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Depression And Chores


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22 replies to this topic

#1 MightyCrown_1982

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Posted 05 March 2009 - 10:06 PM

Hey all,

I usually have a hard time motivating myself to motivate myself to do chores. My Fiancee has to force me to get up and even wash dishes. It has resulted in making more chores for me to do. My mood keeps me from doing most chores. I usually wait until the weekend to do some of the chores such as cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry etc. Want to know if anyone else have the same issue with motivation to do chores, does anyone have suggestions on motivating one's self to get things accomplished?

#2 razzorx

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Posted 05 March 2009 - 10:17 PM

I have the same problem, no life skills, and as i live alone it mounts up. I can't even bring myself to clean myself let alone my home. I'm seeing an occupational therapist tomorrow so i'll come back on and let you know what she said.
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#3 pearlseeker

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Posted 05 March 2009 - 10:19 PM

Hey all,

I usually have a hard time motivating myself to motivate myself to do chores. My Fiancee has to force me to get up and even wash dishes. It has resulted in making more chores for me to do. My mood keeps me from doing most chores. I usually wait until the weekend to do some of the chores such as cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry etc. Want to know if anyone else have the same issue with motivation to do chores, does anyone have suggestions on motivating one's self to get things accomplished?



I sure do have a hard time with it too sweetie! Some things I MUST do daily but I find myself procrastinating anything I think "can wait" very often! For me, my sleep gets way off sometimes and if I haven't slept much that's certain death for my motivation. I got a much needed nap today and found I had the motivation to do a little more than usuall!! A couple of cups of coffee after my nap helped too but go easy on that because it can also keep you up if you have it too late! I'm interested to hear any more suggestions because this is a big issue for me also! Huge Hugs!! XOXOXO Love Pearly
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#4 frangipani

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Posted 05 March 2009 - 10:48 PM

Hey all,

I usually have a hard time motivating myself to motivate myself to do chores. My Fiancee has to force me to get up and even wash dishes. It has resulted in making more chores for me to do. My mood keeps me from doing most chores. I usually wait until the weekend to do some of the chores such as cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry etc. Want to know if anyone else have the same issue with motivation to do chores, does anyone have suggestions on motivating one's self to get things accomplished?


Hey MightyCrown,

I am AWFUL with chores!!! It helps that I live alone (or maybe it doesn't because it makes it easier to slack off). But my bf and I have been dating for months and he's never even been allowed to step into my kitchen because of how embarrassed I am about the constant pile of dishes. (The bathroom might wind up being off limits next if I don't get to it soon!)

One thing that used to help me was to pick five things a day to do that I didn't want to do. Each thing could be as big as cleaning the whole bathroom or as small as washing a dish, depending on my energy level, but they just had to be five things. It helped because I had to force myself to do SOMETHING, but still had some flexibility to work around my condition each day. (I have since fallen of track with this but am trying to pick it back up...)

Another thing that helps is something that you already hit on. I have to remind myself that what I don't get done today only adds to my list of things to do tomorrow. That thought sometimes motivates me to at least get one thing done.

What you're going through is EXTREMELY common with depression. Do you feel like the Wellbutrin is helping any yet? WB is kind of activating so you might find you get your energy to do things back up. Also, is your fiancee understanding of the challenges that come along with depression? Is your lack of motivation causing additional problems? (You don't have to answer that if you don't want to...I just wanted to know if your depression is being exacerbated by additional pressure.) And, if so, are there things you can work out to work around it (like agreeing that some things just need to be saved for the weekend)?

In treatment since: 2001
 
Current dx's: Major Depressive Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder
Past dx's: Dysthymia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Alcohol Abuse (sober since March 2013)
 
Current rx's: Viibryd (40mg), Abilify (7.5mg)
Past rx's: Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Celexa, Lexapro, Luvox, Trazodone, Remeron, Wellbutrin, Effexor, Cymbalta, Seroquel, Risperdal, Zyprexa, Klonopin, Xanax, Ativan, Lamictal, Topamax, Trileptal, Buspar, Vistaril, Ritalin, Adderall, Vyvanse
 
Current tx's: None
Past tx's: Individual therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy
 
Hospitalizations: Five
 
 
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#5 jellybean27

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 12:45 AM

Hey sweetie! :hearts: I also have that problem there are days when i can barely leave the couch but i make myself it is hard. But then there are days when i am so energized its crazy. What i have learned is as soon as i get up in the morning i drink my morning dew (haha) & i keep myself busy so i dont get tired if i even sit down i will no longer be motivated. So try in the morning just keep urslf busy. :flowers:





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#6 Trace

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 03:33 AM

Hi MightyCrown

It is fairly common with depression. You may want to go to the Watercooler here and check out the Messy House thread, it is quite comical, gives good tips and helps with motivation. It also shows you that you are not alone.

