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Depressed And Worried - Going To Prison


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31 replies to this topic

#1 Paul85

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Posted 10 September 2009 - 10:18 AM

I am going back to court in October as I am out on bail at the moment and have been told to expect 3 or 4 years. This has been hanging over me for the last few months and has taken over my life and it feels that everything is going wrong. I had a lot of rows with my girlfriend over the past few months and we split up. She meant everything to me and my life seems like nothing without her. Because of the trouble I got into things aren't so good with my family either. I have some good mates but don't always feel like talking to them. The only thing that keeps me going is the job I have and I've been calling in sick to that and have been late and have been given a warning that if things don't improve I'll be fired.

With the way I feel right now I don't feel that I will be able to cope in prison. I am counting down the days to when I'm in court and the thoughts of getting locked up freaks me out. I've spent afew nights in the cells up until now and even then I felt paniced. Once it was so bad the guards thought I was acting up and came into the cell and restrained me.

I know there are loads of people in prison and they just cope with it but I worry I won't be able to. Has anybody here been inside and how did you cope? Or if you know somebody who has been through something like this? I just wish I could go back a year and change things so I wouldn't be in this mess. I know the next few years are going to be hard and I am trying to sort myself out so I can get through it all but right now it seems like nothing can go right.

#2 Trace

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Posted 10 September 2009 - 10:27 AM

Hi and Welcome (((((((((Paul))))))))))

This must be so hard for you to face.
We unfortunately can not turn back the clock and change the past, but we can learn from it and move forward.
I do not know what the prisons are like where you are, but I am from South Africa and I have done volunteer work with regards to people in prison.

If you are going to be there, perhaps you could use this time, to grow and learn to understand yourself.
Here in this country, they have groups and hobbies for prisoners.
Most prisons have counseling and group therapy, which could benefit you.

Perhaps do a lot of reading and self reflection.
All of this will enable you to understand yourself and grow into the person that you want to be.

Trace
Listen in deep silence. Be very still and open your mind.... Sink deep into the peace that waits for you beyond the frantic, riotous thoughts and sights and sounds of this insane world. - A course of miracles.

True beauty must come, must be grown, from within.... - Ralph W Trine.



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#3 jimbow15

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Posted 10 September 2009 - 10:35 AM

Hi Paul85,

Sorry to hear you are going to Prison, but as Trace said this is something you have to face.

Prison life is not like it used to be back in the 60's when there was nothing to do, nowadays you can take up a university course if you are really up to it, or learn a trade.
I have only done agency work in a medical capacity at several UK prisons, and from what I have experienced it has a load of opportunities to do hobbies, etc. However prison is also a place to 'do time' and it is up to you to make the best use of your time there.

Hope you manage to cope with your feelings of panic, there will be a medical service available in the prison and there is a Doctor on call24/7.

Jim Bow
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed." Albert E.


Information supplied on Depression Forums by members should not be relied upon and is not a substitute for medical advice from a health professional or doctor.

#4 SecretMist

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Posted 10 September 2009 - 01:43 PM

hi paul,
i'm sorry to hear of your situation and i don't think i could add anymore then what trace as said in things you can do to help yourself. if you do end up going to prison you maybe even write in a journal while there may be of help and set some goals for yourself when when you get out.

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and the lives of all for the better.
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#5 jakeman

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Posted 10 September 2009 - 01:48 PM

Hello, this is a terrible situation, I hope you turn the bad into good eventually.

#6 Xephon

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Posted 11 September 2009 - 02:42 PM

I am going back to court in October as I am out on bail at the moment and have been told to expect 3 or 4 years. This has been hanging over me for the last few months and has taken over my life and it feels that everything is going wrong. I had a lot of rows with my girlfriend over the past few months and we split up. She meant everything to me and my life seems like nothing without her. Because of the trouble I got into things aren't so good with my family either. I have some good mates but don't always feel like talking to them. The only thing that keeps me going is the job I have and I've been calling in sick to that and have been late and have been given a warning that if things don't improve I'll be fired.

With the way I feel right now I don't feel that I will be able to cope in prison. I am counting down the days to when I'm in court and the thoughts of getting locked up freaks me out. I've spent afew nights in the cells up until now and even then I felt paniced. Once it was so bad the guards thought I was acting up and came into the cell and restrained me.

