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Lack Of Motivation, Apathy, No Ambition....what's Going On?


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#1 Sovereign

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Posted 10 October 2008 - 03:42 PM

Hello. I used to be seriously depressed - I thought about suicide on a daily basis and even inquired into purchasing a pistol. However, I told my parents and got help from a mental health professional, and I'm beyond the point of deep depression.

However, since then, myself and my physician have been struggling to figure out what to do about my anxiety and apathy. I've been generally anxious all my life...I worry about things a lot, and a lot of times I have trouble telling my brain to shut up...but lately I've been having a big disinterest in life and feeling no ambition whatsoever. I think this might be some of my depression coming back...and I'm not sure what's the problem. All I want to do is to be able to feel comfortable with myself and around others, not worry so much, and actually feel like DOING stuff.

Right now I'm on lamictal and clonazepam. I don't think the lamictal is doing much of anything - it was prescribed as a mood stabilizer because I had a manic episode one morning while on cymbalta - so I'm going to suggest discontinuing it. I've been taking clonazepam for a week now and it definitely makes me feel calm (and sleepy), but only in situations that are peaceful anyway (Sitting at home, trying to sleep, etc). I think it has potential to help me with anxiety, but it's not quite working yet - I'm going to suggest an increase in dosage.

Otherwise, if there's anyone else out there feeling what I'm feeling, what do you do to cope? It's a hard question to answer because, in this situation, I really don't feel like DOING anything. I think I just generally don't care, and often remind myself that suicide is "always an option" and "always a way out." I can go on about my philosophy on suicide, but I think I'll leave it at that.

#2 Sheepwoman

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Posted 10 October 2008 - 05:41 PM

Welcome to DF, Sovereign,
It appears from your description, you have fallen back into depression (lack of interest, apathy, etc.) If you're seeing your GP, it might be a good idea to see a psychiatrist who can treat your MH better.

How long have you been taking Lamictal and did you use the starter pack to slowly increase the dose? It's the best mood stabilizer I've ever taken. What dose of Klonopin are you taking? I think .5mg is the usual dose for most people as it's so sedating (made me sleep 22 hours/day) Give it more time to start working fully.
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God will give you no more than you can handle. This is all a test to see if you are really ready for the good things that are going to come your way. All this pain is going to come back and make me stronger.-Clarence Clemmons 1942-2011

Everything I know, I know because I love. Leo Tolstoy War and Peace

#3 Used To Be Me

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Posted 10 October 2008 - 05:52 PM

Hello. I used to be seriously depressed - I thought about suicide on a daily basis and even inquired into purchasing a pistol. However, I told my parents and got help from a mental health professional, and I'm beyond the point of deep depression.

However, since then, myself and my physician have been struggling to figure out what to do about my anxiety and apathy. I've been generally anxious all my life...I worry about things a lot, and a lot of times I have trouble telling my brain to shut up...but lately I've been having a big disinterest in life and feeling no ambition whatsoever. I think this might be some of my depression coming back...and I'm not sure what's the problem. All I want to do is to be able to feel comfortable with myself and around others, not worry so much, and actually feel like DOING stuff.

Right now I'm on lamictal and clonazepam. I don't think the lamictal is doing much of anything - it was prescribed as a mood stabilizer because I had a manic episode one morning while on cymbalta - so I'm going to suggest discontinuing it. I've been taking clonazepam for a week now and it definitely makes me feel calm (and sleepy), but only in situations that are peaceful anyway (Sitting at home, trying to sleep, etc). I think it has potential to help me with anxiety, but it's not quite working yet - I'm going to suggest an increase in dosage.

Otherwise, if there's anyone else out there feeling what I'm feeling, what do you do to cope? It's a hard question to answer because, in this situation, I really don't feel like DOING anything. I think I just generally don't care, and often remind myself that suicide is "always an option" and "always a way out." I can go on about my philosophy on suicide, but I think I'll leave it at that.


Hello

As noone else has replied, i felt obliged to, cause you seriously sound in pain. I'm not sure i can make you feel much better, or teach you how to cope. I have been seriously depressed for good reason in my life, but found myself again, a balance towards empathy, a lack of care, and liking myself. I was aware of the type of people i wanted to meet, and had no problem ignoring those who meant nothing to me. The truth is in life we have to find our coping mechanisms, whether thats laughing, wearing a mask, or just hiding and hating life moving on. I contemplate suicide alot recently, and do not have the luxury to get firearms, here if i were to do it any option seems quite painful and lengthy, and i guess after a previous couple of attempts that fear keeps me from falling that far away.

