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Tired Of Life, Loneliness

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#1 shyman55


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Posted 04 September 2009 - 10:50 PM

This anxiety that I have is ******* me. I feel as if I am dying a slow and painful death each day that I wake up. I am tired of being alone and living my life in total seclusion. I don't date, my diet is atrocious (I live alone and can't cook, force to live off take out) and I am a complete mess of myself. I find it very hard to interact with other people. I have been this way all my life. In childhood my family always said that I would outgrow this but here I am 54 years old and nothing has changed. I am miserable each day that I wake up. It is hard for me to work because others that I work with think I am some sort of weirdo or something. All because I never talk. I have managed to get a part time job working 4 hours a day but even that is sheer torture. I have only been there for a short while and already I am treated like some simpleton. I am a 20 year retired vet and thank God for my retirement pay or I will be on the streets. I have never been married, no kids, nothing. My next door neighbors must think I am the strangest thing they have ever seen because I am inside all the time. I come home from work and as far as I get is the mail box. I am a total recluse. The times that I do see them I am afraid to speak. I D*** near break my neck to get out of their sight. I am depressed to no end. I really need help but I just don't know how to go about getting it. Anyways, thanks for listening to my rant. I know it is a lot but I just had to get it all out there.


#2 jimbow15


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Posted 04 September 2009 - 11:54 PM

Hi shyman55,

Sorry to hear that you have been in your situation so long - lfe must be a constant struggle for you with untreated social anxiety.

I was very shy when I was young and even in my early working life it was a bit difficult. But then I came across some good books of that time, and one The Magic of Thinking Big made a big impact on me.

Shyness is a learned trait that then becomed habitual with contant practice and perhaps it is one of the most socially crushing states to be in as we live in a social society. Firstly this is a manageable problem.

CBT is probably one of the best therapies or social anxiety, it does help you to look at your thinking patterns and really question your beliefs about yourself with complete honesty, then you are asked to look for some better, more positive explainaions for your thoughts and feelings.
As you can only hold one thought pattern in your mind at any moment it is what you allow yourself to think constantly is what sets the trigger for social shyness as these are usually undermining thoughts, so it really is a matter of taking control over your thoughts and 'driving the bus' so to say.

List you qualities - you are a professional person so you have your professional background.
Change you view of yourself - this may be difficult at the start as you are used to less flattering thoughts about yourself - so relax and see the 'positive' you in your mind
Give yourself credit for all those nice qualities we all have and list them
Relax on a regular basis and see, in your minds eye ' a new more confident you - with those qualities you admire in others
Keep running this cycle of pictures - with real feelings, sounds, and passion.

You know social anxiety thoughts are just mistaken and distorted views of ourselves, nor reality, but a behaviour pattern we have been running for years.

So take the chance now to forumulate a new view of yourself as the person you really are with those nice qualities you know you really have.

Do see your Doctor an ask him ofor a referral to see a therapist as this will be a great support for you.

Thi is a very treatable condition and it just takes time and commitment to make gradual changes to how you operate in this social world.

Do go and see your Doc or a therapist and quickly get out of this cycle of behaviour which is not the real you.

Best Wishes

Jim Bow
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed." Albert E.

Information supplied on Depression Forums by members should not be relied upon and is not a substitute for medical advice from a health professional or doctor.

#3 AngelOfTheMoor



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Posted 05 September 2009 - 11:37 AM


I am much younger than you, but I experience some of the same conditions. I force myself to get out, though, because I don't want people (i.e., my family) to worry about me. I know some people do think I'm a little strange. Plus, I don't have an exterior source of income, so I must make sure that I get money on my own. I force myself to go to events. I am a graduate student, so my situation is a bit different . . . sometimes someone will host an event and invite all the other grad students, and many times I'll make myself go. It is nice to be with others, but sometimes I get so anxious that I feel ill and have to make some excuse to leave.

Sorry, I don't think that's very helpful. I just want to let you know that I can relate to your situation.

#4 SecretMist



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Posted 05 September 2009 - 12:05 PM

hello shyman and welcome to df,
it seems like there is a black cloud over you and showing you no sunshine. this could be signs of depression, as we are not professionals but with depression and isolation if you are not already seeing a therapist/pdoc the may be of help to you and may suggest some meds to help you out with feeling so low. they can also support you and help you with getting out more. it's good that you have a 4 hr job but if you are not enjoying it then it can make you feel worse. is there anything that you do enjoy doing at all? maybe make a list of small things that you may want to accomplish in going outside and doing something. even if it means just walking down to the corner and back, maybe some kind of group activities with others your age. anxiety can make us feel like we can't achieve things that we normally would know that we can and anxiety is very treatable. have a check with your doctor and see about a referral with a therapist/pdoc. keep posting and let us know how things go for you.