I know there are loads of people in prison and they just cope with it but I worry I won't be able to. Has anybody here been inside and how did you cope? Or if you know somebody who has been through something like this? I just wish I could go back a year and change things so I wouldn't be in this mess. I know the next few years are going to be hard and I am trying to sort myself out so I can get through it all but right now it seems like nothing can go right.


I take it you are not an American. That's a good thing as the prisons here in America are overcrowded and sometimes dangerous.

I have known good people who did volunteer work at prisons and prison education programs. When the time comes try to find those people and collaborate with them as much as possible. Be your own best friend and advocate, and reach out to as many useful and respectful people as you can.

How are you doing now?

I wish you the best.
It is only for the sake of those without hope that hope is given to us.
-Walter Benjamin

#7 Paul85

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Posted 12 September 2009 - 01:01 PM

Thanks for the advice. I feel a bit better now - just sometimes it seems too much and just see all the bad stuff coming ahead of me.

I will be going to prison in England - I have heard prison can be bad here but not as bad as America. I have seen a few of those programs on TV about prison in America and it seems much worse. I know they are always called the toughest prison and stuff like that so there might be places that are better but it looks horrible to me.

It's strange but sometimes I wish I was there already and knew what it is actually like instead of spending so much time worrying about it. But in 4 weeks time I am sure I will be thinking differently.

#8 Girly

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Posted 12 September 2009 - 01:12 PM

Thanks for the advice. I feel a bit better now - just sometimes it seems too much and just see all the bad stuff coming ahead of me.

I will be going to prison in England - I have heard prison can be bad here but not as bad as America. I have seen a few of those programs on TV about prison in America and it seems much worse. I know they are always called the toughest prison and stuff like that so there might be places that are better but it looks horrible to me.

It's strange but sometimes I wish I was there already and knew what it is actually like instead of spending so much time worrying about it. But in 4 weeks time I am sure I will be thinking differently.



(((Paul85)))

I am not really sure what to add apart from thinking that there will also be religious chaplains I would think in a prison who can speak to you and support you with your feelings whilst you are there.

Keep posting over the next few weeks.
Girly


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Diagnosis - Borderline Personality Disorder. Meds - citalopram and olanzapine.

#9 SecretMist

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Posted 12 September 2009 - 03:00 PM

hi paul,

this is just a thought for you, while the waiting and time passing on maybe going to prison and the waiting is the hardest part.
you said that you and your family are not really getting a long, do you think it is possible to make some kind of peace with your family and work on that relationship with them before prison? you may even want to have a chat with your gf and make peace or at least leave in good terms. this will allow you to try something positive before prison. you may want to start there in trying to turn your life around which i hope that you can turn your life around.

*********************************
If we can't stand alone to help ourselves,
with support we shall stand together
to make the changes and a difference within our lives
and the lives of all for the better.
******************************************



#10 Deepster

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Posted 12 September 2009 - 07:36 PM

I just want to add that if you are on any, ANY medications for MH issues, please make this known well in advance. Here in the US, prisons are notorious for denying medications to those in need. Make sure the prison medical personel are in step with your needs. This so often faces breakdown here in the US after being incarcerated. Self advocate in any way you possibly can to ensure that your medical needs are well known, and are strictly adhered to.

In way too many ways MH meds and needs are so misunderstood. It's not likely that all, if any, day to day prison personel are going to give a D*** about your needs, and in all honesty, they could probably care less. I have seen situations where an incarcerated person could have done fine in the prison environment had their medical needs been met. But, because they weren't the detainee becomes the enemy due to inability to cope without medical needs being met. I simply cannot stress this enough. You are going to be facing some difficult times with just adjusting to a "new life", and without proper medical supervision, this could become a nightmare for you and folks around you.

My best to you my friend. I cannot possibly feel what you are feeling, but I can certainly sympathize. Take a personal responsibility for your care and wellbeing!

Deepster
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#11 hawiangirl

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Posted 13 September 2009 - 08:14 AM

Paul, i can promise you, you will be fine if you do go to prison. Unfortunately my boyfriend is in Bullingdon prison for one year.

He is coping very well. Everything is based on routine , there are plenty of self help courses, and educational courses available. He is finding that he is re-evaluating himself for the better. I was scared when he went in, that he might get bullied etc, but its nothing like that - its just a case of getting on with things.