Trace
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#7 PageUp

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 03:48 AM

A good tip is to break down a chore into teeny tiny steps. Stop thinking about the whole chore and just concentrate one tiny first step. Once you've done that, focus on the next.

For example, with washing the dishes, you could just focus on something smaller stacking the plates, bowls etc. Ask yourself, "is this doable?" If not, make the goal even smaller. Something like, "stack the plates". Don't worrying about doing any more than just this. Then when that's done, focus on the next step, making sure that it's small and seems doable to you. Just think in small increments and you find that you don't feel so overwhelmed. Often once you start, you get that 'momentum' going and feel more able to do other things :)

Edited by PageUp, 06 March 2009 - 03:53 AM.


#8 achingheart

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 08:10 AM

Oh yes.
I manage the dishes, as it just mine.
But cleaning etc. More effort.
My flatmates weren't happy with how much I wasn't doing, and got a cleaner in. Currently we have no cleaner, and I'm waiting for her to bring the subject of cleaning up with me again... :(

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#9 Elise

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 08:18 AM

I have a pile of ironing sitting on an armchair for ages now!!!!
Am prepared to make it available to any DF-ers who want to practise their housework skills!!!
Very generous of me I know!!!!!!!!!
Elise
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#10 MightyCrown_1982

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 09:31 AM

Hey all,

I usually have a hard time motivating myself to motivate myself to do chores. My Fiancee has to force me to get up and even wash dishes. It has resulted in making more chores for me to do. My mood keeps me from doing most chores. I usually wait until the weekend to do some of the chores such as cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry etc. Want to know if anyone else have the same issue with motivation to do chores, does anyone have suggestions on motivating one's self to get things accomplished?


Hey MightyCrown,

I am AWFUL with chores!!! It helps that I live alone (or maybe it doesn't because it makes it easier to slack off). But my bf and I have been dating for months and he's never even been allowed to step into my kitchen because of how embarrassed I am about the constant pile of dishes. (The bathroom might wind up being off limits next if I don't get to it soon!)

One thing that used to help me was to pick five things a day to do that I didn't want to do. Each thing could be as big as cleaning the whole bathroom or as small as washing a dish, depending on my energy level, but they just had to be five things. It helped because I had to force myself to do SOMETHING, but still had some flexibility to work around my condition each day. (I have since fallen of track with this but am trying to pick it back up...)

Another thing that helps is something that you already hit on. I have to remind myself that what I don't get done today only adds to my list of things to do tomorrow. That thought sometimes motivates me to at least get one thing done.

What you're going through is EXTREMELY common with depression. Do you feel like the Wellbutrin is helping any yet? WB is kind of activating so you might find you get your energy to do things back up. Also, is your fiancee understanding of the challenges that come along with depression? Is your lack of motivation causing additional problems? (You don't have to answer that if you don't want to...I just wanted to know if your depression is being exacerbated by additional pressure.) And, if so, are there things you can work out to work around it (like agreeing that some things just need to be saved for the weekend)?



I think she might understand, but by nature she is very organized and neat to a flaw. So it does bother her when I say "okay, I'll clean the fridge" and end up doing half or a third of it and then doing the rest the week after. But she offers to help, which is nice, but I feel guilty most times. I worry if she's upset that she has to do it because I did such a poor job at it. But cleaning my daughter's room is top priority for me. That's one thing that no matter how I feel I take care of as well as bathing her. As she is getting older I'm trying to get her involved with cleaning her room to develop those habits, we also have fun while doing cleaning, I don't wanna be a drill sargent toward her she still only 18 months so I don't expect her to follow me to a tee.
But my lack of motivation does hold me back at work. I work as a customer service rep and its bad enough getting abused over the phone, but dealing with co-worker who constantly belittle me, and a supervisor who is cold and distant toward me (she talks to almost everybody on the team on sort of a personal level, except me.) and never gives positive feedback and only speaks to me when something has gone wrong on my end (which is rare, because I try my best to do what I can at work). Those factors just make things worse, it is the most uncomfortable feeling ever.
I have gotten to the point of burnout and its even hard to answer the phone, I stumble over my words I can't articulate myself as good anymore, I can't find the right words to say. Its not a good experience.

Hoping the WB XL works.

But good luck to you on accomplishing those goals of handling chores!

#11 arboria

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 01:11 PM

Hey there,

It's hard even for a lot of people who aren't depressed to be motivated and get their chores done. Mopping isn't great even at one's happiest. Try not to be too hard on yourself. I think the suggestion given earlier to break down your chores into very small steps is a great idea. If you can sweep even 1/4 of a room or just get out your cleaning supplies for the bathroom, you might be surprised at how much more you can do. The movement from cleaning will also release endorphins in your brain, so ultimately, it might make you feel a tad bit better "chemically" on top of accomplishing something.