If we can't stand alone to help ourselves,
with support we shall stand together
to make the changes and a difference within our lives
and the lives of all for the better.

#5 clion



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Posted 06 September 2009 - 11:28 PM

Hi Shyman,

I can relate alot to some of your behaviors like staying inside and isolating. I do this too and it adds to my depression. I hope you can find a therapist, I think this would help. Also joining a church (if you are interested) can be a good support system. Keep sharing!


#6 DLO



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Posted 07 September 2009 - 02:56 AM

Thank you for having the strength to put into words what several of us go through. In my case, I cannot form the feelings into cohesive sentences, and in turn, reluctant to post anything. It helps to know others who really understand. Let me know if I can help in any way... Take care

#7 kleopa2120


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Posted 07 September 2009 - 10:30 AM

I can totally relate to this condition, my whole life has been a struggle with deppression & anxiety and recently a diagnostic of bipolar mania (which explais the few times I actually feel like being social). The rest of the time my life is limited to my tv and my bed, and actually the only thing that keeps me going is having a job which unfortunately I lost last week. Now I'm back to square 1 although I have been tring to stay active by walking my dogs if even for 5 minutes and just to make sure nobody talks to me I put my ipod on.
Maybe I cannot give you the answer to our problem but you are not alone at all, in fact I feel that a lot of people encounter this problem but don't have the courage (like you) to admit it.
Hang in there, I have a great respect for veterans,( my husband is retired navy), just the fact that you were able to survive vietnam should make you proud of yourself. :hearts:

#8 tokikat8


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Posted 07 September 2009 - 09:07 PM

awww :) i would come over and cook for you!!

believe in the good of people... there is someone out there that can enjoy silence with you.

Maybe try the library-- start of somewhere where you can be around people- but in a situation where there is NO pressure to have to interact.. and build from there.

i wish you the best of luck :)

#9 yor5150



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Posted 05 November 2011 - 02:40 PM

I realize this is an old post but if you're still around Shyman, I wanted to let you know I can relate to your story. I've had feelings of inadequacy since my early childhood years. I felt "apart from" and "less than". I was shy and sensitive in a society that doesn't reward such tendencies in males. I was told "boy's don't cry" by my older brother and "don't be shy" by my dad. I learned not to cry but I haven't learned how to not be shy.

In social situations I have also had difficulty making eye contact with people. I don't know why exactly but I always look away... When I was in the military I was ordered to Instructor Duty. During my training I was filmed and critiqued which was very uncomfortable. It turned out to be very beneficial as afterward I could stand in front of people and talk but only because I knew what my role was and had prepared material. I learned to make eye contact with students but still have difficulty making eye contact in social situations.

I left the military when I was in my early 30's and bought my first house not long after. Unknowingly I moved next door to the neighbors from hell... loud music, 3 barking dogs when the most they were supposed to have was 2. I tried getting some help from the local authorities but got nowhere. There was an apartment complex on the other side of the neighbors so I contacted the owners and they told me that the had been dealing with the same folks for several years.... couldn't keep tenants in the first unit or two because of the noise, etc. They also told me that the neighbor's dad was friends with the Sheriff and that none of their complaints had ever resulted in anything being done which was my experience. I share all this because the experience further reinforced my beliefs that people were best avoided and weren't trustworthy, etc.

I ended up reluctantly selling the house in 2004 and buying another one. My mortgage went up considerably and when the housing bubble collapsed and the value dropped far below what I paid for it, I became severally depressed. I've struggled with depression all my life but the economic down turn sent me into a tail spin. Here it is 2011 and I'm still struggling... Although I try not to worry, I have a lot of fear about losing the house and being jobless and homeless out in the streets.

I'm on friendly terms with my new neighbors but I couldn't tell you most of their names and haven't been inside any of their homes. Like you, I suspect they think I'm a little weird, which in a sense I am... just not weird in a negative way. I'm shy and suffer from social anxiety but I'm not dangerous!

I used to self-medicate my depression and social anxiety but joined a 12 step recovery program which helps, but only when I'm active which means going to meetings and interacting with other people in recovery. This is difficult to do because of the social anxiety... Sometimes I get pretty down and feel really disconnected from other people. I want to isolate all the more but have realized that doing so is the worse thing for me. I have to force myself to go out and attend a meeting.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this so I'll close. Guess I just wanted to let you, or any others that can identify with your post, they you/they are not alone. I agree with one of the other folks who posted about CBT. I believe it can be beneficial. I'd say taking any sort of action to combat the depression and/or social anxiety is much better than giving into it and isolating & hiding behind doors, which of course is exactly what we want to do!

I hope you see this post and are doing better these days! Peace!

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