He found when he went in that inmates were pretty helpful, his room- mate gave him tobacco, and even made noodles for him sometimes. you can choose to work if you want , and earn some cash. Family can send in cash if they wish, and you can buy what you need from the prison shop. There is a library, and in the evenings inmates are allowed to play pool. You can wear your own clothes, and have a tv, playstation etc.

People can visit you very often, you just need to post out visiting orders to them.
Although it is not like being free, you will get by fine - it is a good chance to build your skills and prepare for a good life when you get out. I have found that my boyfriend is fine, its me that is suffering. I suffer from depression on and off, and have gone a bit downhill since he went in. But i was still quite relieved when i saw that it was not as bad in there as i thought - i think i have watched too many movies! Paul, you will also be assesed mentally and physically - its important that you tell your doctor now about how you feel, and that you be very honest with the prison doctors so that they can help you.

if you want any more advise, please feel free to contact me. :flowers:

following up what i said earlier - i feel so low today, i miss my boyfriend so much. I keep getting a horrible panicky feeling in my stomach. feel like going to sleep and waking up when he is out. :hearts:

Edited by iowa, 14 September 2009 - 02:21 PM.

It's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years - Abraham Lincoln.

#12 mistiquee

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Posted 14 September 2009 - 10:56 AM

I am going back to court in October as I am out on bail at the moment and have been told to expect 3 or 4 years. This has been hanging over me for the last few months and has taken over my life and it feels that everything is going wrong. I had a lot of rows with my girlfriend over the past few months and we split up. She meant everything to me and my life seems like nothing without her. Because of the trouble I got into things aren't so good with my family either. I have some good mates but don't always feel like talking to them. The only thing that keeps me going is the job I have and I've been calling in sick to that and have been late and have been given a warning that if things don't improve I'll be fired.

With the way I feel right now I don't feel that I will be able to cope in prison. I am counting down the days to when I'm in court and the thoughts of getting locked up freaks me out. I've spent afew nights in the cells up until now and even then I felt paniced. Once it was so bad the guards thought I was acting up and came into the cell and restrained me.

I know there are loads of people in prison and they just cope with it but I worry I won't be able to. Has anybody here been inside and how did you cope? Or if you know somebody who has been through something like this? I just wish I could go back a year and change things so I wouldn't be in this mess. I know the next few years are going to be hard and I am trying to sort myself out so I can get through it all but right now it seems like nothing can go right.


Wow... I keep reading on this forum, thinking of writing about my "problems" (things I feel I have to face, seem overwhelming, but I have no choice) but it's more like filling out forms, dealing with agencies (currently have a letter saying to call the Social Security office they want to talk to me about a form I filled out for 2008! I don't even REMEMBER 2008. It seems like day to day life is enough to deal with...) I was going to come here and write and ask if anyone else has anxiety about filling out forms? I always think I'm going to do it wrong, or they are going to say I did, or one person tells me one thing, and another later says that's wrong, etc.

Anyway, I started reading the posts and read yours and now telling myself "I think I HAVE TO DEAL WITH SOMETHING?"

It might not be the same, but I think the feelings are, in a basic way. Having to do something, deal with it, when everything in you doesn't want to. I sit here and feel shakey, and like just going to sleep, my eyes shut. I think it's the FEELINGS I don't like (and dread) more than actually doing whatever it is I feel I have to do. (actually, I've been calling the SS office all morning just to find out and get it over with and the line has been busy)

I find myself thinking of things to help, maybe it will you, too. Like little things. Lke maybe it won't be as bad as I think.. and at least it will (at some point) be over and done.

I also think this feeling, which is depression but is based on a REAL reason, especially in your case, also is like "powerless" and all alone. So, the idea someone is there, someone listens and understands, at least somewhat, that feeling of connection, even on the internet, might help, too.

I don't know about you, but I'd like to feel I'm sharing with someone, but I don't want them telling me WHAT to do, or trying to take over my life in any way.

So, my realizing, that over the years, more and more I have develpped anxiety about dealing with agencies and forms, etc. (which doesn't sound like a big deal, and I feel silly in a way) my instinct is to reach out and talk to others about it. Like maybe I'm not alone.

