I Wish I Had The Courage To **** Myself.....i Want To So Bad..
Posted 31 December 2008 - 06:09 PM
Last time i posted here i was single and had not much money and was very unhappy.
now i have a beautiful, loving girlfriend who makes me feel special and treats me good, but i still think CONSTANTLY about ending my life....I want to so bad, but i simply cannot find the courage.
Why do i want to do this??? because i cannot deal with the pressures of modern life. I hate people in general, and i am simply terrified that my girlfriend is going to cheat on me, which, if that happens, that will be all the motivation i need to **** myself. I get so jealous when she talks to other guys that i just want to pound their face in with a brick.
But in addition to the girlfriend issue, i want to die because i am a complete and utter failure. I couldn't stand college, so im stuck working at a dead-end job that can hardly pay the few bills i have, let alone support a girlfriend who is, i dare say, somewhat high-maintenance. I am never gonna succeed at anything in my life....
All i can think about is my death. I want it to come now....i just wish i had the courage to do it. I think, i hope, that one day, something will happen that will finally push me over the edge and give me the courage i need
I just wish i could disappear without a trace.
I would go to a doctor and get help, but i dont have money for meds, and my insurance covers basically nothing. I need a pill that turns me into an emotionless zombie.
Posted 31 December 2008 - 07:47 PM
Posted 31 December 2008 - 10:27 PM
As for the pill that turns you into an emotionless zombie- Xanax. I am on it right now, and I can tell you, being a zombie is not problem free.
I have talked to many people who have attempted suicide, and they all had one thing in common. They were glad that they survived. Suicide does not take courage. Suicide is the most selfish thing one can do.
Try 1-800-SUICIDE when you feel like you want to end your life. I know they will help you with your problems.
Posted 01 January 2009 - 12:48 AM
Don't **** yourself, its not going to solve your problems. One day things will be better, and you'll be happy again. But if you **** yourself you'll miss out on it. Your girlfriend and family and friends would miss you terribly if you killed yourself. I hope that you feel better, and no matter what happens, don't get the "courage" to commit suicide. That isn't courage, its the ultimate form of cowardice.
Thank you for the advice
However, ive thought about what i would be missing, and to be perfectly honest, i dont mind. Im perfectly fine with giving everything up, because i believe that in death, i will no longer be conscious of what ive missed...
I am also perfectly fine with being a coward; i've taken the easy way out of everything my whole life, so its not like im not a coward. I just dont have the detemination to press on....
Posted 01 January 2009 - 01:05 AM
Posted 01 January 2009 - 08:06 AM
If we can't stand alone to help ourselves,
with support we shall stand together
to make the changes and a difference within our lives
and the lives of all for the better.
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