Worrying about things a lot you must know not only traps your brain into negative perceptions, but clouds the mind. We hhave to learn to accept what has happened, and be aware anything can happen with whats to come. If yyou have ever done something with confidence rather than worry even if its a picture, cutting out pics, however small to large the task, you must have noticed it goes a lot better than when you worry it will go bad. Its almost like creating our own future, whereas i am someone who destroys my future by never being present and hanging on to my past.

The meds are not my expertise, i am only on 10mg of cipralex, but i have guilt, blood and mind problems and many meds trying to sort me out before maybe some electro convulsive therapy, and all these mind problems cost me the one girl i truly want, cause when all my seritonin and protein and sugar drops, i become someone else, thicker, indecisive, defensive and aggrovated, and i had not noticed it till i was living with my irl and i basically became a P**k till i shutdown. Where i am alone, i have no friends and i am undergoing tests and scans.

As for anxiety the only advice i can pass is obvious, and it is only you who can make it happen, i guess the advice works like this:

1) Accepting who you are, both your fault and your strengths
(that it doesn't mean that you can't improve your faults or your strengths later on, it just meants that you accept who you are Right Now). Acceptance of your self will automatically provide you self confidence (in my opinion self confidence it self does not really mean much in life, you can be successful without it too, but it seem to "sell" in the sense that other people go after people that have it). Suggestion therapy can work like a charm to help you accept yourself. Simply whenever you feel low in self confidence Repeat To Youself: "I love who I am, for all of my faults and strengths that I have".

2) Understand your self image and cultivate a Positive self image.
Think of what defines you as a person, (your personality traits, your likes/dislikes, your goals, your motivations, your attitudes, old memories, your clothing style, your talents, your skills etc) See yourself for the virtuous person that you are and it is all right that you have faults, having faults is unavoidable and natural - everybody is inperfect and you are no exception. Think positively, reassure, encourage and praise yourself and don't put yourself down - try to be your Best Friend.

3) Cultivate self faith. To do that prove honest, competent and benevolent to your own self. If you absolutely can't trust your self, you can turn to religion and To Trusting In God (trusting to God seems to work like a charm for many people, doing that will also give you the plus of satisfying a difficult to satisfy Human Basic Need of "connecting to something greater in life"). I myself believe in collective consciousness, i don't much go for god

4) Free your self from fears of success or failure.

5) Be assertive. That means, protect your rights, without violating other people's rights.

Sadly depression will make you not cope, it will bring suicidal wants as the brain looks for solutions based on negativity, even with knowing all this i can not drag myself out of my slump, as i have acted strange and lost something i cannot replace, and the meds allow me to sleep but not atone. I hope there has been some help for you in all this, so if you have less to feel guilty from and truly wish to pull through you have few steps to take to do so, i am not aware of what brought you to this place or if it was just fear, or anxiety as people prefer to call it, but if that is all, an i have had mad fear in my past, that the world and its foolish inhabitats are just that, fools. and tasks we undertake are no more than hurdles to leap, and you can't trip on any, or you stay in this mess for a long time.

I wish you luck, and hope you choose life. I know what i want love, work out what you want, and go for it

Chris
There is a man who plays a violin, & the strings are the nerves in his own arm

#4 Sovereign

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 11:31 AM

It appears from your description, you have fallen back into depression (lack of interest, apathy, etc.) If you're seeing your GP, it might be a good idea to see a psychiatrist who can treat your MH better.


Yeah, I dunno if I made this clear, but I am seeing a psychiatrist for my mental health, not a GP, which I assume stands for general physician?

How long have you been taking Lamictal and did you use the starter pack to slowly increase the dose? It's the best mood stabilizer I've ever taken. What dose of Klonopin are you taking? I think .5mg is the usual dose for most people as it's so sedating (made me sleep 22 hours/day) Give it more time to start working fully.
Sheepwoman


I've been taking lamictal for over 2 months now, and I did start off slowly increasing the dose over time. I started taking a 250mg dose about a week ago. I'm not certain that it's having much of an effect on me; I had a bad episode last night where I considered calling up my mental health facility, declaring that I wanted to stop medication, alienate myself from my friends, and just drink booze all the time because alcohol has (so far) been the only drug that makes me feel good again. That thought is still with me.

I started off with .5mg of klonopin, and it didn't have any effect on me as far as I could tell. It was only after I switched to 1mg that I started feeling different. Like I said, it does make me feel calmer, but only in situations that are calm to begin with. It also makes me quite drowsy (I slept for about 12 hours last night and expect to take a nap sometime yet today).

truth is in life we have to find our coping mechanisms, whether thats laughing, wearing a mask, or just hiding and hating life moving on.