On another note, when I read this, it's amazing how similar something going on in my life is. One of my daughter's, her boyfriend (has issues, anger,substance abuse. He was an adopted/abused kid who left home as a teen, he is now 30) started drinking and blew up again, and she called the police- who told her she had to file a restraining order, and if she did they would get him mental help (put him in a hospital, he needs meds) She did, they didn't. In fact he ended up getting arrested 3 times (3 days in a row) for various things, relating to the restraining order- then again, later on because he was in the car with her, she was picking him up after he'd been in a hospital he had finally got himself into) So, all the while she (and he) were trying to get him help, he was getting into more and more trouble with the law and courts.
After several months, the cases were dropped (because of the mental hospital) and he was put on probation for a year. Suspended jail sentence.
In the middle of this, they had another fight (he blamed her because of all the times he was arrested and having to go to court, etc) and she told him to leave again.
He is currently staying at my house (I am HER mother... life can be strange).
He was really afriad of getting jail time, too, and hated the nights he was kept in a holding cell, when he was arrested.
Don't know if this helps you (or me) I think just the sharing does.
I have known people who went to jail, and just decided to make the best of it, they weight lifted and got in great shape, and one of them even got a college degree.
It doesn't sound like you would be sent to any of those big time maximum security prisons like they show on TV and movies.
And, you know whatever the sentence, you probably won't spend it all locked up. Especially in this economy, I think they try and let people out early, for "good behavior".
I keep telling myself, when my petty problems seem so big and overwhelming "it will all work out".
Someone once told me this, to think it, repeat it, over and over.
Getting into a calmer and better state of mind seems to be the first step and really helps.
Thanks for sharing, and keep in touch and let us know how it goes.

#13 Paul85

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Posted 17 September 2009 - 02:49 PM

hi paul,

this is just a thought for you, while the waiting and time passing on maybe going to prison and the waiting is the hardest part.
you said that you and your family are not really getting a long, do you think it is possible to make some kind of peace with your family and work on that relationship with them before prison? you may even want to have a chat with your gf and make peace or at least leave in good terms. this will allow you to try something positive before prison. you may want to start there in trying to turn your life around which i hope that you can turn your life around.


I've spent the last few days just thinking about that and like you say it would be goo dto try and clear the air with my gf and family. My ex hasn't answered my calls - not even texts and that winds me up - she could do that at least. I am going home to my family on Saturday so hopefully I can patch things up a bit. Even from the fact of getting visits in prison I would like to make up with them as much as I can.


I just want to add that if you are on any, ANY medications for MH issues, please make this known well in advance. Here in the US, prisons are notorious for denying medications to those in need. Make sure the prison medical personel are in step with your needs. This so often faces breakdown here in the US after being incarcerated. Self advocate in any way you possibly can to ensure that your medical needs are well known, and are strictly adhered to.

In way too many ways MH meds and needs are so misunderstood. It's not likely that all, if any, day to day prison personel are going to give a D*** about your needs, and in all honesty, they could probably care less. I have seen situations where an incarcerated person could have done fine in the prison environment had their medical needs been met. But, because they weren't the detainee becomes the enemy due to inability to cope without medical needs being met. I simply cannot stress this enough. You are going to be facing some difficult times with just adjusting to a "new life", and without proper medical supervision, this could become a nightmare for you and folks around you.

My best to you my friend. I cannot possibly feel what you are feeling, but I can certainly sympathize. Take a personal responsibility for your care and wellbeing!

Deepster


I haven't been on any meds so far. I didn't want to go to the doctor and start taking pills - I feel crap but I've never been into drugs - pills or illegal stuff. I probably drink too much and I smoke too but that's it. I'll see what he says.

Paul, i can promise you, you will be fine if you do go to prison. Unfortunately my boyfriend is in Bullingdon prison for one year.

He is coping very well. Everything is based on routine , there are plenty of self help courses, and educational courses available. He is finding that he is re-evaluating himself for the better. I was scared when he went in, that he might get bullied etc, but its nothing like that - its just a case of getting on with things.

He found when he went in that inmates were pretty helpful, his room- mate gave him tobacco, and even made noodles for him sometimes. you can choose to work if you want , and earn some cash. Family can send in cash if they wish, and you can buy what you need from the prison shop. There is a library, and in the evenings inmates are allowed to play pool. You can wear your own clothes, and have a tv, playstation etc.

