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Anxiety Keeps Me From Having A Job..help!


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#1 PaintItBlack

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Posted 14 May 2009 - 06:27 PM

I have had extremely severe panic disorder for several years now. It has pretty much completly disabled me. I used to be very outgoing with alot of friends and now the only person I see is my fiance and my mother and father. I haven't had a job in over a year. I can't even get a job because my resume, I would only work for 6 months and then I would end up getting so sick that I couldn't work anymore, so I would quit. Now, I can't even think of applying for a job without having a panic attack. I am also agoraphobic, I basically live in my bedroom. The only other place I feel safe going to is the grocery store. I am only 21 and I am so sick of trying to survive instead of living.

I hide behind alcohol. I feel I am turning into an alcoholic, but now I have to stop drinking compltely as I am starting a MAOI called Ensam. I am praying with everything I have that it will bring me back to life. I can't support myself and I still live in my parents house. I feel like a complete loser and above all, a failure. Has anyone been able to succesfully hold down a job with extreme panic disorder? Has anyone had success with Ensam? I also take klonopin before bed everynight and that helps alot most of the time. This is the first time I have ever reached out to anyone, some encouraging words would be more than appreciated. :hearts:
One day at a time-this is enough. Do not look back at the past and grieve for it is gone;And do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.

#2 nealy

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Posted 14 May 2009 - 06:52 PM

Hello PaintItBlack! :hearts: to the DF!

I'm so happy you reached out to us. You came to the right place! It is scary how much I can relate to you. You practically described my life. I have severe panic disorder as well, so I know how hard this is for you. You are not a loser, and definitely not a failure. The fact that you came here looking for help and ways out of this proves that! I apologize that I am not able to give you the answers you are looking for because I am still suffering as well. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in suffering this way. We are here for you :hearts:

Also, please check out the Other Depression and Anxiety Medications forum, as you will find a lot of helpful information about the medications you are taking. Take care :flowers:

-Nealy


Be strong now because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.

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#3 Guest_iowa_*

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Posted 14 May 2009 - 08:09 PM

Hi Paintitblack! Welcome to the forum :hearts:
My heart goes out to you for the suffering you're going through. I certainly hope that a change in medication helps you enough so that you'll be able to get out.
I understand about your job situation and your resume. It would really help if you could apply for a job where you can be completely honest about your panic attacks so that the resume wouldn't matter. Right now, work is difficult for many people. When the new medication starts kicking in, maybe you could at least start volunteering so that you could add that to your resume. Volunteer opportunies take many different forms. Personally, I've been considering playing board games with school-agers who are mentally challenged because the schedule isn't set and it would be less "threatening" than some other work.
Hang in there and keep us informed!! -Iowa

#4 rel7

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Posted 22 May 2009 - 01:00 AM

Panic seems to have been a factor in losing my job so I feel your pain on that. I can also tell you that the drinking will actually make things much worse. It does not really calm you down even though it seems like it can take the edge off. You're not a loser or failure but with these attacks limiting what you can do, thoughts like this are far too easy to slide into. I felt the same way and have days where those thoughts come back. They are just awful. Panic can make you a prisoner and hold your life hostage.

Keep in mind that there are many treatments that can solve this issue and while it will take time, you can beat it. This forum is really supportive so you are among people who understand where you're coming from. For now, take things one small step at a time. Don't worry about the job yet if you have a place to say. This is a blessing because now you can work at beating this disorder. Once you get to a point where you can manage them, begin the job hunt. Hopefully your family understands what a serious and debilitating illness this can be. If not, talk to them about it because their support will help you big time.

#5 matrixzen

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Posted 22 May 2009 - 09:50 AM

I can relate to you buddy. Don't feel like you're alone as many of us suffer the same thing you have or worse! My case was very similar as I became overrun with anxiety.

I used to work for a corporate office where I was a computer technician. Things were great for years, I made money, work was laid back, and the whole 9 yards. Then eventually my bosses started to put more stress on me as people were being laid off. I developed very high blood pressure due to my stress and being a little overweight at the time. At the same time I started struggling with self-esteem issues, so I developed full blown agoraphobia. I see a shrink later on to find out I have post traumatic stress disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and major depressive disorder. My PTSD comes from my not so average childhood, the OCD comes from my mind constantly putting myself down like there's a little voice or demon in there saying it over and over, the SAD wreaks havok on me when I'm in places like church, school, mall and the GAD/Panic disorder I've had since I've was a child as I've panic'ed. All this also boiled down to depression in the end.

My anxiety became so severe I began feeling like I was going to pass out in places like church, public, and other places. I could feel my heart beating so hard thinking I was going to have a panic attack. I would tremble uncontrollably and very very noticeable to others around me. Even at ease, I would be eating dinner, and others would say that my hand is shaking while holding my fork. :hearts:

I tried Effexor which killed the depression flat out like nothing, but it made my anxiety worse, and I had extreme insomnia which made it impossible to hold a job along with the social anxiety. Eventually the doctor switched me to Lexapro and Buspar and just WoW. I could feel the difference almost the same day. I felt very relaxed, happy, more confident, so the doctor increased my dosages to stablize me. He switched me to Celexa (Citalopram) which is nearly the same thing as Lexapro due to the price. I'm now on 40mg of Celexa (Citalopram), and I'm on 30mg of Buspar (Buspirone). I now hold a sales job where I go door to door and talk to people all day.

I hope the medication works for you. Sometimes a medication that works for me might not work for you. Everyone reacts differently to medication, but don't give up. There is something out there that works for you. Some advice also would be to exercise. It really helps calm me down by burning all that adrenaline my body creates while I get nervous (because I still get nervous sometimes!) and it also contributes to your heart health which can lower your blood pressure and make you feel more relaxed.

God Bless




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