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I Have Depression, No Job, No Family, No Friends


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#1 nv123

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Posted 15 June 2009 - 03:30 AM

when I was young, I've had mild depression, due to my family problem. But school and work kept my life busy and productive. However, I've had some very rough time finding jobs when I get out of school. Then I was finally settle with a job, which later I found out it was a shame to tell, because it required you to lie to most people.

I then quit the job, and gradually entered severe depression:
1. I didn't want to connect with my family, because all they do these years is put me down, verbal + physically abuse (father), and mother was constantly denying the fact that he treated her bad, and she tried so hard to keep this secret from others.

2. I didn't want to be close to my friends. I feel they're putting me down, or I have nothing to be proud of myself, so what's fun to talk and hang out with them? One of my friend, always tried to compare her other friend and I. When she was depressed about her marriage + suicide thoughts, I was always there to pick up the phone and tried to be a good listener. However, when I needed someone to talk to , she'll never pick up the phone. I slightly mention the problem via text. She replied:"I wish to be there but just can't, everyone has their own problem, but you'll just need to deal with it." I concluded she's a very selfish friend, with marriage problem, which will do no good to my depression either, so I decided to get away from her. I now basically have no close friends, or good friends that I can even just hang out with.

3. I have no energy, always wish to sleep on bed. Because this is the most comfort and peaceful place. On my bed, I don't have to makeup lies to people, I don't have to see how my boss play favor, I don't have to listen to my boss about how she put me down.

I basically feel very lonely and worthless + thought of suicide. I want to make new friends, but I don't know how and where to start. I am afraid that people may think I am weird due to my anxiety and language and culture barrier, such in a new class or a group. I also don't know how to tell them that I don't have a job. I can't tell them I have depression, because they may be scared and get away from me.

It took me a while to realize I have depression. I am now trying to cope it by going outside to get some sunshine, as often as possible. I also wanted to find a less stressful job to get myself productive again. But I feel like I really don't have any good skills.

What should I do? Any comment and suggesstion? Appreciated!

#2 Trace

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Posted 15 June 2009 - 05:17 AM

Hi and Welcome to DF nv

Depression is terrible and you have had such a traumatic upbringing.
Its awful that you supported your friend and she will not support you in return. You did the right thing by walking away. You deserve better.

Taking it each day at a time can help. I know you don't have a job, but counseling may help. Many churches off free or discounted counseling by trained counselors and you need not be religious to utilize them.

If you are having thoughts of suicide, you need to see a professional. Can you get to a doctor? As medication will help.

Reaching out on the internet can enable you to make friends, without too much pressure.

Also to inch your way back into work, you may want to try some volunteer work of some sort, that takes pressure off and may eventually lead you to something that you enjoy and give you a little direction.

Trace
Listen in deep silence. Be very still and open your mind.... Sink deep into the peace that waits for you beyond the frantic, riotous thoughts and sights and sounds of this insane world. - A course of miracles.

True beauty must come, must be grown, from within.... - Ralph W Trine.



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#3 nv123

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Posted 15 June 2009 - 04:26 PM

:hearts: sometimes, I don't know what should I reply when a friend ask me "how have you been", or "if I have your degree, I'd make a million", or "XX who graduated same time as you already bought her own store!" :flowers: Those words makes me more sad. I always wanted to tell her "if you don't want to help, please at least, stop hurting me!" Ever since then, I've always tried to be happy infront of them and try to not show any signs of depression. I know they're not a good helper, and I don't want them to look down on me.

Is there anyway that I can see a doctor without using my true identity? I'd need to apply for a program soon, and afraid that they'll reject me if I have a medical history.

In addition, I'd like to cure myself by eating the right food, think positively. But I don't want to take any medication due to it's side effect, especially weight gain. Yes, I am still very self aware of my appearance!

Edited by nv123, 15 June 2009 - 04:35 PM.


#4 Trace

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Posted 16 June 2009 - 02:26 AM

Hi nv

People who don't suffer from depression don't understand it and can make you feel a lot worse without realizing it.

There are natural ways of helping your depression like HTP5, St Johns Wory, Same-e, Fish oil, Vitamin B and more. Have a look in Posting, Asking and Sharing for info on these.
Also have a look in One Step at A Time, for positivity and ways to set goals and get motivation.

Trace
Listen in deep silence. Be very still and open your mind.... Sink deep into the peace that waits for you beyond the frantic, riotous thoughts and sights and sounds of this insane world. - A course of miracles.

True beauty must come, must be grown, from within.... - Ralph W Trine.



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#5 flamantbleu

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Posted 03 July 2010 - 06:21 PM

hi nv123,

you sound so much like me, i hoped to talk to you but it doesn't look like you're still around. maybe we can chat if you are. this is my first time here. i don't know if talking about it will help us both, but as for me little else seems to be helping these days, so what is there to lose?

flamantbleu

#6 The_Amiss

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Posted 04 July 2010 - 04:14 AM

hi nv123,

you sound so much like me

flamantbleu


LoL you beat me to it, I was going to say the same thing. really I thought I was reading about myself there for a bit

nv123 . If you really want to make new friends, You don't need to know how you are going to do it, just know that you are going to, believe it, and you will find a way. Allot of times people never know how they are going to accomplish their wishes in life just that they know they want to do it.

Edited by The_Amiss, 04 July 2010 - 04:16 AM.

"Whether You Think You Can or Can't Either Way You Are Right" -- Henry Ford

"All That We Are Is The Result Of What We Have Thought" -- Buddha





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