People can visit you very often, you just need to post out visiting orders to them.
Although it is not like being free, you will get by fine - it is a good chance to build your skills and prepare for a good life when you get out. I have found that my boyfriend is fine, its me that is suffering. I suffer from depression on and off, and have gone a bit downhill since he went in. But i was still quite relieved when i saw that it was not as bad in there as i thought - i think i have watched too many movies! Paul, you will also be assesed mentally and physically - its important that you tell your doctor now about how you feel, and that you be very honest with the prison doctors so that they can help you.

if you want any more advise, please feel free to contact me. :flowers:

following up what i said earlier - i feel so low today, i miss my boyfriend so much. I keep getting a horrible panicky feeling in my stomach. feel like going to sleep and waking up when he is out. :hearts:



Hearing things like that helps me to think I can get through this and makes me less worried about what it's going to be like.

Like I said it's been hanging over me for months now and sometimes I just wish I was in prison and knew how long I'd have to do and start planning for life afterwards but now I can do nothing but think about what's going to happen and how long I'll be locked up for. It's horrible just having it hanging over me and not knowing. They made it out to be a racist attack - which it wasn't and that's another reason I worry about what it's like inside as I don't want to be a target.

I don't know anybody whose been in prison so just hearing all sorts from people who don't know as much as they think. Somebody told me I'd have to give up smoking as it was banned in there - from what you say it isn't. From what you said the prison where your boyfriend is sounds OK - and hearing little things like being able to wear your own clothes is better than I thought. What Cat prison is it - I know there are different ones. I think I'll end up in a Cat B prison because it's a violent crime so wherever I get to might be worse.

I know it probably depends on the prison but if you could answer of any of thes questions it would be good:
How long do you actually spend locked up in your cell?
Do you get a cell on your own or have to share?
What type of work or courses do you have to do?
What are the screws like - do they treat you OK if you stay out of trouble?
How often do you get to go outside?
What type of course or work will I have to do/be able to do?

I don't know if you know the answers to these from how your boyfriend got on but if you know you might let me know. I just have nightmares about the first day and imagine being in one of those prison vans and getting strip searched and shouted at like you see in the movies. I know it probably isn't that bad but it must be bad all the same.

I know that there are thousands of people in prison and most of them cope and get on with it and I shouldn't be feeling sorry for myself and that I deserve to be punished but it's still hard to cope with.

I hope you're OK and that your boyfriend gets through his sentence fine.

(I tried to PM you with this but it won't let me.)

#14 SecretMist

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Posted 18 September 2009 - 07:03 AM

hi paul,

let us know how things go with your visit at home. i hope that things go well for you. just be honest and out in the open with your feelings and try to learn from your mistakes and let them know what you will be doing to improve your situation, that may help them in understanding.

*********************************
If we can't stand alone to help ourselves,
with support we shall stand together
to make the changes and a difference within our lives
and the lives of all for the better.
******************************************



#15 hawiangirl

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Posted 18 September 2009 - 09:55 AM

hi Paul,

i sent you a message with lots of useful info, but im not sure if you have recieved it - its not showing in my sent items list.
if you havnt recieved it, please let me know, i will re-send it to you.
take care for now.:hearts:
It's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years - Abraham Lincoln.

#16 Paul85

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Posted 18 September 2009 - 10:53 AM

hi Paul,

i sent you a message with lots of useful info, but im not sure if you have recieved it - its not showing in my sent items list.
if you havnt recieved it, please let me know, i will re-send it to you.
take care for now.:hearts:


I didn't get it - and I can't send any PMs either

#17 hawiangirl

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Posted 18 September 2009 - 02:10 PM

hi Paul,

i sent you a message with lots of useful info, but im not sure if you have recieved it - its not showing in my sent items list.
if you havnt recieved it, please let me know, i will re-send it to you.
take care for now.:hearts:


I didn't get it - and I can't send any PMs either


im not sure why thats happenning, i will re- send the message as soon as i can. x
It's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years - Abraham Lincoln.

#18 uksarah

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Posted 19 September 2009 - 06:54 PM

Thanks for the advice. I feel a bit better now - just sometimes it seems too much and just see all the bad stuff coming ahead of me.

