy,

First of all I'll address the point about people putting you down for being overweight. People often insult fat people because they see it as weakness of character and try to make themselves feel better by saying "at least I'm better than that fat person". It is actually THEIR weakness though, in the form of insecurity. Unfortunately that's the way the world is nowadays; when it comes to weight, empathy goes out the window. I've been skinny all my life, but I realize that a HUGE part of that is because of luck. I am genetically predisposed to being thin, with a high metabolism, and a tendency to undereat rather than overeat when stressed out. Most people won't admit that the difficulty in losing weight varies GREATLY from person to person. Otherwise, they wouldn't be able to feel superior to fat people anymore.

Now, I noticed that you said you want to get healthier but don't know how. You'll need knowledge, support, and a plan. Specifically, you'll need a diet and exercise plan. I highly recommend going to bodybuildingdotcom. There is a ton of info on there about nutrition and exercise. The forums there have a "Losing Fat" section which would be perfect for you. They are a very supportive community with a wealth of knowledge and success stories.

I know that's a big, big change in lifestyle I'm advocating here. Just start visiting there and soaking up people's knowledge and see how people just like you have taken control of their weight and health. And as a big first step, I recommend not keeping any junk food in your house. When you have a craving, you'll have to leave your house for junk food, making it a lot harder to eat unhealthy. :)

Edited by Daisho

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Posted

Nealy-

Just wanted to say your pic in the profile is beautiful! I'll add that with a new job I started about 4 mos ago, I came into contact with a new "co-worker". She is a beautiful blonde, and yes, she does have weight challenges. Over the past four months(your post made me realize) I don't even see the "weight" anymore. She is beautiful inside and out. She is the most caring, compassionate, and understanding person I think I have ever met.

I now find myself asking "why did you not realize the beauty" from the beginning. I'll say this with no ill intention, but when I realized this beautiful lady had a heart that was bigger than the body I at first saw, the body is no longer realized...... it's the heart she has. She is pure heart!

You sound similar! Weight can come and go. A heart never fades...nor fails.

Best wishes to you, Nealy.

Deepster

((Deepster))

Thanks for the compliment, that is so nice to say :o) That would happen to be one of those pictures where the angle and the lighting are just right to make me look just a little better. It took about 20 pictures for me to finally accept one.

I really liked your story. Most people don't take the time to realize how beautiful a person is on the inside. It just isn't fair. I will talk to and be friends with almost any person. Their race, sex, clothing style and weight don't matter to me one bit. What's funny is I have no friends. I wonder why that is. Because not many people are like me. It's a sad, sad world. That's forsure.

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