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I Don't Have Anything To Live For


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10 replies to this topic

#1 Mattq

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Posted 03 January 2009 - 05:29 PM

I don't even have a life. Every day of my worthless existence I sit right here, in this chair. I have nowhere else to go. My friends are gone and living real lives. I'm trapped, I'm alone. I can't even go out in public, I feel like a freak. I'm only 18 and I've already reached a dead end. I hate who I've become, I don't want to be this anymore. I'm such a worthless person.

#2 Elise

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Posted 03 January 2009 - 05:33 PM

Hey Matt,
I don't believe you're a worthless person or a freak. It sounds like you're very down at the moment. Has something happened or do you feel like this a lot? If you do maybe you should see a doctor. You could be depressed, like a lot of people on this site.
Elise
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#3 SecretMist

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Posted 03 January 2009 - 05:52 PM

hi matt and welcome, i must agree with elise, you are not a worthless person or a freak. nobody here is worthless or a freak. it's just that sometimes we get to feeling down and depressed and all those bad feelings change the way we think of ourselves, myself included. are you on any meds or have you spoken to your doctor and is this the first time you have felt like this or do you go through this on and off? i know it alot of questions but it will help us understand what all may be going on with you. feeling lonely alone can make us feel all the things that you have described. feel free to post your feeling here for most of us here will understand and relate to what you are feeling. letting your feelings out is the first step instead of keeping them bottled up. let us know alittle more about what may have triggered you into the point your at.

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#4 Mattq

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Posted 03 January 2009 - 05:59 PM

I'm not seeing a doctor. There wasn't one thing that happened to make me like this, my whole life has been leading up to it. I've never done anything worthwhile with my life, and now I'm completely alone. I've felt like this before, I've just always tried to ignore it.

#5 Elise

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Posted 03 January 2009 - 07:04 PM

Well Matt I think a good step might be for you to go and see a doctor. It could be that you're depressed. It's an illness and it makes us think and feel really badly about ourselves, like we've never done anything worthwhile. Sound familiar? It's what I suffer from and what other people on this site suffer from. A doctor is the best judge but there are ways of treating depression. Medication, therapy, support groups, like this site here.
You're only 18 and have a whole life ahead of you. If it turns out you are depressed and you start getting treatment for it, things will start to seem a lot brighter. You'll be able to think about the kind of life you want to live and how you can make that happen. It's very very hard to deal with depression on your own. But with the right treatment and support you will pull through. First step is to see a doctor.
Lots of love
Elise
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#6 Mattq

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Posted 03 January 2009 - 07:07 PM

I can't talk to anyone. I can't even tell my friends what's wrong with me, how can I talk to a complete stranger? I don't want to have to face anyone.

#7 Elise

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Posted 03 January 2009 - 07:15 PM

Okay, I know it's hard. It's after midnight my time and yours. I'm going to hit the sack. Talk again tomorrow if you're about.
Elise
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#8 undertheblackclouds

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Posted 07 January 2009 - 10:45 AM

Hi Matt, you aren't worthless at all , you are just going through depression right now. I feel the exact same as you right now. I feel like I live such a pointless existence, but that is a symptom of the illness. Please try to fight those negative thoughts.
No house is a home without a rabbit!

#9 Trace

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Posted 08 January 2009 - 06:31 AM

Matt

You are talking to us here and that takes great courage. If you are afraid to talk to someone, a professional, you could always print what you typed here and hand it to them. The professionals will know how to make you feel at ease. You are far from worthless, you are in a deep dark hole of depression and there is help out there for you. You are not alone in the way that you feel. Please take the next step and talk to a professional, you can feel better.

Trace
Listen in deep silence. Be very still and open your mind.... Sink deep into the peace that waits for you beyond the frantic, riotous thoughts and sights and sounds of this insane world. - A course of miracles.

True beauty must come, must be grown, from within.... - Ralph W Trine.



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#10 PageUp

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Posted 09 January 2009 - 12:58 AM

Hey Matt,

You definitely should see a doctor about this. Depression is a serious illness that takes so much out of your life. I know the idea of revealing this side of yourself to anybody is daunting, but you must if you are to get treatment for it. If it makes you feel any better, talking about it with people generally gets easier the more you do it :)

I have the same hang-up about having 'no life'. I used to have friends but they've all moved on. They all seem to be having fun, doing something with their lives while I'm stuck in a rut. The thing is, you have to see this not as a result of you being inherently a bad person but a result of having depression. You wouldn't call a person with a broken leg a loser because they can't walk. Having depression is the same thing. Depression de-motivates you, makes you feel awful about yourself and the world all the time, so no wonder you aren't going out living the life you want. So don't beat yourself up about it :)

Anyway, I hope that helps. Take care.

Edited by PageUp, 09 January 2009 - 12:59 AM.


#11 livingwithBPD

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Posted 09 January 2009 - 05:18 AM

Matt, I don't believe your worthless and you got the right to live. Your just going through depression. It good that you came here to talk to us, since you can't talk to no one else.




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