I will be going to prison in England - I have heard prison can be bad here but not as bad as America. I have seen a few of those programs on TV about prison in America and it seems much worse. I know they are always called the toughest prison and stuff like that so there might be places that are better but it looks horrible to me.

It's strange but sometimes I wish I was there already and knew what it is actually like instead of spending so much time worrying about it. But in 4 weeks time I am sure I will be thinking differently.


I dont say this too many people and i dont say this lightly either. Depending on what your gong to jail for i maybe able to help. Iv faced jail before for being a victim and i got it thrown out of court.

I feared jail too. fell too pieces at the thought of it but i managed too back the cps in too a corner and they had no choice but too back off.

pm me if i can help.

#19 Paul85

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Posted 27 September 2009 - 06:11 PM

Just checking in again - only have 2 weeks left now before court.

Like I said I spent some time with my family last weekend and I was able to talk to them about things a bit more and it helped. I'm 24 and know I'm my own man and have to cope with these things myself but normally I've been close with them and I didn't want to lose that over this. They are still upset at me and I hate putting them through this _I'm the oldest and the only one who has been in trouble with the police so I know it is hard for them and I understand that. I've been talking to my solicitor too and feel a bit better. I was looking at the worst possible outcome of getting 3-4 years but he has been saying it should be less than that so I am trying to keep looking at the positive as much as I can.

Thanks agaion for all the support - sometimes it helps just to read other people's problems and I cop on that I am not the only one who has worries.

#20 SecretMist

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Posted 27 September 2009 - 09:24 PM

Hi Paul,

I'm glad to hear that you were able to spend time with your family and talk things out with them, at least you were able to make some sort of peace there with them. they may be upset but as time passes then I'm sure things will work out. I do find that reading some of what other people are going through seems to help me deal with some of my own issues and that's a big help. let us know how things go for you.

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If we can't stand alone to help ourselves,
with support we shall stand together
to make the changes and a difference within our lives
and the lives of all for the better.
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#21 psychocandy

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Posted 28 September 2009 - 08:53 AM

Just checking in again - only have 2 weeks left now before court.

Like I said I spent some time with my family last weekend and I was able to talk to them about things a bit more and it helped. I'm 24 and know I'm my own man and have to cope with these things myself but normally I've been close with them and I didn't want to lose that over this. They are still upset at me and I hate putting them through this _I'm the oldest and the only one who has been in trouble with the police so I know it is hard for them and I understand that. I've been talking to my solicitor too and feel a bit better. I was looking at the worst possible outcome of getting 3-4 years but he has been saying it should be less than that so I am trying to keep looking at the positive as much as I can.

Thanks agaion for all the support - sometimes it helps just to read other people's problems and I cop on that I am not the only one who has worries.


Mate,

Dunno what you've done but you sound like a decent fella whos made a mistake. Got no advice really just hope it all works out for you.
"Every day when I wake up I thank the Lord I'm Welsh" - Catatonia

#22 Paul85

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Posted 10 October 2009 - 04:18 AM

Feeling strange now - have court on Monday so this is my last few days of freedom. It's strange I'm sort of relieved I'll know what is going to happen in a couple of days as this has been hanging over me for months now. Thanks for the posts they did help. I never thought something like this would happen to me but you never know what life is going to be like.

#23 Wolfinlied

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Posted 10 October 2009 - 04:30 AM

Paul be strong, i can relate to what you say and i know how you feel. Also dont always assume the worst who knows what could happen, I was told 2 years and only stayed 3 months. Things change, keep your chin up and your nose out of trouble. I wish you safe paths.

Feeling strange now - have court on Monday so this is my last few days of freedom. It's strange I'm sort of relieved I'll know what is going to happen in a couple of days as this has been hanging over me for months now. Thanks for the posts they did help. I never thought something like this would happen to me but you never know what life is going to be like.


~ I have a problem that i cannot explain, I have no reason why.. it should have been so plain. Have no questions but i sure have excuse, i lack the reason why i should be so confused. ~


#24 Trace

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Posted 10 October 2009 - 05:20 AM

Hi Paul

I hope it goes the best it can on Monday. Keep strong and remember that no matter where you are, be true to yourself.

Trace
Listen in deep silence. Be very still and open your mind.... Sink deep into the peace that waits for you beyond the frantic, riotous thoughts and sights and sounds of this insane world. - A course of miracles.