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#12 kellyc

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 01:41 PM

You are definitely not alone! I have a hard time doing "chores." I'll dread some things for days (weeks!) before I get them done. Sometimes it helps me to make a to do list. I always put one chore on the list that I have already done so I can go ahead and cross something off! It helps me feel better right off. Also, I tell myself "Ok, all you have to do today is the dishes, that's it!" Usually, I find if I can do just one thing, by the time I'm done I feel like doing more. Good luck with your chores!

#13 griffonite

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Posted 07 March 2009 - 07:55 AM

Hey all,

I usually have a hard time motivating myself to motivate myself to do chores. My Fiancee has to force me to get up and even wash dishes. It has resulted in making more chores for me to do. My mood keeps me from doing most chores. I usually wait until the weekend to do some of the chores such as cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry etc. Want to know if anyone else have the same issue with motivation to do chores, does anyone have suggestions on motivating one's self to get things accomplished?


I also have problems doing things in my home. There are many things that have been waiting years for me to do,decorating, gardening etc. My home is a mess and it gets me down to live here and see it like this but I just never get the motivation to rectify things, a very strange paradox. I think the problem is I know that even if I do all the jobs that need doing I will still be lonely, isolated and depressed with no one to love and nothing to look forward to.

#14 griffonite

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Posted 07 March 2009 - 07:56 AM

Hey all,

I usually have a hard time motivating myself to motivate myself to do chores. My Fiancee has to force me to get up and even wash dishes. It has resulted in making more chores for me to do. My mood keeps me from doing most chores. I usually wait until the weekend to do some of the chores such as cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry etc. Want to know if anyone else have the same issue with motivation to do chores, does anyone have suggestions on motivating one's self to get things accomplished?


I also have problems doing things in my home. There are many things that have been waiting years for me to do,decorating, gardening etc. My home is a mess and it gets me down to live here and see it like this but I just never get the motivation to rectify things, a very strange paradox. I think the problem is I know that even if I do all the jobs that need doing I will still be lonely, isolated and depressed with no one to love and nothing to look forward to.

#15 Deepster

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Posted 07 March 2009 - 10:15 AM

Mighty Crown-

Like you and all others that have posted, I have the same problem. "To Do" lists can be helpful, but be sure NOT to put so many things down that just glancing at the list can shut you down. This will sometimes happen to me even when I tell myself I only have to mark off a few accomplishments a day.

Next, I break chores down into 10 min increments. I know that I only have to get off my butt to spend 10 mins doing something that involves keeping the house in order. Every once in a while, I find that doing this I will just keep going, and actually spend a few hours cleaning. This does not always work, and I'll just go back to the computer, or staring endlessly at the TV. Oh, on those infreqeunt occasions where I find that getting into a 10 min chore leads to hours of tidying, cleaning, etc., I have this overwhelming sense of accomplishment that can lead to me sleeping like a baby that night.

Remeber "inertia"? It's the tendency of a body in motion to remain in motion. This is from Wikipedia......
"Inertia is the resistance of an object to a change in its state of motion. The principle of inertia is one of the fundamental principles of classical physics which are used to describe the motion of matter and how it is affected by applied forces". This will sometimes describe me, and other times it won't. I don't beat myself up about it, 'cus, I know that that Saturday or Sunday will come where I just get into a small chore and just keep on going til I have to drop. Just one of those days that happens out of the blue every month or two can leave me feeling SO PLEASED WITH MYSELF. Hope this helps you!

Deepster
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#16 LoonATiK

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Posted 07 March 2009 - 05:20 PM

i break my chores into either minutes or tasks, depending on how i feel at that particular point in time. sometimes, when i'm really tired, it could be 5-minute increments. i'll work on the bathroom for 5, break for 5, work for 5, etc. sometimes, i'll clean the bathroom, wait half an hour,and clean the kitchen, etc. sometimes only one thing actually gets done, but i try to focus on it.

today the bathroom got a great boost- no more mold!!! i got this totally cool stuff that gets rid of mold.
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#17 Bede

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Posted 07 March 2009 - 05:34 PM

I'm terrible at it too. A timer and my ipod are my best friends. I'll set the time for 10-15 minutes, turn on some good music and get started. It's still not painless but it helps some! :)

#18 sashaaah

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Posted 06 September 2009 - 03:23 PM

let's face it, nobody likes housework and if ur really depressed and feeling like doggy-do, naturally you'll hate it even more. i used to be a very ordinary home-manager until i got a mouse in my kitchen - eeeeeeeeek!!! that truly whipped my butt into domestic blitz mode coz i detest those filthy, fury, festy, ferals :flowers: invite a mouse, get some home help, make sure ur partner is contributing (to the cleaning, not juz the mess) and don't be too hard on yourself. a house is meant to be lived in with clutter here and there.. a magazine left open, a jacket on the chair.. i could go on but i'll save you :hearts:
YOU CAN'T BRING ME DOWN COZ I'M ALREADY ON THE GROUND....

i get the words and then i get to thinking... i don't wanna think, i wanna FEEL!!!