First of all, thanks for the lengthy response. I'll try to address as much of it as I can to give people more of an idea of myself and how I'm feeling. As for the above quote, the latter of the three rings very true to me. I think the quote "life sucks, and then you die" sums up my view of life. My plans for the future include completing college so I can get a job that isn't as s***ty as I would have otherwise, and then just pi** out the rest of my days and probably **** myself before I get too old (Possibly after my parents die). So, I think "hating life and moving on" fairly describes my outlook.

Worrying about things a lot you must know not only traps your brain into negative perceptions, but clouds the mind. We hhave to learn to accept what has happened, and be aware anything can happen with whats to come. If yyou have ever done something with confidence rather than worry even if its a picture, cutting out pics, however small to large the task, you must have noticed it goes a lot better than when you worry it will go bad. Its almost like creating our own future, whereas i am someone who destroys my future by never being present and hanging on to my past.


I should edit my first post and take out the part about me worrying about things a lot...I don't think it actually accurately reflects me right now. I USED to worry a lot; an old doctor of mine said that if I don't cut it out, I might have an ulcer by the time I'm 20 :P

Yes, I still worry sometimes, like everybody does, but my worriedness has gone down as my apathy has gone up. Now, instead of worrying about things, I just generally don't give a crap about things.

1) Accepting who you are, both your fault and your strengths


This is something that I generally don't have a problem with. I know what my faults and strengths are, though I often acknowledge my faults more than my strengths.

2) Understand your self image and cultivate a Positive self image.


Self-esteem is somewhat of an issue for me. I think that, to have good self-esteem, means that you can assert yourself confidently. Due to my anxiety, that's tough for me. My therapist said that I shouldn't beat myself up over it, and I've taken that advice, but I still acknowledge it as a fault of mine.

3) Cultivate self faith. To do that prove honest, competent and benevolent to your own self. If you absolutely can't trust your self, you can turn to religion and To Trusting In God (trusting to God seems to work like a charm for many people, doing that will also give you the plus of satisfying a difficult to satisfy Human Basic Need of "connecting to something greater in life"). I myself believe in collective consciousness, i don't much go for god


I think it's important to get this out of the way: I'm a vehement atheist, and that has nothing to do with my depression or mental state. I actually consider it one of my strengths, but that's a topic for another discussion. Just realize that the "turning to Jesus" advice will never work with me, nor will any other supernatural suggestions. I know that you weren't necessarily suggesting these things, but when it comes to self-faith, it's an important fact of any discussion about me.

4) Free your self from fears of success or failure.


I've failed a lot in my life, and I think it's one of the contributing factors to my apathy. So, as far as successes or failures go, I generally don't care; I just do what I have to do.

5) Be assertive. That means, protect your rights, without violating other people's rights.


Like I said earlier, my anxiety prevents me from being too assertive because I get nervous around other people. Even though I generally don't care what other people think, feel, or care about, there's still something inside of me that makes it tough for me to be assertive around others, especially in informal situations.

I guess I should reassert my general viewpoint and give some examples as well. My biggest issue with life is that I don't care anymore. Like I said earlier, I'm about willing to give the finger to my friends and become an alcoholic. I used to teach myself piano, I got an idea to write a novel, and I want to do some more coding (I'm a computer science major) to practice my skills, but I'm doing NONE of these things because ultimately none of it will matter; I'll be dead some day, and I just wish it wasn't so D*** hard to do it sooner, because life sucks, and I don't think it's worth it to trudge through all the crap just to reach a few high points.

I've always used the metaphor of waiting in line for a roller coaster. You wait there for 2 hours in the hot sun, the kids in front of you won't shut up, a bird craps on your hat, your feet start to hurt after awhile, and you get thirsty....and after you go through all this junk, you finally get 5-10 minutes of bliss. Is that worth it? I think you know my answer.

#5 Used To Be Me

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 12:08 PM

sorry did say i don't go for the god thing, i think the idea of an invisible man with a list of 10 things he does not want you to do is boderline perposterous and hilarious.

I shall agree life totally sucks, and i absolutely hate it, and most people on it, and myself. I would have found this info helpful earlier in life, but i have come to far to realise its all too pointless and anything good i throw myself into goes very wrong.

Aside that i have little to ad i guess. Its existing for existences sake from here on in, till something comes and saves me, cause trying to save myself has made me fall so fflat on my face my jawbones is pretty much smashed so i can't talk about it anymore. Good luck overcoming the apathy or anxiety, and i want luck letting go of the past and realising i was a complete ###### after being raped, my humour was evil, my viiews were dark and my flashbacks unstoppable, and it lost me all i wanted.

Good luck

Chris
There is a man who plays a violin, & the strings are the nerves in his own arm




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