True beauty must come, must be grown, from within.... - Ralph W Trine.



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#25 Mulligrubs

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Posted 10 October 2009 - 05:25 AM

Your situation is tough and I can't imagine how terrified you must feel. I have no help to offer, but wish you the best and hope you can find a way to make the best of the time.

#26 Paul85

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Posted 22 September 2010 - 09:36 AM

I was just reading back again through this and thought I would let people know what happened. I got 2 and a half years sentence - a bit less than what I was expecting and got released last week. I have to do another 4 months on tag and have a curfew and then the rest of the sentence on license. You only do half the time you get over here and can end up getting to do a few months on tag before this if you behave in prison.

The first few weeks in there were terrible and I didn't know how I was going to get through it but after that it got a bit better and I got treated alright by the guards and met some decent guys in there. It was strange thinking that everything was going on in my world without me so once I got used to be in a different world it was better. I got to do some courses in there that helped pass the time and got used to it.

When I was in there I got told that my Dad had died. I thought going to prison was bad but this totally got me. I remember just wanting to stay in my cell and yeah I cried. Because of what I did I wasn't around for the last few months of his life. I know now that there was no way of knowing - he had a big heart attack. I spoke to the Chaplin a good bit about it and without his help I don't know what I would have done. I felt so bad about all the rows we had had over the years but you can't change things. I got to go out for his funeral but had to go with 2 guards and was handcuffed so I felt pretty bad being there. I did get to spend a bit of time with my family and we got to clear up some stuff but with guards beside me so it wasn't great. That was one bad day - I was actually relieved to get back to prison after that.

I had a bad few weeks after that but then something happened and I started to think that after what happened to my Dad that we only have one life and I have to make the best of it. I applied to get out on tag but didn't know if I would get it but I did so that was the first good sign and that's where I am now.

I am positive right now and want to stay out of trouble and get on with life. I know how hard it is and you hear that most people end up going back to prison when they get out. I know if I do anything wrong they will lock me up again and I don't want that to happen.

Sorry for going on but I just wanted to say what happened, in case anybody remembers me from here.

#27 ocarina

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Posted 22 September 2010 - 01:23 PM

Hi Paul,

I do remember you. I didn't post in your thread, but I did read it all.

I'm glad that you're out now. I believe in you and that you can steer clear of trouble if you put your mind to it! You have definitely learned and changed during the time you spent in prison.

I am very, very sorry to hear about your dad, but glad that you seem to have taken a positive message away from that (we only have one life so I want to make the best go of it).

Best of luck...
Melancholic depression, 3 severe episodes, feel pretty good in between episodes though. Currently on 2.5 mg/day Lexapro and supplementing with fish oil, vitamins, tyrosine, exercise and light box. Whew!

Any advice I offer is just that - advice and opinions. I have no degrees that are at all related to the medical field.

#28 Paul85

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Posted 23 September 2010 - 03:11 AM

Thanks for that.

Yeah I've changed a good bit - in the past year. Really think I've grown up. It might sound mad to say it but getting sent to prison might have been a good thing for me overall eventhough it didn't feel like that. I did get time to think about stuff. I met some decent people in there but also people who I don't want to be like - who've been in and out for years. I also remember thinking that whatever happens things can't get any worse than the past year.

I'm lucky to have my family to support me as well. I am back living at home. After what happened with my Dad it brought us closer and after all they've done I don't want to let them down again.

#29 Trace

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Posted 23 September 2010 - 04:22 AM

Hi and Welcome back Paul.

It is awesome to see how much you have grown. I am glad that you are out now and you sound like you have healed a lot in many ways, including growing closer with your family. From now on, things can only get better.

Trace
Listen in deep silence. Be very still and open your mind.... Sink deep into the peace that waits for you beyond the frantic, riotous thoughts and sights and sounds of this insane world. - A course of miracles.

True beauty must come, must be grown, from within.... - Ralph W Trine.



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#30 richie60

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Posted 05 November 2010 - 04:40 PM

Thanks for the advice. I feel a bit better now - just sometimes it seems too much and just see all the bad stuff coming ahead of me.

I will be going to prison in England - I have heard prison can be bad here but not as bad as America. I have seen a few of those programs on TV about prison in America and it seems much worse. I know they are always called the toughest prison and stuff like that so there might be places that are better but it looks horrible to me.