#19 kat43

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Posted 06 September 2009 - 04:56 PM

I, too, really have a hard time getting chores done. The hardest for me is the dishes. If I don't keep up and wash them every day, then they stack up, and I am in trouble!!! Months ago I got extremely depressed and I think every dish in the house was dirty. In fact, the whole house was dirty! I normally cannot afford to do this, but I called a cleaning lady I know and she did an amazing job for not too much money. Then, I tried to keep up with it and it worked for awhile.

Another thing I really have a hard time doing is going to grocery shop. It's like, if I can get in the car and get there, get a buggy, then I am fine. But, thinking about it is the worst. I just put it off until I am really out of food or anything 1/2 nutritious.

I am glad that I am not alone in this. As others have mentioned, breaking it down into little steps can really help. I need to remember to do that. Putting music on also helps me tremendously. :hearts:
Kat43

#20 SecretMist

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Posted 06 September 2009 - 07:18 PM

although depression always seems give us lack of motivation, cleaning is sometimes, well i guess a lot of times we don't want to do anything at all especially cleaning. it is one small thing to start out with and yes music to kind of get you going on a upbeat helps in trying to get yourself pumped up enough to do even the smallest of chores.

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#21 kilo

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Posted 06 September 2009 - 07:37 PM

One of the things that I noticed the most once I started Wellbutrin was the ability to do all my chores again. I used to have piles of dishes, dirty floors and bathrooms, etc. As soon as the meds started working I just seemed to have more motivation for the small everyday things.

#22 clion

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Posted 06 September 2009 - 11:01 PM

Hey all,

I usually have a hard time motivating myself to motivate myself to do chores. My Fiancee has to force me to get up and even wash dishes. It has resulted in making more chores for me to do. My mood keeps me from doing most chores. I usually wait until the weekend to do some of the chores such as cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry etc. Want to know if anyone else have the same issue with motivation to do chores, does anyone have suggestions on motivating one's self to get things accomplished?


Hi Mighty Crown,

I have trouble getting motivated to clean or do chores. There is a saying I learned from something called Recovery International (a self-help group for people with mental illness). In that program, if you don't want to do anything, you just say to your self "ok, I'm going to move my muscles". Moving your muscles can mean going to the kitchen for some coffee, or it can mean taking the trash out. Once you start moving your muscles it starts getting easier to do stuff in the house. You have to tell yourself you're a good person for doing the smallest thing...which gives your spirit a little boost. It's always easier for me to do things in the house after I've gone for a walk or exercised.

Clion

#23 knb517

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Posted 07 September 2009 - 04:19 PM

I'm another one who is terrible with housework. It has even been a joke with my mother & some people about my lack of housework skills. I will start a task, then find any excuse to aviod it. I have had piles of clean washing sitting in a chair in our back room, that we have been living out of. My girls would just come out here to find clothes to wear for the day, not in their rooms cause it never made it that far. The dishes were always piled high in the sink & we would just rinse out stuff to use. But every so often I would have these spurts for energy & clean the house from top to toe, but then fall back into my old ways again. We have lived like this for years.
But a couple of months ago my hubby really lost it at me & about the lack of housework & how we live in a pigsty. He blamed it on the computer & the telly & went right off. But I know they aren't really to blame the real reason is me & my lack of motivation, but I couldn't explain that to him, cause he doesn't want to hear that. I felt so terrible & hurt & worthless, like I was a slave to the house & him. I then did get better at the housework, but i think i was motivated by my anger & hurt.
I am still doing alright, but as my motivations start to wear off I can feel the old lack of motivation starting to kick in again, I'll sit down for a while, the I'll do it later, it can wait till tomorrow, I'll do that after I get the girls, but then I never do, cause I can't be bothered & I my energy levels are at an all time low by then & my head & all it's thoughts have come back & it's starting not to get done again. I then find my fear of my hubby finally kicks in & I have to race around in a panic, to get something done before he gets home.
But I do agree that I do feel a bit better for doing it & it gives me the distraction my head needs, but it's just so hard to start it.

Edited by knb517, 07 September 2009 - 04:22 PM.





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