It's strange but sometimes I wish I was there already and knew what it is actually like instead of spending so much time worrying about it. But in 4 weeks time I am sure I will be thinking differently.



Hi hope things work out for you, Prison also freaks me out, just know what will happen, whats it like being in a cell with your cell mate etc

#31 Doommantia

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Posted 07 November 2010 - 05:46 PM

I've never been in trouble with the law, so I can't imagine how you must be feeling Paul. I'm sorry you're worried and depressed about going back, but try not to and take each day as it comes. When the times comes for you to face the music, just take your punishment and do your best to avoid trouble until your time is up. Going off your usernames, you were born in 85 yes? You're still young, 3-4 years is nothing lost in the bigger picture.

Like others have said, prisons are not like they used to be. They are a place where you can better yourself a person through various classes in various trades, there are things to do, you have chances to socialise with others and things to do. See it as a learning experience. I know its easier said than done though. My dad was in jail for 10 years, and visiting him was very hard alone. So I can't imagine how it must be being the one locked up. There are also people you can talk to in there, therapists/councillors and the like. Just realise everybody in there, are in the same boat as you. What you have done is irrelevant, you just have to do your time, keep your head down and try to better yourself.

We all must learn from our mistakes and take responsibility for them and face whatever consequences there are.

I really do wish you the best luck, try not to worry too much.

#32 dwyeager

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Posted 19 February 2011 - 06:59 PM

I am going back to court in October as I am out on bail at the moment and have been told to expect 3 or 4 years. This has been hanging over me for the last few months and has taken over my life and it feels that everything is going wrong. I had a lot of rows with my girlfriend over the past few months and we split up. She meant everything to me and my life seems like nothing without her. Because of the trouble I got into things aren't so good with my family either. I have some good mates but don't always feel like talking to them. The only thing that keeps me going is the job I have and I've been calling in sick to that and have been late and have been given a warning that if things don't improve I'll be fired.

With the way I feel right now I don't feel that I will be able to cope in prison. I am counting down the days to when I'm in court and the thoughts of getting locked up freaks me out. I've spent afew nights in the cells up until now and even then I felt paniced. Once it was so bad the guards thought I was acting up and came into the cell and restrained me.

I know there are loads of people in prison and they just cope with it but I worry I won't be able to. Has anybody here been inside and how did you cope? Or if you know somebody who has been through something like this? I just wish I could go back a year and change things so I wouldn't be in this mess. I know the next few years are going to be hard and I am trying to sort myself out so I can get through it all but right now it seems like nothing can go right.


HI Paul,

Im so glad I read this you have given me a bit of hope. Everything sounds so familiar here. I was married 10 years, ran my own company, 3 kids whom I love dearly and see every weekend. Wife and i split couple yaears ago and I started drinking. And received another DWI and my offer is gonna be 4 or 5 years, Im here in US and in Texas. I Have heard good things and bad things. I hear about the classes, and preachers and this helps me to know. Im so scared, I cannot sleep, I cant eat, I cant even think. I sometimes think its better if I just end my life. But then I look at pictures of those 3 beautiful kids I have and I know its not better. They are going to be a wreck when I go but I gues its better that they will have me again sometime. I wish to make amends with my ex and for us just to move on. I have been trying but she just cant forgive and this hurts so much. I realize my mistaks, it is my fault, and my fault only even though I am a very depressed person. Its my responsibility. I always think, I cant believe this is happening, 3 years ago I was happy, great house, vehicles, wife, and everhthing was gone at once, and this sent me down my bad path. You think it cant happen to you, but only to other people. but if you think this way, its not good. It can happen to good people just as well. I Love my kids and this is what I am gonna miss the most. Just hugging them. I am crying as I write this and hopefully I can get a few msgs here to help me cope a little.

That being said Im proud you stuck it out Paul and made it through it, I feel i will not be strong enough and that the embarassment i have caused everyone is not even worth existing. But then everyone i know supports me and tells me to stick it out. Im hoping the 4 or 5 years will only last quarter of that time with good time credit but not sure how that works. My lawyer is so vague about everything my family and I just get confused more talking to him. I do know they are gonna send me to a prison and try to get me in a rehab, however that works. Well wish me well all< i have about another week of freedom, Im going to be a major wreck until then.

Wayne




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